This was my realization today... aka... come feel sympathy for me!

[staceyobu]

I went to a LLL meeting this morning. The most kids anyone had was two and the oldest of those kids was barely three. I felt like the moms were so idealistic. Their babies look like they might cry, so they cosleep and breastfeed and carry them in slings. They meet their child's every need. They use cloth diapers and practice baby led weaning. It's a great world. You feel like an awesome parent because you *know* you are doing everything for your baby.

 

Then, I came home. My three month old is screaming in the swing while my 2nd grader gets all of her math problems wrong because she is just filling in random answers while poking her brother with a pencil. My 5 year old throws the hugest fit ever because I ask him to eat a turkey and cheese sandwich for lunch and he HATES turkey and HATES cheese and HATES bread AND HATES that I won't just let him eat doritos for lunch. My 3 year old is busy pooping in her underwear while playing outside in the mud with a scarf a friend bought me OVERSEAS! My 7 and 5 year olds seem to have bad attitudes about most things in life and my 3 year old has destroyed my house....

 

I don't know. I just felt sorta depressed. Like, I remember thinking I was that awesome mom... and now my kids aren't the obedient, angelic, smart people I thought they would be. All the cloth diapers and breastmilk in the world didn't give my 7 year old a good attitude about math. Sleeping with my 5 year old for his first two years of life didn't make him obedient.

 

Maybe parenting is just harder than I thought it would be! Or, maybe it's just one of those days?

[susancollins]

I am sure you are doing great! It must be one of those days!!! :grouphug::grouphug:

[TranquilMind]

I don't know. I just felt sorta depressed. Like, I remember thinking I was that awesome mom... and now my kids aren't the obedient, angelic, smart people I thought they would be. All the cloth diapers and breastmilk in the world didn't give my 7 year old a good attitude about math. Sleeping with my 5 year old for his first two years of life didn't make him obedient.

 

Maybe parenting is just harder than I thought it would be! Or, maybe it's just one of those days?

 

YES! It is MUCH, MUCH harder than I ever thought it would be! That perfect child thing sure doesn't last too long. Fortunately, they give you a few more good moments along the way! They do seem few and far between some days.

 

Sorry you had a bad day! I usually find that when one day is horrible beyond belief, the next day is a great improvement.

[SorrelZG]

It is hard. It does take a lot more than those things and those things are great only so far as they go. Character and relationships aren't decided by bottle/breast, co-sleep/not, Pampers/cloth, sling/stroller decisions. It's embarrassing to admit but it took me a little while to be able to look past certain decisions and focus on what was really important.

[Melissa in Australia]

:grouphug:

[Catherine]

I'm very sympathetic. I do think that parents of babies can "rest on their laurels" when they believe they've done everything right for their 3 year old. It is SO much harder to continue being a good parent with older children!! You just ran into a group that is at a different stage from yourself. Hugs to you. It will be better tomorrow.

[melik]

I was that parent with the plan and perfect children.....Now.......Nope! Just like you. House is always chaos! Children are oftern dirty and I am barly scraping by sometimes! Thank you for sharing so I don't feel like the only one!

 

Meli

[Caitilin]

Oh, one of those days? You mean the ones where those children I thought I had have been replaced by the flying monkeys from the wizard of Oz? Yeah, I hate those days--had one yesterday. I told the flying monkeys I was going to take up drinking--professionally. :lol:

 

Feel better, mama! Tomorrow is another day.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[mom31257]

I think it's hard, and I only have two kids that are 6 years apart in age. Don't feel bad or compare yourself to them! :grouphug: I'm sure you are doing a great job. Kids are people just like us, and none of us will ever be perfect. There is no formula to raising a perfect child, and if a group presents it like there is, they are way off base.

 

I find that support groups like that only lead to people putting their best faces forward and rarely showing what's truly going on in their lives. It is an atmosphere that just creates prideful people who think they are doing everything right or depressed, guilty people who think they aren't. I tried attending a LLL meeting when I moved here, and didn't go much because of some of the same things. Everything in that group was about food and food allergies at the time. It seemed that food allergies were the reason for everything thing a child does wrong.

 

If you aren't getting the kind of support you need, I'd quit going or find a different group. If I had as many kids as you and had a chance to leave the house, I'd get more emotional recharging from going to Starbucks and relaxing with a good book than from going to a parenting meeting! LOL!

[Hockey Mom]

Ha! Wait until they start talking in full sentences and giving you their dissertations on why they HATE turkey and cheese sandwiches! ;)

 

We've all been there. :grouphug:

 

I was watching an old home video of my boys when they were 18 months and 2.5 years old the other day. They were so sweet and lovey...at 8 and 9 years old? Only on their terms. lol

[2_girls_mommy]

I had a love/hate relationship w/my LLL group. I needed it because I was a nurse on demand/ semi co sleeping mom. And it is hard because most of the world thinks that you are nuts. I needed that group at the time.

 

But I wasn't cloth diapering, sling wearing, anti dr. or vaxing and all of that like they were. I don't care that they were. I just wasn't and they liked to bad mouth all of the stuff that either didn't matter to me, or that I had really thought long and hard about and made an informed decision about.

 

But I still went. My kids are not perfect either :)

[rwjx2khsmj]

Maybe parenting is just harder than I thought it would be! Or, maybe it's just one of those days?

 

:iagree::grouphug:

[LibraryLover]

I can relate to chaos! I had 3 in under 6 years

 

 

It's not easy at all. Nothing ever really goes right. But those times with other moms and my babes are good mostly nice memories.

Edited August 22, 2012 by LibraryLover

[Stayseeliz]

That sounds a lot like my days. Parenting is harder than I thought and those days come all too frequently. Hang in there! Not every day is like today!

[Desert Rat]

I always say that parenting sure doesn't look like it did in the brochures. I want my money back.

[HappyCrazyMama]

I have days like that, often it seems! The more kids I have the less I know about parenting.:) Tomorrow is a new day.:)

 

ETA- If it makes you feel any better my 5yo peed on his sister today.:glare: He was nursed on demand and co-slept.:tongue_smilie:

Edited August 22, 2012 by Happyhomemama

[Heather in WI]

:grouphug: Sorry you're having such a rough day. I think we've all had days like this. I hope you're able to relax and be encouraged.

[Canadianmumof5]

Oh, one of those days? You mean the ones where those children I thought I had have been replaced by the flying monkeys from the wizard of Oz? Yeah, I hate those days--had one yesterday. I told the flying monkeys I was going to take up drinking--professionally. :lol:

 

Feel better, mama! Tomorrow is another day.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

:iagree:

Said better than I could have said.

Tomorrow will be better.

As heard on a Dora episode this afternoon, "after it rains, the sun always comes out ".......

:grouphug:

[shanvan]

I have a solution for you..... come teach at the local co-op where I taught years ago. I guarantee you will come home, take a look at your kids (doing all the horrific things you described), and see nothing but halos and wings. Home with your own children will feel like heaven......and that, for me, was the most beneficial thing I got from those co-ops. :D

 

ETA: I'm sorry you had one of those days. I know someone here will pass along the rose colored glasses, magic wand, bunny slippers, and chocolate so you will feel better soon.

Edited August 22, 2012 by shanvan

[kb44]

:grouphug: It sounds to me like you are a wonderful mom. The kids feel secure enough to express themselves to you, and are free to express themselves in the other things they do! To me, a family of chaos, and yes, love is better than an ideal..which won't hold out!

[Colleen]

I remember thinking I was that awesome mom... and now my kids aren't the obedient, angelic, smart people I thought they would be.

 

Give it 10 years and you'll look back at these days fondly.:)

[ondreeuh]

I made a friend who was always so inspirational to me. She had wonderful ways of dealing with her 4-5 year old, very creative approaches to discipline that were gentle and respectful (she was a hardcore attachment parent). I heard lots of stories about projects they did together, and it sounded like she was raising an amazingly well adjusted kid. Then I spent a weekend with her family and met her darling child, who was honestly pretty miserable. I'm not saying her parenting caused him to be so dissatisfied with life, but he definitely wasn't any happier than children raised with my "conventional" parenting techniques. He whined, demanded, and tantrumed more than my own kid, and that's saying a lot.

[redsquirrel]

little babies have little needs, like nursing and co-sleeping and being in a sling held your heart.

 

12 year olds OTOH.......:001_huh:

 

:lol:

[justLisa]

OH yes. We have all stepped off of our high horse at one time or another. Just smile at them, and think to yourself, "you don't know what's comin.";)

 

It is all relative right? How do we know this is what it turns out to be? I have had a crazy toddler, and a new baby nursing. I never thought is would be the way it was. It is hard. You just deal. Sooner or later you will be able to pass down a whoooole lotta widsom ;)

 

And some will listen, some will not. We have to experience these things.

 

Chin up. You are doing fine.

[BakersDozen]

All the cloth diapers and breastmilk in the world didn't give my 7 year old a good attitude about math. Sleeping with my 5 year old for his first two years of life didn't make him obedient.

I love this!! I was just talking with another mom who is the polar opposite of me (I'm not AP, she is) and we both agreed that in the end it probably won't be where our babies slept or what went in their bellies (these are generalizations, of course) that is the ultimate determination in how our dc turn out. I am so relieved because oh, the pressure to do things a certain way in hopes of a good outcome!

 

The more kids I have the less I know about parenting.

Isn't this the truth? If I held any ideas of knowing what I am doing, my preteens/teens were quick to squash that last bit of "knowledge" I thought I had.

 

Parenting is hard and it is humbling. There are no magic formulas and no guarantees, especially not based solely on a parenting philosophy/style. We try our best, we mess up, we go on, and we hope things all come out right in the end.

[UnsinkableKristen]

All the cloth diapers and breastmilk in the world didn't give my 7 year old a good attitude about math.

 

 

:lol::lol::lol: This seriously made me laugh out loud. I might have woken up both the dog and the baby :D.

[Plucky]

I made a friend who was always so inspirational to me. She had wonderful ways of dealing with her 4-5 year old, very creative approaches to discipline that were gentle and respectful (she was a hardcore attachment parent). I heard lots of stories about projects they did together, and it sounded like she was raising an amazingly well adjusted kid. Then I spent a weekend with her family and met her darling child, who was honestly pretty miserable. I'm not saying her parenting caused him to be so dissatisfied with life, but he definitely wasn't any happier than children raised with my "conventional" parenting techniques. He whined, demanded, and tantrumed more than my own kid, and that's saying a lot.

 

I remember thinking about taking a parenting class at our old church by the youth leader and his wife. They sounded so knowledgeable! Just before I committed I ran into her at the grocery store. Her 8 year old yelled at her and hit her in front of me and the mom apologized to her dd and comforted her (no special needs either). I was a bit startled and I didn't take the class.

[Plucky]

I went to a LLL meeting this morning. The most kids anyone had was two and the oldest of those kids was barely three. I felt like the moms were so idealistic. Their babies look like they might cry, so they cosleep and breastfeed and carry them in slings. They meet their child's every need. They use cloth diapers and practice baby led weaning. It's a great world. You feel like an awesome parent because you *know* you are doing everything for your baby.

 

Then, I came home. My three month old is screaming in the swing while my 2nd grader gets all of her math problems wrong because she is just filling in random answers while poking her brother with a pencil. My 5 year old throws the hugest fit ever because I ask him to eat a turkey and cheese sandwich for lunch and he HATES turkey and HATES cheese and HATES bread AND HATES that I won't just let him eat doritos for lunch. My 3 year old is busy pooping in her underwear while playing outside in the mud with a scarf a friend bought me OVERSEAS! My 7 and 5 year olds seem to have bad attitudes about most things in life and my 3 year old has destroyed my house....

 

I don't know. I just felt sorta depressed. Like, I remember thinking I was that awesome mom... and now my kids aren't the obedient, angelic, smart people I thought they would be. All the cloth diapers and breastmilk in the world didn't give my 7 year old a good attitude about math. Sleeping with my 5 year old for his first two years of life didn't make him obedient.

 

Maybe parenting is just harder than I thought it would be! Or, maybe it's just one of those days?

 

Sounds about right. I was rather idealistic in the beginning, too, maybe I still am in some ways. Being realistic, pragmatic, and flexible though is essential to surviving it all. :lol:

[Sara in AZ]

I didn't read all the replies, but your post made me laugh because I can so relate! I was that perfect LLL mom for about two years...until I had my second child. And I often feel like it's all been downhill from there. I am becoming a worse and worse parent as time goes by. Particularly trying was right after my fourth was born and I was still nursing my two year old who thought she was the baby. It sounds like you're in newborn land. Hang in there. The sun will come out eventually!

[Soror]

It is lot easier to be a "perfect" mom when you just have little ones or one or two. Then life happens and you realize that perhaps a lot more is there personality rather just your stellar parenting skills. I just keep trying to do my best and then I start over every day!

[ktgrok]

I went to a LLL meeting this morning. The most kids anyone had was two and the oldest of those kids was barely three. I felt like the moms were so idealistic. Their babies look like they might cry, so they cosleep and breastfeed and carry them in slings. They meet their child's every need. They use cloth diapers and practice baby led weaning. It's a great world. You feel like an awesome parent because you *know* you are doing everything for your baby.

 

Then, I came home. My three month old is screaming in the swing while my 2nd grader gets all of her math problems wrong because she is just filling in random answers while poking her brother with a pencil. My 5 year old throws the hugest fit ever because I ask him to eat a turkey and cheese sandwich for lunch and he HATES turkey and HATES cheese and HATES bread AND HATES that I won't just let him eat doritos for lunch. My 3 year old is busy pooping in her underwear while playing outside in the mud with a scarf a friend bought me OVERSEAS! My 7 and 5 year olds seem to have bad attitudes about most things in life and my 3 year old has destroyed my house....

 

I don't know. I just felt sorta depressed. Like, I remember thinking I was that awesome mom... and now my kids aren't the obedient, angelic, smart people I thought they would be. All the cloth diapers and breastmilk in the world didn't give my 7 year old a good attitude about math. Sleeping with my 5 year old for his first two years of life didn't make him obedient.

 

Maybe parenting is just harder than I thought it would be! Or, maybe it's just one of those days?

 

This is why they say "ignorance is bliss". We all knew so much when our kids were little :)

[Mommyfaithe]

I have days like that, often it seems! The more kids I have the less I know about parenting.:) Tomorrow is a new day.:)

 

ETA- If it makes you feel any better my 5yo peed on his sister today.:glare: He was nursed on demand and co-slept.:tongue_smilie:

 

:D

 

:grouphug:

 

Yep.....motherhood should come with a helmet and a cape!

 

There is no secret formula.....

[Kathryn]

Like others, I relate. Before I had children, I had grand plans. When I had just a baby, I was hyper-focused on baby things and how incredibly important it was to do everything exactly right or he'd be screwed for life. As I had another and they both grow, I'm relaxing and realizing that their personalities are theirs regardless of some of my decisions. And I know I still have a long way to go on this journey.

[momto10blessings]

AH, yes, I remember when I had 2 kids and the world seemed perfect! Such sweet angelic babes they were. I hold on to those memories because life will probably never be so calm and perfect again, BUT I wouldnt trade this life for anything else. I can't imagine if I had not had my other 6 kids. How boring would life be?

[fairfarmhand]

It is hard. It does take a lot more than those things and those things are great only so far as they go. Character and relationships aren't decided by bottle/breast, co-sleep/not, Pampers/cloth, sling/stroller decisions. It's embarrassing to admit but it took me a little while to be able to look past certain decisions and focus on what was really important.

 

 

 

I'm very sympathetic. I do think that parents of babies can "rest on their laurels" when they believe they've done everything right for their 3 year old. It is SO much harder to continue being a good parent with older children!! You just ran into a group that is at a different stage from yourself. Hugs to you. It will be better tomorrow.

I think God sent me my oldest to keep me humble.

[Momof3littles]

I totally understand!! :grouphug:

[dbmamaz]

When I joined my local attachment/natural parenting group, my youngest was 3, and most of the moms in the group had 1 child under the age of 2. They were all so judgmental and high-in-the-sky idealistic any time i mentioned a discipline issue and it was driving me NUTS . . . then a few years later they all had another kid and started to really struggle . . and i admit i felt kinda smug about it!

 

Life is hard. When we are young we think we can do it 'right' and it will be easy. But thats the only reason we are foolish enough to start a family, cuz we have no idea how hard it really is.