Jean in Newcastle Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 My sister, myself and my two kids are going to drive 6 hours to visit my eldest brother and his family. I really enjoy visiting them. But for a couple of reasons (I have fibromyalgia and therefore have a very difficult time sleeping, both my kids talk and walk in their sleep, and I just like privacy for the whole bedtime routine) I really want to stay at a hotel that is just down the road from their house. My sister also said that she'd like to stay at the hotel because she has insomnia too. Trouble is, when I mentioned that to my sister-in-law she insisted that we stay in their guest room (a garage that has been remodeled as an extra room.) They have a twin bed and some air mattresses. In the past this has never been an issue because at times like Thanksgiving etc. they already had a full house. I tried to graciously back out (citing my difficulty sleeping) but she kept insisting. I ended the conversation without committing either way. So now what do I do? Do I give in and stay there (2 nights) even though I really don't want to and I know will have a harder time physically? Do I insist on the hotel and risk offending my sister in law? We've always had a good relationship but then she's never been so adamant about something like this before! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdWTMer Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 No, it will affect your ability to enjoy your stay. I'd decline for health issues. Talk to your brother and let him handle her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kay in Cal Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 Usually I'm a "non-offender", but in this case... physical handicaps and health issues need to come first. I think you need to be firm, and graciously say: "We love staying with you so much, but with my fibromyalgia I have very specific needs. I know, I'm so disappointed that we can't stay overnight in your lovely room, but we'll be there all day, you know!" I think she'd be really silly to be offended by this. A good hostess wants to meet the needs of her guests, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myrtle Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 It's hard not to offend a selfish person. She's more interested in role playing and making sure everyone complies with her "tea party" requirements than in the comfort of her guests. Just keep reiterating your physical needs, drone on for 20 minutes about all your aches and pains in detail and maybe she'll get the point. She'll be disappointed but she'll be more understanding. Then when you get there go on and on and on about it again. Sometimes it just takes time to register. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dayle in Guatemala Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 I agree that you talk to your brother citing health issues and let him deal with her. Let her know when you get there how excited you are to see them and spend time with them. If she gives you the cold shoulder, just address the issue politely and move on. You need to take care of yourself. Hope you have a good visit! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa at Home Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 Really. It doesn't have to be a huge emotional confrontation. "Thanks so much for your offer. Due to my physical issues, we'll be staying at such and such hotel. I can't wait to see you!!!" That's what I would say. ~Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claire in NM Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 It is difficult when you are just not being heard. Talk with your brother to work out the situation. Claire in NM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teamturner Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 I think you should talk to your brother before the trip and explain your reasons for wanting to stay at the hotel. Then when you get to town, go and check in first and then stop by your brother's house. That way it won't get argued about again since it will be a done deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommylawyer Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 I say, stay at the hotel - explain that you really think it's for the best, both for your family and your health reasons. But also tell your SIL that you would still love to see her newly remodeled room - and once you do, go absolutely gaa-gaa over it. That way, she'll get to show off her new room, she'll get praise for it, and you'll be happy and comfortable in your hotel! :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myrtle Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 I say, stay at the hotel - explain that you really think it's for the best, both for your family and your health reasons. But also tell your SIL that you would still love to see her newly remodeled room - and once you do, go absolutely gaa-gaa over it. That way, she'll get to show off her new room, she'll get praise for it, and you'll be happy and comfortable in your hotel! :001_smile: Hey! I was just about to say that. And say, "Ooooh, if only I were younger/healthier I could stay here...there's so much stuff I can't do anymore" or something along those lines. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gamommy Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 Really. It doesn't have to be a huge emotional confrontation. "Thanks so much for your offer. Due to my physical issues, we'll be staying at such and such hotel. I can't wait to see you!!!" That's what I would say. ~Lisa I think this is super advice. I realize that I would often save myself lots of anguish if I would simply inform (rather than seek approval/agreement of my plans). I'd politely and kindly inform them the next time that you speak that you've booked a hotel for your stay. Feel free to thank them again for their offer of accomodations, but that your health needs require a hotel room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kribby Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 I would just say we are staying at the hotel as we are alot more comfortable there and with me not sleeping well I don't like to keep everyone up. Thanks for the offer but we can't stay this time. If you want bring your bathing suits and come swimming with us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 Yep, agreeing here. A simple, "Oh, we'd love to, but I've already paid for the room." An idea for you, tho--could your kids stay there and the adults go to the hotel? ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 So now what do I do? Do I give in and stay there (2 nights) even though I really don't want to and I know will have a harder time physically? Do I insist on the hotel and risk offending my sister in law? We've always had a good relationship but then she's never been so adamant about something like this before! You may not be offending....in her family, you perhaps are supposed to "protesteth too much". I knew one family where this went on but these beggings were *never to be taken up* or you had just stepped in it! Oh, how I like my family. Up front and cheerful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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