teen drinking

[happi duck]

Concerning teens entering 'party' culture:

I can share from my experience but I just wonder: What would you share with these kids if you had the chance?

Edited August 2, 2012 by happi duck
removing tmi

[Annie G]

I'm not sure I'd share with them- depends on how well you know them. But I probably would encourage your kids to make your house the alcohol free hang out place. Our middle daughter went through this and we encouraged her to have kids over to play games, hang out, watch movies, etc. Turns out, several of the kids weren't really into the drinking part- they just wanted to hang out and they were drinking because the other kids were.

 

We didn't have a problem with kids sneaking alcohol into our house, but we did have kids bring inappropriate music in. Dh heard a cd that was forbidden and none of the kids fessed up. So he drilled a hole in it and tossed it to dd. That seemed to end it,and in a strange way, the teens seemed to be looking for someone to set boundaries.

 

I feel for your kids- it's no fun when friends seem to suddenly change.

[Night Elf]

I'm not sure I'd share with them- depends on how well you know them. But I probably would encourage your kids to make your house the alcohol free hang out place. Our middle daughter went through this and we encouraged her to have kids over to play games, hang out, watch movies, etc. Turns out, several of the kids weren't really into the drinking part- they just wanted to hang out and they were drinking because the other kids were.

 

:iagree: Dd20 has friends that party, and they started early like 15 and 16. I just became the Mom with boundaries and everyone accepted that I was cool. My house has always been a safe haven, even for a couple of kids that got kicked out of their houses. (Yes, I was dealing directly with the parents.) They know I do not allow anything illegal and I don't care if one of them is of age, they will not drink in my home. I do not allow smoking either. They can step outside of my garage if they feel the need to smoke. So far everyone has been respectful.

 

My dd20 hates going out with some of these people because the only way they know how to have fun is to drink. So she hangs with them for a bit and then when they get started, she makes some excuse to come home. I think it's sad. She said she'll do the same thing even when she turns 21. She has no interest in drinking because she absolutely hates feeling dizzy, nauseous, and really, really hates throwing up. She doesn't understand why people think that is a good time.

 

Honestly, as close as I was to some of her friends, none of them would have heeded a lecture from me. They will take any information and make it suit them. All I could do was let them know I was here if they needed me, and that they were always invited into my home just to hang out as long as they were clean. When kids don't have anywhere else to hang out, I think they like somewhere they go to just chill. I provide food and soda. That right there brings them in. :)

[Joanne]

(Disclaimer and disclosure ~ I work with this age group professionally in the field of substance abuse)

 

It is culturally normative for teens to experiement and misuse substances. It is a developmentally driven desire, and gets expressed in our culture through "recreational" use of drugs and alcohol.

 

The reality is that for pre-disposed to alcoholism or addiction individuals, early use and experiementation is a huge risk.

 

However, teens are invincible and hard-headed. Additionally, the chemicals they experiement with effect the brain in ways that compete with the brain's development; areas of reasoning, impulse control, and judgment.

 

I'd *love* to be able to influence teens to avoid experimenting at young ages; but it's unlikely. The best bet is to give them options for harm reduction such as designated drivers, access to a trusted adult who will help no matter what, and the least amount of hypocrisy possible (teens are masters at identifying it).

 

A shocking percentage of teens experiment (or more). So far, no amount of educational or psychoeducational initiatives have shown to be effective in minimizing the experimentation.

 

I am not in support of parent-supervised, "controlled" use. But I also think that firm "no use" policies are unrealistic and fail to equip parents with what is best for the kids and relationship.

[happi duck]

I'm not sure I'd share with them- depends on how well you know them. But I probably would encourage your kids to make your house the alcohol free hang out place...

 

Thanks. This is confirmation to keep going as we have been. We already are the safe haven.

 

...My house has always been a safe haven, even for a couple of kids that got kicked out of their houses. (Yes, I was dealing directly with the parents.) They know I do not allow anything illegal and I don't care if one of them is of age, they will not drink in my home. I do not allow smoking either. They can step outside of my garage if they feel the need to smoke. So far everyone has been respectful.

 

My dd20 hates going out with some of these people because the only way they know how to have fun is to drink. So she hangs with them for a bit and then when they get started, she makes some excuse to come home. I think it's sad. She said she'll do the same thing even when she turns 21. She has no interest in drinking because she absolutely hates feeling dizzy, nauseous, and really, really hates throwing up. She doesn't understand why people think that is a good time.

 

Honestly, as close as I was to some of her friends, none of them would have heeded a lecture from me. They will take any information and make it suit them. All I could do was let them know I was here if they needed me, and that they were always invited into my home just to hang out as long as they were clean. When kids don't have anywhere else to hang out, I think they like somewhere they go to just chill. I provide food and soda. That right there brings them in. :)

 

Again, thanks for confirming that we're on the right track.

 

 

(Disclaimer and disclosure ~ I work with this age group professionally in the field of substance abuse)

 

It is culturally normative for teens to experiement and misuse substances. It is a developmentally driven desire, and gets expressed in our culture through "recreational" use of drugs and alcohol.

 

The reality is that for pre-disposed to alcoholism or addiction individuals, early use and experiementation is a huge risk.

 

However, teens are invincible and hard-headed. Additionally, the chemicals they experiement with effect the brain in ways that compete with the brain's development; areas of reasoning, impulse control, and judgment.

 

I'd *love* to be able to influence teens to avoid experimenting at young ages; but it's unlikely. The best bet is to give them options for harm reduction such as designated drivers, access to a trusted adult who will help no matter what, and the least amount of hypocrisy possible (teens are masters at identifying it).

 

A shocking percentage of teens experiment (or more). So far, no amount of educational or psychoeducational initiatives have shown to be effective in minimizing the experimentation.

 

I am not in support of parent-supervised, "controlled" use. But I also think that firm "no use" policies are unrealistic and fail to equip parents with what is best for the kids and relationship.

 

Thanks for the truly expert opinion. This encourages me to keep on as we have been: We are the parents that can be called day or night, we provide a listening ear, rides, a place to stay etc.

 

What especially scares me is the pre-disposition you mentioned and also the potential for assault.

 

Thanks everyone, this helps, truly.

Edited August 2, 2012 by happi duck
removing tmi