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How do you use alone time without your DH & DK's?


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When your husband takes the kid(s) out for the day, do you consider it a day off for yourself?

 

When DH takes DS13 out for the day, DH seems to think that's my time to get housework done uninterrupted. :001_huh: To me, that is time for ME. Like today, DH and DS went to a baseball game. They've been gone since 10:30 this morning. DH's last words before he walked out the door were things he wanted me to do while he was gone. Not major things and nothing that would take an enormous amount of time; however, I find it irritating that he thinks just because I'm stuck home, I should be cleaning or doing something "useful." His first words once he's in the door are usually, "so what did you do today?" Not in a mean way, but he seems sort of put off if I don't mention having done something constructive.

 

ETA: I should say, I really don't have a problem standing up for myself if/when I feel like his opinions are over the line. He knows that if I feel like he's being intrusive or controlling, I'll bust out a 'tude. :tongue_smilie: Mostly, I'm just interested to know if you or your DH have any sort of spoken or unspoken expectation on how you use your time when he and the kids aren't around or if it's strictly whatever you want it to be.

Edited by contessa20
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If the house is messy at all, I will clean it so I can really enjoy my alone time. I hate sitting in clutter. But other than that, no. My alone time is for me to do as I want, UNINTERRUPTED. Some days I dream of just completing a thought.:glare: I love my kids dearly but I absolutely LOVE free, uninterrupted, alone time!

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Funny...I'm home alone contemplating what I should be doing. By default I'm here on the boards. I did throw in some wash and will check it soon. Of course I feel guilty for not going to the pool with them, but if I got interrupted one more time by 14yr old motormouth Ds I thought I might do something I'd regret. I had thoughts of cleaning the kitchen, making a list for vacation, finishing the dog grooming....but alas, I find myself here. :D

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I don't get time like that. If I did, I'd probably do a bit of each. I wouldn't tangle with the dishwasher, but I might tackle a larger project that I haven't had time for or can't do with everyone underfoot. I'd be sure to "find" plenty of time to read a book and enjoy some foods I like. Also, while doing said project, I'd be able to listen/watch something, that would be nice too.

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ETA: I should say, I really don't have a problem standing up for myself if/when I feel like his opinions are over the line. He knows that if I feel like he's being intrusive or controlling, I'll bust out a 'tude. :tongue_smilie: Mostly, I'm just interested to know if you or your DH have any sort of spoken or unspoken expectation on how you use your time when he and the kids aren't around or if it's strictly whatever you want it to be.

Mr. Ellie never, ever comments on what I do with my time. He's pretty smart like that. :D

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Honestly I would be the one scheduling housework or schoolwork for that time. But I am very goal oriented and have a hard time meeting my goals with the kids around. So while I would set some time apart for a nap or for reading a cozy mystery, I would primarily be trying to get some serious cleaning or planning done.

 

I am a lot like that too, Jean. I do tend to be somewhat productive, when I have time to myself because I don't like clutter and I need to be relatively organized in order to get things done. Having only one kid though, I tend to do just fine getting things done with him here. Actually, I tend to do more because he is able to help. :D

 

Today I was particularly motivated to get things clean since DS will be away all week and I will have the house to myself while DH is at work. I don't want to think about regular housework unless I have to.

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No, he doesn't say things like that. We both know in general what projects each of us has going and we try not to remind each other if we don't have to. If he is going away for the day with the kids, he'd probably expect me to get certain things done, and get some free relaxing time in too.

 

It's to his advantage, too, if I'm in a good mood when he comes home, kwim?;)

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When DH takes DS13 out for the day, DH seems to think that's my time to get housework done uninterrupted.

 

My dh knows better than to even hint at something like that. :glare:

 

In truth, if he said that he and ds were going somewhere and I replied that I was going to stay home and clean the house, we'd all end up spending the day in the ER, because my husband would laugh so hard that he'd swallow his own tongue. :tongue_smilie:

 

Really.

 

What I would actually do is waste most of my time trying to think of something fun to do, and then figure I'd just go online for a few minutes to check the WTM forums..... and then the next thing I knew, the door would open and dh and ds would be home.

 

Clearly, I do not excel at time management.

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My dh would not say something like that to me, but he knows that I ususally clean when I have time to myself lol. Perhaps next weekend you can take the kids and leave hm a list of things he needs to have done before you return. :001_smile: Maybe he will get the point if talking does not work. My dh knows not to expect anything from me that he does not want to have expected for him. :D

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ETA: I should say, I really don't have a problem standing up for myself if/when I feel like his opinions are over the line. He knows that if I feel like he's being intrusive or controlling, I'll bust out a 'tude. :tongue_smilie: Mostly, I'm just interested to know if you or your DH have any sort of spoken or unspoken expectation on how you use your time when he and the kids aren't around or if it's strictly whatever you want it to be.

 

I should have said in my earlier post, if there is any kind of expectation spoken or unspoken I am apparently oblivious.:001_huh: I do what I want. Any pressure or guilt to clean is all self imposed. Besides reading WTM boards I did finish most of the laundry and finished grooming the dog too while they were gone today.

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Perhaps next weekend you can take the kids and leave hm a list of things he needs to have done before you return. :001_smile:

 

Hahaha! Honestly, that wouldn't be a big deal here. DH does NOT know how to sit and relax. He is constantly in motion. I think he just thinks that everyone should be like him. In the summer he's outside all day (when he's home) mowing grass, picking weeds, working in the yard and garden etc. In the winter on his Fridays off when I was working, he would clean the house. As for me, I tend to be productive when he's gone but I do it QUICKLY. I usually bum around, goof off, do my own thing and then an hour or two before they're supposed to be home I get all the cleaning done. I just can't seem to do it the other way around. :tongue_smilie:

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Honestly I would be the one scheduling housework or schoolwork for that time. But I am very goal oriented and have a hard time meeting my goals with the kids around. So while I would set some time apart for a nap or for reading a cozy mystery, I would primarily be trying to get some serious cleaning or planning done.

 

:iagree: me too.

Dh would not tell me...he know!

When I want alone time....not related to stuff I HAVE to get done...I go somewhere else. Not home.

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My dh rarely takes the girls for the day, but he would definitely ask me what I got done if he did. But I know that is because he would get something done. My dh is a constant worker, so he sort of expects everyone else to be like him. He is starting to get used to the facthat I relax more. If I was planning on spending time for myself I would have to warn him ahead, then he could adjust his expectations.

 

It is frustrating at times, but I remind myself how great it is to have a dh who is such a hard worker, helps around the house etc...

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Hahaha! Honestly, that wouldn't be a big deal here. DH does NOT know how to sit and relax. He is constantly in motion. I think he just thinks that everyone should be like him. In the summer he's outside all day (when he's home) mowing grass, picking weeds, working in the yard and garden etc. In the winter on his Fridays off when I was working, he would clean the house. As for me, I tend to be productive when he's gone but I do it QUICKLY. I usually bum around, goof off, do my own thing and then an hour or two before they're supposed to be home I get all the cleaning done. I just can't seem to do it the other way around. :tongue_smilie:

 

My dh is like that, he's slowed down in the last few years though.

 

He makes no presumption about how I spend my free time, he knows better. Cleaning is not on my list of priorities if I am alone, heck, it's not even on my list of priorities when I'm not. :lol: We tend to be clean people for the most part anyway, so the only huge mess might be the dog hair.

 

My time is my time, he does not dictate to me about mine and I don't dictate to him about his. It works well that way.

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It would not be okay for dh to do that, either telling me what to do or asking me what I got done. He trusts me to handle our home and our dc, and I do so as I see fit. If there was a problem, he could tell me, but micromanaging me would turn things cold here, iykwim. ;) He does ask me to do things for him, of course, but he always gives me advanced notice, and I work it in when I can.

 

I have a certain amount of work to do, and it doesn't really matter whether dh and dc are here or not, I still go on as usual. When dc were younger, and they required constant care, dh would take them as a time for me to relax, though. I would usually use the time to clean anyway. :001_smile:

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