Mommyfaithe Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I am trying to get some outside activities together for my kids....however, I am NOT willing to give up MY gym time for THEIR sports or other activities. I have BTDT for years and years.....and I really don't see where my sacrifice of health and well being helped my kids character ONE BIT. Anyway....am I being selfish or is it ok to put my needs first for once? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 No, you're not selfish. Having read your posts for years and understanding a bit of where you're coming from, you deserve some time simply for yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I don't think you are being unreasonable or selfish. Although I would try every option under the sun to accommodate both my needs and the kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SJ. Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 If you are doing your best to schedule time for both then I think you are doing the right thing. If you refuse to workout at a different time, and you are able to do something at a different time, but you won't then not so reasonable. On the other hand if dh is able to take the children then there is no need for you to go with the children to a sporting event if you are already going to workout. IMO. :001_smile: Gym time = sanity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 You know... Being selfish isn't always a BAD thing. Some times, we really DO need to put ourselves first. It's one thing if you're buying Gucci and Prada, and the kids are starving. A whole 'nother thing if you're saying, no, I need this to be sane. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I think you need to put yourself first at this point. I think you've already sacrificed so much for so long that enough is enough. If it works out great, if it doesn't then as you said they will all survive. As is often said we have different seasons in life and this your current season. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 If you are selfish, then so am I :) I refuse to have a part time job that will require me to miss my morning runs... Just not going to happen! Nothing wrong with a little Me time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I give up gym time for my kids activities all the time. There is just not enough time in the day for me to fit it all in. I had a mother who 100% put herself first so that is where I am coming from. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I don't follow the thinking that kids' needs should always come first. There is enough entitlement in kids these days! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 There is a time and place for giving up me time, but if you are unwilling to do it it must be important. I have given up my time at the gym for the last several months because it meant leaving my 12yo dd at home and she was just on Pintrest the whole time and it was not good for her. I am going to find exercise for both of us this year. You need to do what you need to do. I would not feel selfish, there is a difference between self preservation and selfishness. Your health is important. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I am trying to get some outside activities together for my kids....however, I am NOT willing to give up MY gym time for THEIR sports or other activities. I have BTDT for years and years.....and I really don't see where my sacrifice of health and well being helped my kids character ONE BIT. Anyway....am I being selfish or is it ok to put my needs first for once? Absolutely not. You are setting a great example for them by exercising regularly. Your health should be a priority. Sounds like you are doing a great job leading by example! :thumbup1: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I gave up my time for them willingly when they were infants and young children - even giving up sleep for years (to some degree)! But my health suffered a lot from putting myself last. I have no problem now making my exercise a priority. The kids either exercise at the same gym with me or I drop them off early at their sport (a safe indoor place) and then pick them up when they and I are done later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 No, you're not selfish. Having read your posts for years and understanding a bit of where you're coming from, you deserve some time simply for yourself. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairyMom Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I am trying to get some outside activities together for my kids....however, I am NOT willing to give up MY gym time for THEIR sports or other activities. I have BTDT for years and years.....and I really don't see where my sacrifice of health and well being helped my kids character ONE BIT. Anyway....am I being selfish or is it ok to put my needs first for once? I admire you for standing up for yourself and carving out some time you can workout. It's important for you to get away and breathe. When are you able to do this? I need to make this time for myself, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I don't think you are being unreasonable or selfish. Although I would try every option under the sun to accommodate both my needs and the kids. I try to set up my kid's activities and then I plan my workouts around that. I've gotten very familiar with jogging or biking in the neighborhoods where my kids take classes. Their homeschool swim class pool has punch cards and I'd have 45 minutes to swim laps while they did their swimming class. My DH knows that when he's home that I will want to go work out on a regular basis. I don't do as well I should some weeks, but it's a fairly good compromise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted August 12, 2012 Author Share Posted August 12, 2012 I don't think you are being unreasonable or selfish. Although I would try every option under the sun to accommodate both my needs and the kids. THIS is my plan. I don't have a problem running around...or dropping off and picking up.....or even having a hectic schedule. I just need to stay on this track....I feel better now than I have in 20 years!!! I have been going to the gym 5 days a week....but only for an hour at a time and it is close to my house. I told dh it was cheaper than therapy:D. And has a nicer side effect....I look and feel better, my self esteem is higher, I am happier. When I am happier, I am more productive and nicer to everyone around me....:D This summer break from organized sports was great. We all desperately needed the break! Now, I feel like I am back in the saddle.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted August 12, 2012 Author Share Posted August 12, 2012 I admire you for standing up for yourself and carving out some time you can workout. It's important for you to get away and breathe. When are you able to do this? I need to make this time for myself, too. The gym has a class schedule....I mapped out which classes would work for me....and I force myself to go. My kids are old enough to be home for an hour or so....which is freeing after years. My kids were always too wild for the baby room:tongue_smilie:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I'll be the odd one. I think the kids sports/health needs should come first. I don't mean that mom shouldn't get to go to the gym, but I think mom should alter WHEN she goes. (Even if that means getting up and going at 5 in the morning or later in the evening.) I can't imagine not allowing my dc to enjoy a sport because I wanted to go to the gym at 4:30 when the dc's practice was held. I also can't imagine skipping their game because I have gymtime. Just me, I guess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted August 12, 2012 Author Share Posted August 12, 2012 I gave up my time for them willingly when they were infants and young children - even giving up sleep for years (to some degree)! But my health suffered a lot from putting myself last. I have no problem now making my exercise a priority. The kids either exercise at the same gym with me or I drop them off early at their sport (a safe indoor place) and then pick them up when they and I are done later. Jean, YOU were my inspiration!! I even tried Zumba:D. It was not pretty....but definitely fun! thanks for always being so open about your health struggles. Your openness has helped me find ways to help myself . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairyMom Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 The gym has a class schedule....I mapped out which classes would work for me....and I force myself to go. My kids are old enough to be home for an hour or so....which is freeing after years. My kids were always too wild for the baby room:tongue_smilie:. Mine are too wild also. I need to come up with something. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bugs Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 THIS is my plan. I don't have a problem running around...or dropping off and picking up.....or even having a hectic schedule. I just need to stay on this track....I feel better now than I have in 20 years!!! I have been going to the gym 5 days a week....but only for an hour at a time and it is close to my house. I told dh it was cheaper than therapy:D. And has a nicer side effect....I look and feel better, my self esteem is higher, I am happier. When I am happier, I am more productive and nicer to everyone around me....:D This summer break from organized sports was great. We all desperately needed the break! Now, I feel like I am back in the saddle.... :iagree: This is soooo important. If I don't get exercise at least 5 days a week my sleep suffers, causing me to eat more sweets, giving me a bigger hiney than I already have, making me grumpy. 1 + hours a day for you is not too much. Just as we encourage each other to model daily reading for our children, we should also model keeping ourselves healthy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 Anyway....am I being selfish or is it ok to put my needs first for once? No, you are not being selfish. YOUR health and well being affects the family far more than the convenience of any of your kids' outside activities. You are right to hold your ground. I really believe this is SO important that you take care of yourself so that you can then take care of everyone else!:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 It depends. If they desperately need your assistance and you refuse to give it, that's selfish. If it's just a question of not catering to their every wish and whim, you're not being selfish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 Made me think of the lesson on a plane. If the oxygen masks drop, make sure you get some first so you are capable of taking care of your kids. Don't give up what you need in order be a healthy, happy homeschool mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 Jean, YOU were my inspiration!! I even tried Zumba:D. It was not pretty....but definitely fun! thanks for always being so open about your health struggles. Your openness has helped me find ways to help myself . Way to go for trying Zumba! It is fun and for me that makes it easier to exercise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 Not selfish. Work to do both, but don't cut your gym time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I am trying to get some outside activities together for my kids....however, I am NOT willing to give up MY gym time for THEIR sports or other activities. I have BTDT for years and years.....and I really don't see where my sacrifice of health and well being helped my kids character ONE BIT. Anyway....am I being selfish or is it ok to put my needs first for once? nope. How many outside activities have you given up for them? Time for them to understand that MOM IS A REAL PERSON. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Definitely go to the gym and take care of yourself! You obviously do a lot for your kids. Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Not selfish. I joined the Y last week because they have water zumba! I've not taken a class yet, but I am so looking forward to that! I'm all for giving kids all the opportunities you can, but not at the sacrifice of mom's health, mental or physical. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdventureMoms Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Sometimes mom's needs need to come first. Especially if those needs help her to be a healthy productive human being. I try to make sure everyone's needs are met, but sometimes someone has to sacrifice. I should NOT always be the one who sacrifices (and I am not, around here). It's funny though, at this point I have sacrificed a lot of exercise time and sleep, but that isn't something that makes me sane. I need alone time and down-time most. So DW is more likely to work out, and I am more likely to have peaceful time alone. But we both get what we need for our own health and sanity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myeightkiddies Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Let's say.. I go to the gym daily at 2:00pm. My child has the opportunity to take a lesson/activity somewhere at 2:00pm on Tuesdays and Thursday. I refuse to change my gym time on Tuesdays and Thursdays, even if I could easily schedule it for an hour earlier or later. The child misses the opportunity for that lesson/activity. If the above was the case, I would say that I was being selfish by not allowing some flexibility. If I was always being asked to cancel or move my time for every little thing, it wouldn't be selfish. One would have to put their foot down before their gym time was just eliminated all together. In short, no, you are not being selfish. You should not give-up your gym time. If a special circumstance happened such as the above, I'm sure you would alter things a bit to accommodate, but other than that, do what you are doing. Mom needs to be healthy, physically and mentally, for the overall well-being of their family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyDays Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Faithe, knowing you even for the short time I have... selfish is the *last* word I would use to describe you. :grouphug: Be flexible enough with your planning that your kids can still do some activities, and I am sure you would do this anyway. But don't overschedule to the point where you have no time for yourself. As you said, your kiddos are old enough to be alone for a while now... you've earned time to pursure your own needs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oakblossoms Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 I think your time is priority. Very few kids will use sports later on in life. Maybe you can carpool or request better times for practices. But, I think running a mom ragged is far worse on the kids. If your not healthy when you get older, it is going to be really hard on them. I hate mornings. But, I might consider morning workouts or late night since it is so close. I am getting really tired of seeing unhealthy parents pushing their kids to be healthy. It is time to put on that oxygen mask. Be the example! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted August 14, 2012 Author Share Posted August 14, 2012 Ok...so I talked with my kids....and they are VERY cool with me continuing at the gym. They are actually proud of me. My driving kids have said they will pitch in if I need extra hands.... I am flexible in my schedule. This summer I tried out many classes....so, I know which ones I like...and can fit in around. I think it will work out. :D Thanks for the advice and encouragement. I feel so good....I am off all meds other than synthroid and Metformin. I am down a total of 88 lbs( that took several years....but 6 more this summer:D). It's nice to feel good again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 I'm glad I am not the only one who feels this way! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 Ok...so I talked with my kids....and they are VERY cool with me continuing at the gym. They are actually proud of me. My driving kids have said they will pitch in if I need extra hands....I am flexible in my schedule. This summer I tried out many classes....so, I know which ones I like...and can fit in around. I think it will work out. :D Thanks for the advice and encouragement. I feel so good....I am off all meds other than synthroid and Metformin. I am down a total of 88 lbs( that took several years....but 6 more this summer:D). It's nice to feel good again! Wonderful, Faithe! And it is wonderful that your family is helping you do this because sometimes it is a group effort to manage our busy schedules. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 I don't think you're being selfish, but if it's possible to schedule your activities around your kids' activities (and still have enough energy and time to go to them) I would. I feel the activity burn-out too, and my kids are still young. This summer they didn't have any scheduled activities besides camps and it has been wonderful! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted August 14, 2012 Author Share Posted August 14, 2012 I don't think you're being selfish, but if it's possible to schedule your activities around your kids' activities (and still have enough energy and time to go to them) I would. I feel the activity burn-out too, and my kids are still young. This summer they didn't have any scheduled activities besides camps and it has been wonderful! We enjoyed our break from the scheduled activities....but it is time for them to do something new. We have decided to put swim team off one more year for the little guys. The time commitment is ridiculous....and they are not hung ho to do it. There is a karate studio next to my gym....and also a dance studio. I know the boys would love to do karate again....and the schedule does fit in nicely..... Our library also has some really cool programs this year for the kids....and they are FREE......and will fit in nicely. I made sure I did some research today.....and talked to the kids about what they WANTED to do, rather than what I THOUGHT they might want to do....it was fun hearing their ideas....and looking activities up online. I guess I was feeling guilty and panicking for nothing. I love my kids:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 Sorry to say I think this is selfish. They can't schedule the timing of their sports and other activities, but you can change the time you choose to go to the gym. They rely on you to get them to their activities because they are children. Encouraging sports and other activities is encouraging a lifetime of healthy hobbies and potential career choices. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted August 14, 2012 Author Share Posted August 14, 2012 Sorry to say I think this is selfish. They can't schedule the timing of their sports and other activities, but you can change the time you choose to go to the gym. They rely on you to get them to their activities because they are children. Encouraging sports and other activities is encouraging a lifetime of healthy hobbies and potential career choices. I do encourage sports, and many other activities. My kids have all swam on team for years. My older kids are US swim coaches, WSI teachers and lifeguards. My kids kickbox, take drama, swim, bike, play tennis, ultimate frisbee, golf, ski, snowboard, one child is a professional artist ( she gets paid BIG to do what she does.). My kids run, scooter, ice skate, play soccer, guitar, ukelele, piano, bass guitar, ...I can go on and on..... ME? I take ONE hour 4x a week....I homeschool, work full time, took care of aging parents, raised and am raising 7 kids.... I was feeling guilty for about a minute or 2.... Posted....talked to my kids....got some encouragement and I am going to carve out an hour for myself. I think it will be a good example to my kids to see that I am ALSO important....and that taking care of myself will teach them to take care of themselves and their families when they grow up. Faithe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 (edited) There are enough hours in the week for every family member to have something they do for health and recreation. Where families run into trouble is when any one family member' (or all the kids') needs come ahead of everyone else. Obviously being a parent requires some sacrifice but in the long term, you can not give the best of yourself to your kids if you give nothing to yourself. Furthermore, and I know this is morbid, your kids want you to live. My mom died at age 55. Obesity, among other factors, shortened her life and she died at age 55 when her grandkids were 13, 7, 6, 2, 6 months and 5 months. All of us wish she had taken care of herself better. One of the main reasons I get exercise basically everyday and for 1-2 hours minimum is because I intend to see my kids and their kids grow well into adulthood and this is one thing I can do to help make that more likely. I do encourage people, in addition to kids activities and individual exercise for parents to do some exercise together. I go to family yoga 2x a week with the boys and we to on walks, bike rides, hiking, swimming and skating together. Helps us share good habits and have fun together. But I don't feel guilty signing my 9 year old into the youth center and my 3 year old into the fun kids room at the Y for an hour so I can follow up that family yoga or swimming with cardio and weights for me. Or leaving them home with dad while I go alone or hit a bike trail. Edited August 14, 2012 by kijipt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 I am trying to get some outside activities together for my kids....however, I am NOT willing to give up MY gym time for THEIR sports or other activities. I have BTDT for years and years.....and I really don't see where my sacrifice of health and well being helped my kids character ONE BIT. Anyway....am I being selfish or is it ok to put my needs first for once? I think it's your responsibility to model balance. I can't imagine anyone thinking it's a good idea to teach children that their needs/wants ALWAYS trump those of the people who love them. You WANT them to be reasonable parents or spouses one day and it would be a disservice for them to never 'feel' compromise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted August 14, 2012 Author Share Posted August 14, 2012 I do encourage people, in addition to kids activities and individual exercise for parents to do some exercise together. I go to family yoga 2x a week with the boys and we to on walks, bike rides, hiking, swimming and skating together. Helps us share good habits and have fun together. But I don't feel guilty signing my 9 year old into the youth center and my 3 year old into the fun kids room at the Y for an hour so I can follow up that family yoga or swimming with cardio and weights for me. Or leaving them home with dad while I go alone or hit a bike trail. I love this. I am going to have to find a family yoga class. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted August 14, 2012 Author Share Posted August 14, 2012 I think it's your responsibility to model balance. I can't imagine anyone thinking it's a good idea to teach children that their needs/wants ALWAYS trump those of the people who love them. You WANT them to be reasonable parents or spouses one day and it would be a disservice for them to never 'feel' compromise. Yeah... I thought about that quote.....and I guess it was less accurate than....I am willing to work around their sports and activities...or find ones that work around my schedule. Balancing is....well, .....a balancing act. I don't want to GIVE up my time entirely....they are totally ok with that. Not only OK, but totally on board. So, I guess it all worked out....and no guilt, or sore feelings on either side. Happy ending! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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