X/P: DH doesn't seem to believe in ADD??

[ksr5377]

I posted this in the General Forum and realized I may get more opinions here.

We're looking into having DD evaluated for ADD or Asperger's or some combo. Ped thinks those are likely candidates. As I have been talking with more people about ADD and reading and reading I keep thinking "Wow, that sounds just like ME!" I mentioned this to my mom, and she tells me that when she was researching ADHD for my brother she thought the same thing. She thinks she has ADD but has never sought a diagnosis. WHAT?! That would have been good information to have at the beginning of this journey!

I just had a conversation with my DH about this. I think it was the first time I really explained how my mind is working. After this whole big thing and explaing to him all I'm learning he tells me "So it's not like ADD is a disease, it's more like a personality trait. You're just really forgetful and have a hard time staying focused." :001_unsure: I feel like he didn't listen to a word I said. I'm somewhat emotional about all of this and realy wondering is this why I have always felt like I was having a harder and he seems to be writing it off as a personality quirk. As if it's the same thing as my having a sarcastic sense of humor. I knew that he was somewhat unsure about having DD tested because he is completely against medication, but this conversation puts a whole new spin on things.

I'm not sure what to do. What if I proceed and DD is ADD and the best thing for her turns out to be medication? He said he would never put her on any. I don't understand why we wouldn't try what would be best for her? Are there any resources that really explain the differences between those with and without ADD?

[PeterPan]

http://www.amazon.com/Late-Lost-Unprepared-Executive-Functioning/dp/1890627844/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1343622404&sr=8-3&keywords=executive+functioning+skills+in+children+and+adolescents

 

This is the book you want. And yes, if you start the discussion with certain terms, then you're stuck with his preconception of what the terms mean. It's not just your dh but basically anybody and everybody you encounter who is going to be that way. I know I was taught things growing up and heard things from pulpits that make my head shake to think back on. Lots of misinformation and misconceptions, lots of people people told other people just didn't discipline enough, blah blah. Yeah, right.

 

So anyways, the answer is to begin to teach him. You're going to discuss executive function and developmental delays in that part of the brain. You're going to discuss working memory and the ways it is quantified. You'll discuss the ideas of impulsivity and processing speed. There's just a lot of concrete stuff there that can be quantified, stuff he can see. And as he understands those nuances more, he might get over pondering LABELS and start to see the INDIVIDUAL.

[LittleIzumi]

ADD is a "personality trait" of "not being focused" like depression is "a personality trait" of "just being sad" or panic attacks are a "personality trait" o "just being scared." It's not something where you can just buy a new planner and voila, it's fixed. :glare:

 

My hubby didn't believe in it either, and thought he was just being a loser and a failure and that's why he tried to go to college 5 times. When he was diagnosed and finally (after a long internal struggle, and discussions with his brother, who is medicated for ADD) started his own medication, he enrolled in the same school and had I believe a 4.0 his very first semester. He is now on scholarship there. He couldn't finish a single semester, period, before that, and it was NOT for lack of trying. He felt like he was doomed to failure because of how his brain always reacted but now he knows it wasn't a conscious choice but executive function/frontal lobe issues.

Edited July 30, 2012 by LittleIzumi

[PandaMom]

I just went through this. Part of DD's diagnoses were PDD-NOS with Asperger's features and ADHD-Combined type. DH didn't deny that she had these because he finally realized earlier this year that something was "wrong". He was all for neuropsych testing but was against medicating. I took her to the psychiatrist to talk about medications and explained what was going on. I told her I was going the give meds to DD but needed to tell DH first. She even offered to talk to DH in person or over the phone and explain things to him. She gave me brochures on ADHD and the meds she would prescribe. I went home and casually laid the brochures in several areas that I knew he would see them. He never said another word. I got the meds for her and started having her take them. He did tell me that he didn't like it but we needed to try something. Good luck and let me know if you want to talk:)

 

Susie

DD Dallas(7)

[Finnella]

My DH didn't believe in ADD either when I finally insisted on taking our younger son to the doctor and asking for an evaluation. Plus he thought medicating a kid was horrible and had declared he'd never do that. He also thought ADD was mostly about lazy parenting.

 

Now, five years later, both DS and DH have been diagnosed with ADD and both of them are taking medication for it. And around three years ago, the psychologist added Aspergers to the diagnoses. (That's most likely from me and my side of the family.)

 

I've done lots of reading and research, putting the choicest bits in front of my husband, who has yet to read anything about either ADD or Aspergers. It was a slow process of education.

 

I remember hearing an NPR story years ago about a project that used functional MRIs to show a difference in brain function between people with ADD and people without it. So there's a difference in brain wiring. Unfortunately, I don't know any details to help you track it down.