Just discovered that ds broke our downstairs window...

[Sue G in PA]

3 MONTHS AGO! That tells you how often I visit that particular part of our basement or look at that window. Seems he was playing and hit the window with some toy or something and it broke. It's an old window (originals in a 1970 built home) with those wood grids so only one single pane was broken. I asked ds if his father knew about it and he said yes! :001_huh: So, now I'm livid that dh did not tell me about this. He used packing tape to tape a board to the broken spot. Ummm...do ya think that is secure enough? :001_huh: I noticed it b/c the board had fallen down, exposing the broken pane. I guess the board disguised it enough that I hadn't noticed it before now.

 

So, I then asked ds if he did this before or after his birthday back in May. He said before. See, if it had been me that discovered the broken window, his birthday money would have been given to ME to replace the window. I don't think my dh handled this very well. Obviously, since I didn't know about it, there was no punishment or anything. Since then, ds has earned money for paid chores, etc. I told him from here on out, he'd be giving me any money earned so we can replace the window. Carelessness on his part. What was my dh thinking? I'm so angry right now. Dh comes home tonight and it will take all I have not to go off on him about this. That is all. Grrrrrr.........

[Danestress]

My mom always kept things from my Dad, and it's one of the things I can fault her for when I was growing up (she was a great Mom, but I guess there is always something). But I do understand that she kept things from him because he over-reacted to things. She figured the house was calmer and everyone was happier if he just didn't know. I'm not saying that makes it okay. I think she should have told him full truths and let him deal with his own emotions.

 

But anyway, I bet your husband didn't tell you because he thinks he handled it the right way and that your reaction (making the kids lose his birthday money) would be an over-reaction. And I tend to agree with him.

 

He shouldn't have kept it from you. But remember when you talk to him that his way of handling this was a perfectly fine way - it's just not *your* way. I think many reasonable people would just figure it was a mistake and let it go. And many other perfectly reasonable people would make the kid work off repayment. Neither way is right. So I'm just suggesting you make it about the secret-keeping. FWIW. I know, though, that it's frustrating when a kid breaks a rule and the result is expensive!

[TraceyS/FL]

:grouphug:

[WTMCassandra]

I'm sorry about the window, and I'm more sorry that you had to find it. I always react much worse to things if I'm left to discover bad surprises, rather than someone telling me up front. It feels like betrayal or something. I say all that to say I understand why you're upset.

 

However, I think your conversation with DH will be much more productive if you can try to calm down first. And perhaps you should brainstorm together before imposing consequences on DS. I'm just sayin.'

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

3 MONTHS AGO! That tells you how often I visit that particular part of our basement or look at that window. Seems he was playing and hit the window with some toy or something and it broke. It's an old window (originals in a 1970 built home) with those wood grids so only one single pane was broken. I asked ds if his father knew about it and he said yes! :001_huh: So, now I'm livid that dh did not tell me about this. He used packing tape to tape a board to the broken spot. Ummm...do ya think that is secure enough? :001_huh: I noticed it b/c the board had fallen down, exposing the broken pane. I guess the board disguised it enough that I hadn't noticed it before now.

 

So, I then asked ds if he did this before or after his birthday back in May. He said before. See, if it had been me that discovered the broken window, his birthday money would have been given to ME to replace the window. I don't think my dh handled this very well. Obviously, since I didn't know about it, there was no punishment or anything. Since then, ds has earned money for paid chores, etc. I told him from here on out, he'd be giving me any money earned so we can replace the window. Carelessness on his part. What was my dh thinking? I'm so angry right now. Dh comes home tonight and it will take all I have not to go off on him about this. That is all. Grrrrrr.........

 

You know, my philosophy is that things break. I've done some pretty dumb stuff and have broken a few toys (grownup ones) and windows in my time.

 

We are all, at one time or another, careless. And yes, I guess telling his father instead of you helped the window stay in its broken state rather than get repaired, but are you certain that going off on a family member is how you want to handle this? Do you really punish for things that get broken by children unless it's deliberate? Entropy being what it is, and children being what they are, and all.

 

How much does it cost in your neck of the woods to replace a pane of glass? I'm not sure how big we're talking, but a single pane of glass and some putty and even some touchup paint wouldn't cost more than what, five dollars? The time and effort costs something, sure, but that's the joy of maintaining a home. Things break, you repair them.

 

I wish I lived near you. I'd come over and replace it for you. I got quite good at it one summer. (One time, running late to pick up baby dd, I broke out a pane with a hatchet :001_huh:, then repaired it later in the day. I left the hatchet, in my rush, on the kitchen counter and didn't put it away. Dh SIGHED when he saw the window, even though he knew I'd repair it, then later, he brought the hatchet into the living room and said, "Sweetheart, I'd appreciate it if you'd put your spare key back into the shed where it belongs." :lol::lol:)

[Kathleen in VA]

I can understand your anger. I would be hurt and angry too - for a few minutes - at least about the window. One pane of window glass isn't all that expensive.

 

I have no idea why neither your dh nor your ds did not tell you - oftentimes people just have completely different reactions to things like this. A broken window is, after all, just an accident. He didn't break it on purpose - you know, set out to break it. This is one of those things we, as parents, just chalk up to a normal childhood.

 

I think what I'm getting from your post is that you are angry that by not telling you it seems as if they were lying to you - trying to keep a secret, thereby attempting to deceive you. I don't know if I would jump to that conclusion though. Like I said before, people don't always react to things the same way others would. It's quite possible that your dh figured the broken window was just part of being a child - no biggie. He fixed it up as best he could as a temporary measure and then promptly forgot all about it.

 

I'd lay low on this one and find out if he just forgot about it. You could say something like, "Honeybunch:), I just noticed today that there is a broken window in the basement. It looks like someone tried to fix it but then forgot about it. Ds tells me he broke it and that he told you. Is that true? (btw, ds could be lying about that just to save his skin) Oh, it is true. I see you tried to patch it up. Thanks. Is there any special reason why you didn't tell me about it?"

 

I'm just saying you might want to give him the benefit of the doubt until you hear his side of it (in my life this is very often much different than the story I get from my dc). It is possible he just forgot and that is understandable - it is just a broken window after all - not a hit and run car accident or a pregnant girlfriend.

 

I sure hope I helped - I was trying.