NatashainDFW Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 If your DC have a birthday near your major winter holiday how do you keep them separate? How do you convince family that a separate celebration for DC's birthday is important (if it is to your family)? DS' birthday is five days after Christmas and we struggle to get the inlaws to realize that he deserves to celebrate his birthday on a day other than when we are celebrating Christmas. I have been dealing with this for coming up on 8 years. Any good ideas are welcome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs.m Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 Do they do that because they are visiting just for the holiday and not able to come back to attend his birthday celebration? Unfortunately we often have to do that with FIL but not on Christmas, just a different day. Maybe you can suggest that you celebrate on a different day while they are there? If they are in town, well, good luck, especially if you (or DH?) have already told them your preference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NatashainDFW Posted August 11, 2012 Author Share Posted August 11, 2012 They have done it know matter where we lived. The year we lived within five minutes of them they had a birthday cake at lunch on Christmas day and handed DS a present wrapped in Christmas paper and said it was his birthday present. Its not even about the presents really its about acknowledging his birthday is not on Christmas. Sadly my family and his dad and I are the only ones that seem to acknowledge him on his actual birthday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 Well, we celebrate Hanukkah, not Christmas, but I have a daughter who was born 1/4. She's 20 now but it was just never a big thing to us. If family wanted to consolidate because that was convenient to when they were visiting etc., we just did. And we'd still always take her on her birthday to do something- a movie, dinner out, whatever. And if we had to delay by a week or two or three when she might be able to have a little belated party with friends or a sleepover or whatever, we just went with it. It's not really a huge deal. As long as it is acknowledged! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athena1277 Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 They have done it know matter where we lived. The year we lived within five minutes of them they had a birthday cake at lunch on Christmas day and handed DS a present wrapped in Christmas paper and said it was his birthday present. Its not even about the presents really its about acknowledging his birthday is not on Christmas. Sadly my family and his dad and I are the only ones that seem to acknowledge him on his actual birthday. My birthday is even closer to Christmas (and so is dd's). When I was born my mom let everyone know that they were not to wrap my birthday presents in Christmas paper. You need to put your foot down. Especially if it bothers your ds. Actually, I have had more problems with my birthday as an adult. You see, my birthday makes a great travel day to go visit people for the holidays.:glare: Thankfully we have gotten to the point that we have told everyone that we are at home for my birthday, dd's birthday and Christmas day. We'll visit with people in town, but we will not travel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs.m Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 I probably would have set it aside and said something like "he'll open that one on his birthday. I hope you'll be there" and set it aside. You really can't make anyone do something they don't want to do. I bet your DH had minimal birthday experiences also? I live in a family that barely remembers to call or email on birthdays. They aren't a big deal. If you want to change it, I really think it is up to your DH to say something to them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 Calvin's birthday is near Christmas. We have a party a few weeks early and he has his main family present six months later. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 My sister's birthday is actually on Christmas, and when she was younger (and even when she was a young adult; she's the youngest of the four of us, so I was grown and married with children before she was permanently out of my parents' house), my parents always, always, always celebrated Christmas in the morning and my sister's birthday in the afternoon. They forewent a traditional Christmas dinner so that my sister could choose her birthday dinner meal, just like the rest of us did on our birthdays. They never shorted her gifts and always wrapped Christmas gifts in Christmas gifts and birthday gifts in birthday paper. I think that helped people like the grandparents see the difference too. (Now, when she got older, she realized that combining the gifts meant she could get some bigger ticket items, so that worked okay.) I think they did half birthday parties for her a few times too. Every year, in the fall, we start having discussions about which siblings will be where for which holidays, and we start putting together a schedule for the holidays. So in your case, I might say something like, "Okay, Wednesday is Christmas, and we're coming to your house, MIL; what can I bring for dinner? Then the following Monday, we'd like you to come to our house; Jack has requested spaghetti and meatballs and chocolate cake for his birthday dinner, and he wants you to join us." It might just be that with a lot of people to schedule in there, it's a little hard to work it all in, so if nothing else, maybe you can make a point to "switch gears" during the Christmas celebration and move on to celebrating your son's birthday. Bring out the birthday balloons and a distinctly non-Christmassy cake! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 Celebrate without them. Really they'll be the ones missing out. Ds will accept it for what it is. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NatashainDFW Posted August 11, 2012 Author Share Posted August 11, 2012 I bet your DH had minimal birthday experiences also? You are right but what bothers me is his sister's birthdays were always celebrated wholeheartedly. I really shouldn't care what they do but it does bother DS when he looks at family pictures he doesn't understand why his grandparents are only in one birthday party picture out of 7 or why he never gets a birthday card from them. He is getting old enough to get it ya know? I don't expect anything from them but even a phone call would be better than acting like his birthday doesn't matter. I guess I should have known this would be how life was going to be when MIL told DH that he needed to get a paternity test up until the day DS was born and came out looking exactly like his father. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 My nephew's bday is Christmas day. They celebrate Christmas on the 24th and nephew's bday on the 25th. His bday is always just his bday; my sister made that clear to everyone. I have 2 dc that have bdays around the holidays but only my mom and mil do anything and they do keep it separate. Sorry, no advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoVanGogh Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 My birthday is early January and my sister's birthday is the end of November. We grew up with "joint birthday/Christmas/birthday" presents and celebrations. Fast forward. DS was born December 26th. We go out of the way (within our immediate family) to celebrate his birthday totally separate from Christmas. I can't control how other people choice to celebrate his birthday, so I don't worry about that. Guess I would prefer they actually acknowledged his birthday than not, which is the case with our family. :glare: Both sets of grandparents are divorced (so four sets of grandparents) and only one (my MIL) acknowledges that our son even has a birthday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 My friends have one child with a b-day close to Thanksgiving and another child born on Christmas day. They do a joint half-birthday party for them in the summer when the weather is nice. It's always a lot of fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleeplessnights Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 My oldest son has his birthday on Christmas Day. We do Christmas in the morning and open his presents in the evening. We tell him that Jesus gets priority. We never have his birthday party before Christmas because everyone already has their calendars full, so we always have his party on the Saturday after Christmas. There is a big gap between presents, but he can always play with his siblings' birthday presents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 Youngest doesn't like having a birthday in not summer. His brother and all his cousins have summer birthdays and can have summer parties - lake swimming, pool party... So Steven has a half birthday instead. :) At least that is the theory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cassiemc Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 My bday is one week before Christmas. I hated getting gifts wrapped in Christmas paper. I still do. People often "combined" gifts into one. It was not a bigger gift, just one. I always felt not important enough for people to actually celebrate my bday. Now, I have 3 children. One bday early December and one the week after Christmas. I have made my wishes known about their bdays. There is to be no Christmas paper on bday gifts. We always have bday cake and ice cream the evenings of their actual bday for family and a friends party when I can schedule it. It is crazy hard to have a bday around Christmas. I think the key might be to set ground rules early. Maybe this year invite everyone over for your child's bday and let everyone know before Christmas. If they still choose to give him gifts on Christmas and not come, well then I guess your child will learn we here stands with his grandparents, I sure did :( I do not understand half bday celebrations. Why would someone want to celebrate a fake day?? If I make my schedule so that I can attend others bday parties they should make every attempt to attend mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 I do not understand half bday celebrations. Why would someone want to celebrate a fake day?? If I make my schedule so that I can attend others bday parties they should make every attempt to attend mine. People are often just so busy, or traveling, during the holiday season that it's just impossible for children to attend each other's birthday parties. Plus, half birthday celebrations for December birthdays fall during the summer, so that can often provide a chance for children to get together with friends at the pool (especially if they're between school years/co-op sessions and haven't seen their friends much). Given the choice between having a party around the actual birthday with only a couple of friends able to attend vs. a larger party with more friends (especially somewhere fun and outdoors like a pool) but at the half birthday, I can see why a child might opt for the half birthday. (I remember my parents really getting silly too, sometimes, for my sister, making "half" of a cake and all. It was just a fun little something they did.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I used to have birthday gift bags for those who used Christmas wrap. My son's birthday is between Christmas and New Year's. We have had one party at that time. We have done half birthdays parties and parties in January. My dd's birthday is in inflate April and often waits to have her party when the pool is open in May. My other dd's birthday is often on Columbus Day weekend. We wait for the next weekend for her party. We make a big fuss at home on the day and celebrate with friends later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 My sister and father's birthday are december 12th. So farther than you have. But my mom DID make a big deal about keeping them separate from Christmas. We actually never even decorated the house for Christmas until the weekend after their birthday, to keep the focus on them and not the holiday. And although I admit that now, as adults, I sometimes use plain red paper for their gifts, I never use actual holiday paper. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 :grouphug: My ds7 was born on Christmas Day. I tell him Happy Birthday first thing in the morning. We reserve the evening of Christmas Day for his birthday celebration. All of his gifts are wrapped in birthday paper, and we have birthday cake from a fancy bakery. I did have to tell my MIL only one time, when he was a toddler, that "We buy him separate gifts for his birthday and Christmas, just like we do for the other boys," because she said to me, "I figured since his birthday is on Christmas I would just give him his Christmas gift for his birthday." I also mentioned to her once (in response to "Poor thing") that we never want him to feel cheated somehow, so we focus on the positives of having his birthday on a special holiday. She got the (very gentle) hint and really makes a big deal about it being his birthday and Christmas. :) So...I guess I wouldn't worry about trying convince the inlaws. I mean, if you've never said anything directly to them, then you probably should. But if you've mentioned it and they haven't gotten it for the umpteenth time, then they're not going to. Instead, I'd try to intercept the birthday gifts, thank the giver profusely as you mention that you appreciate the forethought and you'll set those aside for bday boy's actual birthday, and mention how much you hope they'll join you on that day to celebrate his birthday on that day at this time so that they can share the cake and celebration with you. If the gifts are wrapped in Christmas paper, maybe you could keep a supply of inexpensive birthday gift bags on hand and just plop it in one of those? It falls a little short of re-wrapping (my mom would be totally ok with rewrapping, but my MIL would be crushed) and would still make the gift look birthday-ish on the table. And my Christmas ds totally enjoyed his February birthday party last year. I am embarrassed to say that it had nothing to do with his birthday being near Christmas and everything to do with me not getting in gear until then, but it was actually kind of fabulous having the party in the middle of what's usually kind of a slow time for our family. :D Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godsaggie Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I am fortunate and married into a family that loves to celebrate birthdays. MIL is 12/11, BIL is 12/25, and FIL is 12/31. Then our oldest was born 12/18. We all strive to make each person feel special on their birthday...especially BIL on 12/25. We will have a Christmas celebration and then do his birthday party in the evening. I have worked diligently to ensure that my dd has a separate party for her birthday. It is tough to get friends to come since it is so close to Christmas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 Geez, if you all figure it out let me know. My bday is on Thanksgiving this year :glare: As a holiday baby myself, all I can say is make certain there is a separate celebration. No. Matter. What. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 My birthday is early January. My mom always planned my party for my birthday. My friends would all come and we'd have cake and play games. Some of my relatives, both out of town and in town, would either give me a combination Christmas/birthday gift, or send my birthday gift with the Christmas gifts. My mom would hold onto them for my birthday, although the crazy woman left them under the tree. That drove me crazy. They really should have been kept separate from the whole Christmas thing. Does anyone really start putting out birthday gifts 10 days before a child's birthday? I hated the combination Christmas/birthday gifts. My sister got separate gifts because her birthday is in October. I was fairly young when I figured that out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 My birthday is less than 2 weeks before Christmas. I don't ever remember not having a birthday party with birthday gifts growing up and there were always friends at the parties and if grandparents were nearby they would be there. Once we moved 10 hours away from grandparents, I still got gifts from them but didn't see them on my birthday. The type of paper it was wrapped in really didn't bother me, but I have also lived with a dh for many years that I feel very blessed that he will wrap it and if it is in Christmas paper, so what. The only gifts he ever wraps are mine. There have been one or 2 times that things have been really hectic and he will put it in a box and I will offer to wrap it, but I don't know what it is. Have a party and invite who you want to invite. If no one comes just make them family parties and still make it special. You can't control what other people do, you can only control what you do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 My dd is Dec. 26. The last two years we had a birthday party for her ON her birthday and I don't care if people like the idea or not. If they don't come because it is too close to christmas then they don't care enough about her and I don't bother with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imagine.more Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I am adamant about birthdays being celebrated on the real day and not mixing holidays and birthdays. My DS2's birthday is close to Thanksgiving but even though the in-laws will be there a week later they are very good about sending gifts on his actual birthday. My DH grew up always putting up the Christmas decorations on St. Nicholas Day, which happens to be my birthday. After one year of that i nixed that idea and insisted we choose another day to focus on setting up for Christmas. So now we set up for Christmas on the first Sunday of Advent and we can have one day to really celebrate the upcoming Christmas season and another day to celebrate my birthday. I don't see why people would assume to celebrate your DS's birthday with Christmas when it's 5 days after, that is rude of them imo. I would send out actual birthday invitations to them, or make a pointed phone call like "so, I just wanted to check in and solidify plans for the upcoming week. You will of course be coming to DS's birthday part on December 30th, right?" Also, i'd have your DH have a chat with his parents about how DS is noticing that he never gets a card on his birthday and his siblings do and could they please send a card on DS's birthday this year." If it comes down to it, I'd schedule his party for the Saturday after his birthday each year so it falls hopefully after new years day and therefore more people would be available to come. But that's only if you find friends/family are legitimately traveling or busy with holiday obligations, not if they're just being stupid and not bothering to pop over when they could. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The girl next door Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 DS has a December birthday. I suggest sending invitations to the event (even to the relatives who should know!) to make your vision clear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny_P Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I have two kids- one on the 16th, the other the 27th. They are always celebrated on their birthdays. My dd also plans a "summer party" to invite friends over for pizza/sleepover/whatever- no gifts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 They have done it know matter where we lived. The year we lived within five minutes of them they had a birthday cake at lunch on Christmas day and handed DS a present wrapped in Christmas paper and said it was his birthday present. Its not even about the presents really its about acknowledging his birthday is not on Christmas. Sadly my family and his dad and I are the only ones that seem to acknowledge him on his actual birthday. Note: my son's birthday is in August and he gets birthday gifts wrapped in Christmas paper. That's the only paper we buy, pretty much. So every gift we give, year round, is in Christmas paper. I know it would stick out more if the birthday was around Christmas. I'd say you, as a family, have to celebrate your son's birthday and make it special on the day. Extended family and friends will do what they want to. Since they don't have to do ANYTHING, it is hard to ask them to do that anything on a particular day. Perhaps, if they hand him a gift on Christmas, set it aside, say "Thank you. We'll open that on his birthday" and save it for 5 days? They might get the hint then. We are also very open, in our family, with celebrating birthdays over a length of time. It just spreads the celebration out when gifts don't arrive in time and/or arrive very early. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 Idon't worry about it too much for *us* b/c our day-of celebrations are always just us. Our out of town family usually consolodates the rest of the kids' birthdays (5/1, 5/30, 7/1, and 8/18) into one celebration, sometimes two. To combine the baby's (12/18) with Christmas makes sense with travel and shipping schedules. But each child does get THEIR special day at home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scrub Jay Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 :bigear: I'm due with number two on 12/20. I'm really hoping to go two weeks early, like with DD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2jjka Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 My Daughter's birthday is Christmas Eve, and so is her cousin's. We usually have a quiet immediate family celebration for DD on her birthday, and get together w/ extended family after the holidays are over in early January to celebrate their birthdays. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FLDebbie Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 It sounds like my son was born the same day as yours - Dec 30th eight years ago! We tend to go camping the week between Christmas and New Years with my in-laws and celebrate his birthday then. We don't have any Christmas decorations around, so it feels more birthday-like. The two years we have been home, every bit of Christmas decorations are taken down and put away by the 29th. The great part of it is that I don't have boxes sitting out for weeks waiting to be put away. On my side of the family, my mother's birthday is mid-January so we celebrate his with hers. I believe some family members might have tried to combine the two, but I put out the plans of when we should celebrate from when he turned 2 and there hasn't been any issues so far. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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