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What do you give up in order to....


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homeschool, afford curriculum and/or extracurriculars?

 

Here's my list....

 

  • my own free time....
  • my own free time....
  • did I mention my own free time?

Now for the serious list....

 

  • new carpets/flooring
  • most of the basic remodeling projects (new counters in kitchen)
  • Many non-essential repairs are put on hold --like the concrete path out front.
  • I used to take skating & piano lessons w/ Dc but can't afford to any longer.
  • Space in the home....for all the books, projects etc.
  • hair salons, not a biggie for me, Dh has always given me a trim. I may need to change this as I start to go gray.
  • some of the for fun reading I'd like to do
  • writing time...for my own ideas
  • expensive outings, though I'm fortunate that we can still fit in a couple of these every now and then
  • cell phones--we have a company phone from Dh's job and we share it...don't know how much longer that will last
  • technology updates...no ipad here, same computer for 10 years, no laptop until recently when my mom bought me one.

After looking at my list it doesn't seem so bad. I do wish I had more time for me for the creative side--drawing, painting, writing, that sort of thing. So what's your list like? Pretty much the same?

 

ETA: I forgot to include a larger retirement fund/bank account!

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We sacrifice a lot, but I was a SAHM since ds was born, so we had a few years to adjust our lifestyle before we started homeschooling.

 

My dh probably gives up more than I do, honestly. He has lowered his expectations about the household and cooking a lot. When he has time and energy he doesn't mind doing those things. Actually, I think our lives would be more stressful with ds in school. We hate mornings and money is tight. With homeschooling we can budget as we have money, not be tied to demands by the school for lunch money or book orders or their school supply list or their attendance schedule or their dress code.

 

There are physical things we do without because I don't work full-time outside of the house.

 

AC in my car - dh is driving it right now with a very hot commute home

Doing repairs for dh's truck - which the AC works

Some household remodel - probably wouldn't be done as dh does the work and he's exhausted most of the time

new TV - this is dh's entertainment and our TV is wearing out. I'd like to buy him a new one for Christmas

Lessons - ds really has no interest, but we'd probably make him do something if we had the money.

travel - it's the old time and money dilemma, if we have time we have no money to travel, if we have money then no time. We love to travel and would like to do some camping trips and tour the country a little

 

The sacrifices we make don't outweigh what we'd have to give up if ds was in school and I was working.

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Like Paula, I've been staying home since DS was born, so we really didn't give up anything extra financially... there is curriculum to purchase, but with only one child, that amount isn't unbearable for us.

 

Also as Paula said, travel is a dilemma... we have plenty of time but not a lot of extra money to do it. (We were going to take a trip this fall, until we realized we'll need to put in a new A/C soon. Not enough for both, although we may try to do a short weekend getaway somewhere.) But if I put DS in school and went back to work... well, we'd have the finances to travel, but between the school schedule and me having little vacation for the first years, when would we go??

 

I have lost some (all) of my personal time, but we have more time overall... I hated running out of the house at 8am every morning and it's nice to be on our own schedule. It's nice to stay home several days a week if that's what we want to do.

 

Of course, like many or most of you out there, we give up the extra money that would provide college and retirement funds. (My DH has a decent retirement account, so it's not as if we have nothing, but it's much less than what it could be or what the experts say we "should" have.) But, I highly doubt we will homeschool through high school, so when I do return to work in a few years, a good chunk of whatever I earn will go toward those two endeavors.

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Ugh, that's a good question. I mainly feel it in the following areas:

 

  • My free time (which is the biggest one for me, because I'm so introverted that I start to lose my sanity if I can't be alone).
  • Home-related things: Upgrades, small repairs, new sheets and towels to replace the shredding old ones, updated kitchen (ours is original to the house, fridge is from the 70s, etc.).
  • Travel: We only travel for family-related things right now, or we travel to the nearby beach for a few nights; I would love to be able to go farther, but we don't even have the money to camp outside of that.
  • Retirement funds: We save, but not nearly enough.

 

Those are the things that seem to "hurt" the most. I can go without most everything else, or buy less or lower quality, and drive my van into the ground, and I don't care too much. But I feel like we should see more of our own country, at least, and I get depressed living with run-down stuff in and around the house. But HSing does matter more than all that, and I have to keep reminding myself!

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Mainly time and sanity. I don't see our financial situation being significantly different if the kids were in school.

 

My salary if I'd kept working would have been almost $50K for 30 hours a week, and that was from home, so I had no real outlay either (no work clothes or lunches, etc.). Sometimes it hurts to think about that! But I hated hated hated that job, and if I were still working I'd have wanted to put the kids in private school anyway, so that money was pretty much lost. There's also no telling whether I'd still have a job at this point anyway! I have to keep reminding myself of that too!

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My salary if I'd kept working would have been almost $50K for 30 hours a week, and that was from home, so I had no real outlay either (no work clothes or lunches, etc.). Sometimes it hurts to think about that! But I hated hated hated that job, and if I were still working I'd have wanted to put the kids in private school anyway, so that money was pretty much lost. There's also no telling whether I'd still have a job at this point anyway! I have to keep reminding myself of that too!

 

In our case, I work full time (3 loooong days a week), and my DH works somewhere between part time and overtime depending on the week - his schedule is flexible enough to fit around our childcare/homeschooling needs. We spend very little on curriculum at this point, and most extracurriculars are things they'd do even if they were in public school. So we really would be in basically the same place financially.

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In our case, I work full time (3 loooong days a week), and my DH works somewhere between part time and overtime depending on the week - his schedule is flexible enough to fit around our childcare/homeschooling needs. We spend very little on curriculum at this point, and most extracurriculars are things they'd do even if they were in public school. So we really would be in basically the same place financially.

 

Ah, got it. More power to you! I HSed while working up until 2 years ago, and I almost didn't survive it. Maybe if my job had had more redeeming qualities? But I'm always in awe of people who can work and HS. I could not make it work.

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I'm going to answer a little differently. My kids are going to PS in the Fall and I am still going to be a SAHM. I am looking forward to having the time, uninterrupted, to organize our home and our finances, to clean the house, to go to the gym without having to get up super early, to run errands during the day, and other projects I have put off since DS13 was born. :001_smile:

 

I think the costs will be comparable because we will probably spend almost the same on clothing/shoes/backpacks/supplies as we would on curriculum.

 

I don't want to sound like one of those parents that is glad to see the kids go off. I will miss them terribly and relish our afternoons and evenings together. I am fortunate that I can do all my stuff before they get home so I can focus on them after school.

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new carpets/flooring

 

  • most of the basic remodeling projects (new counters in kitchen)

  • Many non-essential repairs are put on hold --like the concrete path out front.

 

<snip>

 

 

 

ETA: I forgot to include a larger retirement fund/bank account!

 

 

All of that. This place is falling apart. And it wasn't lovely to begin with. Some of it is $$ (need like $400, not a fortune but more than I have, to replace the vinyl in the kitchen - ever seen the combination of 45 years + dog nails? not pretty), some of it is that I don't have the energy to get dh moving on it. He's not completely unwilling, but tends to be inert (like silica!) and need to be combined with something to get a process started (like fire!).

 

Retirement fund? What is this....retirement fund...of which you speak? :lol:

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I'm going to answer a little differently. My kids are going to PS in the Fall and I am still going to be a SAHM. I am looking forward to having the time, uninterrupted, to organize our home and our finances, to clean the house, to go to the gym without having to get up super early, to run errands during the day, and other projects I have put off since DS13 was born. :001_smile:

 

OK, that was just mean :glare:

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All of that. This place is falling apart. And it wasn't lovely to begin with. Some of it is $$ (need like $400, not a fortune but more than I have, to replace the vinyl in the kitchen - ever seen the combination of 45 years + dog nails? not pretty), some of it is that I don't have the energy to get dh moving on it. He's not completely unwilling, but tends to be inert (like silica!) and need to be combined with something to get a process started (like fire!).

 

Retirement fund? What is this....retirement fund...of which you speak? :lol:

 

Yes! This house is a bi-level from 1961. That was not exactly a charming time in architectural and home design evolution to begin with. We could probably manage to do more DIY projects, but I can't do them without DH. He leaves the house at 9 and gets home between 8 and 9 at night, and he really can't take time off for them (works commission-only). That doesn't leave a lot of time for projects! He does the best he can on his days off though.

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Ah, got it. More power to you! I HSed while working up until 2 years ago, and I almost didn't survive it. Maybe if my job had had more redeeming qualities? But I'm always in awe of people who can work and HS. I could not make it work.

 

I don't think I could do it if I were working a typical 5 day a week schedule and if DH didn't do his share of the homeschooling/house stuff. And there are definitely sanity costs as it is :)

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I don't think I could do it if I were working a typical 5 day a week schedule and if DH didn't do his share of the homeschooling/house stuff. And there are definitely sanity costs as it is :)

 

Yeah, I hear you. DH was working 60 hours a week at the time, commission only, and that was pretty much all he did (ahem :glare:). It was a hard time. You sound like you have a great division of labor there.

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For real? I hope not.

 

Ha, no, I was kidding. Only because I fantasize about sending the kids out in the morning and getting them back in the afternoon. If only school wasn't the only place that would allow that! :tongue_smilie: (I've always been a conflicted HSer--I am grateful to be able to HS, but for me, it is a labor of love that I cannot wait to be done with *sigh* If only our schools were better...)

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My alone time. Like melissel, I'm a huge introvert, so the constant "being on" affects my mental state.

 

There are disturbingly few sacrifices that have been made since I left a professional consulting job to be a SAHM almost 8 years ago. It makes me sort of nauseous to think that, at 50% income, we live in the same place, have sent my husband to grad school and paid off all debt except the mortgage because, honestly, I can't account for nearly half a million dollars from the working years when we were racking up debt hand over fist! Where did it all go?? :confused:

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Ha, no, I was kidding. Only because I fantasize about sending the kids out in the morning and getting them back in the afternoon. If only school wasn't the only place that would allow that! :tongue_smilie: (I've always been a conflicted HSer--I am grateful to be able to HS, but for me, it is a labor of love that I cannot wait to be done with *sigh* If only our schools were better...)

 

Oh good. I wasn't sure with the "glare". Lol. :001_smile:

 

HS'ing was the hardest thing I've ever done and probably will ever do. I give major props to you and all the moms and dads here!!

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...I can't account for nearly half a million dollars from the working years when we were racking up debt hand over fist! Where did it all go?? :confused:

 

Oh my word, I was just thinking the very same thing these last few days. I don't even want to tally how much is gone. Just knowing how much debt we paid off before I could quit my job is sickening enough. When I think of what we could do with that money now, or how I could have quit my job YEARS before I did, before I practically put myself in the hospital... :crying: Ick.

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Oh good. I wasn't sure with the "glare". Lol. :001_smile:

 

HS'ing was the hardest thing I've ever done and probably will ever do. I give major props to you and all the moms and dads here!!

 

Thanks :grouphug: You got pretty darn far yourself. I'm flat out terrified of the next few years!

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-We share one economy car that is from 2004 and has 175k miles on it. It's actually in the shop now having the engine replaced because we're hoping to get another 75k-100k miles out of it. The service advisor tried to talk us into looking at a new car, but I shot him down within about 30 seconds and when he tried again with DH, DH did the same.

-clothes come mostly from thrift shops, clearance at discount stores, or are gifts. Younger DD mostly wears hand-me-downs.

-no cable/satellite, no Netflix, no Hulu+, etc. Mostly we borrow from the library though sometimes we do rent a DVD from Redbox if we don't want to wait.

-in nearly 14 years' of marriage, we've taken a grand total of 2 vacations (both road trips) that weren't visiting relatives (and the airfare for those are paid for by either my parents or my IL's).

-we just canceled my cell service and are paying my folks the cost to have me as a 3rd line on their plan.

-back when I was employed, I had a gym membership and regular visits to the salon & day spa. Those days are L-O-O-O-N-G gone.

 

The only sacrifice that I feel bad about is that the kids can't do any expensive sports, dance, or music. But it's more important to us for me to be home FT as long as possible. Do I wish we could afford both? Of course. But right now that's not financially feasible.

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He's not completely unwilling, but tends to be inert (like silica!) and need to be combined with something to get a process started (like fire!).

 

Oh, that's a perfect description of my husband!!

 

Retirement fund? What is this....retirement fund...of which you speak? :lol:

 

DH keeps saying things like "When I retire" or talking about retirement. I :lol: on the inside, it would be mean to laugh in his face. Sigh.

 

 

I gave up:

 

Carrying my own insurance. We have insurance, now, through DH's work...mine was way better and much cheaper, though :glare:

 

About $800 a month of "pocket money".

 

Being able to say "I've worked all week and I deserve a break so I'm going to the mall ALONE on Saturday." Apparently, it ISN'T stressful to have your 3 wild indians (uh, kids?) 24/7...not.at.all

 

Like someone else mentioned, traveling is harder now due to finances. It's a catch 22 - Work, afford to travel but never have the time and can't pull kids out of school. Don't work, can't afford to travel as much, have more time where you can travel and no school to worry about truancy....

 

Friends. I'm a little lonely now. Almost all my friends were really work peers. My one BFF, who was like a "me clone" has moved across the US, so I'm really alone now. I still have people I talk to, but not as often.

 

Kids friends. They are all caught up in public school stuff - ballgames, back to school, etc.. and don't have time to play. Of course, we kind of had that issue before we quit to homeschool, so maybe that's a wash.

 

I still wouldn't change anything. It's back to school time, here. This time last year I was in tears and agonizing over ODS being put in the "bad kid" (discipline problem) class because his math scores were too low to be with his friends, over YDS being too old to hold back a grade and not ready to be promoted, over DD being in a class with a bully...this year I smiled as I saw the parent/teacher cars parking at the school across the street.

 

My kids are learning, really learning, math. ODS was begging to do MORE problems yesterday and was getting them right! They can now actually write a legible and interesting paragraph or letter. We are making progress. Slowly, slowly.

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Friends. I'm a little lonely now. Almost all my friends were really work peers. My one BFF, who was like a "me clone" has moved across the US, so I'm really alone now. I still have people I talk to, but not as often.

 

Kids friends. They are all caught up in public school stuff - ballgames, back to school, etc.. and don't have time to play. Of course, we kind of had that issue before we quit to homeschool, so maybe that's a wash.

 

:( You don't live in NJ by any chance, do you?

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Ha, no, I was kidding. Only because I fantasize about sending the kids out in the morning and getting them back in the afternoon. If only school wasn't the only place that would allow that! :tongue_smilie: (I've always been a conflicted HSer--I am grateful to be able to HS, but for me, it is a labor of love that I cannot wait to be done with *sigh* If only our schools were better...)

 

 

Right there with you. I thought about homeschooling for a LOOONG time before we took the plunge. I know it's the right thing for DS, but I was quibbling on whether it was the right thing for me and if I'd be able to handle it. Our schools were "fine" but it wasn't the right thing for DS.

 

I gave up a $50k salary to stay home, so that's not necessarily related to homeschooling... I just never thought I'd be out this LONG!

 

Plus, DH seems to think I'll be able to go right back and get a good job whenever I want. I think he's dreaming. Jobs are tough to come by now when you have great credentials, let alone when your degree is 15 or 20 years old and you haven't worked in more than a decade. :confused:

 

I also do find hsing a bit more isolating than I thought it'd be. We haven't retained very many of our PS friends (people just move on), but I don't seem to fit in with the homeschooling groups here very well. We do have a few friends we can get together with but it can be tough.

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My alone time. Like melissel, I'm a huge introvert, so the constant "being on" affects my mental state.

 

There are disturbingly few sacrifices that have been made since I left a professional consulting job to be a SAHM almost 8 years ago. It makes me sort of nauseous to think that, at 50% income, we live in the same place, have sent my husband to grad school and paid off all debt except the mortgage because, honestly, I can't account for nearly half a million dollars from the working years when we were racking up debt hand over fist! Where did it all go?? :confused:

 

This makes me crazy. If I could have managed our lives back then the way I do now....I don't even know. We don't have car payments or debt except mortgage now.

 

As long as I have some me time I'm good. Thankfully my parents live nearby and my kids best friends are on the same block, so they spend one afternoon and Saturdays there.

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The only thing I can think of is alone/ free time. I've been a SAHW/M since a few months after DH and I married, so I haven't contributed to the bank account in a long time. That probably wouldn't change even if the kids were in school because I am fiercely protective of our evening and weekend family time due to deployments.

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We are like a small colony of hermits.

 

I'm going to use that one. We are exactly the same. It's funny, sometimes I feel guilty about the amount of quiet time I have. My kids really like using headphones. They spend a lot of time on computers or ipads reading/playing games etc.

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We are like a small colony of hermits.

 

:cheers2:

 

We enjoy our personal space here.

 

Ugh, I'm jealous. I'm the only introvert in a family of people who ask me, "Where are we going today? Who are we seeing today?" when they wake up in the morning. The kids are used to my habits because they've grown up with me, but DH, whose nickname is "the mayor," still struggles with it.

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I thought about this thread while biking this morning, and this afternoon, I began crafting a reply. It soon grew unwieldy, though, and contained the sort of detail that many years on these boards have taught me can potentially knot knickers, so I decided to leave it at a simple nothing. I gave up nothing to homeschool. On the contrary, what we do here, how we reimagined our family life in the wake of choosing to home educate gave me so much.

 

I am fortunate. People are often surprised to hear me say such a thing, but I am, and I know it. The time that I had and have to see, really see my children may well have prevented my entire world from imploding twenty months ago.

 

The decision to homeschool cost me nothing but rather continues to pay me.

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Financially we didn't really give up anything because I wouldn't have been working the past 7 years anyway. But this fall is when my youngest could have been entering kindergarten.

 

I don't give up my free time. I think that's absolutely the last thing anyone should give up.

 

I agree that free time is important but with young kids and a dh who works long-ish hours, it's not that easy to keep. I'm a serious introvert so being with people who make constant demands, pull on me, sit on me, need me all.day.long is rough. Dh is good about letting me go out and usually takes the kids away to his parents one weekend a month but I still find it a struggle sometimes. I can get quiet but it means letting the kids sit on the computer or in front of the tv and I try not to do that too much.

 

I'd like to say we gave up a clean, well-organized house but I'm not sure I'd be that much better of a housekeeper without the homeschooling. :tongue_smilie:

Maybe if the kids were gone all day and I was here all day, I would manage to keep up with it some.

 

I actually found working easier on my introvert tendencies. I had the kind of job where I was usually given my work and left alone to do it. I could go get a snack if I wanted, go the bathroom alone, talk on the phone without interruptions, or I could be social if I wanted to be.

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A six-figure salary and my sanity.

 

Yep, this. I think it was worth the sacrifice, but many days I think back to the days with dh at home & me bringing in a much larger salary. Why can't we have it all when we want it????

 

 

I don't want to sound like one of those parents that is glad to see the kids go off. I will miss them terribly and relish our afternoons and evenings together. I am fortunate that I can do all my stuff before they get home so I can focus on them after school.

 

This sounds heavenly. I am a constantly conflicted homeschooler. My oldest is getting nearer to PS every year. I will be sad when the day comes, but I am sure the next stage will be wonderful as well.

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