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Do you know when you have fought a great battle and the battle is over . . .

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and you are left standing in the middle of the battlefield to pick up the pieces and you just don't have the energy to do it because you used it all in the battle. That's where I am right now.


Of course this is just a metaphor but my family has been throught two great tramaus in the last two months and I have been running my tail off (between here and GA) trying to hold it all together. Generally speaking I am one that does what has to be done and then has the break down latter. Mentally, physically and emotionally I am ready to cry it out and recooporate but I can't because my life is a mess (the house alone brought me to tears) that needs to be put back in order.


I have no idea where I am going to get the strength and energy to whip it back in shape. I don't even know where to start. I need to handle the money and bills, school supplies (starts Friday), school clothes and shoes in order, and couple of back to school nights, much decluttering, and an unbelievable amount of cleaning. I also need to hire a yard man because I guess the kids and neighbors feel they have done enough and the yard is seriously over grown and I really don't think my hubby is ready to tackle it yet.


I am actually praying for a manic spell in which I can cry my eyes out and clean my house top to bottom at the same time. Also, my last blood work came back and my heart inflamation was slightly elevated and my last blood pressure was 130/110 with a pulse of 120 which makes it really hard to believe it's just stress even though I have had an EKG and heart enzymes checked.


Hopefully a good night's sleep in my own bed will help some.



Also, I really can't report much on my dd's situation yet. Her scar is probably at its worse today. It is very swollen with much brusing of the black, purple and blue variety with a little green and yellow on the edges just for contrast. Of course, she still has the staples and because of the swelling they look like a questions mark. I just hope the line straightens out once the swelling goes down. We won't have any of the reports and such until her follow up on the 16th but she does seem to be healing well. She can walk now, go to the bathroom, etc. but sitting down and getting up are still difficult. Both her and my eldest are troopers - her for working so hard at healing and her sister for working so hard to help her and to help me help her.


Thank you all for your prayers and warm wishes. Sometimes it was the only thing that kept me from crying myself to sleep at night.

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Recovery can be more difficult than the trauma, because you're not longer geared up for the stress and everyone else thinks things are back to normal. Give yourself some time. Think about the longest amount of time you'll need to get out from under this rock and then double it. Now you're talking about reality. Take care of yourself first, other dependents second, the food and bills third, and everything else can wait.


From my own experience it takes time, alot of time and there are set backs. Think in terms of short daily goals and don't beat yourself up about it.


End each day with a similar mantra...."Today was a good day because...."


My first sentence enders were ...I got a shower. I made my bed. I made myself lunch. (Never all in one day of course!) Now, almost 9 months later I'm almost back to being a full time mum. Take it slow and reward yourself mentally with the things you do accomplish.

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I agree. Be patient and gentle with yourself. This time right after is harder than all the trauma.


My DD was often in the hospital and that was hard but I did it fine. When we got home I'd fall apart. It took me a while to see the pattern. But my muscles hurt, I was so sick to my stomach, and my anxiety (I have an anxiety disorder) was way out of control.


I finally figured out that I got through the battle, as you call it, on adrenaline, no matter how long it was. But when it was over, all that anxiety and stress that was stored in my body found its way out. And it would knock me flat for days. I found it easier if I let it.


So...make a list. the yard is not a necessity. Can someone come help you with the house? Paid or not. That can be so encouraging. Figure out what has to happen in the next week. HAS to happen. Not what you think should happen. And ask for help. I wish I was there to come in and clean your house and make you dinner.


I am honestly not surprised about your heart and BP numbers. That stress has to express itself somehow.


:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I wish I could make it better from where I am. It is so so difficult. I am sending you some peace.

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:grouphug::grouphug: I've not been here much this summer, so I don't know what's going on with your family. Praying now.



ETA: Bless your heart! You all have been through quite the past couple of months.

Edited by TN Mama
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yes, that is how I am:grouphug:

My family went through a 5 year period like that.....if it wasn't such a serious battle, it would almost seem like more than any human can handle...yet I did handle it....and came out the other side....buised and beaten, a little hand-shy and maybe even a little stronger for having survived.


During that 5 year period I had a 2nd trimester loss, lost my father, My mother, my mother-in law (all 3 of whom I cared for in their last days) had 2 babies, started a business with dh, my kids had horrible whooping cough, we all had RSV, pneumonia, ds had Lyme disease and could not compete, so lost his chance at a Div. 1 scholarship, youngest dd had a tumour in her groin, dh diagnosed with Diabetes...both dd's diagnosed with hashimoto's and the list went on.....and on....and on...Did I mention my brother had a spinal aneurism during that same time period and is now a parapelegic? He will never walk again.....


I guess falling apart was inevitable. My doctor is in awe sometimes that I am happy and joyful after being so shell shocked and depressed....and whiplashed. When my mother died, that was the straw that broke this camels back....and I went into adrenal failure and a deep depression. I just fell apart. It is now almost 2 years later, and I am just feeling like a human being again!


I now have a will to move forward and even have some fun! I am finding life to be precious and short...and therefore have decidied not to waste it with "what ifs". I would have went a gotten some serious therapy if all the doctors and psyches in this area weren't such total wingnuts! My regular doctor said I had classic symptoms of PTSD. Deer in the headlights....crawl under the blaket and die disorder.....but, I have little kids and big kids and a dh who need me still.....so somehow, I forced myself to shake it off....and with the help of my older dds, started to eat right, and exercise, treat myself good....get a massage, have my hair and nails done...you know....things for me! I found if I spent even a few minutes taking care of me....I could better take care of everyone else. Even just a browse in B&N and a coffee once in a while was wonderful.


Anyway, I just really wanted to send :grouphug: and encouragement.....not air my dirty laundry. It is ok to give yourself some downtime when it comes and to maybe go vent at the P-doc. Trauma is trauma....and it takes time to heal...especially when you are the one holding it all together. I am always the one holding it together. It seems to be the purpose of my life:D


Feel free to PM me if you need a shoulder. I am a good listener:grouphug:


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Been through stuff before....the aftermath is tough because you are expecting to be and feel better. The unexpected always gets us.


Take care of you. Eat. Nutrious if it isn't too much effort, but eat. I believe ice cream cures a lot. ;)

Sleep. Take naps. Rest. If that means sitting and staring at the wall, do it.


Do the next thing.


Anything that can wait, let it wait. Or hire it done.


Above all, be kind to yourself.

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