question for experienced parents re fibbing

[Seeker of Schole]

Is it normal for a 2/3 year old to fib / lie a lot? He is caught telling one almost daily, some that make no sense and some that are doozies. I'm just curious if experience would show this to be normal and I was blind to it in my own children or what.

[AimeeM]

Completely.

At this age I kind of go along with it; I think it's their imagination showing suit :D.

 

At the toddler stage, there is no real NEED to lie - it's more of a game, no different than them talking to an imaginary friend. Also, they tend to assume that if something has happened once or twice, it must be the truth for always. Our Italian Greyhound ate our 3 year old's chicken a few times, now every time he can't find it, he yells "Bella ate my chicken!", even if it isn't "true"; because it happened a few times, he assumes that when the same result comes to pass, the reason must always be the same.

Of course, he also just has a kick butt imagination. He thinks that his stuffed monster can eat brownies at the table and he tells stories about Max and Ruby in the forest being chased by the wolf... and he will swear it happened (and it did, on a show). The line between real and pretend is far too blurred at this age for me to consider anything out of his mouth an intentional "lie".

[WishboneDawn]

Completely.

At this age I kind of go along with it; I think it's their imagination showing suit :D.

 

At the toddler stage, there is no real NEED to lie - it's more of a game, no different than them talking to an imaginary friend. Also, they tend to assume that if something has happened once or twice, it must be the truth for always. Our Italian Greyhound ate our 3 year old's chicken a few times, now every time he can't find it, he yells "Bella ate my chicken!", even if it isn't "true"; because it happened a few times, he assumes that when the same result comes to pass, the reason must always be the same.

Of course, he also just has a kick butt imagination. He thinks that his stuffed monster can eat brownies at the table and he tells stories about Max and Ruby in the forest being chased by the wolf... and he will swear it happened (and it did, on a show). The line between real and pretend is far too blurred at this age for me to consider anything out of his mouth an intentional "lie".

 

:iagree:

[Remudamom]

Normal. Our oldest dd would tell outlandish stories about a family of elephants that apparently lived in our barn at that age. She thought it was true.

[Catwoman]

Mine didn't.

 

But it's probably not the early stages of being a pathological liar or anything! ;)

 

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, but I would let the child know that I knew he wasn't being truthful and that it's important to tell the truth.

 

I know a lot of people laugh it off entirely, but I don't think I'd want my child to believe I was encouraging his lies, so while I wouldn't get angry, I would definitely point out the untruths every single time and ask him to tell me the truth -- or else I'd act like I knew he was making up a story and ask him to make up some more of the story for me. But again, I'd do it all with a smile.

[Maverick_Mom]

When I saw your thread title, my first thought was that you were looking for parents with experience, themselves, in fibbing. :D (For instance, I have extensive experience in fibbing about why the Tooth Fairy forgot to stop by. ;))

[Catwoman]

When I saw your thread title, my first thought was that you were looking for parents with experience, themselves, in fibbing. :D (For instance, I have extensive experience in fibbing about why the Tooth Fairy forgot to stop by. ;))

 

I'd be all over a thread like that! :thumbup:

[justLisa]

Are they having serious conversation at 2/3? DS was born an old man. He is too serious for anyone. And he does not even know how to be anything but painfully honest. DD was a babbler, but it was silly toddler stuff. Nothing that could be remotely construed as telling a lie.

[Seeker of Schole]

When I saw your thread title, my first thought was that you were looking for parents with experience, themselves, in fibbing. :D (For instance, I have extensive experience in fibbing about why the Tooth Fairy forgot to stop by. ;))

 

Funny! :)

 

In case it makes a difference in your responses, I'm not talking about stories or pretend. I'm talking about things like going to the bathroom, flushing the toilet (minor) to trying to get someone else in trouble (happens a lot).

[justLisa]

Funny! :)

 

In case it makes a difference in your responses, I'm not talking about stories or pretend. I'm talking about things like going to the bathroom, flushing the toilet (minor) to trying to get someone else in trouble (happens a lot).

 

If I can tell DD is starting a "story" I interrupt and say "wait, is this a story or did this actually happen?" In a non threatening tone....she just loves to talk and sometimes she doesn't really think it's a big deal, but I don't want to foster story telling. She never says things that will cause harm, but still.

[Catwoman]

If I can tell DD is starting a "story" I interrupt and say "wait, is this a story or did this actually happen?" In a non threatening tone....she just loves to talk and sometimes she doesn't really think it's a big deal, but I don't want to foster story telling. She never says things that will cause harm, but still.

 

:iagree:

 

That's pretty much what I was thinking, too, but you phrased it better than I did.

[Embassy]

Yes, I think it can be normal. At that age fibbing might just be forgetfulness too. He didn't know he left the toilet unflushed because it isn't something a 2 year old mind focuses on. At young ages I'm careful not to punish the child for an infraction when the child owns up to the truth or tells the truth in the first place. Telling the truth is far more important to me than a child being diligent at brushing teeth or flushing the toilet. Also, it is helpful to phrase things so I'm not putting the child in a position of an easy fib (i.e. Let me look at your clean teeth. vs. Did you brush your teeth?).

[Starr]

Yes, the cat, the toys, the this, the that. We just said if the cat or whatever kept having that problem then the toy or whatever would have to go away for a while. Really it was a fun few years. :D

[Momof3littles]

Totally normal, even for a few years more. At that age they barely even have empathy, and then add in the "magical" or "wishful" thinking...lots of fibbing.

 

If you know what really happened, it is always better to just state that you know X happened and work on the solution, vs. asking and setting them up to "lie" intentionally or unintentionally.

[cindergretta]

I know there is a lot of controversy surrounding certain ideas about young children and lying.

 

For our family personally, we tend to follow the thought process that "words are magic." Young children will tell how they want things to be, believe them to be, wish them to be, etc.

 

Like a PP mentioned, we also phrase to avoid setting up a lie - I see the scissors are on the table. You didn't ask to borrow them. Please put them away and next time, ask. Not - Did you take my scissors without asking?

 

So far, none of our dc have lied past the "words are magic" stage. :001_smile:

[Meriwether]

Mine didn't.

 

But it's probably not the early stages of being a pathological liar or anything! ;)

 

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, but I would let the child know that I knew he wasn't being truthful and that it's important to tell the truth.

 

I know a lot of people laugh it off entirely, but I don't think I'd want my child to believe I was encouraging his lies, so while I wouldn't get angry, I would definitely point out the untruths every single time and ask him to tell me the truth -- or else I'd act like I knew he was making up a story and ask him to make up some more of the story for me. But again, I'd do it all with a smile.

:iagree:

At that age, I just ask if they are telling a story and letting them have at it.

[Rivka]

For our family personally, we tend to follow the thought process that "words are magic." Young children will tell how they want things to be, believe them to be, wish them to be, etc.

 

Like a PP mentioned, we also phrase to avoid setting up a lie - I see the scissors are on the table. You didn't ask to borrow them. Please put them away and next time, ask. Not - Did you take my scissors without asking?

 

:iagree: I wouldn't even really call it "lying" at age 2-3. They're telling you what they wish happened, or what they imagine happened, or what happened on TV or in their imagination. I don't ask my 3.5-year-old questions to find out what really happened. I can usually figure it out on my own, and then I tell him.

[Alphabetika]

Completely normal. As one poster said, it's a function of the imagination, and sometimes of wishful thinking. Some kids are more prone to it than others (at least in my small family of three kids).

[2squared]

This is a golden age when they are figuring out the difference between truth and fiction. Why golden? Well, it's the age that they are brainwashed into thinking I know all. They tell me they flushed the toilet, but I say no it hasn't and take them to the evidence. They tell me the cat ate their pajamas, but I say if that's true, then why are your pajamas on the floor of your bedroom? They tell me they put their shoes away, but I walk them to the doorway and point out their magical moving shoes. When they get to the age when they truly tell lies, they have already been brainwashed into thinking that I know the truth before anything comes out of their mouth. :D