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How common is divorce among your peers?


How many divorced couples do you know?  

  1. 1. How many divorced couples do you know?

    • 4 or fewer, socially conservative area
      83
    • 4 or fewer, socially liberal area
      46
    • 4 or fewer, socially moderate area
      34
    • 5-9, socially conservative area
      17
    • 5-9, socially liberal area
      7
    • 5-9, socially moderate area
      10
    • 10 or more, socially conservative area
      18
    • 10 or more, socially liberal area
      3
    • 10 or more, socially moderate area
      6
    • Huh?
      21


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I am taking peer group to mean people about my age, in similar financial circumstances, in my immediate area.

 

We easily know more than 10 divorced couples. After we hit around 15 years of marriage, they started dropping like flies. Our circles are mostly socially conservative.

 

 

 

Yes. I, too, was surprised by the number of couples who split up after 15+ years.

 

I think the answers vary widely by age as much as area.

 

When dh and I married in our late 20s the only peer who was divorced was my sil. She had married her high school sweetheart just after graduation and it didn't last.

 

Several years ago it seems we went through a divorce epidemic. 4 of dh's siblings (all of the married ones) divorced after a few (it was sil's 3rd marriage at that time), 13, 15, and 18 years.

 

Some of our best couple friends divorced. 15, 18, 26 years.

 

More recently, several of my cousins have divorced. I'm not sure of the time frame, but all had graduated at least their oldest dc from high school. Maybe 20 years of marriage? At least 2 of these were dealing with a youngest child on the autism spectrum. Dh and I certainly have scars from that particular stress . . .

 

And I just learned last week that another childhood friend is separated. Their two older dc (out of 3) are in college, and my friend had been putting up with her dh's neglect of them all for years. I don't know if she finally got tired of it, but I can't imagine trying to please someone who said, "I don't know if I ever really loved you."

 

Now our parents and their peers? All of them have divorced at least once. That mid-life crisis is a doozy. :001_smile:

 

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

My sil? Everyone in her family is divorced. Some multiple times. She says all the women in her family "lost it" in their late thirties/early forties. I wonder if it might be hormonal or if their dc growing up and not needing the "mother role" prompted the split-ups. I know my sil puts up with way more than I would think humanly possible because she is determined to have a surviving marriage.

 

It is sobering. The stresses of life can beat you (and a marriage) down. Don't take anything for granted!

Edited by BamaTanya
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I observed this last year - there were six couples in my church's pre-marital class when my dh and I were going through the pre-marital requirements. Of those couples only 1 is divorced, and they were the one that we all knew was making a mistake (didn't know each other well, really rushed to get married, etc..) The rest of us have been married over 15 years, have 2-8 kids.

However to mess up the poll my dh was married for 2 years prior to our meeting.

:P

 

I would say that I live in primarily a socially conservative area and attend a conservative church.

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Out of the people I live around, and know on a regular basis, only 3 have gotten divorced over the past 20 years. 2 of those are from the same family. We live in the Bible belt...

 

Now, if you consider MY family, the ones I choose not to be around much, the divorce rate is around 95%, if they get married at all after kids. I cannot think of a single family member on my mother's side that has stayed married, other than my grandmother (who is a widow). I have an uncle that got married 7 or 8 times before he died. On my dad's side it isn't quite as bad...around 50%. Those that have stayed married waited until their 40s to marry. All of them live in the Bible belt as well.

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In my group of friends (middle class/upper middle class, married 10-15 years, probably half military) there was only one divorce 3 years ago. In the last 3 years 5 of us have filed for divorce (and it's not a group thing, the other 4 don't know each other, they are just all people I am friends with).

 

It seems like we have hit the critical period for marriages. We all have families with the youngest child hitting school age and I think in a lot of cases the couple was holding on to make it to that point so the kids wouldn't have to go to daycare (stay at home moms). Also, we are all mid-late 30's which is prime age for a mid life crisis or just boredom with the relationship (a sense of "is this all there is," infidelity played a part in half the divorces).

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I'm on the younger side of you all and have been married a little longer than most of my friends, and even then, we're just about to hit our 6th anniversary. Given that, we know 3 couples that got divorced. One of those was a good thing and she has since remarried. These are all conservative people.

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My dad was one of 8 kids. 4 of them divorced. Of the 20 grandchildren, 17 are married. Of the 17, only 2 have divorced. Both of those marriages ended before the first year and both have remarried and remained married for years since.

 

I find the difference in the generations fascinating.

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I didn't vote because there wasn't a category I fit in. Even though we live in an extremely conservative area, my peers are extremely liberal. If I could vote, it would be 0. Most of us have been married 15+ years. One couple in our church just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. :)

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I easily know more than 10 couples that have divorced. My two best friends are divorced (one remarried), and there are many others in my extended network of friends and acquaintances.

 

I live in a socially conservative area, but my circle of friends is a mix of conservatives and liberals. Many of them are also transplants from more liberal areas.

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I find the labels cumbersome and vague. Socially conservative? Socially liberal? Should I include gay marriages?

 

I also find "married" and "divorced" to be less than accurate. Married, in many cases, *really* means "not divorced on paper."

 

I'm more interested in the quality of relationship than the paper status of relationship.

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I find the labels cumbersome and vague. Socially conservative? Socially liberal? Should I include gay marriages?

 

I also find "married" and "divorced" to be less than accurate. Married, in many cases, *really* means "not divorced on paper."

 

I'm more interested in the quality of relationship than the paper status of relationship.

 

:iagree:

 

I know very few divorced women in my circle of friends. I also know very few happily married women in my circle of friends.:sad:

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I think my area would be considered liberal by American standards.

 

I know, I guess, four people who have been divorced in my peer group, that is people roughly my age. One is the husband f a good friend who divorced after 10 years of marriage, and the others all happened at around the 5-6 year mark. They were not entirely surprising.

 

In my family, my moms side has two divorces, my parents and one uncle out of five kids. My dad's side has more, three out of four kids divorced at least once (my dad has the record I think at three) and their parents were divorced as well. So far there are no divorces in my generation.

 

I suspect though that the number in my generation of friends and family will increase in the future - probably in the 15 year mark or so as many have noted.

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Of my closest friends, we've all been married 15+ years and going strong. But, within the last month, MONTH! 3 pairs of friends have finalized divorces. All three had been married more the 8-10 years. One came as a huge shock (the the wife, too).

My parents are still married 42 years next month.

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It's uncommon, but not unheard of. We live in a socially conservative area now, have moved a lot (generally conservative to moderate areas), and come from a background that is conservative in regard to marriage. Dh's church small group had 2 in the past year out of 20 guys, but that's highly unusual (in both cases, there was no abuse, and it was the wife who left ... one couple has a severely handicapped child, the husband can't find work in their country of origin, she doesn't have family support here, so things fell apart over time ... the other was a younger couple who probably shouldn't have married in the first place).

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I also find "married" and "divorced" to be less than accurate. Married, in many cases, *really* means "not divorced on paper."

 

 

This is a very true point. I would bet that there are many couples everywhere like this. My best friends are unfortunately at this point or close to it.

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