How should I respond? (Baby loss mentioned)

[snickelfritz]

My SIL (dh's brothers wife) just found out yesterday that she "may" have miscarried. She is supposed to be 8 weeks and all they saw at an U/S was an empty sac. It could be just too early. But, doctor warned her it wasn't good. I'm not real close to her. They've been married less than a year and we probably see each other once a month. I want to do something. But, I don't know what.

 

We're actually out of town for the weekend, so I thought of sending an email card or something. Just a "thinking of you" type thing.

[Marie in Oh]

It is where the sac appears but no baby actually develops. A friend of mine had 3 of these. She had D&C's with all of them. I would treat it just like you would somone who has miscarried, as that is what it is. There was the promise of a baby and then no more. I am sorry she is going through this. :grouphug:

[snickelfritz]

I didn't know if I should wait. He told them it "might" just be too early. Dh didn't get all of the details(that's what happens when 2 brothers exchange information), but the doctor sent them home and hasn't scheduled a D&C. *I* would assume he's having them come back next week for another ultrasound.

 

It is where the sac appears but no baby actually develops. A friend of mine had 3 of these. She had D&C's with all of them. I would treat it just like you would somone who has miscarried, as that is what it is. There was the promise of a baby and then no more. I am sorry she is going through this.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I am sorry for your SIL. How upsetting for her. It is wise of the doctor to wait. Ultrasounds can be wrong, even later in the pregnancy. (I had a childbirth student who has a healthy 11 year old boy who would not be here if they went by what the ultrasound said.) If she is only 8 weeks, and it is a blighted ovum, it is quite possible that she can have a complete miscarriage without needing a D & C (I had one myself at 8 weeks.)

 

Back to your original question, a "Thinking of You" card would be very sweet. Acknowledge that this is a stressful time for her, and that your thoughts and prayers are with her, but not that the pregnancy is over.

 

hth,

[Jean in Newcastle]

At this point a "thinking of you" card or a "praying for you" card would be best.

[Brenda in FL]

Yes, please send a card. She needs to know that her extended family and in-laws values the life that was lost just as much as she did. It will also show that you have accepted her as a member of your family.

[Liz CA]

I didn't know if I should wait. He told them it "might" just be too early. Dh didn't get all of the details(that's what happens when 2 brothers exchange information), but the doctor sent them home and hasn't scheduled a D&C. *I* would assume he's having them come back next week for another ultrasound.

 

I'd send a "Thinking of you" or "Praying for you" card without the condolences if you are not sure if there is no baby.

At least they know they are in your thoughts.

[LadyAberlin]

If she does have a miscarriage, please do not say anything like I'm sure you will have another baby or there may have been something wrong with it and that was God's way of taking care of it. Those are common things that people say that actually end up being hurtful. My suggestion is to think of it as if someone had a live birth and the baby had died later. You would never dream of telling the mother that she can just have another baby or that there must have been something wrong with the baby. A thinking of you card would be nice.

[Mom to Aly]

If she does have a miscarriage, please do not say anything like I'm sure you will have another baby or there may have been something wrong with it and that was God's way of taking care of it. Those are common things that people say that actually end up being hurtful. My suggestion is to think of it as if someone had a live birth and the baby had died later. You would never dream of telling the mother that she can just have another baby or that there must have been something wrong with the baby. A thinking of you card would be nice.

 

:iagree:

 

Very well put. I would send a thinking of you card, but I really think, in this case, a paper card versus an ecard is better--much more personal than what an ecard seems to say--a second on the comp, not nearly as much thought or feeling put into it.

[nakitty]

I would send her an email letting her know that you are keeping her in your thoughts and prayers...until they know for sure I wouldn't offer condolences....

[Rosie_0801]

Interflora.

 

Sometimes flowers are better than words.

Rosie