Embarrassed about financial situation

[MedicMom]

My parents are wealthy. They have that 4500 square foot, 7 bedroom, 4 bathroom house. They have almost no debt and my mom has been a SAHM for the last 23 years.

I know that they have been judged over the house(which was an old Greek revival that they bought and have fixed up, but whatever). What those people don't know is that my family spent several years cramming into a three bedrooms doublewide with six kids, or that my teenage years were spent with seven siblings(they added on kids after we moved :)) and one, single, well-used bathroom.

People don't know that my mom still grows and cans almost all of their own food, or that they pay for vehicles in cash but then run them until they fall apart.

 

Just because what you see is wealth doesn't mean they aren't either making some serious sacrifices or are seriously in debt.

 

By the way, I have two children and live in a large home. My husband and I are making very good money these days; six figures between the two of us. We have the boat, the jet ski, the four wheeler, and very little debt.

 

What people don't see is that DH works an average of seventy hours a week. What people don't know, either, is that I can only focus on my career now because we are done having children, and that we would trade all of the above for the ability to have another baby.

[kalanamak]

Something that helps me when times are super tough: You never know another person's debt load. Sure, they may live in fancy houses, wear fancy clothes, stop at Starbucks 10x a day. But they also may have $50,000 in credit card debt, that's probably from frivilous buying not genuine emergencies and medical.

 

:iagree:

[OnTheBrink]

OP, I know how you feel. I'm in my mid-40's and had to go to work due to my divorce. I had a nice home in a nice subdivision. Not a McMansion, but a nice home. Now I have a tiny bungalow in a very old neighborhood. It's not a bad neighborhood and it's not a bad house. But it's not what I signed up for, you know? What I signed up for turned out to be a lie. And, it wouldn't upset me much (and honestly, it doesn't, really) until the 20-something tart in the cubical next me starts in on how when SHE'S ready for retirement, SHE'S going to have ONE MILLION BUCKS in the bank, SHE'S doing every thing RIGHT. She's SAVING and INVESTING and using COUPONS and her future's so bright, she's gotta wear shades. And, when she's going on in this vein, she's doing it in a "nanny nanny booboo" sing-song tone that makes me want to leap over the cube, smash her smirking pug nosed face into her keyboard and say, "Listen up, Precious. Life happens. You can pridefully plan it into the ground and it won't mean squat when your dh loses his job, gets sick, your kids get sick or have needs that you don't expect, or the economy collapses or countless other unexpected issues arrise. So stuff a sock in it." But, since I'd get written up for that, I refrain. ;)

 

But seriously, you have nothing to be embarassed about. And, I really doubt those other moms give it a thought. I wouldn't. You're ok. Better than ok. You really are. :grouphug:

[Luckymama]

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

 

It's easy to generalize and say that the people who appear more wealthy are also deep in debt, but the fact is, many of them aren't in debt. And that should be OK.

 

A nice person is a nice person, whether she is poor or wealthy. It doesn't matter. I have had friends who were flat broke and others who were worth more money than I'll ever see in a lifetime, and it worked out just fine. It doesn't work when someone decides to get competitive -- but if someone is really competitive, they're going to find something else to compete about if money isn't the issue, so again, it's about the person and not the money.

 

I'm glad to see that the OP isn't pre-judging the other moms (or the kids) based on their cars or their homes, because many people do that, even right here on this forum (not in this thread, though! :001_smile:) I hope she realizes that the other moms probably don't think any less of her because she doesn't have as much stuff, and that they like her and her family because of who they are, not because of what they have or don't have.

 

 

I've been on both sides :001_smile:

 

When the kids were younger we rented a teeny semi-detached house in an iffy neighborhood zoned for a "failing" elementary school. The yard was really nice though. I gardened, couponed for toiletries, used cloth diapers, baked our bread, shopped at kid consignment sales, etc. I drove a rusty 1984 Nissan Sentra and dh drove the base model 1990 Chevy Cavalier (no ac) he bought before we met. My friends all had new safe cars, lived in much larger houses that they owned, and never sat in the grocery store parking lot crying because they didn't have enough money to buy the fruit their kids asked for. Some friends were very well-off, living in nicer houses than the McMansions.

 

Some days I would come home from playgroup or the park sad and envious. At times it was very difficult. I was able to "de-funk" myself by focusing on what we did have, by making the most of our limited resources (a gallon of paint can make a big difference!), and by realizing that even though my friends had much more money than we, they were still nice, caring, decent, generous people.

 

Btw those women are still my friends now, one for 19 years next month!

 

Our circumstances are vastly different now. I hope that no one who knows me thinks poorly of me, that I don't welcome friendships with people at a lower income :001_huh:

 

My dh switched careers 15 years ago. After some very lean years, he now does quite nicely :001_smile: We live in a beautiful large house on a gorgeous lot (it was a foreclosure six years ago). We just put in brand-new windows and replaced the tiny falling-down deck with a much larger Trex one with a retractable awning. I do not have to work. We can send our daughter to private high school and our son to college without worrying about the tuition bill. If we continue saving at the rate we are currently, our retirement will be comfortable. We will be able to do the traveling we've always wanted.

 

Someone who meets me might think we have it made. What they don't see is that the house improvements, our non-worry about retirement and tuition, my ability to continue to stay home and homeschool our youngest--------all that is due to the inheritance I received this year from my parents' estate. I would give any amount of money for my relatively young parents (67 and 69 at their deaths) to be here enjoying the money they had saved for their retirements.

[JennyB]

As the mom who lives in "big" house, is there anything I can do to make you feel more welcome at my house? Is there anything I can do to make you feel comfortable inviting my kids or me to your house?

 

Of course, I don't talk about "stuff" or money to you.

 

And, I would (really) be comfortable visiting your smaller house.

 

I understand where the OP is coming from. I am currently living in my inlaws 900 sq ft basement with 8 of us. But I wanted to say that one of my best friends lives in a McMansion. When we first met them the kids and I were very nervous about having anything to do with them because I felt inferior and self consious because we don't have toys (motorcycles, boats, swimming pools, stuff) and I remember very distinctly telling my kids as I dropped one of them off for an activity that they were either rich or in debt. So we avoided them. Circumstances happend and she happened to overhear that I was going to work at the Scholastic book fair she asked if she could go with me. Needless to say she and I have so much in common personality wise. She revealed that she didn't want to get to know me because she felt inferior because she thought we were a perfect family:lol:. (She now knows better :D)

 

Now they are having financial trouble because a huge contract defaulted with his company and they are facing losing everything even though they did everything right. No debt at all. Paid for everything with cash.

 

All that to say. I think judging is what hurts us. Both ways. Everyone is a person and you never know until you get to know a person what they are like.

 

That is not to say that I don't wish that we could go boating with them every weekends or that my kids had more in common with the other kids but everything they do cost money. Lots of money. So :grouphug:. I get it. I am there also. I just try to remember that everyone has something they can share with someone. No one has everything.

[Elizabeth in MN]

When you're living with being financially poor some days are just plain harder than others. There are a lot of great things in your life right now. You're temporarily in a hard spot. One of the great things you have going for you is that you are getting out of the hard spot. Some days we a spoon to dig out way out, some days we can manage a back hoe : D

 

Also, it is totally fine to have a good sit-down-and-cry. Lets the stress out.

 

*HUGS*

[justamouse]

It can be difficult to be happy with what you have, but it's something to aspire toward. And FWIW, there are billionaires who aren't satisfied with what they have, and who are still envious of the next guy up on the Most Wealthy lists, so it's really about your own personality than it is about any of the material possessions.

 

Very true, but they tend to be miserable people to be around. :D

[Slartibartfast]

:grouphug:

 

Medical bills stack up very quickly if anything happens. We have had to make some sacrifices to get ours paid off. It can really be a difficult burden.

[LibraryLover]

:grouphug: I think it's your struggles, not your home, that has got you so down. Life is not fair.

 

I know a good number of very young people with nice homes etc. It's so funny how we read about lazy 20 -somethings living with their parents, playing video games, but so many of us know young people this age going out and doing.

 

They may have had a leg up, they may not have had health issues. Everyone has a different background. They may be working harder than they ever knew they could. (I see that in my own 23 yr old!)

 

Your little one just wants to play with a friend. That's all is it right now, although I know can be difficlut.

 

We've never had a ton of money, and I've really never been envious of wealthier people, but lately it's been bothering me. A lot.

 

Today I dropped my DD7 off at a friend's house for a playdate. They live at the other end of town, in a brand-new area of McMansions. I came back to our tiny old house and cried. I don't know why it's bothering me now. I think it's because of the group of friends that DD has...they are all in their 20s, living in nice houses, drinking Starbucks and driving around in new cars. And here I am pushing 40, in a 2 bedroom house with my 4th (suprise) baby. Our 2 older kids have the main floor bedrooms while DH and I and the younger two share the unfinished basement. We have one car. I could use some new clothes (one of my 3 pairs of wearable pants now has a hole in it.) We had to put off paying two bills just to buy groceries this month.

 

It's just...embarrassing. We've never been this broke before. DH was diagnosed with a major chronic disease last fall while we were uninsured, and even though he now has a new job that pays more and has benefits, we're still getting caught up on medical bills. His prescriptions are still an extra expense even with insurance. And we had zero stuff for the new baby when she was born (plus the cost of her birth, which was cheaper because she was born at home but still it was $2k). For some reason I thought that when he got his new job we would be suddenly caught up. Plus, it seems like just when we think we're getting over the hump, we slide back down again. In the past two months our clothes dryer died along with our lawn mower and we had to replace two tires on our car.

 

I know we'll get caught up eventually, but right now, things just seem overwhelming to me. :(

[UnsinkableKristen]

Someone who meets me might think we have it made. What they don't see is that the house improvements, our non-worry about retirement and tuition, my ability to continue to stay home and homeschool our youngest--------all that is due to the inheritance I received this year from my parents' estate. I would give any amount of money for my relatively young parents (67 and 69 at their deaths) to be here enjoying the money they had saved for their retirements.

 

:grouphug:

[Rjmakmom]

We just spent the long weekend with friends at their beach house. It is twice the size of my little house (which we rent) and cram 7 people into. They have nice cars, a fancy jet ski, cruise vacations and additional vacations as well as actually living at the beach house all Su.mer every summer from June until late August. It was really hard to come home to my little bitty house last night. I saw each and every imperfection. I would live to tell you some philosophical bit of wisdom, but I am still stuck in jealousy mode lol. So, I do understand.

[melissad2]

I get it. I have a friend who drives nicer cars than me. Has a bigger, nicer, cleaner house than I do. Has a cleaning lady that come once a week. Her kids do all sorts of extra activities. She also works more than I do, sends he kids to ps, has car payments, and pays more for utilities. We get along wonderfully but sometimes I do feel a little green with envy. I could work full time and have all of that but I don't think it's worth it because I would have to send oldest to ps and put the younger two in daycare, and I don't want someone else raising my kids unless I absolutely have too. So we just get by on less...

[shanvan]

This thread is giving me the wake up call I need. I've been dealing with some envy lately too.

 

We are somewhat behind financially for the first time in years, though we are working to catch up. We have also been associating with people who have bigger, nicer homes. Some of them are quite a bit older than Dh and I. Sometimes their homes are in more rural settings where the land isn't as expensive. We could afford a bigger house if we choose to live further from towns. I'm not sure I'd want to.

 

What bothers me most is that their homes are updated. We cannot afford to do much updating beyond painting or very inexpensive do it yourself projects---not if we are going to continue to homeschool and give Dc extracurriculars. It's a trade off that is starting to bother me. Our kitchen countertops are so old that the section near the dishwasher is starting to disintegrate and flake apart. I have repeatedly seen kitchens like mine on House Hunters and heard the comments about how "we woud have to do something about this...we can't live with this....it would have to be updated." :confused: I live with it!

 

Anyway, I keep telling myself it's only a house and we are choosing what is important. But, it's not always easy.

 

This thread has reminded me to look instead for the blessings and appreciate more. The couple with the nice house and the son who died of cancer at 17 really got me.

 

:grouphug: to the OP.

[Bee Happy]

:iagree:

 

Please, I beg of you, listen to me for a second.

 

There is NOTHING that will tie up your blessings like being envious. I know it's hard, I lived in a teeny house (1000 square feet) with 7 kids. I *get* it. I really do. But believe me, you must work through how you feel and change your heart. I remember the frustrations and crying, but give the suffering up to God, and turn and be happy for them.

 

 

Be truthfully, truly, heartfelt happy for those who are being blessed. Apart from living in a state of gratitude, being whole heartedly happy for other's blessing is the way to open up heaven for yourself.

 

:grouphug: It's a hard lesson to learn, but it's freeing.

 

:iagree:

[Heather in Neverland]

"Love grows best in little houses with fewer walls to separate. You eat and sleep so close together, you can't help but communicate. If we had more room between us, think of all we'd miss! Love grows best in houses just like this."

 

Lyrics from a song I love. Put it in a frame on your wall. I did in our first very tiny house and it always made me smile. :grouphug:

[Tammyla]

:grouphug: OP:grouphug:

[Lisbeth]

As Jack Niccholson said in "As Good As it Gets":

 

"Carol: OK, we all have these terrible stories to get over, and you-...

 

Melvin : It's not true. Some of us have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But, a lot of people, that's their story. Good times, noodle salad. What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you're that p*ssed that so many others had it good. "

 

That's the tough part. The temptation is to always leap to - they have the big house, but it must be using huge debt. They have this or that, but the bad side is this. This is how we try to make ourselves feel better. The trick is to compare yourself to yourself and improve and progress from where YOU are, not someone else. I think it's dishonest to assume or almost hope (that may be unfair, saying hope) that yeah, they have that big house and stuff and can still be a SAHM, for example,,but, their lives are terrible for some other reason. It's often NOT terrible in some other way. Life is just unfair.

 

I think you just have to throw off all outside comparisons and focus on your own life/blessings. WAY easier said than done, I know. :grouphug:

[Catwoman]

As Jack Niccholson said in "As Good As it Gets":

 

"Carol: OK, we all have these terrible stories to get over, and you-...

 

Melvin : It's not true. Some of us have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But, a lot of people, that's their story. Good times, noodle salad. What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you're that p*ssed that so many others had it good. "

 

That's the tough part. The temptation is to always leap to - they have the big house, but it must be using huge debt. They have this or that, but the bad side is this. This is how we try to make ourselves feel better. The trick is to compare yourself to yourself and improve and progress from where YOU are, not someone else. I think it's dishonest to assume or almost hope (that may be unfair, saying hope) that yeah, they have that big house and stuff and can still be a SAHM, for example,,but, their lives are terrible for some other reason. It's often NOT terrible in some other way. Life is just unfair.

 

I think you just have to throw off all outside comparisons and focus on your own life/blessings. WAY easier said than done, I know. :grouphug:

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

[DianeW88]

:iagree:

 

Please, I beg of you, listen to me for a second.

 

There is NOTHING that will tie up your blessings like being envious. I know it's hard, I lived in a teeny house (1000 square feet) with 7 kids. I *get* it. I really do. But believe me, you must work through how you feel and change your heart. I remember the frustrations and crying, but give the suffering up to God, and turn and be happy for them.

 

 

Be truthfully, truly, heartfelt happy for those who are being blessed. Apart from living in a state of gratitude, being whole heartedly happy for other's blessing is the way to open up heaven for yourself.

 

:grouphug: It's a hard lesson to learn, but it's freeing.

 

:iagree: Envy gets you nowhere. In fact, I think it holds us back.

 

The hard, cold facts are that some people have huge homes, go on lovely vacations every year, have well-behaved children, are SAHM moms who homeschool and DON'T have any debt. They DON'T have bad marriages. They DON'T have kids who are in trouble. They DON'T have any health problems.

 

They all love one another, get along fabulously, and have gobs and gobs of money to spend on whatever they like, whenever they want. They enjoy life, and they have very few struggles, temporally, spirtually, emotionally or physically.

 

In other words, they live a charmed life. That's reality. It just is, because life isn't fair. I think it's unfortunate and small to assume that just because some folks have a lot, means they're hiding all kinds of problems behind the stuff. Some people just get to have it all.

 

And maybe that's the lesson to be learned here. We should all be grateful for what we have and not covet what we don't. That just makes you miserable...and envy is a horribly destructive emotion. It can wear you down and make you desperate and bitter....and you still have no stuff. :D

 

As the words of one our LDS hymns says, "Count your many blessings, name them one by one. And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done."

 

I try to look on the bright side as often as I possibly can. I'm a much happier person to be around that way. :D

[J-rap]

I'm sorry this is difficult. I'm sure most of us have been there and had those feelings! One of the biggest lessons I have learned is that the positive attitudes of the parents can really make or break a situation. Growing up, both my husband and I were from families that struggled, but really, I don't think either of us even realized it. (We both remember our mothers making instant milk and pouring it into a store-bought milk container so that we would think it was real milk. :) ) We had happy, positive parents who never complained and who made the best of things.

 

I think the attitude of being grateful for simple blessings is one of the best gifts you can give to your children. It will help them deal with a lot of struggles throughout their lives. Even the families with everything will go through difficult times at some point; no one is spared of that -- it just comes in different ways.

[jewellsmommy]

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

 

It's easy to generalize and say that the people who appear more wealthy are also deep in debt, but the fact is, many of them aren't in debt. And that should be OK.

 

A nice person is a nice person, whether she is poor or wealthy. It doesn't matter. I have had friends who were flat broke and others who were worth more money than I'll ever see in a lifetime, and it worked out just fine. It doesn't work when someone decides to get competitive -- but if someone is really competitive, they're going to find something else to compete about if money isn't the issue, so again, it's about the person and not the money.

 

I'm glad to see that the OP isn't pre-judging the other moms (or the kids) based on their cars or their homes, because many people do that, even right here on this forum (not in this thread, though! :001_smile:) I hope she realizes that the other moms probably don't think any less of her because she doesn't have as much stuff, and that they like her and her family because of who they are, not because of what they have or don't have.

 

I think it's very easy to compare yourself unfavorably with others, because everyone knows someone who has more or better stuff, but that's the best time to ask yourself if you would truly trade places with that person if you could -- because I'm sure the answer would be NO.

 

It can be difficult to be happy with what you have, but it's something to aspire toward. And FWIW, there are billionaires who aren't satisfied with what they have, and who are still envious of the next guy up on the Most Wealthy lists, so it's really about your own personality than it is about any of the material possessions.

 

:iagree: That is always my default question whenever any envy creeps into my mind. It can be about money, opportunities, or even looks! It is just so tempting to compare.

 

op: :grouphug: Do not lose hope. Keep pushing forward. :001_smile:

[lovinmomma]

We've never had a ton of money, and I've really never been envious of wealthier people, but lately it's been bothering me. A lot.

 

Today I dropped my DD7 off at a friend's house for a playdate. They live at the other end of town, in a brand-new area of McMansions. I came back to our tiny old house and cried. I don't know why it's bothering me now. I think it's because of the group of friends that DD has...they are all in their 20s, living in nice houses, drinking Starbucks and driving around in new cars. And here I am pushing 40, in a 2 bedroom house with my 4th (suprise) baby. Our 2 older kids have the main floor bedrooms while DH and I and the younger two share the unfinished basement. We have one car. I could use some new clothes (one of my 3 pairs of wearable pants now has a hole in it.) We had to put off paying two bills just to buy groceries this month.

 

It's just...embarrassing. We've never been this broke before. DH was diagnosed with a major chronic disease last fall while we were uninsured, and even though he now has a new job that pays more and has benefits, we're still getting caught up on medical bills. His prescriptions are still an extra expense even with insurance. And we had zero stuff for the new baby when she was born (plus the cost of her birth, which was cheaper because she was born at home but still it was $2k). For some reason I thought that when he got his new job we would be suddenly caught up. Plus, it seems like just when we think we're getting over the hump, we slide back down again. In the past two months our clothes dryer died along with our lawn mower and we had to replace two tires on our car.

 

I know we'll get caught up eventually, but right now, things just seem overwhelming to me. :(

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I can SO relate! I'm sorry!

[AngelBee]

We've never had a ton of money, and I've really never been envious of wealthier people, but lately it's been bothering me. A lot.

 

Today I dropped my DD7 off at a friend's house for a playdate. They live at the other end of town, in a brand-new area of McMansions. I came back to our tiny old house and cried. I don't know why it's bothering me now. I think it's because of the group of friends that DD has...they are all in their 20s, living in nice houses, drinking Starbucks and driving around in new cars. And here I am pushing 40, in a 2 bedroom house with my 4th (suprise) baby. Our 2 older kids have the main floor bedrooms while DH and I and the younger two share the unfinished basement. We have one car. I could use some new clothes (one of my 3 pairs of wearable pants now has a hole in it.) We had to put off paying two bills just to buy groceries this month.

 

It's just...embarrassing. We've never been this broke before. DH was diagnosed with a major chronic disease last fall while we were uninsured, and even though he now has a new job that pays more and has benefits, we're still getting caught up on medical bills. His prescriptions are still an extra expense even with insurance. And we had zero stuff for the new baby when she was born (plus the cost of her birth, which was cheaper because she was born at home but still it was $2k). For some reason I thought that when he got his new job we would be suddenly caught up. Plus, it seems like just when we think we're getting over the hump, we slide back down again. In the past two months our clothes dryer died along with our lawn mower and we had to replace two tires on our car.

 

I know we'll get caught up eventually, but right now, things just seem overwhelming to me. :(

I understand on sooooo many levels. No advice. Just prayers and a :grouphug:

[AngelBee]

Something that has helped me lately too.

 

We are always comparing our day to day films to other peoples highlights. We can "see" there nice house, perfect body, etc.

 

What we don't see if their struggles, sins, family issues, etc.

 

It may "look" good in a snapshot, but the real picture many times is a different story.

[FloridaLisa]

"Love grows best in little houses with fewer walls to separate. You eat and sleep so close together, you can't help but communicate. If we had more room between us, think of all we'd miss! Love grows best in houses just like this."

 

Lyrics from a song I love. Put it in a frame on your wall. I did in our first very tiny house and it always made me smile. :grouphug:

 

I LOVE this!! Thanks Heather.

 

Also, to the OP, as someone who has also suffered house dislike, starting a thankfulness journal is very helpful. At the end of the day, write down 5 things you are grateful for. Or wake up and jot down 5 things you are grateful for. You will probably see an attitude adjustment. It works much better than imagining that others have problems too that we just can't see. ;)

 

Lisa

[twinmami01]

:grouphug:

[funschooler5]

Thank you!!!:grouphug: I wish I could reply individually to everyone. You've all made me feel so much better.

 

I have an acquaintance whose husband is an orthopedic surgeon. They own two big houses. They also lost their son at age 17 to cancer.

 

Thank you for this...it really puts things into perspective for me. My kids are healthy and I should be thankful.

 

I understand how you feel. I did notice that your post didn't mention marital problems, and though that does not mean your life doesn't have any marital trials, it sounds like you love your DH and family very much......and what a blessing to have a surprise baby!!!

 

I am not chastising you in the least, just saying the wonderful things I see in your life that many of the people in the Mcmansions only dream of having.

 

Try not to let it bug you. I hope things get better soon. Old medical bills are so tough.

 

Yes she is. :001_smile:

 

We are the working poor. Mostly, it doesn't bother me, but some days, it just feels overwhelming and a real bummer. :grouphug: I wouldn't trade my marriage or the size of my family for anything ever at all!!!!! But that doesn't mean that I don't sometimes wish I could just go buy the groceries we need or get the kids clothing and shoes when they need them instead of looking for hand-me-downs, etc.

 

It's Ok to feel blue about finances. It doesn't mean you aren't grateful for what you do have, it just means that sometimes the struggle makes you tired. :grouphug:

 

Oh, absolutely, it makes me tired. I think what compounded it is that my other kids were hounding me about lunch when I got home, and we had no leftovers, can't afford lunchmeat at the moment and are SO sick of peanut butter and jelly. We finally hard boiled some eggs and made egg salad (which my oldest DD said was her favorite sandwich).

 

Do you have what you need for your baby now?

 

:bigear:

 

Oh, yes we do. Thank you so much though! :grouphug: My midwife gave us a giant bag of baby clothes from one of her clients. We don't buy a lot of toys/baby gadgets because of lack of space, but also because we've found that we don't really need them. I have my baby sling and I made a baby wrap (that I'm still figuring out how to use), and those were my only necessities.

 

:grouphug: I think it's your struggles, not your home, that has got you so down. Life is not fair.

 

I know a good number of very young people with nice homes etc. It's so funny how we read about lazy 20 -somethings living with their parents, playing video games, but so many of us know young people this age going out and doing.

 

They may have had a leg up, they may not have had health issues. Everyone has a different background. They may be working harder than they ever knew they could. (I see that in my own 23 yr old!)

 

Your little one just wants to play with a friend. That's all is it right now, although I know can be difficlut.

 

I think you've hit the nail on the head here. This stuff never bothered me before DH got sick. There are some days where he doesn't feel well enough to get out of bed, and he gets so depressed. I feel so bad for him, but then I also feel stressed taking care of him while taking care of the baby. Then I feel guilty that I feel stressed about it...it's a vicious cycle. So when things like worrying about money come up, I look at others and feel like they aren't going through what I am, which I shouldn't, because I have no idea what's going on in their private lives.

 

I am feeling much better today, though. I think I just had a bad day yesterday. Your posts have really helped....it's so nice to know I'm not alone.

[Sharon37127]

I know at certain times for me it is easier to brush situations like this off than others.

 

I know most of the times I am fine being around more affluent people (acquaintances or even close friends). I truly believe we are in the season of life we are supposed to be in- be it money or the house we are living in (rental).

 

BUT

 

There are times when it just hits me hard- literally like a weight sitting on me. It just bothers me. It's not that I'm not grateful for what we have or that I'm being judgmental of those that do "have." It feels to me like a period of time where the confidence in God that I had is momentarily gone and I am looking at other "signs of success" to compare myself.

 

For me, this is usually at a time when I'm either a) seriously hormonal (this is no way making light of your situation, but honestly true for me) OR b) faced with a series of disappointments that build up. This is when I realize that I'm slowly slipping away from my confidence in the Lord and beginning to have confidence (or a lack thereof) in worldly definitions of success.

 

my 2 cents...

[TammyS]

Remember that you can't see other people's bank accounts. They could be just as broke as you and you don't know it.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

In fact, chances are statistically significant that they ARE broker than you and they don't even realize it.

 

I'm guessing you are suffering a combination of exhaustion, overwhelm, and hormones. The only really good advice I have for you is to cut yourself some slack and take a nap every time you get the chance.

[QuirkyKapers]

:grouphug: Glad today is better.

[photomo]

I really do feel for you.

 

When I was married the first time my husband at the time was making very good money and could do what ever we wanted... However I was miserable. He did not treat me well and did not know how to be faithful.

 

I am on my second and final marriage. We adopted a baby almost 3 years ago and I work part tiime. However we live paycheck to paycheck and sometimes have $100 left until we get paid 4 or 5 days later. I must say I am so much happier with this life. Yes it would be easier and less stressful if we had more money but I will say I would rather live like this than have a lot more money and be miserable.

 

I do feel bad for my husband when all his buddies seem to have endless funds and he has to tell them no he can not go golfing with them. One day we will be financially better but until then we choose for me to work part time and be home more to be with our child. I could work full time and bring home more money but it is our choice not to put our daughter into daycare.

 

Hang in there. Just be happy and know just because you have more money does not mean you will be happier.

[Brilliant]

Someone who meets me might think we have it made. What they don't see is that the house improvements, our non-worry about retirement and tuition, my ability to continue to stay home and homeschool our youngest--------all that is due to the inheritance I received this year from my parents' estate. I would give any amount of money for my relatively young parents (67 and 69 at their deaths) to be here enjoying the money they had saved for their retirements.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your parents. I can relate. My husband is in the process of getting inherited money from his parents. My mom-in-law just died a couple of months ago, and I really want her back instead of the money. :(

[ryyans]

:grouphug: It will be okay!!

 

I think everyone has a moment when they really want to "keep up with the Joneses." We live in a very small house. During a playgroup at our home about 6 years ago, one mother caught her dd (about 5 at the time) by the arm and said, very loudly, "[Daughter,] this is a TINY little house. You cannot run the way you do in your own playroom!" I'd like to believe that she was saying that out of respect for my home, but given the fact that she let her toddler twins roam without supervision and rip a section of my (then new) wallpaper, I don't! And she couldn't have inserted more venom in the remark if she had tried. It really, really bothered me for a while. Then winter came, and the heating bills began to arrive. And that's when I realized just how thankful I am for my "tiny little house." :D

Such a TACKY remark and then to let her kids do damage to your wallpaper! She really showed her character that day:glare:

[Jayne J]

I hope this is not taken as melodramatic but when I begin to feel this way I remember this picture. I usually swallow down the lump in my throat, pray, and go hug my kids. It makes me so d@mn grateful for peanut butter and jelly or noodles again.

[melissel]

I hope this is not taken as melodramatic but when I begin to feel this way I remember this picture. I usually swallow down the lump in my throat, pray, and go hug my kids. It makes me so d@mn grateful for peanut butter and jelly or noodles again.

 

Ugh, that is intense. Thank you for sharing that perspective-giving shot (though I kind of wish I could erase it from my brain :(). You are right that we should all hug our babies extra hard right now.