Top Ten ways to Ruin Your Kids for Life

[Lovedtodeath]

:lol:

I love that you posted this knowing that plenty of people here wouldn't like it either.

 

My parents had more money when raising my (much-younger) little sister and she was raised with many of those things on the list ...

In college she continued volunteer work, helping the local community and doing recruitment for Teach for America. After graduation she did Teach for America herself, teaching physics and biology on the south side of Chicago.

 

Too bad my parents ruined her!

Thanks!

 

I like the list. Clearly it's hyperbole, but taken together it means (to me) "Make sure your kid knows the world doesn't revolve around him."

 

I think a lot of kids need that lesson today.

 

My kids have a great life, but they also know that the world doesn't exist to serve them, and, in fact, quite the opposite: they exist to serve the world. (Now, before anyone freaks out, I don't mean my kids are little slaves; I mean serve in the "make the world a better place" sense.) That's one of the key values in our home.

 

Tara

Yes. True.

 

Of course not. We don't attend church. It would be weird if we did, as we're not Christian. ;)

 

Tara

 

I was thinking about the list. :)

Yeah, I thought that one was pretty stupid, as the bolded doesn't apply to non-Christians, but the unbolded explanation doesn't apply to Christians, but is just to slam non-Christians.

 

I wish they had added, "Use baby talk with your child. Speak to them in the 3rd person as often as possible. People will think it's adorable when your special snowflake speaks like Elmo."

LOL :D

 

Nor does it have to be tied to clothing choices, eating food you dislike, eating dinner at home every night, or how much your parents ignore you.

Love you ladies!!!:grouphug:

[Impish]

I think some of those things are fine in moderation. Sometimes I do put my kids above my husband. Sometimes I do sign them up for too many activities, etc. Sometimes I do give them special meals. I don't do it all the time, but sometimes.

 

I wish they had added, "Use baby talk with your child. Speak to them in the 3rd person as often as possible. People will think it's adorable when your special snowflake speaks like Elmo."

:lol:

[elegantlion]

I think most of us want our children to give back. That's very important to us, and it doesn't have to be tied to church-going.

 

In our house "Builds character" is often spoken as "There's no crying in baseball!"

 

Great, now I'll have that scene in my head for the rest of the day. :lol::lol:

[Mom-ninja.]

Well, I'm ruining my child with #3......paying more attention to my children's needs over my spouse. And I will continue to do so. My spouse is an adult and can wait.

 

 

As for #10....I'm doing good there. I am sharing my faith (or lack of) with my kids. I'm happily raising little atheists.

[Plucky]

The worst mistake I made when I first became a mother was to follow someone else's idea of how to parent. My parents had horrible parenting skills and so I had to figure it out on my own. I am very, very blessed that I have good maternal instincts. I like to read about parenting as well and pick and choose advice.

 

My advice to myself would be:

 

1. Make sure my kids feel my love unconditionally.

 

2. Try to be consistent.

 

3. Apologize when I screw up.

 

4. Forgive them.

 

5. Forgive myself.

 

6. Don't allow them to hurt each other. I tell them no one is allowed to hurt my kids - not even another one of my kids.

 

7. Train, train, train and train some more.

 

8. One-on-one time with each is important.

 

9. I'm not their maid.

 

10. Dad & I love each other and sometimes it won't include you. We were a couple first.

 

11. My kids have free will and will mess up. Good parenting or homeschooling will not prevent that. Not everything will be my fault, but when it is I need to own up to it.

 

12. We all make mistakes. Forgive again.

 

13. I will forget things on this list or add and take away at anytime.

 

14. Laugh. Laugh the most when you are frustrated. Laugh at myself. Life is too short to get angry at everything.

[Catwoman]

True Blue, I like your list much better than the "Top Ten" one. :001_smile:

[AdventureMoms]

The worst mistake I made when I first became a mother was to follow someone else's idea of how to parent. My parents had horrible parenting skills and so I had to figure it out on my own. I am very, very blessed that I have good maternal instincts. I like to read about parenting as well and pick and choose advice.

 

My advice to myself would be:

 

1. Make sure my kids feel my love unconditionally.

 

2. Try to be consistent.

 

3. Apologize when I screw up.

 

4. Forgive them.

 

5. Forgive myself.

 

6. Don't allow them to hurt each other. I tell them no one is allowed to hurt my kids - not even another one of my kids.

 

7. Train, train, train and train some more.

 

8. One-on-one time with each is important.

 

9. I'm not their maid.

 

10. Dad & I love each other and sometimes it won't include you. We were a couple first.

 

11. My kids have free will and will mess up. Good parenting or homeschooling will not prevent that. Not everything will be my fault, but when it is I need to own up to it.

 

12. We all make mistakes. Forgive again.

 

13. I will forget things on this list or add and take away at anytime.

 

14. Laugh. Laugh the most when you are frustrated. Laugh at myself. Life is too short to get angry at everything.

 

That's a much better list!

[JenniferB]

I agree with everything on the list (carried out in love and with balance!), but not the title. Even if you did everything on that list to the extreme, you might raise someone who has to spend a good part of his/her adult life undoing the extreme living conditions of their childhood, but it wouldn't ruin their lives forever!

 

On the other hand, if you raise your children with all the opposite values to the extreme, you could cause the same effect. My husband lived in a home with the opposite of those items listed, and he grew up with it lived out to the extreme. He has an extremely hard time giving things up, like rich foods, heavy meaty dishes, comfort, entertainment. It's like he's living his adult life in a way that brings some balance to his childhood experience. We are trying very hard to raise our kids with balance.

Edited August 23, 2012 by JenniferB

[Plucky]

That's a much better list!

 

I think so, but then it's MY list. LOL I think everyone should have their own.

[Plucky]

True Blue, I like your list much better than the "Top Ten" one. :001_smile:

 

Thank you. I wish I knew then what I know now about my kids.

[JenniferB]

Thank you. I wish I knew then what I know now about my kids.

 

:iagree: so true. I am a work in progress!

Edited August 23, 2012 by JenniferB

[BigMamaBird]

I might disagree a bit with #4. I really don't like to play with my kids. But I force myself to because I know I'll look back and regret that I didn't. Now, I wouldn't let their desire to do something interfere with plans I'd already made. Like the example given, giving up a walk to watch a DVD. That wouldn't happen. But a tea party or session of Lincoln Logs won't kill me.

[Juniper]

The worst mistake I made when I first became a mother was to follow someone else's idea of how to parent. My parents had horrible parenting skills and so I had to figure it out on my own. I am very, very blessed that I have good maternal instincts. I like to read about parenting as well and pick and choose advice.

 

My advice to myself would be:

 

1. Make sure my kids feel my love unconditionally.

 

2. Try to be consistent.

 

3. Apologize when I screw up.

 

4. Forgive them.

 

5. Forgive myself.

 

6. Don't allow them to hurt each other. I tell them no one is allowed to hurt my kids - not even another one of my kids.

 

7. Train, train, train and train some more.

 

8. One-on-one time with each is important.

 

9. I'm not their maid.

 

10. Dad & I love each other and sometimes it won't include you. We were a couple first.

 

11. My kids have free will and will mess up. Good parenting or homeschooling will not prevent that. Not everything will be my fault, but when it is I need to own up to it.

 

12. We all make mistakes. Forgive again.

 

13. I will forget things on this list or add and take away at anytime.

 

14. Laugh. Laugh the most when you are frustrated. Laugh at myself. Life is too short to get angry at everything.

Wonderful!

[JenniferB]

This list and the 2nd list has helped me to remember that I need more discipline than my kids most of the time, so my #1 parenting tip to myself is to,

 

"Remember that I need more discipline than my kids most of the time." Wash, rinse, and repeat for the rest of my life.

[Plucky]

This list and the 2nd list has helped me to remember that I need more discipline than my kids most of the time, so my #1 parenting tip to myself is to,

 

"Remember that I need more discipline than my kids most of the time." Wash, rinse, and repeat for the rest of my life.

 

Yes! As painful as it is being a good role model is still the most important. I fail daily in this. :tongue_smilie:

[Lovedtodeath]

This list and the 2nd list has helped me to remember that I need more discipline than my kids most of the time, so my #1 parenting tip to myself is to,

 

"Remember that I need more discipline than my kids most of the time." Wash, rinse, and repeat for the rest of my life.

So true, but this makes me too lenient on my kids... thoughts on that?

 

In addition I am very rarely sure about what I am doing and it shows. Compliant kids doesn't mean good people or good adults either. sigh. So confusing.

 

The worst mistake I made when I first became a mother was to follow someone else's idea of how to parent. My parents had horrible parenting skills and so I had to figure it out on my own. I am very, very blessed that I have good maternal instincts. I like to read about parenting as well and pick and choose advice.

 

My advice to myself would be:

LOVE IT. Thank you!

[JenniferB]

So true, but this makes me too lenient on my kids... thoughts on that?

 

I think what TrueBlue said applies here, and that is that we need to find our own list, not to work off someone else's list. For me, I struggle with pride. My struggle inevitably rears it's ugly head in parenting. So, my personal list is to remember that I need more discipline than my kids "most" of the time. That doesn't mean "all" of the time. ;) My priest encouraged me not to neglect the discipline of my kids when I confessed to responding in anger to the kids. So, it's all a balance and working with your own personal strengths and weaknesses and within your own personal family values, etc.

[DarlaS]

:iagree:

 

Yeah, but if we believe the list, as long as you don't buy your kids what they want, pay attention to them, try to feed them foods they like, or drive them places, they will turn out to be fine and wonderful people. :rolleyes:

 

It sounds to me like the author of the list has some envy issues, and she's trying to justify her feelings by believing that those awful "spoiled" kids will all turn out rotten.

 

:iagree:

 

And not just rotten--ruined for life! :001_rolleyes:

[Juniper]

So true, but this makes me too lenient on my kids... thoughts on that?

 

 

 

What do you mean you are too lenient? According to whom? :grouphug:

[momma2three]

The "designer clothes" one just doesn't seem to even fit with the rest of the list. What's her definition of "designer"? Is there really a huge population outside of the Beckham family that was going to dress their kids all in Gucci, but will now read this and say "Gee, maybe Target is fine." You can find adorable outfits at Target: if you buy them, aren't you just back to teaching them that outward appearances matter? Should I only buy my children burlap feed sacks from the farm supply store?

 

I agree that it sounds more like sour grapes. Which is too bad, because I think it's important for parents to know that you don't need to give your children the most expensive things in order to raise happy, healthy, delightful children. But the inverse of that is NOT "you will ruin your children if you buy expensive clothes and sign them up for soccer."

[Mommy22alyns]

Wow mine are probably pretty screwed up by now :lol:

 

I am apparently messing mine over quite thoroughly. :tongue_smilie:

[nmoira]

Well you got company anyway. ;)

 

On another note...I hope you see this post...you are the queen of book recommendations. Please recommend some books for DS 10. Pretty please?!

 

Only if you find my unicorn post. :tongue_smilie:

[SwallowTail]

2. Dress your child in designer clothes, no matter the cost.

Show her that her outward appearance matters most of all.

 

 

Wait. Does than mean no more cute Mini Boden? Please, just one more year, when she will probably size out of the Mini catalog. That I will start raising her right.

 

:D Right? And Room Seven, and a few others...please?

[IsabelC]

If treating your child as a person ruins them for life, I plead guilty.

 

No doubt they will become deranged serial killers because I sometimes let them take their preferences into account when it's their turn to cook.

 

And my marriage is destined to fail because once my poor abused husband had to warm his own slippers while I attended to a sick child.

 

But WAIT! All is not lost! They wear secondhand clothes and haven't even heard of designer labels, so that's OK. Phew...

[Catwoman]

Should I only buy my children burlap feed sacks from the farm supply store?

 

Yes.

 

Yes, you should.

 

And if they complain about being itchy, tell them to quit whining and eat their gruel.

 

Otherwise, they'll end up spoiled and ruined for life. ;)

[Lovedtodeath]

I think what TrueBlue said applies here, and that is that we need to find our own list, not to work off someone else's list. For me, I struggle with pride. My struggle inevitably rears it's ugly head in parenting. So, my personal list is to remember that I need more discipline than my kids "most" of the time. That doesn't mean "all" of the time. ;) My priest encouraged me not to neglect the discipline of my kids when I confessed to responding in anger to the kids. So, it's all a balance and working with your own personal strengths and weaknesses and within your own personal family values, etc.

 

What do you mean you are too lenient? According to whom? :grouphug:

 

Thank you sisters. :grouphug: Jennifer, my biggest problem is low self esteem, doubt... not taking authority, so yes... you are so right. Juniper, you are such a good friend. :001_wub:

 

If treating your child as a person ruins them for life, I plead guilty.

 

No doubt they will become deranged serial killers because I sometimes let them take their preferences into account when it's their turn to cook.

 

And my marriage is destined to fail because once my poor abused husband had to warm his own slippers while I attended to a sick child.

 

But WAIT! All is not lost! They wear secondhand clothes and haven't even heard of designer labels, so that's OK. Phew...

 

Yes.

 

Yes, you should.

 

And if they complain about being itchy, tell them to quit whining and eat their gruel.

 

Otherwise, they'll end up spoiled and ruined for life. ;)

:lol: I feel so much better now.

[Heather in Neverland]

Am I the only one who was nervous to open the thread and read the list? I was quite sure that I had broken at least 7 of the rules. :tongue_smilie:

 

Turns out, at least according to this random list, I am not doing too badly. I guess I am just ruining my kids in other ways!

[ereks mom]

I don't particularly disagree with anything on the list, but there are a few things I'm not sure should have made the top ten ways to ruin your child, and a few I would have put on the list instead. For one thing, I would've included something in there about failing to teach responsibility by assigning household duties.

[IsabelC]

Tbh I don't really think that list is even worthy of a serious discussion. It's just one of those things that gets forwarded around the interwebz without too much thought.

 

I would say that 99% of the population would agree that "Dress your child in designer clothes, no matter what the cost", for example, is not a good idea. I don't see any mothers putting out the red light to fund their Armani Bub or whatever the heck happens to be trendy. But 99% of people would also agree that you can teach a child frugality or modesty without resorting to a blanket ban on any attire that is remotely attractive or fashionable.

 

So the real question is, where is the right place to draw the line. What kind of clothing is innocent fun, vs what will encourage the kid to be shallow and vain?

 

Same with the rest of the points mentioned. We all (well, OK, most of us) agree that when a child acts out, some sort of discipline is called for. But what constitutes "acting out" and what is normal, forgivable childlike behavior? And what does "discipline" mean exactly?

 

These are all issues that can't be intelligently addressed in a list that takes less than a minute to read.

Edited August 23, 2012 by Hotdrink

[kalanamak]

10. Don’t share your faith with your child. After all, you don’t want to offend.

 

I'm not sure what the second sentence means. Offend whom?

 

I don't care if the piece was in praise of peace, love, and universal prosperity, it had a snotty tone and is a waste of time.

[TheApprentice]

I kind of read the list more generally and didn't get hung up on the specifics in the list. To me it read: if we allow our lives to rotate around the children, then we are setting them up later in life for some major disappointments/shallowness and they will have to make some adjustments, which can be a painful process. I wouldn't say "ruining" them, but they would be in for a rude awakening.

[annandatje]

I never put much stock in life advice that consists of numbered items.

[IsabelC]

Rule number 1: never put much stock in life advice that consists of numbered items.

 

Rule number 2: please refer to rule number 1.

[angela in ohio]

Tbh I don't really think that list is even worthy of a serious discussion. It's just one of those things that gets forwarded around the interwebz without too much thought.

 

I would say that 99% of the population would agree that "Dress your child in designer clothes, no matter what the cost", for example, is not a good idea. I don't see any mothers putting out the red light to fund their Armani Bub or whatever the heck happens to be trendy. But 99% of people would also agree that you can teach a child frugality or modesty without resorting to a blanket ban on any attire that is remotely attractive or fashionable.

 

So the real question is, where is the right place to draw the line. What kind of clothing is innocent fun, vs what will encourage the kid to be shallow and vain?

 

Same with the rest of the points mentioned. We all (well, OK, most of us) agree that when a child acts out, some sort of discipline is called for. But what constitutes "acting out" and what is normal, forgivable childlike behavior? And what does "discipline" mean exactly?

 

These are all issues that can't be intelligently addressed in a list that takes less than a minute to read.

 

See, but there's the problem. As a parent, you have to use your own descretion and make decisions about what is right, based on what is happening in *your* family, and that is way more difficult and frightening than having a nice list that just tells you point-by-point exactly what to do for a guaranteed perfect child. :D

[Trish]

Sharing your beliefs or faith doesn't mean that you are giving them a god. It just means that whatever it is that you believe in, you are sharing with them.

 

 

I struggle with signing my kids up for too many activities.

 

:iagree:

[Lovedtodeath]

• #5 I am going to ruin my kids for LIFE by fixing them the food they want? Really? I don't know any adults who don't eat what they choose.
  
• #3 I should put my spouses needs above my kids? Spouses don't have NEEDS that they cannot fulfill themselves. Kids DO.
  
• ‎#7 is about balance. You CAN teach your child to be an abused doormat. You want to know how many times I have seen it done? Probably not.
  
• ‎#4 is it really in my child's best interest to ignore them more than I already do? Probably not. They seem to do much better with more time with their parents.
  

 

• #9 and 10 are worded in over the top ridiculous ways and the bolded part does not match up with the rest of what the author said on the subject. I bet the author of the article doesn't really want non-christians to share their faith, does she?
  

[Scuff]

I don't think #10 was meant as a slam against atheists. It's a christian author writing to a christian audience, yes? Seems to me that it's addressing christians who don't make passing on the faith a priority.

[Catwoman]

I don't think #10 was meant as a slam against atheists. It's a christian author writing to a christian audience, yes? Seems to me that it's addressing christians who don't make passing on the faith a priority.

 

It sure sounded like a slam to me, and I don't usually pay too much attention to that sort of thing.

 

But I thought the whole list was stupid and "sour grapes," so I may not be the best person to comment on this.:tongue_smilie:

[Lovedtodeath]

I don't think #10 was meant as a slam against atheists. It's a christian author writing to a christian audience, yes? Seems to me that it's addressing christians who don't make passing on the faith a priority.

Well, I don't like the first part either... Yes, I try to teach my kids about God, but I know that hearing Bible stories and memorizing scriptures does not a Christian make. ;)

 

It sure sounded like a slam to me, and I don't usually pay too much attention to that sort of thing.

 

But I thought the whole list was stupid and "sour grapes," so I may not be the best person to comment on this.:tongue_smilie:

:iagree:The last 3 sentences looked like a slam against atheists. The whole list seemed like a slam period.

[AdventureMoms]

I don't think #10 was meant as a slam against atheists. It's a christian author writing to a christian audience, yes? Seems to me that it's addressing christians who don't make passing on the faith a priority.

 

Well the whole thing is clearly a slam on anyone who parents differently than the author. I can't imagine that was accidental. Whether or not she INTENDED to especially slam atheists there at the end is not really the point. (Though it's pretty offensive, regardless of intent.)

[jhschool]

I think the list is pretty

narrow-minded and quite

obnoxious at times.

 

Some things work for some families and other things don't.

 

That's why we homeschool,

so that we can find our own way.

 

BTW I believe in God and am teaching my son about God also, but the last item I see as rude to other people.

[Lovedtodeath]

(Though it's pretty offensive, regardless of intent.)

:iagree: