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Driving our oldest dd to college...Is this normal?


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Monday we are driving our oldest dd to the college of her dreams. It has been a long homeschooling haul and I can't believe that after tomorrow she is going to be just.....gone.

 

After I moved out to go to college, I never lived at home again. I saw my parents 2-3X a year after that.

 

Barring yearly Summer camp for a week, and one week long trip to NY, I have seen this child's face and heard her voice every day for 18 years, 2 months, 5 days and 9 hours (give or take.)

 

I can't say I enjoyed hearing her voice everyone of those days (years 13-15 were particularly bad) but now the thought of not hearing it in the morning is making me sick to my stomach.

 

I know this is what we have been working so hard toward, but it is killing me. I did my best to get her ready, but I feel as if a part of me is being ripped away.

 

We leave on the 12-hour trek tomorrow at 3am, an I haven't even packed yet. I am pretty sure that is not me subconsciously not wanting to go that is me consciously saying, "No! Don't go!"

 

Thanks for listening; everywhere else I have to put on my happy, excited face and it is wearing thin,

 

Amber in SJ

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Oh mama :grouphug: You made me cry. I'm sorry it's so hard, but congratulations on growing a great human being all the way to the finish.

 

ETA: A family member with a daughter about to head for college too posted this on Facebook recently.

 

FirstDayofSchool_07.jpg

Edited by Sweet Morning Air
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We're driving our oldest to college on Thursday. :crying:

 

She did the 2+2 community college / university plan so she's entering as a Junior, but it will be her first time leaving the proverbial nest.

 

She'll be 4 1/2 hours away from home and in a dorm for the first time.

 

She's excited and nervous -- and so are we.

 

It will definitely be an adjustment, that's for sure!

 

:grouphug: :grouphug:

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My then 17 dd went about 3 to 3.5 hours away to college last year. It was hard (and I had lost my mom the month before), but with FB and texting I still felt connected to her. She was also able to come home on breaks and was glad to spend time with us. I'm with you, when I left home...I left home. I think it may be a bit different with our children. At least it has been so far with this one. ;)

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My then 17 dd went about 3 to 3.5 hours away to college last year. It was hard (and I had lost my mom the month before), but with FB and texting I still felt connected to her. She was also able to come home on breaks and was glad to spend time with us. I'm with you, when I left home...I left home. I think it may be a bit different with our children. At least it has been so far with this one. ;)

 

I'm so grateful for the new technology!!

 

My daughter set up Skype on my computer yesterday so we can video chat while she's away at college.

 

What will they think of next?

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Video chats are fabulous. My dd's laptop already had a webcam built-in, but I had to buy one for my desktop. It really is nice to be able to video chat. We use gmail for it because we both have gmail accounts.

 

My dd is a lot closer than yours, just 3.5 hours away if the traffic is good (although it was 6 hours once on a particularly nightmarish day). Last year I drove up 1x/month and we also flew her home for Thanksgiving. This year she has a car, so things will be a lot easier. She can drive up for the weekend any time she likes and if she ends up dropping the one class that meets on Fridays (she deliberately signed up for one more class than she needs to take so she can drop one in the first two weeks), then she can have even more time at home. Right now she plans to come back home over Labor Day weekend, just one week after classes start. We'll be going up there in early October for her great-grandmother's birthday. She'll probably drive home for the weekend in late October or very early November and she'll also drive home for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

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:grouphug:

 

I think about this already, and my oldest is just 11. I was only 2 hours away for college, so I came home for weekends several times a year, but I ended up never coming home for summers or any period longer than winter break once I left. I hope my kids want to come home summers at least, to ease me into them being gone.

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:grouphug: Try to think of it as the start of a new relationship. Relationships with your adult children can be wonderful.

 

It's different for everyone really. I went to college 5 hours away from home, and went home often on weekends and always on holidays. I lived home for a few months between graduation and my first teaching job, which was out of state. Eventually though, I moved back to the same city and saw my mom often. The situation with us and dss is similar. He and his wife live about 30 minutes away, and while we don't see them as often as we'd like due to their crazy work schedules (firefighter and ER nurse), we still talk or text often.

 

Try not to assume it will be the same with your dd as it was with you and your parents. Twelve hours is quite a haul, but try to cultivate a good adult relationship with her, and even if she ends up living far away, your contact will probably be regular.

 

Still, it's hard. We know our job is to raise confident, independent people, but we don't want to let our babies go. So again, :grouphug:

 

ETA: Video chats make separations easier than in the past.

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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Such a bittersweet time, exciting to see what is ahead for her, and knowing your own life will never be the same. My dd is beginning 12th grade, and I've been very conscious of the fact that my time with her is short. I can't imagine what it will be like when she goes off on her own life. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

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:grouphug::grouphug: I understand. I felt that way three years ago when my eldest left. I just kept reminding myself that THIS is what all my hard work was for! I didn't raise her to stay home. I raised her to spread her wings and FLY! She is a junior this year (with a serious boyfriend! Add THAT to the mix! :lol: ) and I'm SO PROUD OF HER!! She's doing it!

 

These are hard hours/days, but you are entering a new chapter of life with her. It will be less parent/child and more you the mentor/encourager as you watch her ride without training wheels again! :)

 

Have a good, long cry in the shower and then be excited with her for what is next! The best is yet to come!!! :grouphug:

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:grouphug: we'll all be thinking of you tomorrow. when my dh's youngest sibling left for college dfil took dmil to paris. she says it helped.

 

for our first one, i didn't cry until we said goodbye at the college, and then dh took me back to where we were staying to eat baguette and pate. (the closest thing we could manage to paris and still pay for dd's college :lol:).

 

for the second one, i just cried all the time. somewhere inside me i knew she wasn't ready and that made it much harder. we've all recovered from the following few years, but all the baguette and pate in the world wouldn't have helped.

 

for the next two, which are the last two, all bets are off. last night dh said to me, "so, paris, or shall we just move to wherever they are?" and we still have four years to go before we need to face that!

 

:grouphug:

ann

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I can't say I enjoyed hearing her voice everyone of those days (years 13-15 were particularly bad) but now the thought of not hearing it in the morning is making me sick to my stomach.

We are a few years away from anyone leaving the house (I hope!) but already I find myself fighting tears and feeling sick to my stomach at the thought of any of my dc being gone. My oldest was gone for 2 weeks this summer and I cried...a lot.
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My oldest is a junior in college with a serious girlfriend. He is thinking that he may propose next summer. Leaving him at college seemed to be a natural progression- a goal realized.

 

I left my second ds at college this weekend. Fortunately, he is going to the same college as his older brother, but, for many reasons, the second ds was definitely harder than the first.

 

Harder because- At this point he is unlikely to ask me for any assistance or advice. Unlike his brother he really does need to figure things out on his own to feel successful and now he is in a position where that is really going to matter.

 

Harder because- he marches to the beat of the music in his head. He is just his own man and, unlike many young adults who say that they don't care what others think while clinging to some particular group of people, he really does what he thinks is best without any care for the opinions of others. So, I am fearful about him being an outsider.

 

Harder because- my 2nd ds was such a momma's boy in that as an infant and toddler he loved to be held and loved on. My oldest was never that way. My oldest is my mirror. I see what he is thinking. My second is my heart and my sunshine and yesterday I left that part of me over 4 hours away. :crying:

 

:grouphug: Mandy

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Nah, it didn't bother me that much. After my oldest left for his LDS mission and I didn't lay eyes on him for two whole years, college was piece of cake. :lol: Actually, the mission wasn't that hard either. The time went by really fast.

 

And honestly...the college kids come home. A lot. And they call and text and email and I really don't have time to miss them.

 

My dd leaves Wednesday for her sophomore year in college and honestly, I'm so happy for her. She absolutely loves it there and it's really where she belongs and what her father and I have been working for all these years. She's at the best possible place she can be doing the best possible thing she can do. Why would I want her home?

 

And your dd is a grown-up now and doing exactly what she needs to be doing....leaving the nest and building her own life. Be brave and let her fly!!! :)

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This is our second one to head off and no - it doesn't get any easier.

 

:grouphug:

 

:iagree:

 

With 2 in college I can only say that phone calls, letters, care packages and the fact that they still call and *need* me or want my advice helps, but it is still very lonely without my girls at home.

:grouphug:

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Amber in SJ: Monday we are driving our oldest dd to the college of her dreams. It has been a long homeschooling haul and I can't believe that after tomorrow she is going to be just.....gone.

 

After I moved out to go to college, I never lived at home again. I saw my parents 2-3X a year after that.

 

Barring yearly Summer camp for a week, and one week long trip to NY, I have seen this child's face and heard her voice every day for 18 years, 2 months, 5 days and 9 hours (give or take.)

 

I can't say I enjoyed hearing her voice everyone of those days (years 13-15 were particularly bad) but now the thought of not hearing it in the morning is making me sick to my stomach.

 

Wow, can I relate to the bolded. But I can also relate to the whole post because my daughter -still in high school- has moved into a dorm to attend a gifted school that we thought was best for her. I miss her and I had to release control of an under-16 year old, which has been really hard. But we just pray every day that God has it under control.

 

Yes, very normal. I still have one at home but need to be looking to the next chapter.

Edited by TranquilMind
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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

This was me last year. It was so hard to have ds away at college. But he was able to come home often so that helped. This year it was easier. Always going to be hard but it does get a little easier as time goes on. Texting and phone calls and Skype can help a lot. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

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Yes, Praise the Lord for cell phones! Our dd (who will be celebrating her 21st b-day at college on Wednesday) left on a flight to MO this morning. She starts her junior year tomorrow. I am so happy for her. She went to CC for one year, did on-line school while interning for a missions organization last year and now, the Lord has given her the desire of her heart, to physically attend a Christian university. She's so excited about it that I can't be sad, just so happy for her and thankful for Skype and texting!:)

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We left with oldest two years ago. He rarely calls now and is enjoying life tremendously. He's also engaged to be married... I'm happy for him, but I definitely miss our "family time" we had for the 18 years he was with us.

 

Middle son leaves on Wednesday. I think he'll stay in contact more as he always has throughout life. I'm really going to miss him, but I remain happy for him.

 

Youngest can't wait to leave (2 years) and will be more like oldest.

 

At that point we'll really be at a different stage in our lives. We think about it almost daily now - esp so close to middle son leaving.

 

I'm REALLY glad we took the time to travel together and experience things together. We have oodles of fond memories - all of us.

 

Hubby and I looked through pics last night - it was fun reminiscing, but sniff, sniff...

 

I distinctly remember my mom crying when she dropped me off at college - yet I was so happy. I truly understand her feelings now - and I try to be happy for my guys + plan for our different stage in life. It's all I can do.

 

And I remain thankful that we took the time and money, etc, to enjoy spending time with our family as they went through the years.

 

Seize the day! (The rest is small stuff...)

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We are making that drive in two and a half weeks. :auto: This is our younger/last dd to leave. I am happy/sad/happy/sad all the time.

 

Excited because she was able to attend her dream school do to some serious scholarship work. yay! Sad that she will be gone and we will no longer have any kids at home. Sad because she does not currently intend to return home except for occasional visits (does not plan to move home in the summer).

 

So far I have consoled myself by taking in cats (rescues), but I really really need to stop that now. :001_smile:

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