Please give me your thoughts on concerns about having a 2nd child given my age (37)?

[Canadianmumof5]

Well i am pregnant with#5 and we found out the week before my 40th birthday :)

 

Age is a state of mind. If you are healthy and you both want an addition to your family - then don't let your age be a barrier!!!

 

I had #4 just after I turned 38 :)

[oneddmanybooks]

I had my first child at your age. Go for it.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

[KrissiK]

I have five children. They are all adopted, so I can't speak to pregnancy at your age, but.... I'm 44 and my oldest is 9 and my youngest will be 2 in October. Yes, I get tired a lot more easily than I probably would have if we'd started 10 years ago, but we married late. But, I'm just not that worried about how old I'll be when..... I mean, when we're gone, the kids will have each other and they'll have grown up with loving parents and in the long run, it doesn't matter how old we were. They'll (hopefully) remember being loved and that's the most important part!

[StartingOver]

I had my first at 19 and 39 with my last. I say go for it. LOL

[JenC3]

Well since I just got a BFP today at 39, I say do it!

[Canadianmumof5]

Well since I just got a BFP today at 39, I say do it!

 

Congratulations :D

[JenC3]

Congratulations :D

 

Thanks!

BTW mine will be 9.5, almost 7, and almost 5 when the baby is born.

[WiseOwlKnits]

OK, I swore I'd never post on a thread like this again because I got slammed the last time I gave my opinion by a bunch of moms here who had children later in life. But you asked...

 

I don't think it's fair to the child.

 

I *am* the child of this situation. My mom was 38 when I was born. My father was 42. My sister was 8. It was terrible. My parents were always the old parents in the class. People asked me all the time if my mom was my grandmother and I got "the look" (of pity) when I told them she was my mom. Neither of them had the energy to do stuff with me. They were never the get-down-on-the-floor-and-play-with-me parents - they had been with my sister though. There are pictures of them skiing and on all sorts of trips when she was little. They were much more invested in what my sister was doing so she had opportunities I never had because they didn't want to start over at it.

 

I can remember my mom asking me to hold her knuckles in my hands when I was 6, 7, 8 because they hurt from arthritis and the warmth made them feel better. When she'd spank me, she'd tell me it hurt her more than me because of the arthritis in her hands. She was going through menopause right when I was entering puberty, which just makes for a bad mix! LOL! (My parents divorced when I was little and I never saw my father again so his age didn't impact me as much as hers.)

 

I lived in fear of my mom dying before I graduated high school, then college, then before she saw me walk down the aisle, and then before she saw her first grandchild. Part of that was because of the reaction I always received when people heard her age (Oh my Gosh, she's old!). In my head I connected that she was old and old people die soon. The other part of that was because she had (age related) major health issues. I actually turned down an ivy league grad school to go home after college graduation because she was having health problems and the doctors thought she was going to die from them. (She recovered and is still alive.)

 

Even now she's older than the grandparents of all of DC's friends. She's the age of their great-grandparents. My DC are her only grandchildren and she's now 72. (That makes me 34.) She doesn't have the energy to do anything with them at this point and mostly sleeps when she visits or when we visit (she lives about 16 hours away) and I feel like I've missed out on that parent-adult relationship that I always hear people talk about. And my children have definitely lost out on that grandparent relationship. They've asked more than once why grandma only wants to sleep, why she doesn't play with them, why she doesn't do anything like their friends' grandparents do, or like their other grandparents do.

 

As an adult, my sister and I get along just fine. As children, we both have always said we basically had only childhoods. Our worlds never intersected. She left for college when I was 10, fell in love with a guy who lived about 20 hours away and moved there to be with him.

 

It's a lot more socially accepted to have children "late" now there isn't the same stigma as I saw. But I still can't just tell you to go for it if you want my honest opinion.

 

I'll duck in preparation for the onslaught now.

Edited August 15, 2012 by Hill Country Classical Academy

[2squared]

I had my first baby at 28 and my last at 36. Dh was 32 and 40, respectively. A lot changed in those 8 years, and I will say that I never wanted to have babies after 35yo. I'm not sure why, that's just what was stuck in my head.

 

Do we worry about being older when our youngest is still at home? Sure. I worry about being an "old" mom now! I don't have as much energy or desire to do the toddler thing all over again, and he is definitely having a different toddler experience than my first. His toddler experience isn't worse, it's just different. He is probably loosing out on some things while gaining in other things, comparatively speaking. I have no desire to have another baby, but I am so very, very glad to have my little guy. He has been an immense blessing for our entire family.

 

With that said, I have young parents. They are 56yo and in the prime of their working years. We see very little of them b/c they are working and living their active lives. My IL's are 70 and we see them often - about one full day/month - and my kids have a very close, warm relationship with them.

 

I don't think there is a magic or perfect age to being a parent or grandparent. Some days I wish I had older parents, but if I did, I would probably wish for younger ones. :001_smile:

[Jeannie in NJ]

first of all age is really different for each person. I have known 35 year olds that just act old and 70 year olds that act young. My dc are adopted, I was 42 when we got dd and 44 for ds. I am going to be 59 in a few days and do not feel that age at all. I still do tons of stuff with my dc as does my dh. We take them to Disney and go strong with them there, we are still pretty active. I can still get down on the floor with my young grand nieces and nephew and plan to with future grandchildren. So far age has not stopped dh or me from doing things with our dc and their friends do not think of us as old (as far as we know) lol.

 

I no longer just jump up and down on the counters (too short to reach anything) as I used to do, I actually now drag a chair over to get things from the counter. So far, that is about my only concession to "old age".

 

So do not let fear of age stop you from having a baby if that is what you want.

[2squared]

The question is not....

 

to have a baby at 27 or 37 but....

 

to have a baby or not at 37

 

The answer to that question is easy. If you want another child, have one. I am sure your child won't be upset about existing, regardless of how old you are.

 

If the question was about whether to wait 10 years, then that is a completely different discussion.

[PaigeP]

I was born when my mom was 41. I was the caboose. I do remember her being a little grumpy during that menopause time (when I was about 11), but it passed and I never thought of her as being old. It worked out well for all of us.

Now she is an "old" grandmother, but my kids still adore her.

[bkpan]

Well, we had twins at 37yo, with a 3yo and a 1yo at home. Then, I had one on my 40th birthday, and #6 was born when I was 43yo! Soo, I am biased, lol!

 

I am grateful for each of them. All of them easy pregnancies until the last, which was still not too bad. I was beginning to feel a little older at that point. Now, at 48yo, I can tell that I am slowing down some, but all of the kids have each other, so I do not see it as a bad thing, just different. I sometimes miss not having the energy that I once had, and dh is feeling a difference in his energy level as well. But, every life choice, every situation, had good and bad aspects, right?

 

It is all in how and what we choose to be grateful for. As you said, you already know that you will not regret having a new family member. Each life is precious.

 

Kim

[ErinD]

I haven't had time to read all the other responses, but here are my 2 cents: My kids are 19, 11, and 4 so I know about gaps. I had our third at 37 because I just didn't feel "done" before that! The age gaps, if anything, have benefitted our family each time. There's no jealousy, no fighting over toys, and they are all very close despite the age gaps. If you want another child my vote is go for it!