s/o - Coming Out - How do deal with family and friends?

[mommymilkies]

It was a prayer/sausage pie analogy, and I replied to someone who inferred she thought prayer was good for you, and stated she thought sausage was bad for you, so the analogy was faulty.

 

To me, this was "quibbling". I suppose instead of "do not feed the trolls" I should have thought "do not feed the quibbler".

 

One never knows where the ability to speak and read is going to take you next. :lol:

 

:lol: I responded before I even thought about what the thread was about. Lol that's what happens when you pull up a thread and forget about it until after you eat. And this iPad autocorrect is driving me insane! Sorry about that!

[jar7709]

I have been athiest since my high school presbyterian church confirmation class. I just couldnt go through with it. Still irl and on fb I am still effectively in the closet. It is getting increasingly difficult for me and I would love to feel as free to express my opinions as the christians do, but I am chicken. Hopefully someday I will come out anf it will be as anticlimactic as my gay cousin's. :lol:

[Mom-ninja.]

Our homeschooling circle also consists of very religious families. I worry that some would choose not to associate with us and would encourage their children not to be friends with my boys.

We find ourselves skirting religion or just smiling and nodding along not to make waves. We also purge our bookshelves of certain books when we have visitors. It feels ridiculous that we can't just be who we are and not have to worry about causing problems in our relationships. It isn't like we would be disrespectful to anyone about their beliefs.

 

 

 

This has happened to us before more than once. People in general are more tolerant of a different religion than no religion. Once some people hear the word atheist they run away screaming. Ah, well.

 

My parents have gotten over it but they are not religious over the extent of "believe just in case." My dad's dad is a hardcore atheist so it's not new in my dad's family. :)

 

My in-laws practice "don't ask don't tell" :tongue_smilie: They know we don't go to church. They know the kids are not baptized. They never bring it up. Works great.

 

Now as for for other people such as neighbors, other home schoolers, and so forth that is a different story.

[EmilyK]

I'm not sure if anyone is still reading responses at this point, but I'm feeling curious about how this comes up. My personal beliefs and priorities have changed over the years, but it hasn't really come up as an interpersonal issue, or problem. other than I think my parents would love it if I would attend their church for social reasons (but there's no tension over it). So I guess my questions are:

 

-- In "most" families and friends, are religious beliefs discussed a lot when people get together? Is it done in a way that the listener must agree? I just never have that experience. Folks I know generally don't talk much about religion, especially if they don't know you extremely well, and even so then it is discussed as a personal experience that the listener doesn't have to say much about. E.g., I just started going to a new church/mosque/other; I really love it! Response: wonderful, I'm so happy for you, isn't it great when you can find a group of people or experience you really enjoy. etc. The responder can have any or no belief and it is a fine conversation. It is like discussing a type of music your friend likes -- you're happy that they love it, even if you don't, and vice versa.

 

-- Or are people upset because they don't see family members attending a service in their faith tradition? I guess I don't get how that would possibly be a friend's business, but I can see how parents might grieve the loss of family tradition or shared belief.

 

-- With friends or fellow parents, I can't believe they care about the loss of family continuity (see above) -- do they think it is corrupting to have friends from outside their faith community? Or something else I might be missing?

 

I'm sorry -- I'm feeling so dense here -- but it seems like it is a common experience that my husband and I haven't had, and I don't get it.

[FairyMom]

I think it depends where you live. "Where do you go to church?" is one of the first things people ask around here, especially if you meet another homeschool family.

[FairyMom]

-- With friends or fellow parents, I can't believe they care about the loss of family continuity (see above) -- do they think it is corrupting to have friends from outside their faith community? Or something else I might be missing?

 

Yes, corrupting, is probably right. There are no inclusive homeschool groups in my area, you have to sign a statement of faith. That I can no longer do.

[FairyMom]

It has never come up in my family nor anywhere else. There is nothing to "come out" about.

 

Good for you, Wendy. :) Glad you've not had a negative experience. A non-issue would be best.

[justLisa]

After hearing more than one person in my family claim Athiests worship the devil I decided it's best to not discuss religion at all.

[EmilyK]

Yes, corrupting, is probably right. There are no inclusive homeschool groups in my area, you have to sign a statement of faith. That I can no longer do.

 

 

okay, thanks, this and your other reply help. Oregon is pretty secular (completely so among my friends).

[FairyMom]

My husband interviewed for a position in NC some years ago. A fellow coworker who transferred there said the first thing neighbors asked was where he went to church. NC was not at the top of my list for places to move after hearing that.

 

:iagree:

 

If our family weren't here, my husband has said he would be gone. Colorado, Oregon, Northern California, the Northeast ......

[FairyMom]

okay, thanks, this and your other reply help. Oregon is pretty secular (completely so among my friends).

 

Sigh, our dream state.... Maybe after the kids are grown.

[kalanamak]

 

-- In "most" families and friends, are religious beliefs discussed a lot when people get together? Is it done in a way that the listener must agree?

 

-- With friends or fellow parents, I can't believe they care about the loss of family continuity (see above) -- do they think it is corrupting to have friends from outside their faith community? Or something else I might be missing?

 

 

I know someone who is not allowed to be alone with any minor in his extended family because of his possible negative influence. All social life for families is via the church, all schooling, all vacations, most employment, everything via the church. The boarding school for high school is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out in the middle of nowhere, and radios, phone calls with anyone not on the approved list, visitors, Harry Potter, girls in sleeveless shirts, boy and girl talking alone, etc are forbidden.

 

I've seen a grown sister hang up on a grown brother because he wouldn't agree with what her pastor was teaching: that the USian consitution and D of I was really written by the Christian God, and the humans just held the pen.

 

So yes, there are people who think that faith is so brittle, one cross current will shatter it.

[EmilyK]

I know someone who is not allowed to be alone with any minor in his extended family because of his possible negative influence. All social life for families is via the church, all schooling, all vacations, most employment, everything via the church. The boarding school for high school is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out in the middle of nowhere, and radios, phone calls with anyone not on the approved list, visitors, Harry Potter, girls in sleeveless shirts, boy and girl talking alone, etc are forbidden.

 

I've seen a grown sister hang up on a grown brother because he wouldn't agree with what her pastor was teaching: that the USian consitution and D of I was really written by the Christian God, and the humans just held the pen.

 

So yes, there are people who think that faith is so brittle, one cross current will shatter it.

 

Yikes, that would be really tough. I believe it; just haven't experienced it in my life. I live in Oregon now, but have spent much of my life in the midwest and south. I guess I'm really lucky not to have faced the pressure you all have.

[SJ.]

Thanks for all the responses everyone. It has been interesting to read different perspectives on this issue. Just making a post here always helps me to think more clearly on something, it is an awesome side effect of being a member of the Hive. :tongue_smilie:

 

As far as dealing with my MIL so far it has worked to not engage in religious discussions. As my children get older I foresee having to lay some boundaries with her. It is difficult because I understand a grandparent wanting to talk about and share their belies with their grandchildren, I am fine with that - to a point. Lately she has been intertwining politics, education, and religion; she has been pretty vocal about it. She is very excited about a book she bought at a recent convention that she wants to share with the boys about the "real" history of the United States. If this book is littered with propaganda I am not interested in teaching it to my young children. I am feeling a little edgy about it, but perhaps I am worried over nothing. I guess we will just keep on keeping on, avoiding religious conversations yet not outright being dishonest about anything either.

 

My books are going back on my bookshelf, thanks for making me feel empowered in that decision Kalah!

[Lady Florida.]

I just don't talk about it much.

 

For the most part, religion is a private matter in my extended family.

 

It doesn't come up often, if at all, in social circles other than Christian hs groups, so no real problems for me there.

 

 

 

It hasn't been an issue for us for the reasons above. Our families are all of the "believe just in case" variety, and don't get too worked up about who believes what. As for friends, I've always surrounded myself with people who:

 

1. Don't use religious beliefs as a litmus test for friendship, and

2. Consider religion to be a private matter.

 

 

Our homeschool group is inclusive and religion doesn't come up in conversation.

 

You asked "Is avoiding and not participating in religious conversations when you do not share the same views the same as lying or misleading?"

 

I don't think so at all. If people are having a polite conversation about something about which they all seem to agree, it seems odd to just interject that you disagree. If I was with a bunch of women in our HS group and they were talking about how great BJU is, I think it would be rude to announce that I hate it or even that it's not my style. But, if someone asked what I thought of it, I wouldn't hesitate to say "it's not for us." If someone thought I was being misleading by not offering my dissent, that's their own assumption, as my intention was to be polite.

 

:iagree:

 

I'm an atheist.

 

Christian friend prays for me: no problem, her decision.

 

Christian friend tells me that she is going to pray for me: embarrassing because I don't know what to say. Do I say 'Thank you', which would be insincere? Do I say, 'Don't bother' which would be insulting to her? Do I say, 'Thank you for the thought' which is patronising?

 

Pray for me if it makes you feel better, but don't force me into a corner about it by telling me you are going to do it.

 

Laura

 

:iagree:

[SJ.]

Our families are all of the "believe just in case" variety, and don't get too worked up about who believes what.

 

 

I wish it were always this uncomplicated. Unfortunately with MIL you must be the right kind of Christian which means you are a YEC, believe the bible is 100% literal, and you must weave Christianity and American history together otherwise you are what is wrong with the US. There is one caveat - you can be a certain radio personality who has different religious views but it is ok because she "knows he has the Lord in his heart."

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Thanks for all the responses everyone. It has been interesting to read different perspectives on this issue. Just making a post here always helps me to think more clearly on something, it is an awesome side effect of being a member of the Hive. :tongue_smilie:

 

As far as dealing with my MIL so far it has worked to not engage in religious discussions. As my children get older I foresee having to lay some boundaries with her. It is difficult because I understand a grandparent wanting to talk about and share their belies with their grandchildren, I am fine with that - to a point. Lately she has been intertwining politics, education, and religion; she has been pretty vocal about it. She is very excited about a book she bought at a recent convention that she wants to share with the boys about the "real" history of the United States. If this book is littered with propaganda I am not interested in teaching it to my young children. I am feeling a little edgy about it, but perhaps I am worried over nothing. I guess we will just keep on keeping on, avoiding religious conversations yet not outright being dishonest about anything either.

 

My books are going back on my bookshelf, thanks for making me feel empowered in that decision Kalah!

 

No, this probably isn't worrying over nothing. Do you know the name of the book? There's some very weird stuff out there right now. Not trying to start a board war or get political, but it behooves all parents to be very aware of the 'history' their kids are learning, from any source.

[ChristyB in TN]

I wish it were always this uncomplicated. Unfortunately with MIL you must be the right kind of Christian which means you are a YEC, believe the bible is 100% literal, and you must weave Christianity and American history together otherwise you are what is wrong with the US. There is one caveat - you can be a certain radio personality who has different religious views but it is ok because she "knows he has the Lord in his heart."

 

Lol. I think maybe I share a mom with your Dh? She isn't speaking to me right now, it is crazy. Thing is, I am not trying to debate her, change her mind, or even bring any of it up at all! I totally respect these views even if I don't share them. I wish my mother and your mil felt the same. :)

[Jennifer3141]

I wish it were always this uncomplicated. Unfortunately with MIL you must be the right kind of Christian which means you are a YEC, believe the bible is 100% literal, and you must weave Christianity and American history together otherwise you are what is wrong with the US. There is one caveat - you can be a certain radio personality who has different religious views but it is ok because she "knows he has the Lord in his heart."

 

 

Oh boy. You can have a :grouphug: from me over your MIL. :D

 

My parents are religious. My family is atheist, along the line of pagan humanists. My mother made one crack once about baptizing the kids behind our backs and she hasn't been left alone with them for 7 years. We happily visit and host them when we can but my kids are still too small to leave with people who think secret indoctrination is ok.

 

I try to listen to my mom yammer on about her church but I do get a chuckle about how I never get to yammer on about what carp I think she is spewing. :tongue_smilie:

[TranquilMind]

It shows great consideration.

 

Laura

Well, I guess, from your perspective.

 

From my perspective, it is meaningless. So I will be "thinking of you". I will also be "thinking of" the 10,000 things I have to do today, and how that tailgater is annoying me. I consider you and your needs more important than that, if I pray for them.

[TranquilMind]

My parents are religious. My family is atheist, along the line of pagan humanists. My mother made one crack once about baptizing the kids behind our backs and she hasn't been left alone with them for 7 years. We happily visit and host them when we can but my kids are still too small to leave with people who think secret indoctrination is ok.

 

 

Wow, really? You think your Mom would actually do this or that any pastor would let her "secretly indoctrinate" your kids by sneaking them in for a baptism against the will of the kids' parents?:confused:

 

I'm sure she was just spouting off, expressing her disappointment that something so very important to her as the eternal destiny of her family is to be disregarded. To think she is to be endlessly punished by no time alone with the kids because she made a thoughtless remark seven freaking years ago is just ....well, words fail me.

[Ipsey]

Well, I guess, from your perspective.

 

From my perspective, it is meaningless. So I will be "thinking of you". I will also be "thinking of" the 10,000 things I have to do today, and how that tailgater is annoying me. I consider you and your needs more important than that, if I pray for them.

 

And that's the thing, if you're trying to be considerate of someone else and do something kind for them, you need to look at it from their perspective.

 

If you know something upsets/frustrates/embarrasses somebody, no matter how well you mean it, or how important it is to you, it is kind to tell that person you're performing the act on their behalf?

 

Since I no longer pray, I never honestly tell someone I'm praying for them, but I tell them that they will be in my heart and in my thoughts that day. I hope they understand that this means I will be remembering them in a more profound way than the way I remember to buy milk in the store. . but I don't know.

 

If it makes religious people feel frustrated/embarrassed or like they aren't important, or that they aren't any more important than the little nits that run through my head during the day when I say, "I'll be thinking of you, or I'll keep you in my heart today". . . maybe I shouldn't say anything. I don't know what more I have to offer though. If I knew they wouldn't like it, you can bet I would try to find what was meaningful to them and do that instead, but not keep on telling them that I'm doing the thing they find disrespectful.

 

Consideration is one of the most important gifts to give someone.

 

(Ipsey, who doesn't care at all, one way or another, whether someone prays for her or sends lights, vibes, reiki energy, etc. if they are considering her pains/trials/difficulty/joys in a sympathetic way.)

[Jennifer3141]

Wow, really? You think your Mom would actually do this or that any pastor would let her "secretly indoctrinate" your kids by sneaking them in for a baptism against the will of the kids' parents?:confused:

 

I'm sure she was just spouting off, expressing her disappointment that something so very important to her as the eternal destiny of her family is to be disregarded. To think she is to be endlessly punished by no time alone with the kids because she made a thoughtless remark seven freaking years ago is just ....well, words fail me.

 

 

As much as I love my mother, yes I do think she would try it. And it is offensive to us. It's even offensive to my children at this point.

 

My mother had her chance to get ME to her version of heaven and it didn't work. No, she isn't going to get a chance with her grandchildren. I don't really care what she believes about life after death. My family deals in facts, not mythology.

 

As I said, we visit as a family but nope. My mother is not allowed to be alone with my children until they are much older. We actually don't allow our children to be alone with anyone who would attempt prosyletize to them, including their friends.

[TranquilMind]

As a vegetarian, I disagree with you. My folks ate sausage, and meat with nearly every meal and lived to be 97 and 90. It agreed with them.

 

Good genes.

 

If you want anecdotal stories, they exist on both sides. I remember a marathon runner who ate very well who dropped dead one day after a race.

[TranquilMind]

I don't really care what she believes about life after death. My family deals in facts, not mythology.

 

 

So you have the "facts" about what happens after death? Not bloody likely. You have only the knowledge of what scientifically happens to the mortal body, like the rest of us.

 

You are going on faith in your own "mythology" with the rest. Faith that there is no God that calls you to account. You won't find out until you get there, and you certainly won't find out prior, if you think you have it all locked up already.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

So you have the "facts" about what happens after death? Not bloody likely. You have only the knowledge of what scientifically happens to the mortal body, like the rest of us.

 

You are going on faith in your own "mythology" with the rest. Faith that there is no God that calls you to account. You won't find out until you get there, and you certainly won't find out prior, if you think you have it all locked up already.

 

I always thought 'bloody' as an adjective was a swear word. Why are you so upset with Jennifer for having her own beliefs?

 

Also, in a thread about how to explain to people that your beliefs are not the same as theirs, or how to handle angry proselytizing, you are actually playing the part of the antagonist? Why?

[mommaduck]

Wow, really? You think your Mom would actually do this or that any pastor would let her "secretly indoctrinate" your kids by sneaking them in for a baptism against the will of the kids' parents?:confused:

 

I'm sure she was just spouting off, expressing her disappointment that something so very important to her as the eternal destiny of her family is to be disregarded. To think she is to be endlessly punished by no time alone with the kids because she made a thoughtless remark seven freaking years ago is just ....well, words fail me.

I've heard of families baptising children (even infants!) behind a parent's back before. Nothing surprises me anymore.

[Jennifer3141]

So you have the "facts" about what happens after death? Not bloody likely. You have only the knowledge of what scientifically happens to the mortal body, like the rest of us.

 

You are going on faith in your own "mythology" with the rest. Faith that there is no God that calls you to account. You won't find out until you get there, and you certainly won't find out prior, if you think you have it all locked up already.

 

 

We are scientists in this family, right down to my DD who has picked out the specific types of science she she wants to study when she grows up. I don't really give a poop about what you call your faith. In MY family, we call all that mythology. And my kids don't want to chit chat about it. They don't want to be questioned or imposed upon or defend themselves against it. We simply are atheists. If that's offensive to you, tough. Don't worry. We won't be inviting you over to our heathen home anyway! :lol::lol:

 

I have one more comment. It does make me chuckle that someone with the screename of "TranquilMind" is so very clearly not tranquil about what others think of their mother and spirituality. Unless you actually ARE my mother, I don't get what you are so upset about. There are athiests and agnostics in the world. Get over it. Or at the very least, change your screename to "AgreewithMeorElse!"

Edited August 5, 2012 by Jennifer3141

[TranquilMind]

Ipsey: And that's the thing, if you're trying to be considerate of someone else and do something kind for them, you need to look at it from their perspective.

 

Right. Like looking at things from the perspective of your parents who raised you, and who deserve it.

 

If you know something upsets/frustrates/embarrasses somebody, no matter how well you mean it, or how important it is to you, it is kind to tell that person you're performing the act on their behalf?

 

Not if you know it "upsets/frustrates/embarrasses" them to be prayed for independently. You don't tell them.

 

 

Since I no longer pray, I never honestly tell someone I'm praying for them, but I tell them that they will be in my heart and in my thoughts that day. I hope they understand that this means I will be remembering them in a more profound way than the way I remember to buy milk in the store. . but I don't know.

 

Yes. You don't know.

 

If it makes religious people feel frustrated/embarrassed or like they aren't important, or that they aren't any more important than the little nits that run through my head during the day when I say, "I'll be thinking of you, or I'll keep you in my heart today". . . maybe I shouldn't say anything. I don't know what more I have to offer though.

 

Well, it depends on logistics, of course, but if someone can't pray for me, then drop off a casserole if you are close enough! Doing things tha matter helps. Otherwise, don't "think of" me. That just doesn't mean anything. Sorry.

 

 

 

Consideration is one of the most important gifts to give someone.

 

Agreed. Including parents, to whom the eternal destiny of their offspring means everything.

 

(Ipsey, who doesn't care at all, one way or another, whether someone prays for her or sends lights, vibes, reiki energy, etc. if they are considering her pains/trials/difficulty/joys in a sympathetic way.)

 

Ok. Not even sure how one does some of this, but gotcha.

[Aelwydd]

I always thought 'bloody' as an adjective was a swear word. Why are you so upset with Jennifer for having her own beliefs?

 

Also, in a thread about how to explain to people that your beliefs are not the same as theirs, or how to handle angry proselytizing, you are actually playing the part of the antagonist? Why?

 

I was wondering about the same thing, especially as she recently expressed sympathy for Imp's mom, when Imp finally had enough and cut her mother out of her life. Apparently, Tranquil feels the need to defend overbearing and interfering mothers, while excusing their bad behavior.

[TranquilMind]

Jennifer3141: We are scientists in this family, right down to my DD who has picked out the specific types of science she she wants to study when she grows up. I don't really give a poop about what you call your faith. In MY family, we call all that mythology.

 

Good for you. You still don't know a darn thing about what happens after (and during) death until you get there. I don't care how many degrees you have. We have a few too (including a son who intends to be a scientist and rocks at that subject), though ours are in other areas, none of which -including your scientific degrees - will count for a hill of beans at that time when our spirits depart from our bodies.

 

And my kids don't want to chit chat about it. They don't want to be questioned or imposed upon or defend themselves against it. We simply are atheists. If that's offensive to you, tough. Don't worry. We won't be inviting you over to our heathen home anyway! :lol::lol:

 

It's not "offensive to me". The dripping condescension that you all seem to share about faith in God is pretty sad though.

 

I have one more comment. It does make me chuckle that someone with the screename of "TranquilMind" is so very clearly not tranquil about what others think of their mother and spirituality. Unless you actually ARE my mother, I don't get what you are so upset about.

 

Nachomama...

 

I'm as tranquil as can be right now, and hope to be even more tranquil as I age (hey, I can dream!). You are making numerous, inaccurate assumptions. I do think one should HONOR her father and mother, even if they didn't do everything well, and in fact, even if they sucked. I hit the jackpot with one parent, but with the other, not so much. It is troubling when people seem pretty contemptuous of their parents. You reap what you sow. I don't want that coming back at me...

 

There are athiests and agnostics in the world. Get over it.

 

Not only in the world. Pretty much running the world. But they aren't going to silence the rest of us, though our position is more and more out of favor. People need to get over that. Christians are here to stay until the bloody end.

 

 

Or at the very least, change your screename to "AgreewithMeorElse!"

 

Oh, if only everyone were smart enough to agree with me.:tongue_smilie:

 

But what fun would THAT be?;)

[Jennifer3141]

Can I ask a dumb question... How do YOU know what happens after death? Did you get a secret memo or something? As I and others have tried to state, we don't CARE what you think happens after death. We are too busy living THIS life. If I have to rock out eternity with Carl Sagan and Isaac Asmiov, so be it.

 

As for honoring your parents? Go for it. But the rest of us don't have to live our lives by your rules on that either.

 

Yeah, I'm not sure about your intelligence as far as all of us agreeing with you and I don't actually care about that either. But I do think you have either misunderstood the word, "tranquil" or you are going for some sort of clever irony thing. But it's not working. It is however, making me think of Angela from "The Office." So I'm getting quite the good chuckle over here.

[SJ.]

Yikes...really yikes. I thought this was a question for people who have had to "come out" to family and friends about their religion or lack there of. This is the vary nasty attitude many are talking about.

 

Yep, simmer down ladies, perhaps have a glass of wine, take a hot bath, read some funny memes on facebook... :chillpill:

[Jennifer3141]

Yep, simmer down ladies, perhaps have a glass of wine, take a hot bath, read some funny memes on facebook...

 

 

How did you know I was decanting?? It's 8 PM, baby! :D

[Jennifer3141]

:cheers2:

 

 

That's BEER! And that is forbidden here! That and prosyletizing. Although if you show up with a really good Riesling, I might give you a listen. (At least until the bottle is empty!)

Edited August 6, 2012 by Jennifer3141

[SJ.]

How did you know I was decanting?? It's 8 PM, baby! :D

:cheers2:

 

:cheers2:

 

Great minds... :coolgleamA:

 

:cheers2:

[elegantlion]

Well there isn't a smiley for that. :D

 

Wanna bet?

 

[radiobrain]

Wanna bet?

 

 

This needs to be my avatar!

[Ipsey]

retrying elsewhere to reply to quote.

[justLisa]

Wanna bet?

 

:lol::lol:

[elegantlion]

This needs to be my avatar!

 

We start school tomorrow. Tomorrow night this will be my reality. :lol::lol:

[radiobrain]

We start school tomorrow. Tomorrow night this will be my reality. :lol::lol:

 

I do too, albeit a half effort. I am doing this right now!:D

[Jennifer3141]

This needs to be my avatar!

 

 

This needs to be MY life! :D

[Ipsey]

Nevermind. Meaningless to the intended.

Edited August 6, 2012 by Ipsey

[FairyMom]

 

 

Love, love this!!!

[TranquilMind]

Tibbie Dunbar:I always thought 'bloody' as an adjective was a swear word. Why are you so upset with Jennifer for having her own beliefs?

 

That's really funny. I'm not upset at all. Not remotely. I didn't realize "bloody" was a swear word. Funny, because I don't swear. I was just being emphatic. Let me rewrite that, "Not very darn likely!" Better?

 

She can believe whatever she wants but when she denigrates faith and or God/people who believe in God, she is going to get pushback from people who know better. That's just the way it is. Now if she says that SHE does X and Y and that this is what she prefers...fine. I'll say I do A and B (if relevant).

 

 

Also, in a thread about how to explain to people that your beliefs are not the same as theirs, or how to handle angry proselytizing, you are actually playing the part of the antagonist? Why?

 

Here's what the thread was about: (Cut/pasted from the OP)

 

Has anyone here changed denominations or religions and had an uncomfortable fall out with family or friends? How did you tell them? Did your relationships change?

 

Is anyone here also hiding their religious beliefs not to upset family?

 

If you are religious how would you feel if a close friend, family member, or one of your children changed religions? How would you feel if they hid it from you to escape conflict?

 

I guess that part about Mom being forbidden to be alone with the children for SEVEN YEARS - as if she is equivalent to a sexual predator or something - because she made an offhand remark about how she should run out and get the kids baptized (as if she could) was over the line to me. Sometimes you just have to speak up.

 

But carry on. It's all good.:chillpill:

Edited August 6, 2012 by TranquilMind

[TranquilMind]

I've heard of families baptising children (even infants!) behind a parent's back before. Nothing surprises me anymore.

 

Maybe long ago, but this is a violation of pastoral ethics almost everywhere.

[mommaduck]

Maybe long ago, but this is a violation of pastoral ethics almost everywhere.

Depends upon which church you belong to. I've known those that will even help teens run away.

[ondreeuh]

okay, thanks, this and your other reply help. Oregon is pretty secular (completely so among my friends).

 

I recently moved from Portland. I had a wonderful group of secular friends, and all of my dd's close PS friends are non-churchgoers. It was incredibly easy to find like-minded people - but still harder to find like-minded homeschoolers who aren't unschoolers.

 

Now I'm in Alaska and it's much different. Maybe more like Texas. Sigh. At least the people are unbelievably nice and happy.

[FairyMom]

I wish it were always this uncomplicated. Unfortunately with MIL you must be the right kind of Christian which means you are a YEC, believe the bible is 100% literal, and you must weave Christianity and American history together otherwise you are what is wrong with the US. There is one caveat - you can be a certain radio personality who has different religious views but it is ok because she "knows he has the Lord in his heart."

 

Um, yes, these are the people we've run into, mostly parents of playmates. Sigh. Oh, well, I have a few wonderful secular friends. :)