Do You Require Facebook Passwords for your Minor Children 15-18?

[TranquilMind]

I'm just curious what the consensus is in this large group. Do you require your teen's password for Facebook (or Twitter or any other account where the teen is posting publicly)?

 

Does your answer change if the teen in question has contacted "prohibited" (for lack of a better term) people on Facebook, whether friends who are a bad influence, a boyfriend or girlfriend who is a bad influence, etc?

 

We have friends in both camps. There are those who say FB is private like a diary and they are content to be friends. There are others who say that being FB friends is meaningless because you can be on a restricted status where you can't see what your kid is doing or whom he is talking to, so they require passwords for random checks.

 

There are others who simply say no Facebook at all until age 18.

 

What say you? Discuss...

[Miss Peregrine]

I do. And I log in a few times a month.

[Rebecca VA]

Absolutely, I have her password, and I check her Facebook pages every day. She is not allowed to post unflattering photos of herself or anyone else, and she is not allowed to criticize anyone on Facebook. Somehow a lot of spam gets onto her newsfeed page, much of which is vulgar, and she has to clean that up every day.

 

There's just too much at stake for her to have absolute freedom. What goes on Facebook will remain in cyberspace forever. I'm trying to train her to think carefully about how she presents herself in public.

[TranquilMind]

Absolutely, I have her password, and I check her Facebook pages every day. She is not allowed to post unflattering photos of herself or anyone else, and she is not allowed to criticize anyone on Facebook. Somehow a lot of spam gets onto her newsfeed page, much of which is vulgar, and she has to clean that up every day.

 

There's just too much at stake for her to have absolute freedom. What goes on Facebook will remain in cyberspace forever. I'm trying to train her to think carefully about how she presents herself in public.

 

How old is this daughter? 15? Or closer to 18? I guess I'm curious whether that makes a difference?

 

Of course, some children who are required to give up their passwords to their parents claim the parents are "stalking" them. I find this objectionable. You only have an account in the first place because your parent allowed you to have one. It isn't a Constitutional right, and the parent can impose the requirements he sees fit, imo.

Edited August 12, 2012 by TranquilMind

[regentrude]

No. I am fb friends with DD and look occasionally... but of course I could not see content for which she was deliberately blocking me. I trust her and see no reason to do otherwise. We have frequent discussions, and I am not worried about her posting pictures or inappropriate content; she is rather mature and very rational.

ETA: I do not check her tumblr blog either, nor do I monitor her skype chats.

Edited August 12, 2012 by regentrude

[elegantlion]

We're pretty liberal with Internet access and ds doesn't want a Facebook account. He is active on some sites where he has a user name and those I consider more private because he's not using his real name and understands safety protocol about sharing information.

 

However, if he had Facebook or Twitter with his real name I would require passwords and friending. For one, I'd like to share with him. I often share fun Facebook posts with him. The other is for his own protection. At his age he gets but doesn't fully understand how Facebook could affect his future with college and employers. I don't feel the same way about an anonymous identity he can walk away from once he matures.

[Rebecca VA]

She's 15, but maturity-wise she's closer to 13.

 

I won't be able to control her Facebook usage very much after she leaves for boarding school (in three weeks), but I hope she will have learned the lessons I've tried to teach her over the past year. We've looked together at unflattering photos (especially profile photos) that her "friends" have posted and discussed how that influences the way people perceive them. We talk about how painful it would be to get an ugly comment from someone and have hundreds of other people see it. Facebook has been a great teaching tool for us, but I have to put a lot of effort and supervision into it.

[Tasia]

My oldest is only 13, but I don't have his password for his facebook, twitter, skype or tumblr accounts. I read his twitter and tumblr occasionally, and we're facebook friends, but I don't feel the need to keep closer tabs on him. I just trust him. If I didn't, he wouldn't have unsupervised access to the internet and I wouldn't have any reason to access his accounts.

[Jenny in Florida]

No. I am fb friends with DD and look occasionally... but of course I could not see content for which she was deliberately blocking me. I trust her and see no reason to do otherwise. We have frequent discussions, and I am not worried about her posting pictures or inappropriate content; she is rather mature and very rational.

ETA: I do not check her tumblr blog either, nor do I monitor her skype chats.

 

Ditto for my daughter.

 

My son has a Facebook account but almost never uses it. We do require the kids to friend us, but that's about it.

[Dobela]

I require that I have the most current password for any electronic device at all times. If I ever do a random check and I can't get in, the device is grounded and in my possession for a time. And, it can't be returned until I receive the new password. I have the passwords for iPod, iPad, FB, email, DS,....

[dbmamaz]

I dont ask for passwords for my kids accounts, but we do enforce the age restriction - i cant believe how many 8 yo's have fb accounts! My 8 yo keeps saying he cant wait until he's 13 and can have one!

 

I do trust my kids though . . . we talk about all sorts of uncomfortable stuff. They know its not ok to give out personal information and, oddly, they are all MUCH more conservative than I am. Maybe i just lucked out.

 

My daughter friended me, dropped that account, didnt freind me .. but eventually fended me again.

 

My teen son wanted to be friends right away.

 

I enjoy interacting with them on fb, but its on their terms. They understand the rules. My daughter esp was ahead of her time, and my son had SO many bad computer issues BEFORE he had a fb account - he was off the network for a full year once. So he is definitely careful not to do anything that might get him in trouble.

[AngieW in Texas]

No, but I am friends with all three of my kids. I am also friends with most of my 14yo's and 16yo's friends. I don't know very many of my 19yo's friends, but she is an adult and most of her friends are from college.

 

My 14yo frequently neglects to log herself out of facebook on my computer, so I see her page pretty regularly. She also logs herself in to facebook on my phone (and then forgets to log herself off) so she can take pictures with my phone and upload them to facebook easily.

 

My 16yo just got her facebook a few days ago.

[Murphy101]

I see no good use for secrets between those who live under our roof.

 

My passwords, dh's passwords, and all the kids are shared here.

 

ETA: only one kid here has requested a FB account. He has one and is extremely selective about who he friends. He has heard too many horror stories from other kids to do otherwise.

[Audrey]

No facebook at all for anyone living in this house regardless of age. All three of us pretty much agree on that, too.

[Laura Corin]

Calvin goes into Facebook from my computer and has his password cookied. He's relaxed about it, so I am too.

 

Laura

[Dmmetler]

My DD isn't old enough for FB yet, but she does iMessage/FaceTime with a small group of kids on her iTouch, using my apple ID, so everything is also shown on my iPad and I can monitor it.

 

One of my friends, when her DD got a FB account at 13, did so with the requirement that the girl friend a group of her parent's friends-ones the girl knew and chose, and that she not hide her feed from them. That way, she had privacy from her parents, but if she started getting over her head, she had adults who could let the parents know or offer their assistance. It seems to have worked well so far-she's gone through the usual teen girl angst with boyfriends and breakups, with highs and lows, and it's been kind of neat to get to ride along, so to speak.

[dinosaur]

My wife or I monitor my son's FB activity every day. His judgement is really poor, and we weed out any friends who post inappropriate stuff. And it's AMAZING how many kids post inappropriate stuff.

[Hoot]

My son doesn't think it's at all odd that I am his FB friend and have 100% access to his account. He has very good judgement though, so I've never had any issues with him. He also asks before friending or accepting a friend request.

[higginszoo]

Not there yet, but yes, I will require for them to keep me updated on their Facebook passwords while they are minors ... there's a good chance that i won't check it as much as they get older (my dc with FB accounts are only 13 and 14 now -- I check the 13 year old's more frequently than the 14 year old's account). I haven't had any problems so far with either of them and anything inappropriate, but they understand why it's a good practice for a number of reasons.

[DawnM]

My kids don't have FB and don't want it, but they do each have an email address.

 

I log in and check every now and then. I found my teen using some language I didn't find appropriate once. It had &^% symbols in it, but it was clear what he was trying to say. We dealt with that and I told him I would NOT allow him to have access without me being able to check with his password.

 

I am not thrilled with AOL though because some content is delete-able and I can't find it....I need them to have emails that I can read ALL of them, even if they delete them.....any ideas?

 

Dawn

[amy g.]

No. I trust my children, and they have never given me any reason not to.

 

I don't want an adversarial relationship with them, and if I tried, they would just spend all of their time trying to outsmart me.

 

I also want them practicing how to be an adult, and I have to give them some space to practice in.

 

I will say that it is no issue with my daughters. I see their emails, and I know their passwords only because they have chosen to tell me.

 

My son is another matter. His privacy is highly valuable to him. It always has been that way. The worse thing I can do to him is make him feel disrespected or not trusted.

 

I know that this is not related to his doing something he wants to hide because he has been that way all of his life, and my dad was the exact same way.

 

Since he has never given me a reason to question his judgement, I let him have his privacy, and we have a close relationship.

 

He cleans my kitchen every night. He helps Miss Good with her business. He takes care of his little sisters when I need him to. He has nice friends. He makes good grades at community college. I don't need his Facebook password.

 

I will add that if I insisted on having it. He would just keep that account, and post some things occasionally for my benefit, and then make up a name I would never guess, and tell his friends that was his real account, and carry on just as he always has.

 

I will not succeed in controlling him.

 

I will not outsmart him....ever.

 

I might as well focus on being on the same team instead.

 

On a side note, my 5 year old is so much like him that it is frightening, so of course, he criticizes how I treat her like an adult, and give her too much

freedom. He obviously has no memory of his own early childhood.

 

I explained to him that I can never win her over by force, I can only woo her to the good side, and win her heart. He said that actually makes a lot of sense. That when ever he thinks of doing something wrong, he can't do it, because he couldn't stand my being disappointed in him.

 

My brother said the same thing. He said that when he wants to be rude to a stranger in traffic or in a store, he has my voice inside of him, and he can't do it, because he knows how I would feel about it.

 

So that is my parenting philosophy, and I'm sticking to it, but if you don't agree, I'll let you say "I told you so" if it ever backfires and comes crashing down around me.

Edited August 12, 2012 by amy g.

[ThisIsTheDay]

It would be pointless. It is way too easy for a child to create another FB profile that I wouldn't know about. The only way to prevent that would be to monitor every minute of computer use, which is not realistic for me.

 

17yodd has had unlimited internet access for a few years. I trust her, and at this point, if I didn't trust her--well, she's almost 18, and I'm just not having that battle over the computer.

 

13yods is not allowed to have a FB account. Of course there is a possibility he could have one under a different name, but if that were true, I'm confident he'd use it just to look people up, not to post anything I'd find otherwise objectionable.

[Nestof3]

Either first or second would be me. Right now, I have no minors on Facebook. A friend of mine has quite a bit of trouble with her daughter posting nearly nude photos of herself on Facebook, but she doesn't require a password, so she has only been alerted to this a couple times when an adult friend of her daughter tipped her off. The daughter hides posts from her parents.

 

She gets restricted sometimes, but she always goes right back to the behavior. I suggested she be given a phone without a camera and texting/posting ability, but she insists her daughter will not use the phone because it is not cool enough.

 

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard parents (including myself) insist their children are trust-worthy. I think you either accept that your children need your accountability while they are minors or you give them their privacy and accept that there is quite a chance they will surprise you.

Edited August 12, 2012 by nestof3

[Parrothead]

Other. We don't use FB. I just like to vote in polls. :D

[Luanne]

I wouldn't have even let my daughter have a facebook account under the age of 18.

[earthyfamily]

I wouldn't have even let my daughter have a facebook account under the age of 18.

 

:iagree:

[bobbeym]

DS14 has to give us full access to any online account, be it email, social media, or gaming. He's proven himself untrustworthy with content in the past and this is our way of making sure he's being responsible.

 

DS18/DIL do not have to give passwords, although both of them have and would gladly share them with us if we asked.

 

We also use a video-monitoring software that tracks every move the kids make on any of the computers, and that has helped online behavior immensely since we installed it.

[TranquilMind]

Martha: I see no good use for secrets between those who live under our roof.

 

My passwords, dh's passwords, and all the kids are shared here.

 

 

This is sort of my feeling. Every time I encounter resistance on something, there is something being hidden. Without fail.

 

Not just in my house; that is pretty much true everywhere. If someone is reluctant to give me information and answer my questions honestly, there is usually a reason for that, I subsequently discover. I just pick up on the dishonesty vibe very easily.

 

 

[wonderchica]

 

DS18/DIL do not have to give passwords, although both of them have and would gladly share them with us if we asked.

 

We also use a video-monitoring software that tracks every move the kids make on any of the computers, and that has helped online behavior immensely since we installed it.

Wait, are you monitoring your daughter in law's internet use too?

[TranquilMind]

nestof3: Either first or second would be me. Right now, I have no minors on Facebook. A friend of mine has quite a bit of trouble with her daughter posting nearly nude photos of herself on Facebook, but she doesn't require a password, so she has only been alerted to this a couple times when an adult friend of her daughter tipped her off. The daughter hides posts from her parents.

 

Well, I was going to say that you think after the first tip-off, the parent might have gotten the message, but I also have fallen for the "I would NEVER do that" BS and it has not been true.

 

She gets restricted sometimes, but she always goes right back to the behavior. I suggested she be given a phone without a camera and texting/posting ability, but she insists her daughter will not use the phone because it is not cool enough.

:confused: Poor entitled little thing. They are lucky to get a phone at all here.

 

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard parents (including myself) insist their children are trust-worthy. I think you either accept that your children need your accountability while they are minors or you give them their privacy and accept that there is quite a chance they will surprise you.

 

OH MY GOODNESS. Truer words were never spoken, Nest.

[TranquilMind]

My wife or I monitor my son's FB activity every day. His judgement is really poor, and we weed out any friends who post inappropriate stuff. And it's AMAZING how many kids post inappropriate stuff.

 

Yeah. No kidding.

[AmyontheFarm]

Hi, I'm the mean Mom.

 

When the kids started asking to use facebook, we said No. And then we explained why.

 

1. Employers will check out facebook, etc and can and will use it to determine if they should hire you.

 

2. Just because you wouldn't post an improper picture yourself, at some point one of your friends will, or one of their friends will and you don't need to see smut.

 

3. You have a very limited time online a day and you frankly don't have time to do research for school and have facebook.

 

4. Countless of generations of kids have lived successfully without being attached to a computer and so will you.

 

 

Now, years later our 18 and 16 year old have come back and thanked us. They tell us tales of their friends having facebook fights and guys breaking up with girl friends by posting a picture of their new girl, etc. They have both been grateful that we stuck to our guns.

 

We told our 18 year old that she could have facebook, since she was 18 and she said no way, and no thanks. Her friends actually call her and talk with her (she doesn't text much either) and she likes that, she doesn't want all her friendships to exist in facebookland (her word).

 

So, yeah. I'm the mean Mom who married the mean Dad and amazingly 50% of the kids agreed, later on it was a good idea.

[TranquilMind]

ThisIsTheDay;It would be pointless. It is way too easy for a child to create another FB profile that I wouldn't know about. The only way to prevent that would be to monitor every minute of computer use, which is not realistic for me.

 

This is true. Back in my day, we had one phone hanging on the wall in the kitchen. And we had a mailbox. All communication went through one of those two channels, so it was easy to limit undesirable contact with your kids. No longer. That really sucks.

[The Girls' Mom]

I do. For all three of my kids, they have to provide email names and passwords to me for anything they set up. I also randomly pick up all their devices and "snoop". They know I do. They have no "privacy" as long as they are children under my roof. They have heard it preached: if you don't want me to find out about it, then you probably shouldn't be doing it in the first place.

 

That said, I don't abuse it. I am not constantly peeking over their shoulders, or questioning their every move. If I do find anything questionable, I ask them about it. I don't yell, accuse, fuss at them, or go off the deep end. I ask. We talk. It works better that way :tongue_smilie: