Kelli in TN Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 Let's talk about hormones. Let's talk about Dr. Lowe. Yes, Dr. Lowe. Why should we talk about Dr. Lowe? Well, because Dr. Lowe is from California. And we folks in the middle of the nation think that those Californians are not thinking straight. So Dr. Lowe walked into my preop room that fateful summer day. We talked about the big tumor. We talked about the ovary it was attached to. We talked about how hard it is to get an I.V. into my crazy rolling veins. And then we talked about my uterus. Yes, we did. I said "Dr. Lowe, I am finished with this uterus. It has served me well. It has performed it's duty six times over. I believe, since you are going to be slicing and dicing on my abdomen in about 45 minutes, while you are fiddling around with my insides, you should just take the uterus out. After all, it is only making my life miserable ever blasted month for one whole week. I would like to be done with this. Please." Dr. Lowe looked at me and said "When I was in California I found that women who did not have their uterus' (uteruses, uteri) felt less womanly. For that reason I refuse to remove healthy organs." And so every month, around the 10th or so, I contemplate getting a Dr. Lowe voodoo doll and sticking a pin in it right where I am having cramps. But I don't. Because that is irrational. It is much more rational to sit on the kitchen floor and weep because the fancy shmancy Price Pfister built in soap dispenser has not worked in two years. Yes, that is the height of rational. I should get a rational award. Or a new Price Pfister built in soap dispenser. And why is my family avoiding me? They won't even make eye contact with me. They shield their eyes and run away from like they think I am channeling some evil spirit. What's up with that? And if my husband says "I'm sorry, Dear" in that patronizing tone one more time I am going to shave one of his eyebrows off while he is asleep. And why do all the undercabinet lights in the kitchen just flicker and not turn on. The. kitchen. is. dark. I tried to explain this to my husband and he did not seem to hear me so I tried shrieking at him in between my sobbing over the soap dispenser. He just looked at me and said "I'm sorry, Dear." and walked away. And who ate the last of mint chocolate chip ice cream anyway? I did not want the undercabinet lights to be flourescent because I hate flourescent lights. But somebody overrode my opinion and had the contractor install floureshcent lights. Now they only flicker and rarely turn on. I hate them. I won't say exactly who ordered them, but I will give you a clue. He has a beard. He sleeps in my bed. You will recognize him tomorrow because he will only have one eyebrow. Can nobody else smell this dog? Why am I the only one who notices that these dogs need a bath? I'm just sayin'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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