labst60 Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 Kids were playing at the neighbor's house today. Without any background info on these folks- does this seem strange? Neighbor (the mom), asks my girls 7 and 5, what they get in trouble for at home. Then she asks what their punishment is when they get in trouble? As soon as my girls got home, they both came up to tell me the "strange thing" Mrs. X. asked them. My oldest said, "It was really weird and I really didn't want to answer but I didn't know what to do". I'm glad that they felt comfortable telling me they were uncomfortable. And I've told them if they ever don't want to answer a personal question, they don't have to. But, this just struck me as so strange. If you want to compare/contrast parenting choices etc you think you'd talk to the MOM, not the KID. Or am I just being sensitive? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 Well, if it made your kids uncomfortable, then yes, it's weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 I think it's strange, too. I can't help but wonder if the woman is asking because she is in a situation where a family member (maybe her dh) is a very strict disciplinarian and the punishments are very severe. Or else she and her dh are very easy on her kids, and she's wondering if they should be handling things differently. Either way, it's an odd topic of conversation to have with children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renthead Mommy Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 She probably had an issue with her own kid. It could have been a 'but everybody else' and she was looking for an answer to that. Also talking to you would give her mom answers. Maybe she wanted kid answers. I'd bet there was a much larger conversation that happened both before your kids got there, and possibly after their conversation. Plus the kids could be missing parts of it as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 Odd rather than weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samiam Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 I guess we are missing vital facts on what was going on that point. Were her children getting into trouble for something, and she was just using your children as a point of reference? I can see if there was minor situation that she was correcting her own children on and they were saying it wasn't a big deal, so she asked your children if they are allowed to do that, kinda making a point to her children that no one allows their children do that (whatever THAT is). Or did she just walk out of the house, straight up to your child, and ask this question out of the blue. The other thing that comes to mind is the age of your children...having children in that general age range myself...sometimes they twist details a bit. Not on purpose, and not intending to lie...just what their "take" on the situation comes out a bit twisted compare to the intentions of the other person. Not saying they were wrong to feel weird about it...just that perhaps what the mother was intending to say was not really all that "odd". Haven't you met the mother? Do you think she meant anything by it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
labst60 Posted August 5, 2012 Author Share Posted August 5, 2012 That was my inital reaction too... but I keep (in my mind) going back to WHY would you ask that? Their kids go to PS and I know they think we are a bit different in that my kids have chores/responsibilites/etc. And they do very little disciplining But... why on Earth would you put a kid on the spot about something that would obviously be very embarassing for them to discuss in from of their friends. I'm not uncomfortable with my parenting decisions and would feel fine discussing them with an adult actually looking for advice- but here's my 7 year old feeling she needs to divulge that when she hits her sister her mom gives her a bummy smack. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justasque Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 Is this a "they are homeschoolers they must be strange" stereotype issue, perhaps? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
labst60 Posted August 5, 2012 Author Share Posted August 5, 2012 I do know the other mother reasonably well. I just felt she was fishing for information without having to ask me, kwim? I would have been FINE discussing it with her - but it just seemed so inappopriate to put the kids on the spot like that. We've had a few issues in the past month with their DS misbehaving at our house - to which I've just been givent the "boys will be boys" speech. Well - I have all girls, so maybe "boys will be boys", but we just DON'T throw toys (in anger) at other kids in this house. It is dangerous and disrespectful to people and property! And their other child has frequently expressed her displeasure with me on the occassions when my kids couldn't play b/c they had chores or were grounded. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 (edited) She probably had an issue with her own kid. It could have been a 'but everybody else' and she was looking for an answer to that. Also talking to you would give her mom answers. Maybe she wanted kid answers. I'd bet there was a much larger conversation that happened both before your kids got there, and possibly after their conversation. Plus the kids could be missing parts of it as well. If she asked in front of her daughter, it might have been a way of showing her daughter that yes, other kids have to follow rules and incur consequences when the rules are broken. The other possibility is that she's heard rumors (from her kids or others) that your methods of discipline are at one extreme or the other, and wanted to see if there was any truth to that. Kids may be less likely than parents to "hide" the truth if there is something unusual going on. The third possibility is that she's gathering data for a research project (or to support an argument). I remember when my sister was in 3rd grade and her class was told to ask their parents about how they were disciplined as kids. After hearing my dad's thoughtful explanation, my sister summed it up as "got spanked when he needed it." :001_smile: ETA: Kids can tell pretty big whoppers about discipline. My brothers had me convinced that if I did anything wrong in KG, the mean old teacher would beat me with a coat hanger. I was terrified during the test for KG entrance. Edited August 5, 2012 by SKL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 She might have read recent stories about parents (homeschoolers) using the methods the Pearls teach- and wonders since you homeschool and your girls are well behaved, whether you employ those methods. She's probably trying to figure out why her boys are not well behaved, and perhaps if you use methods she doesn't approve of, she can convince herself that she's a better parent than you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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