Mandy in TN Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Although I am a mom of 3, I just sent my 2nd ds to college, so now I have an only. I do think my 9yo only is enjoying having all my attention, but he is lonely. He misses having brothers around and so do I. OTOH- I thought that we would have more time and, this week at least, that just hasn't been the case! So, I can verify that, when it comes to the number of hours in the day and getting it all done, having one child versus having three is irrelevant. Three can be a help, but one just makes everything take longer. At least my one makes everything take longer. He has no one to pace himself against and questions everything. It is exhausting and there is no one else here for him to talk to or question. We just left the big boys at college on Sat. and I feel like the only alone time that I have had has been when he is asleep. He follows me everywhere. He's 9yo and he is sitting outside my bathroom door. Surely, as time goes on, he will adjust, settle in, and start doing things on his own. Actually, it has always been the case that the little man requires way more time and attention than when I had two who were two and a half years apart. In my experience, my two were far easier than my one. Anyway, getting long. If I had my way, because of my experience with my big boys, there would have been another. That just isn't the way it happened. The little man and I need to figure out how to be just a twosome all day. Right now I don't know how to do it and neither does he. :confused: Is there a book for that? Mandy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Thanks :001_smile: I didn't see another thread that must have inspired this one. I just want to add something important. Some parents of an only child may feel pain about it and there have been comments about not mentioning how many children you have or whatever. Well, I don't want people to feel afraid about that. Many of us with an only are completely satisfied and happy with our family size and situation. :001_smile: Many of us don't feel like we are lacking anything and we do not feel "pain" about our only child. Really.:) This is very true. For years and years and years I grieved the loss of other children. We tried so hard - even to the extend of fertility treatments that never took. I'll always feel a bit of sadness for not being able to have more. But now, at almost 46, the thought of starting again with a newborn terrifies me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I talk to the trees Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Did you ever get the "You aren't a real parent because you have only one?" Talk about a kick in the face. :001_rolleyes: Ohhh, yes. Some time ago, someone here posted a link to a blog where some obnoxious woman goes on and on and on (under the guise of being cute or funny) about how "You're not a real mother if you've never dealt with more than one.....blah, blah, blah...." Here, darlin', let me hand you another dagger so you can dig it in and twist it a little harder. For a very long time, I wanted another. But now I figure if the good Lord had meant for me to have more, I would have, and I should spend my time and effort on the precious daughter I am blessed with! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Ohhh, yes. Some time ago, someone here posted a link to a blog where some obnoxious woman goes on and on and on (under the guise of being cute or funny) about how "You're not a real mother if you've never dealt with more than one.....blah, blah, blah...." Here, darlin', let me hand you another dagger so you can dig it in and twist it a little harder. For a very long time, I wanted another. But now I figure if the good Lord had meant for me to have more, I would have, and I should spend my time and effort on the precious daughter I am blessed with! I've had someone say that to me in person. :glare: In all fairness, I think she was oblivious to how rude she was acting and was trying to build herself up rather than put me down, but still... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted August 23, 2012 Author Share Posted August 23, 2012 I've had someone say that to me in person. :glare: In all fairness, I think she was oblivious to how rude she was acting and was trying to build herself up rather than put me down, but still... How the heck can someone be oblivious to being that rude, nasty, ignorant? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 How the heck can someone be oblivious to being that rude, nasty, ignorant? The poor dear is dumb as a brick, bless her heart. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Did you ever get the "You aren't a real parent because you have only one?" Talk about a kick in the face. :001_rolleyes: Whaaaaaaa??? :glare: Wow. I have been thinking lately of what it would be like to have an only, or 2. You all have a lot of advantages over us, that's for sure. I think we should all enjoy and focus on the advantages our own personal families have and leave everyone else alone. :) Or something along those lines. :grouphug: to all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted August 23, 2012 Author Share Posted August 23, 2012 The poor dear is dumb as a brick, bless her heart. ;) I literally LOL'd Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalliemorgan Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 (edited) . Edited August 23, 2012 by kalliemorgan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celticmom Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Jade, no offense, but you just didn't get Imp's post. She posted it to support us only moms who felt somewhat insulted on another recent thread. Imp has never, EVER expressed disdain, pity, or other negative emotions towards other small families here. You are projecting negative connotations onto her thread that were never intended on her part, and I wish you hadn't, because it's a nice change to hear some pro-only remarks from a mom of a big family on this board. IMPISH -- you rock, and FTR, I love big families like yours. Peers with big families give my only child so many awesome playmates to hang out with. :D He loves being around other groups of kids, and I know he may decide someday as an adult to have several kids himself. So, it's nice for him to get to experience the big family dynamic! This was the way I interpreted the original post as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LinRTX Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 But this is where the idea of quiverful is misused. A quiverful is as many as God gives you without intervention. My friend and I are both quiverful -- I have 4; she has 9. And being quiverful is between you and God and nobody else's business. Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 But this is where the idea of quiverful is misused. A quiverful is as many as God gives you without intervention. My friend and I are both quiverful -- I have 4; she has 9. And being quiverful is between you and God and nobody else's business. Linda I don't do that, but that's a very good point. Hmm, does my step-mom who was never able to carry to term count? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 I've had someone say that to me in person. :glare: In all fairness, I think she was oblivious to how rude she was acting and was trying to build herself up rather than put me down, but still... I've actually had it happen more than once. Once at at get-together and a newbie to the group said it. The other was a fellow parishioner. Not only was I given crap for not being a real parent, but I was also given crap for not being a good enough Catholic. Because it was so obvious that I was using ABC to not get pregnant which is against the teaching of the church. Yadda, yadda. We couldn't possibly have fertility issues since we already had one child. :glare: She was much a better Catholic than I. (where's the eye-rolling smiley?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LinRTX Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Yes, she counts. Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 (edited) Thanks to this thread, I have now decided to be a lurker rather than a commenter. When a clearly intended supportive comment can be so misinterpreted, it really discourages me to EVER say ANYTHING to ANYONE for fear of hurting them. I'll save my valuable knowledge for people who know and love me (face to face.) Unfortunately, I know myself enough to know that I am not tough enough to have to be on the defense after trying to be supportive. Maybe other people are tough enough - and my hat goes off to them. But I have enough anxieties in my life without inviting more in unintentionally and with (no offense) perfect strangers. I am sorry that anyone got hurt, and for whatever reasons. There exist people out there (like me) that truly love people and appreciate all that they have to offer. But there is not one person on earth that is omniscient enough to know every person's inner struggles to prepare every sentence and put it on a silver platter. Clearly people will turn up their nose to ANYTHING. I hope that you all have wonderful successes with teaching your kid(s). And for those brave enough to post things on here....I wish you all thick skin. I've not read past the third page so am not sure if the comments became nasty, however the comments pointing out potential hurt (not that Impish meant any hurt at all!) were, imo, gentle and more of a questioning nature rather than condemning. There were those (including myself) who wondered/felt that perhaps using one's # of dc as an opinion might not be hurting an already hurting heart. It's not about tiptoeing around people or not saying one single word about the # of dc one has; it's about declaring things that might be taken wrong (ie: being envious of moms of only-ies) when that mom of an only might be longing for more. I thought that once it was explained/pointed out what Impish meant that the ladies all understood and there were no hard feelings. Personally, I benefit a lot from posts and discussions such as this because it makes me aware of my words and that what I say can either a) be said differently or b) not be said at all. As I said in my response in this thread, I once hurt a woman because I popped out something without thinking or realizing the effect my words had. Thanks to threads such as this I have learned to be a bit more discerning (although I still mess up), at least when it comes to topics such as # of dc. For me, it's about the preciousness of others. I don't want to make someone feel like less of a mom for having a certain # of dc. If, by reading threads like this, I can learn how to avoid those things then I'm thankful for such threads. Edited August 23, 2012 by LuvnMySvn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Thanks to this thread, I have now decided to be a lurker rather than a commenter. When a clearly intended supportive comment can be so misinterpreted, it really discourages me to EVER say ANYTHING to ANYONE for fear of hurting them. I'll save my valuable knowledge for people who know and love me (face to face.) Unfortunately, I know myself enough to know that I am not tough enough to have to be on the defense after trying to be supportive. Maybe other people are tough enough - and my hat goes off to them. But I have enough anxieties in my life without inviting more in unintentionally and with (no offense) perfect strangers. I am sorry that anyone got hurt, and for whatever reasons. There exist people out there (like me) that truly love people and appreciate all that they have to offer. But there is not one person on earth that is omniscient enough to know every person's inner struggles to prepare every sentence and put it on a silver platter. Clearly people will turn up their nose to ANYTHING. I hope that you all have wonderful successes with teaching your kid(s). And for those brave enough to post things on here....I wish you all thick skin. You know, it was a post almost exactly like this one that started the HIVE-love of hot guys in kilts. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmith Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Thanks! I've only ever received unpleasant remarks from my sil about our family size. She's an ass, though, so I just pretend she doesn't exist.:D I grew up with 11, and my mom had the nervous twitch to prove it. My sister vowed to only have one as a result of the trauma, which she did. I wanted three, but one is what we got, at least so far... I just want to tell you, that as a Mom of 5, there are absolutely times I envy you! And, as much as I detest unpleasant remarks about my family size, I feel the same way about folks taking a shot of parents of only kids. Just wanted you to know. *mwah* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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