Can we talk antidepressants?

[Sue G in PA]

Okay, taking a deep breath and swallowing my pride...can we talk about antidepressants? I used to be extremely depressed. Almost 6 years ago we moved into the house we are in now. We rented for one, miserable year from hell until we could afford to buy. The owners, supposed Christians, tried to evict us twice (on made-up "charges"). I was pregnant and due any day the second time they tried. I became dangerously depressed. I was suicidal and if it hadn't been for my pregnancy and then caring for the baby and a friend who prayed for me daily...I'd be no more. I was so against medication. Christians shouldn't have to take medication to be happy. Not if their faith was as strong as it should be. That was my line of thought anyway. But, long story short...I eventually did get meds. Zoloft. My happy pills. :) Nothing bothered me when I was on my happy pills. My kids could have broken all the windows in the house or fought non-stop. I was cool as a cucumber on Zoloft. I smiled all the time. But all the while I kept thinking how fake it all was. I had to take meds to be happy and calm. My spiritual life was back on track. But it was all fake. I had to take meds to have a good relationship w/ the Lord. How fake is that? After I had my dd2, I realized that the meds were interfering w/ my s*x life. I had no desire for that anymore. Dh was miserable. I was failing him. So, dh and I decided together that I would go off the meds. It was tough for a while, but I made do. That was about 2 years ago. Fast forward to now. I'm not severely depressed, but I'm not happy. I'm finding joy in nothing. I'm miserable about our lack of a good income, my husband's job, my children who don't get along and who are defiant and disrespectful. I'm not a good mother or a good wife (dh just told me that last night in not so many words). I don't want to be around my kids b/c off their fighting and bickering and just plain nasty attitudes. I can't remember the last time I laughed or smiled even.

 

Okay, this has gotten too long. What I want to know is this: Is it time to go back on the meds? I was honestly depressed when I was on anti-depressants but didn't "feel" it b/c the meds made me so "happy". Does that make sense? It makes me want to vomit even considering this again. It depresses me that I might need medication to be happy! :001_huh: So, should I? And, if so...what do I take that won't have the s*xual side-effects and won't interfere w/ nursing? I will NOT give up nursing. Help? Thanks for listening and your advice.

[newbie]

I sometimes feel the same way, but the boards boost my spirit and let me know about all the kindred spirits out there.

 

It really sux that as a mother and wife we have to be medicated or drunk to feel better. I have nothng against meds or alcohol, taken responsibly. I choose not to do it, because of that false feeling. My sis started them and said she had that same feeling.

 

I used to drink about a 32 oz. Kahlua and milk before twelve with two little ones and was a happy camper. Than I woke up and saw what I was doing.

 

Yes, the dh is all for meds or alcohol, but he is going to have to deal with me(the raving lunatic).

 

I just keep praying and for a little bit a day I get my smiles from the hivers.

 

I am putting in a prayer for ya, and a great big hug.

Jet

[Plucky]

Some people need anti-depressants to get by others need to take it all the time. Don't think of it as being fake happy think of it as cutting through the crazy chemicals that are keeping you depressed. I don't know if you need to go back on meds. I know how important nursing can be and I'd try to get around take meds if I could but if you need them you need them. When I had situational depression I tried a couple different meds that all supposed didn't affect libido - wrong. They should give us women's viagra on top of the anti-depressants.

 

Don't get caught up in medication being a crutch. People throughout history have had depression and chemical issues. They had to suffer through it. Today we shouldn't have to. Hugs.

[sdWTMer]

Do you take supplements of any kind? You could try Fish oil pills, evening primrose oil helps me as well. And perhaps, Vitamin D could help you! I think that for me I would prefer doing that before doing any prescription meds.

[Alenee]

First, :grouphug:.

 

I've been through this. Was on several different meds at different times. I can honestly say that it was good for me, for a time. The time passed and I went off of them. Do you have a good doctor that can help you decide if you need them and then which one would be best for you?

 

On the natural side of things, I've begun using progesterone cream that has made a huge difference for me. My moods were all over the place until I began using it.

 

I agree, some people do need it and I would encourage you not to think of it as a crutch. God has blessed medical science for our sakes and used responsibly can make all the difference in a person's life. If you can talk to a naturopath, I'd almost suggest trying that before a regular medical doctor. I know they can be expensive though. On the point about libido, I had issues not just stemming from the meds. I just made myself do it. I knew it was good for not just him but for me too. Once I got into it, it was usually a great thing. Some advice that Teri Maxwell gave in her book, Homeschooling With a Meek and Quiet Spirit, was that she too went through depression and with some natural helps and the idea of just doing whatever had to be done at the time, she got through it. She suggests getting on a schedule so you don't have to think through too much...just look at the schedule for what you need to do and do it. No, it's not a magic fix but it can help you to get through, one day at a time.

 

Again, :grouphug:. You are not alone. You are loved. You are a good mom and wife. We're here for your zoning pleasure!:)

[teamturner]

Sue,

I thought at one time you said you used homeopathy? If that is correct, maybe you should see a professional homeopath and see if that will help. You definantly wouldn't have to worry about it interfering w/nursing. I get the baby blues after my babies and after the 2nd time around my friend who knows a lot about hom. told me about using Sepia 200c for this. All it took was two doses and I never cried again. Now, I'm not saying that Sepia is the answer for you, but I offer this as an example of how homeopathy can work in general. I've also used L-Theanine for reducing anxiety(and my reaction to stress). It works like a charm, but I don't know if it's okay for nursing mothers, so check that out. It's a substance found in green tea.

 

As for how the kids behave, I know that when my kids are fighting and not doing as I've asked them too I feel really bad about myself and feel depressed. Oh, and add to that when my house is really messy, which is most of the time. I think we go through peaks and valleys when it comes to training our children how to behave and you have a new baby so it's only natural that the other kids are not getting the hammer coming down on them from you when they probably need it. This will pass when you find the new "normal". And that includes getting back to "time" w/dh too ;)!! Also, a licensed marriage/family counselor (or maybe your regualr doctor) should help you decide if there's anything you should be doing medically or if you just need time to sort it all out. I hope you find the answers you need and feel better soon! (sorry so long)

 

Blessings!

[Mom to Aly]

First, you should see a psychiatrist, not anyone else--simply because this is what they specialize in. They will know what has what side effects, what you can take when nursing, if you really need to take anything at all, what dosage might be best, etc. Perhaps this is more of a postpartum thing (that can last quite a while?). Also, I knew someone on Zoloft and it had the same effect on him, made him almost dangerously carefree. Many other meds don't do that. That one might just have not been the right fit for you.

 

Another thing to consider is therapy. I thought therapy was a joke--had tried fam therapy when my twin brother had a psychotic breakdown when we were 15. Horrible therapist, nightmare experience. Tried therapy a couple of times in college, same type of thing. Then tried it after my husband left, found someone with whom I clicked, and it was a lifesaver--truly wonderful experience, and helped me more than I can say. All those feelings you can't say to anyone else, I could share with her without hesitation, and she could give me unbiased, experienced opinions and help.

 

Finally, I think it was soooo brave of you to post this, and please don't be embarrassed. Hmmm, having said that, I wasn't going to admit this, but now feel I must. I started taking Wellbutrin when my ex left, take a really small dose, and it doesn't have any adverse side effects (other than making my head feel hot every once in a while)--no happy go lucky feeling, couldn't handle anything like that since I am the sole care-giver for my daughter, nothing else like you have mentioned. There are lots of choices, and, like I said, it is just finding the one that works best for you. Don't ask someone here, ask someone who has gone to medical school and trained for this--that is why you pay ins companies those big bucks! So they can send you to the right people!

 

Hope you feel better soon :)

 

Take care.

[Melinda TX]

Just want to encourage you - I go through very similar "cycles". (Zoloft is my happy pill as well) I finally decided I would rather be fake happy - even though it doesn't feel fake at all - than be really obviously miserable, and make my family's life miserable.

:grouphug:

Melinda

[Marie in Oh]

I am no expert, but I do think that you could use some help in this area. Your posts have gotten more and more despondant since your babe was born. I understand almost what you feel like. We don't have the money constraints, but otherwise, our lives are quite similar.

 

First, I would experiment with some supplements-- EPO and Fishoil and maybe some natural progesterone might just do the trick, and the oils are actually good for your br@#st milk. I took 2 days of EPO last week and it helped tremendously. Then I had a bunch of contractions one night and was concerned. It was probably becasue I did too much, but anyway. I know money is tight, but VItacost has both things at very reasonable prices.

 

But, if you have to go back to a prescription, there is NOTHING wrong with that. Something is going haywire inside you and the meds fix that. It isn't fake. It is fixing what is in you that is wrong.

 

But, here is what I am thinking. . . your kids (and my kids) are getting to the age they will remember their homelife, and if they have an angry mother, they will take that with them. It will affect the kind of mothers our girls become. Do what you need to do to be better, for their sake if no one elses.

 

I am passing no judgement on you dear. I want to see you flourish as a mother and wife. :grouphug:

[CactusPair]

Please go see your family doctor. Depression is an illness, not a character issue. No one should have to suffer needlessly. Life is too short.

 

I have had good results with Celexa. I felt real happy, not fake happy, though I have to say that's preferred over wanting to throw myself off a bridge!:001_smile: I didn't lose interest in intimacy. That improved bec. I felt better.

 

YMMV.

 

There are anti-deps that you can take while nursing according to my dr.

 

Please go asap.

[cin]

If you didn't like the side effects and the 'fake' happy you had on zoloft, there are other meds. This is why you should probably either see a psychiatrist or have a really open conversation with your doctor. I am on welbutrin and a very low dose of paxil (I take half of a 5mg). I'm also on adderall for ADD. My life is sooo much better, and I can enjoy my girls. And my family enjoys me! I am a productive member of the family, we have fun, can do fun things and our interaction is delightful.

 

I have 2 friends who suffer from post partum. My one friend, 'A', is very into nutrition, supplements, etc. After her last one was born, she tried all kinds of stuff. AFter a while, her husband became concerned and told her to go to the Dr. She finally went, and started on the Anti-Depressants. Within a month, she looked and sounded a TON better. 'B' is pregnant with her 3rd, and her Dr. has flat out told her, she will be started on her anti-depressants as soon as the baby is out. Period. No options.

 

Now, regarding Christians taking anti-depressants....post partum is a chemical issue. So I will use the classic argument...If you have aches and pains, do you take alleve? If you have a cold, do you take cold medicine? If you have an infection, do you take antibiotics? Etc. Etc. Depression and post-partum is a 'brain' illness. And therefore, take what you need to take to 'fix it'.

 

And as one other people have said, think about what your kids will remember of their developmental years. Was mom active, and enjoying life with us, or did she prevent us from having fun because she didn't have the energy to leave the house? We, as moms, have to look outside ourselves adn realize that our actions affect more than ourselves.

 

Hugs,

[Jenny in Atl]

:grouphug: No advice, just understanding.

[Lisa at Home]

It's called: Depression Free for Life, by Gabriel Cousens MD.

 

Dr. Cousens who was a Psychiatrist who got into studying mental health and nutrition. He became a naturopath, and then went on from there. The book basically helps you to identify why you as an individual are having depression issues. Then it makes recommendations based on several question and answer sections helping you to identify what your body may be missing, and what you may not be metabolizing properly.

 

He has a 90% percent success rate using only foods and supplements, not to mask the depression, but to cause the body to heal and thereby eliminate the depression- something drugs just don't do. Many drugs (on a general basis) manage symptoms, but don't create healing.

 

My dh was a very sick man for a long time. He wasn't willing to explore natural solutions until the medical route completely failed him and left him looking at a life on disbility. After about 6 mos on a nutritionally superior diet, the man obtained physical health. During that process, he discovered that he had been completely depressed. The way we eat has changed our lives: spirit (our relationship with God), soul (our relationship with out mental self), and body (our relationship with our physical self).

 

I pray you find the help you need, however you obtain it.

 

:grouphug:

 

~Lisa

[Sue G in PA]

I wish I could see a naturopath. We just don't have it in our budget. We're falling behind w/ every paycheck. Our insurance doesn't cover a naturopath. I'm in the process of changing dr.'s due to insurance issues. That makes it even more difficult to see a dr. about this. I liked my other dr. and trusted her. We "clicked". Talking to a perfect stranger about my "depression" makes me want to crawl into a hole. But, if I must, I must.

 

I don't want to effect my kids so negatively. It's probably all my fault that they are the way they are. I am very against medication. Not b/c it somehow makes me weaker as a person, but b/c of the side-effects and how it just "masks" the problem but doesn't really correct it for good, KWIM? I was on meds for over a year but as soon as I went off the meds, the old feelings came back. So, the meds didn't fix anything...they were just a band-aid. I want REAL healing. I'm in to homeopathy and natural means to fix medical issues. I'll try that homeopathic remedy somebody posted and fish oil and EPO. Maybe that will help. Then, if worse comes to worst...I'll go the medication route. Thanks everybody for sharing your experiences and your heart. I appreciate it. You might not be dr.'s but you are very good friends who care. I appreciate you.

[Chris in VA]

Sue, just another hug from someone who has been there and occasionally still visits.

 

Please let us know. Even tho we are not irl friends, I still care about you, and appreciate your honest sharing and brave admissions. And your kids' behaviour is not all your fault--that's your depression talking. When I do that, dh tells me, you don't take credit for all the good, why take credit for all the bad? You don't have that much power! lol

 

Hang in there. Try some exercise and sunlight, too.

[Twinmom]

But, if I must, I must.

 

You must. I'm so sorry.

 

You must take care of yourself, period. Depression is nothing to play around with. Do NOT question your level of faith because you are depressed. It is an illness, not an attitude issue. You would take antibiotics for strep, right? This is no different.

 

There are many antidepressants out there, please talk to your doctor about it and find the right one for you. Don't wait. If you want to try vitamins to help, try them but don't take your mental health in your hands while you do so...if you need the meds, take them. I recommend a book called The Mood Cure if you want to try vitamins/aminos to help...it has helped me tremendously. However, I still keep those Prozacs around for the bad PMDD times...depression is nothing to play with. Talk to your doc about a vitamin/med plan if you want to go that way.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Don't hide, don't be ashamed, just take care of yourself. Your kids need you to be healthy!

[Lisa at Home]

I know that it might be a time consuming pain. You may have to get your approved doctors list and call each one of them and discuss their philosophies. I know that somewhere there must be someone who can help you who follows your same line of thinking!

 

 

 

One thing about naturopaths is that each one is an individual. Just forking out the money doesn't assure you that you will find the help you need via that particualr nd, so don't beat yourself up about not being able to afford one. In the meantime, I would still encourage you to get the book I recommended. It's not an expensive book, and could be a very handy resource for you to help yourself.

 

Also in the meantime, I would consider your diet. Supplements will never work to their full potential when added onto a poor diet. Immediately drop processed foods. Eat a wide variety of vibrantly colored fruits and vegetables. Lay off the white flour and white sugar. Exercise!

 

Best wishes!

 

~Lisa

[Lisa at Home]

I'm sorry, I missed this!

 

Do you think the depression could be related to child birth?

 

The book I recommeded has a particular chapter devoted to ppd. He believes it is linked to a very specific nutrient. He thinks every woman needs certain nutrients after every birth.

 

Just thought I would throw that in, too.

 

~Lisa

[Pamela H in Texas]

I haven't read the rest of the answers yet but I hope a few people have told you that depression is about illness, brain chemistry, and/or hormonal issues. It is NOT about lack of faith (it is negligent and irresponsible when churches make it seem like a character or sin issue! Wish they'd read the Bible!).

 

Now, I don't know anything about the "fake" happiness you've talked about. Even medicated, I don't feel fake OR overly happy. I would consider that creepy too. Maybe the medication wasn't the right one for you? Maybe your feelings about taking meds interfered with how you perceived the medication effects?

 

Meds can be used in a couple ways.

 

Maybe you could take meds temporarily in order to learn some coping skills, get some order in the house, etc. After you get good habits going in those sorts of ways, then maybe you won't need the medication ALSO.

 

Or maybe you are one of those that will need medication long term until "no resident will say, 'I am sick'" (Isaiah 33:24, I think). It is hard to be one of those people, but it is really no different than being diabetic. You wouldn't suggest that they didn't need their insulin, would you? Give yourself a break also.

 

Please go to your doctor before you feel any worse. In November, it took everything I had not to kill myself. On the way to the hospital (friend drove me), I had to sit on my hands and beg God's help so as not to throw myself in front of an 18-wheeler (literally!). Don't get to that point. Christians, wives, mothers DO get ill and need help. Thankfully though not an exact science, man has learned enough about God's world so as to have medications to help us.

 

You are going to have to change your perception to feel okay about this. I hope this post helps a little.

[Pamela H in Texas]

BTW, I also see a psychologist (on and off) who believes in behaving yourself better (to put it simply). I learned skills and tools in order DO better which helped me FEEL better. He's not against medication, but for many people, behavioral therapy can make a difference. He was very supportive when I finally did have to go to the hospital and be medicated, but he's helped me in tons of other ways.

 

I would hate for you to end up in endless talk therapy (though obviously sometimes a little of that is necessary also), but if you could find someone to help you learn a few skills and tools to do better, then that would be great :)

[Jumping In Puddles]

I wish I could see a naturopath. We just don't have it in our budget. We're falling behind w/ every paycheck. Our insurance doesn't cover a naturopath. I'm in the process of changing dr.'s due to insurance issues. That makes it even more difficult to see a dr. about this. I liked my other dr. and trusted her. We "clicked". Talking to a perfect stranger about my "depression" makes me want to crawl into a hole. But, if I must, I must.

 

I don't want to effect my kids so negatively. It's probably all my fault that they are the way they are. I am very against medication. Not b/c it somehow makes me weaker as a person, but b/c of the side-effects and how it just "masks" the problem but doesn't really correct it for good, KWIM? I was on meds for over a year but as soon as I went off the meds, the old feelings came back. So, the meds didn't fix anything...they were just a band-aid. I want REAL healing. I'm in to homeopathy and natural means to fix medical issues. I'll try that homeopathic remedy somebody posted and fish oil and EPO. Maybe that will help. Then, if worse comes to worst...I'll go the medication route. Thanks everybody for sharing your experiences and your heart. I appreciate it. You might not be dr.'s but you are very good friends who care. I appreciate you.

 

 

You have gotten a lot of great advice already in this thread but you need to understand that lifestyle changes are great if you can implement them but for your immediate need, you need the medication. It's not a fake happy or a bandaid - sometimes there is just a chemical imbalance in your brain that is actually fixed with the chemicals from the meds. It is not always masking an emotional problem! Let me repeat: It may just be a chemical imbalance.

 

I hope that you can find the right med that doesn't have the sexual side effects and you can start to research on the internet alternatives that are more natural.

 

Lastly, your life is more important than nursing and sexual desire although its hard to see that but if you die, your baby won't be nursed and the least of your husbands problems will be s*x. If you have a suicidal thought in your head, please take the first step and call your doctor.

[tinag]

Sue,

Haven't read all of the other responses but make you could get back on the antidepressant and once you gotten better then you can look for alternatives like taking supplements, nutrition, and excercise and then you might be able to ween yourself off of them.

[Desert Rat]

I took Welbutrin for 3 years with no s*xual side effects. I don't know if it can be taken while nursing though. I do understand not wanting to give that up.

I too went off my anti-depressants about 6 months ago because I wanted to see if I could do it on my own. So far so good. My mom is really, really crazy and insists that most people should be on AD's so I'm doing the opposite of that :o)

Don't get me wrong, they helped immensely. I struggled for a whole year after my last one was born and the Welbutrin helped me get past that depression.

Now, I try lots and lots of yoga. Meditation. I'm non-Christian but feel that prayer is similar to meditation in lots of ways. I've also taken steps to help myself like doing things I enjoy, finding fun things to do with my kids (even if I don't feel like it) and trying to be kind to others even if my inner dialogue is nasty. Staying away from my mom helps too, unfortunately, but that's a long story.

I think depression is definitely an illness that needs to be treated like any other illness. Get help but know that there are other options out there. FWIW, I would rather feel artificially happy than suicidal. Really.

Hang in there!

[Sue G in PA]

Just to clarify...I am not suicidal now. Just don't want you all to worry! I've been there and Pamela H....I've been where you were. One day it took all I had NOT to down a bottle of pills or worse. I called a friend and "confessed" those feelings and it was still very hard. That's when I knew I needed the meds at that point. So, btdt and battled suicidal thoughts. I'm feeling very beaten and very down, but not suicidal. Thanks again for all the encouragement. I'm praying about what to do next. Meds, natural cure, counseling, etc. Lots to think about.

[ClassicMom]

people with true depression and need antidepressants become better. They are not "fake" happy. Just as a diabetic needs insulin, a person suffering from depression needs an antidepressant. I'm not a licensed pschychologist, I only have one degree. But I have also suffered from it as well as my dad. HOWEVER, having said that, I do think that it can be overprescribed and can become this generation's "happy pills". Only a qualified physician should make that judgement.

 

For whatever reason, there is a depletion of seratonin which leads to feelings of restlessness, unhappiness, darkness and despair. If not treated, it can get worse. Yes, there are many things you can do that are non-medical that your doctor will recommend and they will all help to get you off the medications more quickly if possible. But see your doctor first and seek his counsel.

 

Walking a 1/2 a day, sunlight, cutting caffiene are all helpful.

 

If you are a Christian, pray. And pray a lot. There are also some wonderful Christian counselors out there to help as well. I also found some wonderful Christian reading that helped me as well. Feel free to PM me if you would like more information.

 

I just wanted to say that there is a difference betweeen "fake happy" and balanced. Because what I am when I don't take my antidepressants is more than unhappy. And I don't feel "fake happy" now. Just balanced and directed.

 

;)

[Sue G in PA]

people with true depression and need antidepressants become better. They are not "fake" happy. Just as a diabetic needs insulin, a person suffering from depression needs an antidepressant. I'm not a licensed pschychologist, I only have one degree. But I have also suffered from it as well as my dad. HOWEVER, having said that, I do think that it can be overprescribed and can become this generation's "happy pills". Only a qualified physician should make that judgement.

 

For whatever reason, there is a depletion of seratonin which leads to feelings of restlessness, unhappiness, darkness and despair. If not treated, it can get worse. Yes, there are many things you can do that are non-medical that your doctor will recommend and they will all help to get you off the medications more quickly if possible. But see your doctor first and seek his counsel.

 

Walking a 1/2 a day, sunlight, cutting caffiene are all helpful.

 

If you are a Christian, pray. And pray a lot. There are also some wonderful Christian counselors out there to help as well. I also found some wonderful Christian reading that helped me as well. Feel free to PM me if you would like more information.

 

I just wanted to say that there is a difference betweeen "fake happy" and balanced. Because what I am when I don't take my antidepressants is more than unhappy. And I don't feel "fake happy" now. Just balanced and directed.

 

;)

 

 

I certainly didn't mean to suggest that everyone who is on antidepressants is "fake happy". That's just what it felt like to me. It was like I knew I should be reacting to a certain situation but the meds just almost made me numb. That's not right. They just made me not care as much. I wasn't balanced...almost like I was "high". I know the "causes" of true clinical depression. But, I also read and agree that professionals don't know what comes first...the depression or the seratonin decrease. So, for example, they don't know if seratonin decreases as a result of somebody being depressed or if seratonin decreases CAUSING somebody to become depressed. Is that clear as mud? :) It could be like a vicious cycle. You feel sad and seratonin decreases. That decrease in seratonin might then cause you to stay in that sadness and move toward depression. Anyway, I'm not totally against meds as a short-term fix until I can handle this naturally. It just makes me wonder...in this day and age so many people are stressed out, overworked, rushing here and there, struggling financially, etc. Hundreds of years ago, the incidences of depression were not so high. So, this lends credibility to the thinking that stress and worry might cause the drop in seratonin, thus leading toward depression instead of just feeling a bit blue. KWIM? Just a thought, but again...don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying that people on medication for depressions are weak or frail or whatever. I do understand that depression, however it comes about, can be clinical and medical. Just an insight in to me...I am a perfectionist and am very hard on myself. So, while I don't judge others on medication...it's hard for me to accept that route for myself. Does that make sense?

[Jami]

Sue, you've received great suggestions here so far. I would agree with those who have encouraged you to get a medical evaluation AND find a counselor to talk with. Sometimes just hearing the right questions from someone trained to know what those are can help move someone toward recovery.

 

As far as the Christians and Depression and Meds discussion is concerned, I'll recommend a book that dh and I found beneficial when dh was wrestling with the best treatment for his depression a few years ago. The author was a member of our prayer group at our former church, so he is a friend as well. He's the director of the counseling program at Covenant Seminary and very respected as a psychiatrist and Christian leader in the UK and the US. https://www.covenantseminary.edu/bookstore/product_detail.asp?Product=359

 

Maybe your library could inter-library loan it for you so you don't have that added expense.

 

I hope you find some solutions that work for you and your family soon, your posts do seem filled with weariness, pain and anger lately. :grouphug:

[Aubrey]

Sue,

 

My grandfather died suddenly right before 9/11. Besides my own unresolved "issues" w/ him, my dad's last conversation w/ him had been a huge fight. 9/11 was dad's bday. About a month later, dh's cousin's 2yo died in her sleep. They still don't know why.

 

That was a hard yr for me. I went to the dr to see about depression, something I'd felt on the brink of for yrs, but finally felt like I was falling over the edge. I sat in the waiting room of a dr I'd never seen before, watching television footage of the aftermath of 9/11, the anthrax scares, etc., feeling horrible. Feeling so self-centered to be worried about my small problems in my small life.

 

I think she prescribed Zoloft; I don't remember. I do know she didn't ask any questions, didn't give any kind of diagnosis, just gave me what she thought I wanted. What I *really* wanted was someone to listen, to tell me whether or not I needed help, kwim? And meds *if* they were appropriate.

 

So they gave me a 2wk supply & said it would take at least that long before I could tell a difference. Twd the end of the 2 wks, I remember sitting on the sofa watching TV in ils' LA. (We were living w/ them at the time & had 1 dc.) Dh came in to see if I wanted to go back to our part of the house to play a game, talk, watch a movie, whatever.

 

I struggled to look up at him. When I did, he seemed so far away, like he was another image on another screen. His voice came from far away, & I realized, I don't care. I don't care if we go & play or if I sit here. I don't know what I'm watching on TV, & I don't care about that, either. I was numb. And it was the meds. That scared me. I got up & went w/ him, & stopped taking them.

 

That was my experience, & I share it mainly to say, I know how you feel about being "fake" happy. Now, I still think meds are good when needed, but...maybe I have more respect for them now? Not that I ever would have taken them flippantly, but I'm glad to know their cost in personal terms, kwim?

 

I think that meds can be a very good solution--long term for some people, short term for others. Apart from that, though, things that have helped me include developing a routine, exercise, a little time for things like haircuts, manicures, whatever, and most especially, serving others. If there's any way you can find someone to help or think about outside your family, that seems to be the fastest way to snap oneself out of dark feelings.

 

It gets harder w/ babies, but even if you could just spend some time visiting someone elderly, not having to *do* anything necessarily, except help someone else feel brighter.

 

As far as the financial situation, etc. goes, I've noticed that legitimate problems that bother me normally seem bigger when I'm feeling down. So the problem is real, but how you're coping w/ it is less helpful than normal. Obviously you really need a solution to that, but w/ 7 dc & a new baby, you can't do much. Feeling helpless like that really gets to me.

 

So you've got to pray. When I was 16, I believed that we could all have the power the apostles had--to heal the sick, raise the dead, etc. IF we just spent time w/ the Lord faithfully. I was pretty sure I was going to marry a minister one day & decided that *now* (13 yrs ago, lol) was the time to test what I believed.

 

Well, things went really well until I was derailed by a dating relationship, lol. Anyway, my point is, I've been thinking about that again lately. I still pretty much believe that if I seek the Lord, I'll find him. It's just that now my life is so...full. I'm not 16 & sitting alone w/ nothing to do, kwim? Quiet alone time is precious, & I fall asleep, lol!

 

But I've decided to try to seek him faithfully like I did when I was a teen, to try to establish the foundation of faith that I profess in my daily life so that I'll have peace about financial situations, so that I'll have patience w/ my dc, so that I'll have a clearer vision for the future. So that when He calls me to do difficult things, I'll have the relationship & faith that enable me to follow. Kwim?

 

HTH. Sorry about the bunny trail. Too many interruptions! :lol:

[ClassicMom]

I certainly didn't mean to suggest that everyone who is on antidepressants is "fake happy". That's just what it felt like to me. It was like I knew I should be reacting to a certain situation but the meds just almost made me numb. That's not right. They just made me not care as much. I wasn't balanced...almost like I was "high". I know the "causes" of true clinical depression. But, I also read and agree that professionals don't know what comes first...the depression or the seratonin decrease. So, for example, they don't know if seratonin decreases as a result of somebody being depressed or if seratonin decreases CAUSING somebody to become depressed. Is that clear as mud? :) It could be like a vicious cycle. You feel sad and seratonin decreases. That decrease in seratonin might then cause you to stay in that sadness and move toward depression. Anyway, I'm not totally against meds as a short-term fix until I can handle this naturally. It just makes me wonder...in this day and age so many people are stressed out, overworked, rushing here and there, struggling financially, etc. Hundreds of years ago, the incidences of depression were not so high. So, this lends credibility to the thinking that stress and worry might cause the drop in seratonin, thus leading toward depression instead of just feeling a bit blue. KWIM? Just a thought, but again...don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying that people on medication for depressions are weak or frail or whatever. I do understand that depression, however it comes about, can be clinical and medical. Just an insight in to me...I am a perfectionist and am very hard on myself. So, while I don't judge others on medication...it's hard for me to accept that route for myself. Does that make sense?

 

I was trying so hard to watch my words and in cyber world, it just never comes across like you want it to. I know that you did not mean "everyone". Nobody should feel numb on medication. I did feel that way once and it was horrible. I was overmediated on the wrong meds. It can happen. You are right. They don't know everything. Unfortunately, I have migraines which complicate matters and my doctors weren't communicating with one another and my psychiatrist was brand new when my other one died. So I can relate to those feelings.

 

And yes, I totally agree that our culture lends itself to an overworked, overstressed, overpaced society that probably has changed the chemical structure of the brain thus needing that extra burst of seratonin. I don't believe we were ever suppposed to live the lives we live now. But that's a whole other post altogether. ;)

[JFSinIL]

You may well benefit from meds - however, perhaps not Zoloft, since it seems to have had side effects for you. In our family, as needed, Celexa has been very helpful. It is a different "family" than Zoloft, so the neuro tells me. I am not medically trained so can explain no further.

[Krista in LA]

Sue, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have had some issues with depression in the past, but managed to get through it by talking to my bff who happens to be a psychiatrist. However, when I started having anxiety issues, I did have to resort to meds. There are some great meds out there now that don't have the same side effects as some of the older ones. I took Lexapro, which is an anti-depressant, for my anxiety and it worked wonders for me. Talking to a psychiatrist about it might really help you determine if meds or therapy would be the best alternative for you. I don't know exactly where you are in PA, but I happen to know a really good psych in Reading, PA and a psych physicians assistant in Allentown. You can pm me if you live near one of those areas and would like their names.

[Hebrews3:13]

I am not sure you need more, but I have been down this road. I think I have taken almost everything on the market somewhere in between, before or after my 4 kids. For me, hormones really do a number and pregnancy hormones were the worst. I honestly do not think I could have survived another pregnancy. I never thought of harming the children, but often thought of harming myself. I remember feeling like such a wretched mother that anything would be better than their being with me.

 

DO NOT ever feel bad or feel you have to make excuses if you must go back on meds. I really detest that in some Christian circles you are not holy enough if you must take meds. Whatever! Walk a mile in my shoes I say.

 

That being said, I did not know the things I know now about meds and their alternatives. PLEASE KEEP nursing! I would personally NOT take meds while nursing, whatever they say, it does get in the breast milk and while they may say it doesn't harm the baby, it can't be good, right? Does the baby need neurotransmitter help- probably not- so this is just not good for him/her. I would not quit nursing to take meds unless you felt there was a serious chance of harm to yourself or someone else. Then safety trumps nursing.

 

I 100% agree with fish oil! Take it, take it, take it! Do NOT get it at Wal-Mart- get a quality brand and take the recommended amount. There are studies where fish oil has helped depressed individuals in higher doses- if you need to go up some. You are looking for DHA and EPA specifically in the oil. Evening Primrose Oil can help too. Vitex (chaste berry) can be a great herb for balancing womens hormones- need to check to see if safe for baby. Progesterone probably not great for nursing baby- might help you, but be careful, as this is nothing to toy with and is stored in fat cells, so it will be with you a while in the event you didn't need it.

 

My far and away best recommendation- homeopathy. There are people you can work with via phone or online. It is drastically helping my autistic son, but recently resolved a UTI for me in 1 dose. It really does deserve its place in the home. I do not understand why something so trusted in Europe did not make the trip across the ocean. I mean the royal family has a homeopath!

 

Also, find a prayer partner- I am sure there is a Mom in your church who has been there, done that and may be more than willing to pray with you and for you. She may have great words of wisdom we cannot provide.

 

Please take care of yourself. No one else will do it and we can't know how bad you feel. I agree- your children will remember. That has been a motivating factor. I recall my Mom crying constantly and struggling in despair and anxiety. I also recall a miserable, depressed Father. I remember those things more than many happy photos I find sadly. I want my kids to remember me happily, and although none are perfect, I want the scales tipped to the side of joy.

 

HTH,

Laurie

[Hebrews3:13]

I recommend a CHRISTIAN psychotherapist if at all possible. They will usually have a psych Dr. in their group if you need a script at some point.

 

Also, do what you can there, but don't feel this is something you must do as often as they say, etc. For us, they wanted me to come weekly and with our limited income and the high co-pay I couldn't do it. I went 4 weeks straight, then less and less often until I stopped. Hopefully if you go that route, they can point you in the right direction and equip you with some great tools to help you learn to cope with your stressors (family, limited means, etc) on your own.

 

HTH,

Laurie

[Angela in TN]

From someone who has been there done that get back on the meds. I don't think it's "fake" to feel normal because your on meds. Sometimes it's a temporary thing and sometimes it's for much longer.

 

I was told in so many words before that the reason I was depressed was because my spiritual life was not good?! My life was not good and taking meds helped me to get to an even place in order to have a good spiritual life and a better life in general.:grouphug: to you Sue.

[UnPrairieMuffin]

I don't know what you mean by getting "Healed," but lots of medicines do heal people. When a diabetic takes his insulin, it works in such a way that his body functions properly. Sometimes you endure the side effects of medication because it does make you better. Christ gave man dominion over creation, and that includes modern pharmaceuticals. I think you ought to rejoice that healing can be found in a bottle of anti-depressants rather than rejecting it because it made you feel "fake". There is a lot of ground between fake and depressed, and you can have your dosage adjusted. So, if you wouldn't slight the diabetic for taking his insulin, then don't reject anti-depressants.

 

That said, I think you ought to confide in something other than this board. While this is a wonderful and supportive forum, I think that you need to find more personal accountability when your depression hits you. You sound emotionally overwrought, and for the sake of the children you have, you need to get control of your emotions. You've had a lot of good suggestions on this board from different ladies/gents who've been in this situation, we all sympathize, but you need to find a medical profession pronto. Everyday you lash out at your children or husband with whirlwind emotions is another day that you push them away. You need to be a good mother to children you have, and give up the nursing ASAP because your mental stability and the comfort of your family is more important than lactation.

 

Praying that your situation would resolve peaceably,

Erin

[Dawn in Ohio]

:grouphug: I don't have any advice, but I sympathize and wanted to send a hug your way!

[Tracey in TX]

Okay, taking a deep breath and swallowing my pride...can we talk about antidepressants? I used to be extremely depressed. Almost 6 years ago we moved into the house we are in now. We rented for one, miserable year from hell until we could afford to buy. The owners, supposed Christians, tried to evict us twice (on made-up "charges"). I was pregnant and due any day the second time they tried. I became dangerously depressed. I was suicidal and if it hadn't been for my pregnancy and then caring for the baby and a friend who prayed for me daily...I'd be no more. I was so against medication. Christians shouldn't have to take medication to be happy. Not if their faith was as strong as it should be. That was my line of thought anyway. But, long story short...I eventually did get meds. Zoloft. My happy pills. :) Nothing bothered me when I was on my happy pills. My kids could have broken all the windows in the house or fought non-stop. I was cool as a cucumber on Zoloft. I smiled all the time. But all the while I kept thinking how fake it all was. I had to take meds to be happy and calm. My spiritual life was back on track. But it was all fake. I had to take meds to have a good relationship w/ the Lord. How fake is that? After I had my dd2, I realized that the meds were interfering w/ my s*x life. I had no desire for that anymore. Dh was miserable. I was failing him. So, dh and I decided together that I would go off the meds. It was tough for a while, but I made do. That was about 2 years ago. Fast forward to now. I'm not severely depressed, but I'm not happy. I'm finding joy in nothing. I'm miserable about our lack of a good income, my husband's job, my children who don't get along and who are defiant and disrespectful. I'm not a good mother or a good wife (dh just told me that last night in not so many words). I don't want to be around my kids b/c off their fighting and bickering and just plain nasty attitudes. I can't remember the last time I laughed or smiled even.

 

Okay, this has gotten too long. What I want to know is this: Is it time to go back on the meds? I was honestly depressed when I was on anti-depressants but didn't "feel" it b/c the meds made me so "happy". Does that make sense? It makes me want to vomit even considering this again. It depresses me that I might need medication to be happy! :001_huh: So, should I? And, if so...what do I take that won't have the s*xual side-effects and won't interfere w/ nursing? I will NOT give up nursing. Help? Thanks for listening and your advice.

:grouphug:

It's tough having hormones, conflicting beliefs with medicine, and fighting kids, babies, DH's demands, and life. I wish I could help you. All I can do is share my story.

I was the most happy-go-lucky, perky girl you'd ever meet. Then we had financial issues, two babies back to back, and a DH about to lose his self esteem due to financial issues. Then I got pregnant with triplets. It went from bad to worse. DH almost left me (as IF it was my fault). Hormones were raging and I cried, was angry, found myself swearing at toddlers. SO unlike anything I could fathom. But I don't believe in anti-depressants.

A dear friend taped an Oprah show about this issue. I cried for an hour. The next day I called my OB-GYN. He asked about the children's safety and immediately prescribed Prozac. Within a week I felt normal again. A bit foggy brained and low sex drive, but that was temporarily ok.

A year later I got off the meds, but still felt unlike myself. We found a happy solution. I take Zoloft (not as strong IMO) two weeks/month for the hormone swings. Doesn't affect my 'marital obligation', doesn't leave me foggy brained, but have control of normal RANGE of emotions, both the highs and lows. It's been a godsend for me.

I went off for several years, and began again when I started homeschooling at my doctor's recommendation. (I appreciate a good doctor-patient relationship.) It was the right choice for me.

This doesn't hinder my faith. It has nothing to do with spirituality, just crazy hormones and a lack of seratonin. I love my god, love my family, love life...just need a little chemical which my body forgets to produce enough of sometimes.

 

I hope you find a solution that works for you. Is your friend still around? Have her pray for you. I'll say a quick prayer, too.

Hugs, Tracey

[3lilreds in NC]

(((Sue))), I have BTDT. In some ways, I'm in the middle of it still.

 

After my girls were born, my marriage was not doing so well, and it continued to decline. I had HUGE problems with anxiety, especially after my first was born. I took Zoloft until I became pg with #2, and went off while I was pregnant. Everything was OK until #2 weaned herself suddenly, and then I could feel the anxiety coming back, so I started with Zoloft again. It seemed OK for about 2 years and then everything hit the fan, I felt horrible, and decided the Zoloft wasn't working. I switched to Effexor, which I LOVED, but had a terribly short half-life, and if you're like me and can forget to take pills, that's not so good. I switched to Prozac after that, and didn't like it much, but was only on it for a few weeks before I learned I was having Schmooey, so I stopped taking it and lived as a crazy pregnant lady for a few months.

 

After Schmooey arrived, the anxiety came again. I tried Prozac, since I had it already and my OB said it was OK, but mostly it made me sweat and didn't help at all for how I was feeling. My psych then had me try Paxil. Oh, how I loved Paxil! I felt wonderful. I experience a sense of peace and well-being that I'd never had before.

 

But, because I thought I shouldn't need medication, I decided to see how I would do without it. When I started running out a few months back, I weaned myself off.

 

It's been OK. I still have anxiety but I can tell that it's directly related to how much sleep I get. I'm yelling less than I did when things were really bad, but I can tell it's starting to pick up again.

 

When you have a shortage of seratonin in your brain, it's a chemical problem, not a spiritual one. I've been trying to wrap my brain around that for a long time, and I think I'm finally able to accept it. I think I'm going to have to go back on the meds because I don't want to negatively affect my children any more than I already have. I don't like to leave the house. I don't like to deal with other people at all. I don't like to talk on the phone unless it's my mom or my sister. I do these things because I have to, and because I know it's problematic if I don't, but my comfort zone is staying home and not talking to anyone. That's probably not so good.

 

So. Medication is there to *help* you. It doesn't mean you are a weak person. If you had any other illness that could be cured with medication, you would take it, right? Don't let this be any different. Don't deny yourself the help you need because we've been raised with stigmas about taking medication.

 

Paxil and Zoloft are the 2 most highly recommended with nursing, but there are others if those don't work. You could ask your dr. if Paxil might be worth a try.

 

:grouphug: I have been there, sweetie. It's no bad thing to accept help to get you through.