Poll to follow. Taking the husband's last name upon marriage. Yes, no, other

[FaithManor]

I wanted to keep my maiden name, but A. I could tell he was a little disappointed, B. his father threw an unholy cow and made us miserable about it leading up to the wedding - yes, my FIL was a male-chauvenist-oinkus of the highest order and C. my very traditional parents appeared to be mortified that I was considering not taking his name though they didn't stink about it like FIL.

 

It was a nightmare for me. For one, no employee in the social security office would DO THEIR JOB. I am not joking when I say that it took 18 months and 12 trips (two hrs. each direction) to a SS office to finally get someone to actually do the work and process the name change. In that time, the bank would not allow me to sign anything for the joint checking account because the name for my #SS number did not match my new driver's license (which was changed just based on providing a copy of our marriage license). We got in trouble with the IRS because my driver's license was one name (apparently they check these things), the SS name was different, and they kept extending the deadline to get the SS# changed so they could process our tax return, but then the government wouldn't get it done and eventually they threatened penalties. In exasperation, I yelled at an IRS agent who finally realized I had reached my breaking point and HE called the social security administration and THAT's when they finally got it changed. It took another six months of demands to finally get a new card. Sigh....during that time, the bank was still a nightmare because the forms of ID allowed didn't have matching names. You don't want to know what I went through to get the name on my passport changed. It was nearly as bad.

 

My college charged me $50.00 to have the name on my degree changed - $50.00 that was hard to scrape up because dh was traveling for work and they weren't fully reimbursing his expenses. I worked some where at the time where I needed to have my diploma displayed and the administration required, of course, that the name I was using at school and the name on the diploma match. It took six weeks...a six weeks during which I was dogged every day by the school administrator wondering before my new diploma came.

 

It was crazy which didn't contribute good vibes to my adjustment. My maiden name was the name I had also done A LOT of performing under, so I had quite a bit tied up to that identity.

 

I've gently advised dd to keep her last name and not go through this with her professional licenses/government documents. Who knows how long it would take the state of Michigan to actually change things and she won't be quitting her medic job during that time. However, whatever she decides, no pressure from me. I did not appreciate all of the pressure when dh and I got married.

 

So, how many of you bees changed your name for your drone :lol: and who didn't? Who hyphenated and did you do "maiden -married" or "married - maiden"? Who opted to make up a completely new last name so both of you changed? :D Last but not least, the obligatory other because I'm sure there is something out there that I just haven't thought about and you'll inform me.

 

Faith

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I did not take his name. And then I did :lol: I kept my own for 10 years, then, during a sort of renewal period in our marriage, I decided to change it. Except, I sort of got stuck halfway through paperwork hell. I still have some more things to change.

[Farrar]

I really, really wanted to do a blended last name with dh, but he wasn't having it. Something about a guilt trip about there being so few people with his last name (his immediate family may be the only ones in the US). So, oh well. I kept mine. The kids have his. No big.

[Liz CA]

I was not sad to get rid of my maiden name which is Czech and not easy to pronounce. Had I hyphenated the names, it would have made a horrible mess because I already have a hyphenated first name but (for this reason) use my middle name on everything.

 

I also think it's nice when all members of a family have the same last name. I am very traditional and I am sticking to it. :D

I can see that it may make a difference if someone is well known by a certain name and name recognition is important in that business.

Edited August 14, 2012 by Liz CA

[Mommyfaithe]

I took his name. It was easier....and prettier....and went with my first name better.

[Myeightkiddies]

I took my husband's. Back then it wasn't as common as it is now to hyphenate or keep the maiden name. It was really rare in our area at the time.

 

Nowadays, I sort of wished that I kept my maiden name. All the new ID rules related to homeland security make it desirable to do so. I have to drag around my "barely hanging on by a thread" marriage license anytime I do anything that requires proof of identification. I've had to do that a lot lately, so I am just that annoyed with the process.

[Caroline]

I used my maiden name professionally for a long time after we got married, but used my married name socially. Then I stopped working. When I returned to work, it was in a different industry, and I just used my married name. Officially, I use my married name. My grad school diplomas have my first middle maiden and married names on them.

[EducationX2]

I'm not married. But if and when I do get married, I won't be changing my last name.

 

DD has my last name. I'm starting a career under this name, and since there are no prospects on the horizon :lol:, I will hopefully be established under my maiden name, with publications and name recognition in my field.

 

But most important to me is that DD has my last name. I don't want her to be an outsider in her own family. If I get married and more children come along, we can figure out the issue of last name for them then.

[Jeannie in NJ]

I hated my last name and loved his last name so was very happy to change it. Also I was working for the goverment at the time and all I had to do was walk across the street from my office to change my name, so easy.

[Dobela]

I changed my last name to his. Saw no reason not to, and still don't mind really. I took his name, he moved near my family instead of his. I *think* that is a good trade LOL. We married in 1998 and I had no problems whatsoever with the name change - until last month. I bought a car the year before we met. After we married, at the advice of an attorney friend, I did the paperwork to get the name changed on the title (I was still making payments on it) to both of our names. We paid the car off in 2001. Last month we gifted the car to a friend and learned that the finance company terribly screwed up the title back in 1998, didn't catch the screw up, mailed it all messed up to me in 2001, and I didn't catch on until last month. The title is so messed up thanks to that name change that I have had to spend nearly $100 to get copies of lein releases, request a duplicate title, get someone to fill out an Affidavit of Alteration, provide copies of my marriage license, driver's license, go thru the local dealership to ask them to get involved because the finance company no longer exists....and I still don't have a correct title to give to my friends who can't get tags or drive the car legally until I can get this straightened out. All because I changed my name and wanted the name onmy car to match my married name. I should have just left it alone.

Edited August 14, 2012 by Dobela

[Frances]

Originally, we were going to hyphenate even though we both have fairly long last names. However, I had already published in academic journals under my name and within three months of the wedding we were going to be traveling for three weeks, moving for a summer job, and then moving again for grad school, so we decided all of the paperwork for both of us was just too much work.

 

In retrospect, I'm glad that we didn't go with a hyphenated last name. We both have classic ethnic names that we like and we used my last name for our son's middle name. I'm pretty sure no one else will ever have the same complete name as our son, which is nice, as his first name has turned out to be much more popular than it was when we chose it.

[redsquirrel]

Well, I wasn't a maiden, but I kept my own name. The boys have my name as well. Poor dh, all on his own, lol. Occasionally we try to get him to come over to our side.

[extendedforecast]

Other. I kept my name until oldest DD started school. It was then that it became important to me for everyone in our family to have the same name.

[Amber in SJ]

I was in college when we married and I was about to be the first person in my family to graduate. I had also heard so many horror stories about trying to change names at the university that it just wasn't worth it. I graduated with my maiden name. During those three years, I got used to Dh's last name so now I use my maiden name as one of my middle names and Dh's last name.

 

Dh's last name is two words so hyphenating wasn't really an option.

 

The kids also have two middle names. The middle name we gave them and my maiden name.

 

Amber in SJ

[besroma]

I took DH's name. I didn't consider anything else. I love sharing his name.

[Mama Geek]

I took my dh's last name, I had not completed college and had not worked in my field at that time. If either of those had been the case it might have been different. I have never had a problem because of the name change.

 

My SIL had an established name in her industry. She kept her maiden name.

[RoughCollie]

I tried to get DH to agree to taking my last name. He refused.

 

I said I'd keep my name, and he said he wouldn't marry me if I did that. He was serious. It means that much to him. So I took his name.

 

My maiden name is my middle name now, since I didn't have a middle name originally.

[justkeepswimming]

I changed my last name, but wish dh and I made up our own new last name together.

 

I will encourage my daughters to think long and hard about changing their last name... they're pretty attached to their maiden names as of now, so I will make sure they are aware they don't "have to" change it.

 

It would have been bordering on scandalous if I'd kept my name.

[dangermom]

Mine was messy. I was going to keep my maiden name, though I didn't care all that much about it really, so when everyone at church automatically started calling me by my husband's last name I didn't bother to correct anyone. I didn't get around to changing any ID or anything for years, but officially speaking I am now Felicia Cordelia Maiden Marriedlady--not hyphenated. As far as anyone IRL is concerned, they all call me by my married name.

[marbel]

I changed my name for both marriages. ;)

 

So I had my maiden name for 21 years, then a married name for 3, then back to the maiden name for something like 12 years, then a new married name. I'm sticking with this one. I do use my maiden name as my middle name.

 

I think I considered keeping my maiden name for the 2nd marriage for about 5 minutes. My mother was appalled by the idea. My husband didn't care. I didn't ask for any other opinions so don't know what my in-laws would have thought about it.

 

This is old-fashioned but I do like it that we all have the same last name. I will try very hard not to have an opinion about names if/when my kids marry.

 

I am puzzled by the desire for a completely new name for a married couple. I'm not against the idea; it's none of my business what other people do; I just don't get why people wouldn't want to take some of their family along with them into the future. So to speak. :)

[kokotg]

Kept my name. The plan was we were both going to change ours to both names (two words, no hyphen), but we....sort of never got around to it. We both have long and relatively hard to spell last names, though, so I'm glad we didn't, honestly. Kids have both names--mine then his--but mostly go by just his except on official documents.

 

I've never had any problems having a different name from DH and the kids, but my brother and SIL just refinanced their mortgage and report that everyone at the bank was terribly confused by THEIR different last names. "I think a couple of extra trees had to die for the extra paperwork because we have different last names," my brother told me. I guess I've been lucky?

[Gentlemommy]

I kept my maiden name for a very silly reason. I loathe going to the DMV and the social security office, so I never did. :001_huh: I know, I know, really dumb. When we first got married, I was a nanny, and never wanted to take my charges...But now I have my own three little kids and there is NO way I'm dragging everyone out to either one of those offices. :tongue_smilie: And so, for a while, until they are old enough that I don't have to take them, I'll keep my maiden name. I really would not have an issue AT ALL with taking his last name, I honestly don't care. I just have a strong aversion to government offices lol. :D

[Diane in CO]

DH suggested that I hyphenate my name when we got married and I liked that idea. I have never had any issues with taxes, driver's license etc.

 

For all practical purposes though I am Mrs. husbands last name...it is just simpler.

 

Diane

[ThisIsTheDay]

I was in my late 20s when I married. I had a unique last name that I'd wanted to keep. Dh was extremely unhappy. I caved in under a bit of pressure, and for a long time, I (silently) wished I'd kept my own name.

 

Fast forward twenty years. I see that I would have eventually changed my last name casually, although it probably would have been a hassle to do it legally. It's been easier to have the same last name as dh and our kids. In our social circles, the large majority of wives have the same last name as their husband. There are others who use their husband's last name socially, and I've been surprised to find out that they legally kept birth name.

 

It doesn't matter to me what my dd or my future dil does with their last names. I would be quite surprised, though, if ds wanted to change his last name. That's just too uncommon! (I don't think I know anyone who has done that.)

[Dustybug]

I kept mine for the first 5 years, but that was more because we moved a TON within that time frame and didn't have time to deal with all the paperwork, etc. that came along with the change. Once we settled down and didn't see a move coming in the immediate future, I changed it. Even before my name was legally changed, I went by my married name. My maiden was only on the bank account, etc.

[Unicorn.]

I took his name, but used my maiden name as my middle name. I changed my driver's license, but not my socail security card, and didn't have any problem getting a passport, and I didn't change my diploma. If I had to do it over, I would keep my maiden name. I still consider going back sometimes. One dd has already said that she is keeping her maiden name, because whoever he may be, doesn't own her. Smart girl! :D

[LunaLee]

I advised my dh prior our marriage 12 years ago that I would be keeping my maiden name. At the time he was ok with that. Now he's not. For some reason it's been really bothering him lately, I'm not sure why. I told him he should change his last name to mine since my dad has been more of a father to him than his ever was, but that didn't go over so well.

 

I didn't change my name because my brother and I are it. There are no more MAIDEN NAME's here in our line and my brother will not be having children (not necessarily a bad thing) so I wanted to keep it. Plus, name changes are expensive and I can always think of better things to spend the money on.

 

I still use his last name, but it not legal.

[Garga]

I took his last name, though we both kicked around the idea of making up a brand new name for the two of us. But we were somewhat terrified of the fits our parents and grandparents would throw. We were wimps back then!

 

I wish I hadn't taken it. I feel left out of my own family now. I greatly identified with my own family. My family used to say things like, "We're the Smiths. We do things the Smith way." And now I'm not a Smith anymore, and it makes me feel sad. I know I'm still a Smith in a sense, but somehow not having the Smith name makes me feel distant from them.

 

Also, growing up, it was just me and my mom and dad. Just we three. There was no other family. So, now that it's just the two of them, I feel like I abandoned my family. I don't think my parents feel that way, but I do.

 

Does that make sense?

[Kathryn]

I took his name. I never thought I would do it. My maiden name was an oddly transliterated Ukrainian name (odd in that of all the variations that immigration officials came up with, my grandfather was the only one in America to have this particular one). I always wanted to keep it. Then, one day, my mind just changed and I decided that it was more important to me to demonstrate our unity than my ethnic heritage. It still does smart sometimes as my married name is a very common British name. It was odd going from being the only one in America with my name to one of several in my city with the same name. I didn't want to drop my middle name as it was my grandmother's who died before I was born, so I changed my name by adding my maiden name as an additional middle name and I ended up correcting the transliteration and using the feminine ending.

[krisperry]

Other - I kept both my maiden and adopted his.

 

I never used my first name that I was given at birth. I was always called my middle name. So I dropped my first name, made my maiden name my new middle and then adopted his as my new last name.

 

So if I had been Betty Sue Smith marrying John Doe, my current name is Sue Smith Doe. :)

[kb44]

Happy/proud to have taken DH's last name. I had no legal problems, either. I think it makes it so much easier for us, as a family, to all have the same name. I loved my maiden name, and used it for the first name of my one and only daughter. ;)

[LucyStoner]

Other. Ultimately, he took my name. No this does NOT mean that I, as some rude family members have insultingly insinuated, "wear the pants" in the marriage. It does not mean we have some counter cultural matriarchy going on. My husband is masculine and, while we are both equalitarian minded feminists, we have a pretty traditional marriage and gender norms.

 

Here is what happened:

 

We get married.

 

It is important to me that we have the same last name.

 

It is important to him that we not have the same name as his seriously abusive dad.

 

We decide to both use both names. Our las name thus became: Mylastname Hislastname.

 

When our older son was born we decided not to give him 2 last names. Again, giving our son my husband's father's name was not acceptable to him. So our older son just had my family name.

 

At some point in the intervening years, we both stopped using his family name socially and on an increasin number of official documents.

 

My husband said he would really just like to get rid of it altogether. We have not done it on the passports/social security cards but nearly everything else is just all of us with my family name. Some of our newer friends are shocked to realize we even have another name.

 

My family name is exceptionally rare. His is also pretty unusual. Sometimes people who have known me since childhood will ask, when they see he has the same last name, if I married a man with the same name. I point out that chances are if I did that, I would be committing some form of incest. Never have met someone with my family name that is not on my family tree.

 

So that is my long winded "other"!

Edited August 14, 2012 by kijipt

[Murphy101]

I took my dh's name and am glad I did.

In fact, I rather lament not changing my entire name!

[OrganicAnn]

Technically I just added DH's last name on to my name.

 

Ann Middlename Maidenname Marriedname

 

but I go by Ann Marriedname.

 

It wasn't too much trouble to change my name. It did take a little doing getting everything changed over. I was older, but was surprising how quickly everyone got used to the change.

[lea1]

I was not sad to get rid of my maiden name which is Czech and not easy to pronounce. Had I hyphenated the names, it would have made a horrible mess because I already have a hyphenated first name but (for this reason) use my middle name on everything.

 

I also think it's nice when all members of a family have the same last name. I am very traditional and I am sticking to it. :D

I can see that it may make a difference if someone is well known by a certain name and name recognition is important in that business.

 

LOL....... and I switched from a relatively easy maiden name to dh's Czech last name that is misspelled and mispronounced by pretty much everyone.:tongue_smilie: I'm very traditional too.

[amyrobynne]

I took my husband's name even though it gave me the name of a nationally known attempted murderer that had been in the news recently (as of 2001 when I married). Also, my MIL kept her maiden name so it wouldn't have phased my IL's at all if I'd kept mine too.

 

I had spent my whole life looking forward to dropping my common-in-MN blah last name and I managed to fall in love with someone with a worse option.

 

To make it even more ridiculous, my maiden name was the same first-and-last as a winter Olympian around our wedding who that year carried the flag for the US and won medals in her fifth Olympics.

 

I considered hyphenating, but I'm not fond of hyphenated names and I really wanted our eventual entire family to share a last name. I very seriously considered using my uncommon middle name instead of my first or using both my first and middle when I introduced myself. I graduated from college, moved across the country, and started a new job within a few months of marrying, so it was a fresh start and I could have done it.

 

In the end, I went with the easiest approach that would allow everyone to share a name and I was pleasantly surprised by how infrequently people asked if I was THAT Amy. Now that another decade has passed, it's pretty rare that people bring it up.

[FairyMom]

I took my husband's name and proud of it. I feel more like a family. :)

[BrookValley.]

I kept my maiden name. I've never been able to wrap my brain around why people take their husband's names. I mean, I understand historical reasons, but because I'm pretty sure most folks don't view marriage as a property acquisition anymore, well, I don't get it. :tongue_smilie: It has been interesting to read people's reasons! The answer I usually get from friends is something like 'it's just what everyone does.'

[JennyD]

I took my husband's last name, which is a little odd in my social circle, but it meant a lot to him. I wanted to keep my maiden name as part of my name for professional reasons, though, so ever since we were married I have used Jenny Maidenname Marriedlastname. However, the state where we lived for most of our marriage requires a court order to change a middle name, and I figured I'd just wait and do that first before doing the last name, and ... well, 10 years out, I FINALLY just got the name I actually use on my driver's license (this state is a lot more relaxed, apparently) and that reminds me, I really need to go ahead and get my Social Security card changed, too.

[Crimson Wife]

I had a hyphenated maiden name which I unofficially had shortened to just my dad's last name when I started school because the hyphenated one was super-long. When I got married, I legally changed my middle name to my dad's last name and then took my DH's name.

 

Socially, I go by First Name DH's name. Professionally, I went by First Name Maiden Name DH's Name.

[WagsWife]

WOW! I would love to know when you got married. DH and I were married in 1992. I barely remember what I did to get a new SS card...I think it involved calling to get info, them sending me a form to fill out, me mailing it in (possibly with a copy of our marriage license?), and then a few weeks later the new card showed up in the mail. I KNOW it did not involve me going *anywhere outside my home. My name was put on DH's checking account within days of our marriage, with no issues at all. I can remember feeling extremely odd that both he and the bank handed his money over so easily!

 

I will encourage our girls to take their husbands name. I love having the same last name as my DH and our girls. I like that it symbolizes our family's unity.

[Violet Crown]

Took dh's last name, but didn't change it legally, as we were students and didn't want to deal with the university bureaucracy which had already proved itself unable to keep track of my paperwork with just one last name.

 

Changed it legally many years later when it became less convenient to have a social last name and a legal last name. Nobody noticed but the SSA and IRS.

Edited August 14, 2012 by Sharon in Austin

[Jenny in Florida]

I kept my maiden name when we got married. I felt connected to it, and I was working and didn't want the hassle of changing every form.

 

Plus, there are very, very few people with the exact spelling of my family's last name. When I visit genealogy websites and search on my maiden name, I literally recognize every person with the same name/spelling.

 

Ten years and two kids later, though, it felt weird that I was the only one who had a different name. And I felt more connected to our family, my family, than I ever had to my family of origin. (Plus, my son really hated that my name was different from his.)

 

It turns out that, while changing your name to your husband's is as simple as signing a piece of paper if you do that when you get married, it's not quite that easy if you wait a decade.

 

So, I went through the process of changing my name legally. It ended up being a wonderfully liberating experience, since I took the opportunity to adjust my first name and outright change my middle name (which I'd never liked). I ended up with a name I like that really reflects the adult I've become.

Edited August 14, 2012 by Jenny in Florida

[Bootsie]

I kept my maiden name. Surprisingly, my father, who had only daughters, wanted me to change my name. DH and I worked at the same university, in the same department. We didn't want the confusion of "which Dr. Lastname do you mean, the man or the woman..." all of the time. I didn't want to go by one name socially and another name professionally and have to remember how the individual whom I was talking to knew me to know which to use.

 

Our children have a hyphenated name. It is long and occassionally they ask if we will pay for them to legally change their name some day. But, most of the time they are happy to say that their is probably no one else in the world with the same name.

 

Generally, we all answer to whatever combination of last names people use for us.

[VeganCupcake]

I kept my name and I'm happy with that choice. I think most people figure out that DH and I belong together after a while, even though we don't have the same last name. The children have both our last names, but not hyphenated.

 

I was 30 when we married, had a career, and was just not interested in changing my name. DH doesn't have a problem with it. My mother, OTOH, does object every chance she gets! :lol: But it doesn't really matter what she thinks.

 

Sometimes DH gets called Mr. MyLastName, and sometimes I get called Mrs. HisLastName, but we politely correct and move on. We are an oddity around here, but I honestly, I like being a little unusual.

[Sugar Plum]

I kept my last name, and our kids have my last name instead of dh's. Dh says he has never regretted either choice, though it has made for some interesting conversations with people over the years as they've tried to discreetly ask if our 3 children that look exactly like him are actually his. We like it best when people come right out and ask, though once dh told someone he is SURE he is the father, but isn't sure who the mother is. :lol:

[TravelingChris]

We were married in 1986 and I kept my last name. He understood why I wanted to do so and since we think his last name was changed at Ellis Island and my last name hasn't been changed, it wasn't an issue. The children got four names- first, middle, second middle is his last name, last name is mine.

 

Not only has it not been a problem, it was an advantage when we moved to Belgium where all official documents are made with original names. My documents were one of the few for the Americans were my American name and my Belgian name were the same.

[Catherine]

I kept my name, kids have his. I anticipated awkward or difficult conversations with the kids. NOT one of them has ever asked about it, even once. Isn't that a little weird??

[DawnM]

I hyphenated and still went by my maiden name at work.

 

I was a school counselor and I loved it when students came back to find me years after graduation. I figured it was easier to find me if I kept the same name they knew me by.

 

Dawn

[m0mmaBuck]

I kept mine. I prefer mine but will answer to his when someone calls me Mrs. Hislastname (after I look around for my MIL). The kids have his last name.