Getting a handle on household tasks with kids

[westcoastmom]

We are a busy family with 3 kids, (1 PDD-NOS, 1 DCD/SPD). For a while we have struggled to get and stay on top of household tasks. Our house looks like a bomb blew up all the time. Loads of laundry get done but never get put away, clothes end up on the floor and back in the laundry without getting worn.

 

This summer I put the kids in day camps to try to dig out. Unfortunately they belong to a summer swim team and with 2 pools closed this summer, the practises and commutes to pools further away has been eating 3-5 hours every afternoon, so I am using camp time to try to cook healthy food that can be eaten in the car.

 

Our PDD-NOS child doesn't deal with lost sleep, hunger, changes in routine. She is high functioning but is a tornado.

 

We desperately need to get our children involved in helping out around our house and getting to tasks. We have lots of important things that we never get to.

 

Any help suggestions on how to schedule, get a handle on all this.

[westcoastmom]

Also dh and I are not the most organized 'planner' type of people.

 

I feel like we need some systems or something to get on top of this. I tried flylady years ago, but couldn't deal with the email volume which just created more work.

[Gentlemommy]

:grouphug:How old are your kids?

[Pen]

:grouphug:

:bigear:

 

I wish I could give you answers. But I am struggling myself. In fact, today I just decided that the main activity of the rest of this summer needs to be dealing with this issue. (I had already decided this at the start of summer, but did not stick to it well.) Even then it is a struggle. Anyway, I cancelled today's academic lessons so we could work on the house. We did not do a lot, but I did try to finish what we did do... That is, one load all the way to put away instead of ... what you described.

 

I look forward to hearing any ideas that others have. I feel that this is a curriculum need for both parents and children....

 

 

How to do the house with the children, with both a child part and a teacher manual and probably a DVD part, and um, a nice little fairy that comes and helps in person would also be nice.

[Celia]

Check out Accountable Kids. It's done wonders in my house!

[Pen]

What is Accountable Kids? Book or ????

 

 

Could this thread be used to cheer each other on and give ideas? Sort of a little like Fly Lady, but without itself causing overload?

[SkateLeft]

I don't know if this will be helpful, but here's how we manage things in our house. I recommend starting with little things, and decluttering as much as possible to make things easier on yourself!

 

I don't do chore charts or systems or any of that. Instead, we have morning, afternoon and evening routines, mainly centered around keeping up with laundry and dishes. (We generate two loads of laundry and two loads of dishes each day. Ugh!) We've always done it this way, so it just flows with our day.

 

Every morning, the kids shower and get dressed when they get up, and beds are made as soon as they get out of them.

 

In the morning, my older ds unloads the dishwasher, while my girls switch laundry over and fold the clean clothes. Each kid puts their own clothes away. Then it's breakfast, clean up and start school.

 

While they're folding/unloading, I shower, get dressed and wipe down the bathroom. Doing it quickly every morning when I'm in there means it never gets bad. My girls maintain their own bathroom by wiping it down when they're done showering.

 

My little guy is done with school by mid-morning. During the day, all dishes go right in the dishwasher. We run the dishwasher again after lunch. Laundry gets switched over again, folded and put away. Then it's back to doing schoolwork (or whatever else is going on that day... therapies, ice time, etc.).

 

While the older ones are doing school in the afternoon, I vacuum, mop, dust or whatever other little things need to be done.

 

When schoolwork is done, the kids put their school stuff away and the dishwasher gets unloaded again. Then late afternoon, we pick up toys, put away things like Xbox controllers, etc. Dinner dishes go straight in the empty dishwasher and that gets run again. After dinner, I wipe down the counters and a kid takes the garbage out.

 

Weekends are when I do bigger irregular jobs, more thorough bathroom cleanings and wash sheets. I keep a running list on the fridge of household things that need to be done. My dh and my older dd are usually racing on Saturday, but he tries to help out on Sunday afternoons.

 

The thing that suffers in our house is yard work. None of us enjoy it, and we have a big piece of property, so it's a lot of work. I mow every two weeks, on the weekend.

 

On the advice of our OT, I made a chart called "What a 6 Year Old Can Do." It has pictures of things that my youngest son can do by himself in the morning, afternoon and evening, including getting dressed and putting his clothes in his drawers. It helps him feel like part of the team, but helps the older kids know what chores I don't want them helping with. They tend to jump to help him any time he complains, and he needs to work on self-care skills. Some of this stuff is HARD for him.

 

Anyway, sorry this is long. Hopefully, it gives you some ideas. :D

[PeterPan]

Well I'm no queen of clean, but here's what we do.

 

-dh generally takes care of the kitchen and floors. He's faster than I am at sweeping, so he inherited that job. Kitchen, well thats just his kindness to me.

-bathrooms I do, but I like to

-dusting we don't do. Seriously. Like get rid of stuff that collects dust. If there's a horizontal surface and you can't get rid of it, get a Swiffer duster. Run it occasionally. Install a whole house air cleaner or better filter on your furnace and see if that cuts down on dust.

-put down entry mats. We have multiple of them (so you walk on 3 before you ever hit my kitchen), and they catch much of the dirt. Less dirt means less sweeping. I'd rather have a dirty rug I can shake outside than to have a whole floor to clean.

-less clothes. Sounds like you may have too many. Sometimes that happens. Too many clothes means too much laundry to keep up with.

-Make each kid responsible for his/her own laundry as soon as possible. I don't do my dd's laundry and haven't for several years. We have a frontloader now, and they're simple as a vcr. If your kid can run the dvd player, he can do his laundry. My 3 yo now wants to know how to run the machine. Stuff it in, scoop detergent, push the button, done. With multiple kids, I would give each kid a day to do his laundry. Yes, it means they all need their own baskets. My SIL color codes her kids' stuff. Their laundry hampers (dirty), baskets (clean), towels, wash rags, etc. are all the same color for a kid, so it's totally clear whose stuff is whose. Requires some investment, but pays dividends, like those rugs, like the Swiffer duster and whatnot.

-They clean their own bath. Do they have a kid bath? If so, they need to be taught to clean it. But here the catch is, and this is a big catch: I actually walk my butt in there and USE the bath every day. That's the real secret to clean kids. You only get what you inspect, and I'm way too floozy mentally to keep up with some plan. So all I do is try to make sure I use the kid bath once a day. That way I see the sink is a mess or there is laundry on the floor and holler at the appropriate person.

-Nothing in their rooms. Or at least next to nothing. Certainly no toys. The less there is in their rooms, the less there is to clean up or put away.

-Anything they have needs to have a PLACE. Install shelves, hooks, whatever it takes till the things that remain actually have a place. We just installed more shelves for dd so she could have a place for her teenage things in the bathroom. It's just one more way to help instill order and their ability to use it.

 

Now for my biggest, most terrible secret. For years I went in and cleaned my dd's room once a month. I didn't invite her in on the process. I just went in and went through every drawer, the closet, under the bed, everything. I took out trash, dishes, food, found clothes, you name it. I confiscated stuff. She could have had back anything she remembered. Some kids just are not ready to clean their own rooms for a long time. This way my dd always had a clean room and knew what it meant to have a clean room, but we didn't fight about it. Now she actually cleans her own room (13). It's a relatively new thing, probably in the last year, and I wouldn't say she keeps it *perfectly*. However it's within the realm of acceptable.

 

Now what I need is for someone to help *me* keep up with *my* stuff so well, lol. :)

Edited July 27, 2012 by OhElizabeth

[Pen]

Is this the Accountable Kids you mean? If so, what did you get and how did you use it and for what age kids?

[tinaj]

My goal for this entire year has been to declutter and get organized, and I am getting there. I have purged and purged and I have organized and organized. First of all, I had to tell myself that it was a process. Clutter begets clutter, and everything needs a place. My DS8 is ADHD and maybe Aspie, too, and in order to help him succeed I have realized that I MUST change my ways.

 

So, one thing that helped me out with the kids is this, which I made with the kids' help - they got to pick out their "pictures" for the magnets:

 

I was inspired by the ones on Etsy here:

 

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.etsy.com%2Fshop%2Fcucumberlime%3Fref%3Dseller_info&h=XAQHdyjJwAQFst1HcPIlEuNpNDvlcES65adPfen_J0KpGeQ

 

I like it because I can add magnets as needed and I have added magnets that are more chore-based such as putting away laundry, wiping the bathroom sinks, and picking up toys in their room as time has passed.

 

Regarding laundry, I am still not doing GREAT but things have improved, and one thing that has helped has been labeling the kid's dresser drawers. Then I fold, and they know where to put away. It may not look pretty but at least it goes in the right drawer. And I keep hangers in the laundry room and hang anything up that goes in a closet right away, and the kids have to put that away, too. I realized I was folding THEN hanging, which was essentially double work. What used to work, and I need to get back to, is scheduling laundry day consistently rather than trying to do it whenever.

 

Oh, and hanging a sweater organizer in their bedroom closets and putting out 7 outfits for the week has been invaluable for daily sanity.

 

If only I could figure out how to keep all the socks sorted. :)

Edited July 27, 2012 by tinaj

[Pen]

Tinaj, Hi and thank you for the picture. I have tried checklists which don't seem to help (they end up being one more piece of clutter). I think I may try something like your magnet board.

 

Would it be that a picture of piano in activities means there is a lesson to go to, while the picture in To Do area would mean to practice?

 

I'm trying to understand how the pen at top is used. And what did you use for the board itself and for the magnets?

 

Have you then been able to go to where the board shows what to do in a way that the children understand, and just do it, or do you still have to remind a great deal either to do individual things, or to check the board...? How often do you check to see if it is coming along? And if it does not, if the magnets just stay on the To Do side and don't go to the Done side (or get moved over without the activity actually being done) how do you deal with that--or maybe you don't have that sort of issue?

[tinaj]

The pen doesn't have any specific purpose although I have occasionally added a task that I didn't have a magnet for. Mostly, the kids use it to decorate their boards when the mood strikes them :).

 

I found these magnetic dry-erase boards at Wal-Mart, I think. They were only about $5 each. I like them because they are really thin and lightweight, but I have seen similar ones at Michael's. I was able to just use those sticky removable picture hangers to hang them on their doors. For the magnets I found little wood pieces at Michaels that were 5 cents each on clearance, but honestly if I were to do it over I would probably just print out cardstock and maybe laminate it.

 

We are out of the habit now for summer, but they made the last part of the school year MUCH easier last year. Basically, after breakfast, I would tell them it was time to go "do their boards" and they would do them independently.

 

The evening was a little different. I would usually remind them after dinner to go up and check their boards. Chores often still required some reminding from me. And yes, I would put piano or swimming in the activity section when we had a lesson that day (my son does better with prep) and when piano is in the "to do" it means practice.

 

We also have tried deducting money from their allowance when they don't complete a task, it works when I remember to do it - I must be more consistent! I have not really gone all out for the consequence factor, I'm more about trying to help them establish good habits and just cutting out the nagging on my part.

 

FYI, I also have a "master" dry erase board where I store all the extra magnets.

Edited July 27, 2012 by tinaj

[Celia]

That's the one! We got the basic package with the extra kits for each extra kid. Mine are 8, 5 and 3, and they all use it, although I simplify it for my 3 year old. The only thing I've found difficult is the use of the tickets, which are the rewards. It's easy for my kids that love video games/shows. I just make each ticket worth 15mins of screen time. For my dd though, it is trickier. They suggest using it for everything, like playdates and whatnot, but I find that not practical for us.

 

Is this the Accountable Kids you mean? If so, what did you get and how did you use it and for what age kids?

[Tiramisu]

This may seem unrelated but for some really strange reason, I've become much better at organizing since taking more B vitamins in the last few months. (Refer to those low-tone threads.) I'm generally very organizationally-challenged. I'm just mentioning because it's something that might be of value to someone. I've been able to declutter and organize closets, bookshelves, cabinets, rooms like never before. I've also been able to host parties without feeling like I would lose my mind. Whatever is in those B's that's helping me, may help someone else. I've also switched from fish oil to krill oil and flaxseed oil, just mentioning this if it has something to do with it.

 

As a PP mentioned, another thing that has helped recently is passing on tons of clothes. We get a lot of hand-me-downs so the kids' drawers were overflowing. We took a lesson from dd#2 who is our organizational guru at age 12. She has SPD and will only wear a few things so that's all she'll keep in her room. I decided to do the same for dd#4 who also has SPD and life has become much easier. Dd #3 followed suit on her own and that's helped her room immensely, since she's a whirlwind and would unload every drawer to find one thing, with clothes flying in the air like something you'd see on a cartoon. Now not much is left to make a mess of, but, at the same time, her closet is suspiciously empty and I may have to double-check the bags she's labeled "Donation".

[PeterPan]

I found a great book called Simplicity Parenting to be of great help. It is really more amount home organization than parenting. I can attest it works.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Simplicity-Parenting-Extraordinary-Calmer-Happier/dp/0345507983/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1343423831&sr=1-1&keywords=simplicity+parenting

 

Hmm, sounds like a good read. Thanks for sharing! :)

[Pen]

There have been a lot of helpful hints here already, I hope more will keep coming. Vitamin B for help with decluttering. Wow. And we've had a problem lately and guess what, we've been bad about taking our vitamins. I think I'll start there and see what happens.

 

I had forgotten about Simplicity Parenting. I didn't read the book, but did listen to that and other CD's by Payne. He was involved with Waldorf education which is what I was doing with my son when I first heard of Payne.

 

Payne was known for doing home visits with a plastic garbage bag and gathering up excess stuff in children's homes to get rid of it as a first step toward emotional wellness (I don't know if that is real or apocryphal, but that is the story I heard). It goes along with the fewer clothes and get rid of things that collect dust ideas too.

 

He was also very much into cutting down on cluttered schedules. As far as OP goes, I think Payne would start by saying that the swimming is too much--too much time, too much time away from home, too much doing (even if it is a daily regular rhythm) making it virtutally impossible to have a simple calm life at home. ETA: I expect it is a big thing in OP's life, and would be hard to give up. But it may be that in the long run for the children to learn how to manage laundry will serve them better than the swim team time...and will help to have calmer parents which will also help the children.

 

Anyway, it is a good reminder. And for many of us with SN children, simplicity is perhaps even more needed both for the children and ourselves than for NT households.

 

 

Meanwhile, another thought is that audio books while doing manual household tasks, though they may not fit the simplicity idea do seem to help us around here quite often. I'd gotten away from that, but plan to get back to it asap. OTOH, while I don't even have TV, I think there has been too much computer time lately both for me and ds and I will also do something about that. Starting...right this moment. Logging off now -- and will try to check in less often!

Edited July 29, 2012 by Pen

[Ecclecticmum]

:bigear:

 

We have the same problem. I have CFS, so its hard to do daily things (especially when they fall lower than the childs education) DD has diabetes, and DS is awaiting dx for ASD.

 

I am still putting together (have to fix the frames back on) to a picture chore chart for them all.

 

I love the idea of accountable kids, but as someone else says, I can just see them ripped off and added to the clutter by Chaos (who thrives on destruction).

 

I barely clean a room before I turn round and between DH & the kids, they have blitzed it again, which sends my stress levels through the roof, and makes my CFS worse.

 

Today after the doctors appointment I just went through for DS, I need some physical exertion (take it out on the clutter and all that) so will be concentrating on the verandah and yard, and hopefully get to the dining room. I will definitely be all ears for some ideas. My kids are all young, and when they see Chaos doing something, they believe they have the right to act naughty too, and they conspire together :glare:

[chepyl]

That is what we have been working on this summer. I started with a laundry hamper for each family member. Clothes don't get washed if they are not in a hamper. They are also in charge of putting theor clothes away. They help fold some, but I sort the clothes based what drawer they go in. I hand them a pile at a time to put away.

 

We cleaned the playroom together. Now they pick up daily. It is usually just a few things in the evening because they earn privileges by picking up a few toys midday.

 

I include them.in clean up by giving them.small tasks. Today, I sat on the floor and handed items to dd to put away. She knows where everything goes. I have her. Hair clips, toys, books, etc one at a time. It took a while, but it kept her helping.

 

Several small tasks throughout the day work well. I will give a number of toys to pick up, or set a timer for two minutes, or tell them to get the trash from under the table. Something that can be done quickly. It helps me keep things picked up a little.

[Pen]

:bigear:

 

We have the same problem. I have CFS, so its hard to do daily things (especially when they fall lower than the childs education) DD has diabetes, and DS is awaiting dx for ASD.

 

I am still putting together (have to fix the frames back on) to a picture chore chart for them all.

 

I love the idea of accountable kids, but as someone else says, I can just see them ripped off and added to the clutter by Chaos (who thrives on destruction).

 

I barely clean a room before I turn round and between DH & the kids, they have blitzed it again, which sends my stress levels through the roof, and makes my CFS worse.

 

Today after the doctors appointment I just went through for DS, I need some physical exertion (take it out on the clutter and all that) so will be concentrating on the verandah and yard, and hopefully get to the dining room. I will definitely be all ears for some ideas. My kids are all young, and when they see Chaos doing something, they believe they have the right to act naughty too, and they conspire together :glare:

 

Very similar here insofar as personal health issues, child SNs, etc. I got a laugh as the first time I read this I thought Chaos was a concept, a force in the world, then I realized it was one of your children. But for me it sort of applies as a sense of a force...Chaos breeds more of itself.

 

That being the case, I think it may help to have one area free of Chaos the force and try to keep it so.

 

Today I did my best at repeating without getting mad, however times it took, things like "Clear your place at the table." And the laundry that was done, was done. That is: put away. The things gotten together to go to Good Will went...rather than getting bagged and then putting aside for the next time we are in the car...and then...well...there isn't time that day so it gets put off...and then maybe they have to be taken out of the trunk to make room for something else, and pretty soon they become part of the Chaos force. It was not totally gas efficient to do the errands like this, but I am glad of it.

 

I find that it is hard for me to count finishing off something like getting the recycling all the way to where it goes and the Good Will all the way to where it goes as very important--just as important as getting groceries or something like that would be, not just something that should be an extra task added on to "more important" errands. That is an emotional hurdle for me, I see.

 

I'll be glad for any other ideas others have, and the psychological help and support of knowing others are also working on it!

Edited July 31, 2012 by Pen

[Ecclecticmum]

I got a laugh as the first time I read this I thought Chaos was a concept, a force in the world, then I realized it was one of your children.

 

:tongue_smilie:

 

He is a force. A Natural Tornado/Whirlwind of utter mass destruction. He lives up to his nickname :glare: . Least he's got past the shriek/screaming as a language, now that time was utter fun, must of sounded like I was murdering children daily. :001_huh: He only does the screaming/shrieking/yelling when he's excited/overstimulated, which is now only 70% of the time :tongue_smilie:

[merry gardens]

We are a busy family with 3 kids, (1 PDD-NOS, 1 DCD/SPD). For a while we have struggled to get and stay on top of household tasks. Our house looks like a bomb blew up all the time. Loads of laundry get done but never get put away, clothes end up on the floor and back in the laundry without getting worn.

...Any help suggestions on how to schedule, get a handle on all this.

Make sure there are enough hangers and drawer space to hold all the clothes. If there's not enough space for all the clothes you have, find space or get rid of them! Store away any clothes that are out of season, (that's a big task but it helps alot with closet space and prevents dc from wearing shorts when snowing.)

 

We hang the current season's clothes in the closet (except socks and underwear). The kids know where to put it and it's easy to find so they don't have to tear apart a full drawer of clothes to find what they want to wear. (If you have dressers, those work nice for storing the out-of-season clothes or hand-me-downs that don't yet fit.) For my youngers ones and those with little sense of how to match clothes, I like to hang the outfits together. I reduced boy's pants to just jeans and khakis because of mix-match problems.

 

I'm no laundry expert, but I do alot of laundry. Once the laundry is clean, we put it away right away. Each child is responsible for putting away their own clothes, (one of my middle children or I do it for the youngest.) I have a large family but back when I had only three I did laundry just one day a week. I really liked having a regular laundry day. I didn't feel bad about overflowing laundry that I saw the day or two before laundry day. Now, with a larger family (and a septic tank that I'm told can't handle all that laundry in one day), I do laundry in the morning almost every day. It's fairly routine to do one or two loads a day.

 

It's a routine but anything that throws off my routine, like vacations, takes time to dig out of. It sounds like your routine was disrupted a lot this summer. We just got back from vacation and I forgot to buy laundry detergent at the store...so....don't look at my laundry room right now! I should probably take my own advice instead of posting it on the internet. :lol:

 

Oh, here's another thing I do when my house is most organized--I stay off the internet!

Edited August 1, 2012 by merry gardens

[6wildhorses]

I'm going to suggest laundry carts if you have room for them. Every person in our family has their own bag, so when clothes come out of the dryer they go into their bags. They always know where to find their clean clothes, and the clothes stay clean until they are put away. They have made a huge difference for me.

 

As far as chores go, I decided a couple years ago that my oldest kids would help clean the kitchen after dinner, and after a couple of months of struggle and teaching them how to do certain tasks, they learned that I wasn't going to back down. It's not always without griping, but they're better than they use to be! The plus is that my youngest two are seeing their example, and my 6-year-old actually loaded the dishwasher yesterday because she wanted to! I also make them clean up after themselves before getting to do something they want to do, such as watching a movie or going swimming. My house is not perfect, but by following just these things, I can keep it at least manageable. I do plan on gradually adding more regular chores as they all get older. I think it helps to add chores gradually and also to make the chores part of a routine.