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Dealing with extreme sensitivity/fear


TracyP
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My 6yo ds has always been sensitive. He was 3 when we quit watching the news around him because even relatively tame stories would frighten him. This has continued in a way that I would consider fairly normal: a situation here or there but no big deal.

Last week this changed for some reason. It started when the in-laws were visiting. MIL told a story about dh choking on a quarter when he was a toddler that caused a lot of anxiety for ds. He was worried about everything from what if daddy had died, then he (ds) would never have been born, to what if our toddler found a quarter. The questions came on and off for two days.

Next, it was a raining (just raining) and he was SOBBING, saying the sky looked ugly and he was worried about us at home and daddy at work. Later, we had to turn off Black Beauty because he remembered that a fire was coming up in the movie.

Then on Sunday he got a stomach ache. He became convinced he was having an allergic reaction. (We were at a family reunion all weekend and I am convinced that he overdid the junk food) He kept asking to go to the doctor and I finally let him sleep in bed with us because I knew he was exhausted. He was better on Monday, but yesterday the stomach ache was back. He begged to go to the doctor so I took him. He told the nurse he was wheezing while she was listening to his heart. (he wasn’t) The doctor said he had a lot of gas in his belly, but he would be fine in a couple days as he got back to his regular diet.

I talked privately to the doctor about this. She went back to the room and reassured him very clearly that he was okay. He has been much better ever since then. The tummy pains still come and go, but he is handling it much better emotionally.

There have been a few other things too: bees, penicillin, water slides. *sigh* If he keeps this up he is going to be gray by the age of 10. Has anyone dealt with something like this? Do you have any suggestions for how to help him handle these fears?

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Do you have the book What to do if you Worry Too Much? It might help. I'm not a doctor, but I have heard when a child has worry or anxiety all of the blood leaves the digestion area to be prepared for the ancient "fight or flight" response. That's why kids can sometimes have upset stomachs when they are really upset. The blood supply just isn't being invested into digestion.

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I have a child who has had periods of high anxiety - not exactly like you are describing, but the paralyzing fear. During those times of anxiety I've found it helpful to give him what he craves and plenty of it so he feels secure like you did with taking your child to the doctor and getting the doctor to reassure him that he was fine.

 

My child's anxiety has lessened with age and paralyzing incidents are rare now. I've also noticed that when my child is anxious over something it spreads to many other things. We have had many successes over the past year. I don't know if this is a coincidence but at a doctor's visit last year I mentioned his anxiety and she asked me if I've taken him to somebody about it. I just said no, it is just a part of who he is. My child was right there. It seems like he turned a corner around about that time so maybe hearing that helped him.

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Do you have the book What to do if you Worry Too Much? It might help. I'm not a doctor, but I have heard when a child has worry or anxiety all of the blood leaves the digestion area to be prepared for the ancient "fight or flight" response. That's why kids can sometimes have upset stomachs when they are really upset. The blood supply just isn't being invested into digestion.

 

We've use another book in this series (What to do When You Dread Your Bed?) and found it very engaging and helpful.

 

I've noticed that my ds develops anxiety when he's not getting the level of intellectual stimulation that he needs. It's like his extremely active brain needs something constructive to do or it starts getting obsessive. For my ds, he doesn't just need content (ie., reading a book and gaining some new knowledge), he needs to use cognitive skills. When he shows signs of worry, inability to cope with everyday stress, unusual need for structure, obsessing over routines, general anxiety, etc, I pull out some logic puzzles or something. It just calms his whole being. I have no idea whether that might apply in your situation, but I thought I'd throw it out there.

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My son is very sensitive also.

At 3 he cried for 45 minutes after watching up because the man's house flew away at the end.

We also could not watch Americas Funniest Videos because he would cry when people fell or other things.

He's 6 now and has informed me that when we go to the beach with grandma in a few weeks that he will not take our beach ball because it will be too windy and blow away. He also said he will not go into the water because there are sharks. These sound silly but hes dead serious. He spends time thinking about everythng.

He will not go on things he has to climb that are more than say 4 ft up because "I will fall on my head". Everything the risk is calculated to the extreme.

 

One thing we have realized from a young age is that we can not watch regular TV around him (we have no tv now). We also have to do a lot of explaining like you did at the doctor office. Nothing has changed since we first noticed his anxieties at around 2 1/2. While I have nothing encouraging to say it is helpful for me to see other people go through such things.

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I'll chime in with a book...Strongwilled Child or Dreamer. The title is a little misleading. Its about emotionally sensitive children in all aspects of life and how to parent these uniquely wired kids. It's been a huge help in suggestions and insights for parenting.

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:grouphug:

 

I'll add another book to the list: Help for worried kids : how your child can conquer anxiety and fear by Cynthia G. Last.

 

I checked it out from the library and it soothed my anxiety about my son's anxiety. :tongue_smilie: The book contains questions/checklists to determine whether or not the child's fears require intervention, as well as information and practical tips.

 

I've noticed that my ds develops anxiety when he's not getting the level of intellectual stimulation that he needs.

 

:iagree: My ds (6) seems anxious and depressed when he is not intellectually stimulated. It goes away immediately when something interesting is introduced.

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Guys, I'm 25 and I still can't watch the news without turning into a wreck. I'm better now at masking it for the sake of others, so that they don't have to keep asking me what's wrong or if I'm ok. I have memories of myself as a child crying whenever I heard something sad, or all the anxiety I feel when someone tells me the story of how they broke their arm ten years ago. :lol: It never ends!

 

I'll echo everyone else in saying that intellectual stimulation/not being bored helps a lot. Good luck!

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Thanks for the advice and commiseration. My library has all the books that have been recommended. Just hearing that others have btdt is a big relief. It is hard to watch him go through this. On the one hand, some of his fears are almost laughable. On the other hand, he's not laughing. He is clearly very serious and very worried.

 

I think the idea that he needs intellectual stimulation is a very good one. My dh suggested that too. We are back to school on Monday, so I hope that helps.

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Not that I need to add yet another story but you mentioned how it's laughable but yet serious....

 

This morning I let my kids watch a Salsa (spanish learning) video as they have been doing for a few months now. My son quickly turned it off at some point and turned to a different episode. He refused to tell me why, but he was scared. 45 minutes later I'm still wondering what happened. He refuses to talk about it but when I say "well lets see, lets watch it together" he just runs upstairs screaming.

 

All I saw was that a puppet in the show, I think Little Red Riding Hood, had a cloth wrapped around her mouth and she couldn't talk. It is hard sometimes to not think it's so silly but for him it's so real.

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Okay OP, since you already have a bunch of books on hold at the library to read, here are a few more. :tongue_smilie:I heard Dr. Chris McCurry speak about gifted children and anxiety a few months ago, and he suggested a reading list for parents about raising resillient children in general. I've been reading them and blogging about them one by one. The hyperlink will take you to my blog, but for those of you who don't like blogs here's the thread from HIVE about it: http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/showthread.php?t=375229

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My son used to get that way about the dark, and we helped him find comfort in the context of our faith. We had him memorize some Bible verses, and for a long time he would pray for the Holy Ghost to be with him at night especially. I may have a look at some of the recommended books, but we've had good results thus far with faith-based efforts.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Not that I need to add yet another story but you mentioned how it's laughable but yet serious....

 

This morning I let my kids watch a Salsa (spanish learning) video as they have been doing for a few months now. My son quickly turned it off at some point and turned to a different episode. He refused to tell me why, but he was scared. 45 minutes later I'm still wondering what happened. He refuses to talk about it but when I say "well lets see, lets watch it together" he just runs upstairs screaming.

 

All I saw was that a puppet in the show, I think Little Red Riding Hood, had a cloth wrapped around her mouth and she couldn't talk. It is hard sometimes to not think it's so silly but for him it's so real.

 

My son did the same thing with Headsprout. There was this happy face that would pop up at certain times and he would scream and run away and be obviously terrified. It was so scary to watch his reaction. We've dealt with everything everyone mentioned above for years now. We took him for an eval (I totally expected an autism spectrum diagnosis) and he was diagnosed with anxiety. We're actually meeting with a play therapist this week and I have high hopes that she can help him through many of his fears/anxieties. I often say it's like living with a grumpy old man! ;-) I never thought about the connection to boredom/lack of intellectual stimulation. But it makes sense. I know sometimes I need to occupy myself to get out of my own head.

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My son did the same thing with Headsprout. There was this happy face that would pop up at certain times and he would scream and run away and be obviously terrified. It was so scary to watch his reaction. We've dealt with everything everyone mentioned above for years now. We took him for an eval (I totally expected an autism spectrum diagnosis) and he was diagnosed with anxiety. We're actually meeting with a play therapist this week and I have high hopes that she can help him through many of his fears/anxieties. I often say it's like living with a grumpy old man! ;-) I never thought about the connection to boredom/lack of intellectual stimulation. But it makes sense. I know sometimes I need to occupy myself to get out of my own head.

 

 

Wow! This is just like Dr. Webb's book "The Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of Gifted Children". I'm glad you found answers.

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No advice but I can sympathize. I have a very sensitive little guy. One day when he was three we were in the dressing room at Nordstoms and he bursts into tears. Hysterically crying. The "music was so sad". It was classical "elevator" music. He'll make a good husband some day.

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