Alright, Jennifer & others, here's my Query Letter

[Aubrey]

This is the one I started the other day, & ... I don't know. I hate these things.

 

She wrote, Don me in eternal darkness, for my way I do not know. If Beauty should forsake thee, what place have thee to go? Then she tore the sheet lengthwise, put the two halves together and tore again. When she had long shreds like kite tails, she tore the other way. She shredded every sheet of paper in the hut into confetti. When she was done, she knew that she had done violence to the Beautiful, an act that was forbidden, that ran against the soul, against the grain of hers and the tribe’s nature more than even life-taking, if that were to occur.

 

Words were not beautiful but deceitful, she tried to tell herself. While she knew this was true, she also knew that she had denied the whispered secrets that Beauty (or Unbeauty?) had offered her. Her path led a thousand ways away from Beauty, and she did not know how to bring it back. She was on a ship that had set sail, and she could see the shore line moving away from her. Whether the wake that stirred between the two was made of words or whispered secrets seemed to be a point lost in the fathomless ocean bottoms beyond.

 

But there was something in Leilia deeper than the words. Sometimes it felt like fear, sometimes duty. What others saw was stubbornness, but some combination of these worked together, driving her from the time of her birth. She would follow the Marketer. She would accept her call. The mystery of Beauty’s plan was unquestionable, and she would serve it, even if she was nothing more than dross, to be skimmed off the top that Beauty might appear as itself, all the more beautiful.

 

Leilia is a girl without art in a society of artisans. She has a dangerous propensity for language, but words are held in suspicion, and poetry is shunned, for words were the vehicle by which the Oferlord deceived the Beautiful One….

 

Trying to discover her one true art while fending off the poetry piling up inside her, Leilia finds herself serving a four-week internship with Marketer, the Unbeautiful woman who dwells outside the sacred village, taking in talentless girls whose own Unbeautiful souls are revealed in their faces, demeanor, and art.

 

When she accidentally discovers Marketer’s secrets, the stakes are doubled, and she’s running out of time: if she doesn’t produce a masterpiece by the end of her Summer of First Works, she will be cast out of her village forever, a fate worse than death for a worshiper of Beauty.

 

This first installment in Leilia’s trilogy is a rich and decadent opening to a story that only deepens in the following books, as she uncovers a secret past which shakes the very foundations of her faith.

[Aubrey]

Are you really going to leave me hanging like this? 35 people have looked at my letter & been too embarrassed to say so? It's *that* bad? ;)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Or is it really? :001_huh:

[Sarah CB]

Well, I have no experience with the format of query letters but it sure leaves me wanting to read more!

[Aubrey]

Well...at the risk of sounding like I'm talking to myself...dh just read it. He was stunned into silence, & not good silence. :glare:

 

He says he'll rewrite it for me tomorrow. Am I glad or sad? LOL...glad. Definitely glad.

 

Poor guy, though. He has to go in really early tomorrow--after closing tonight--so that he can hear *in person* that they're closing his store. It's a 15min meeting, lol. Then he actually works a couple of hrs later. Crazy day.

[dragons in the flower bed]

My humble opinion that you shouldn't base a thing on 'cause I know nothing at all is . . .

 

Interesting and lucid. I wish it hadn't been so abstract. I had a hard time identifying with the character right away; she seems kind of like a bundle of concepts without a body. It was indeed gripping and a refreshing sort of concept, I think.

[LunaLee]

Hmmm, I've just been sitting here thinking of what to say. First of all I can't commend you enough for writing that letter, which is hard enough to do in itself, but to post it on here and expose yourself to all of us like this.... well, to me writing is so personal and I just want to tell you that it took a lot of guts for you to do this. YOU GO GIRL!!!!

 

If you are wanting constructive critisism, I'll give it to you, not like I'm a published writer or anything-but I'll tell you what my handy dandy writers manual says about query letters:

 

Paragraph 1 should be the attention getting introduction- I'd say condense the 3 you've got into one.

Paragraph 2 should give the details of your book, again condense those last ones into one.

Paragraph 3 should be a little about yourself.

Paragraph 4 is for last minute sells and niceties.

 

Do you have a book or something that will tell you how to write a really good query letter, I know I've seen a many articles in the various writing magazines I collect that tell you what editors are looking for. Maybe you could consult with one of those.

 

Again, it's not like I speak with authority or anything, but since you did us the honor of sharing this with us, I thought the least I could do was give you a response.

 

Please keep us posted. It always inspires me when I read about the writers on this board. And, by the way I think your idea is refreshing and innovative- I for one would like to read more.

[at the beach]

Aubrey,

 

Paragraph 1 should introduce the title of your book, genre, length and whether your story is completed or not. Introductory stuff. Second paragraph should give a one-paragraph blurb about your story, kinda like what you see on the back of novels. Next paragraph tell them a few things about yourself--professionally, for the most part. Any writing organizations you belong to, anything you have published, educational background perhaps if relevant. Finally, thank them for their consideration, tell them you have enclosed a SASE and would welcome the opportunity to send them a synopsis (if they were not willing to accept one with the query--you should make sure you send them what they are willing to look at) and the manuscript. Your last paragraph where you talk about Leila is more along the lines of what a second paragraph should look like IMHO.

 

My opinion FWIW,

Anita

[elegantlion]

Congratulations on writing the letter and even more so for letting us all in to see it. I haven't got to that point, it makes me want to bite my nails simply thinking about it. However, the question I was left with is whether this is a real life setting or more of a fantasty-type world. It sounds very rich and warm, but I am unclear about the setting.

 

Keep up the great work. In my own head I believe there are two sides of writing. First is the creative side, the part that is "you" in the novels, you're own blood, sweat, and tears. It's like the feeling of watching your children walking around, you know you help create something that now has a life of its own.

 

The second part of writing is the technical stuff. You have to be more formatted, more precise, otherwise no one may ever see the beautiful thing you created. The technical side requires a battle mentality. You clad yourself in armor so the arrows do not penetrate, but you press forward, because something has yet to be won.

 

So, battle on, my dear!

[Aubrey]

I wish it hadn't been so abstract. I had a hard time identifying with the character right away; she seems kind of like a bundle of concepts without a body. It was indeed gripping and a refreshing sort of concept, I think.

 

Oh my goodness! You're right! The whole story isn't like this; I just thought this might be a good chunk to show style. Dh put it like this, "Umm...why did you choose *that* section to quote?" LOL

 

Thanks for pointing out the disembodied character thing. I hadn't seen it.

[Aubrey]

If you are wanting constructive critisism, I'll give it to you, not like I'm a published writer or anything-but I'll tell you what my handy dandy writers manual says about query letters:

 

Paragraph 1 should be the attention getting introduction- I'd say condense the 3 you've got into one.

Paragraph 2 should give the details of your book, again condense those last ones into one.

Paragraph 3 should be a little about yourself.

Paragraph 4 is for last minute sells and niceties.

 

Do you have a book or something that will tell you how to write a really good query letter, I know I've seen a many articles in the various writing magazines I collect that tell you what editors are looking for. Maybe you could consult with one of those.

 

Again, it's not like I speak with authority or anything, but since you did us the honor of sharing this with us, I thought the least I could do was give you a response.

 

 

Thanks for being so gentle! And, yeah, I started going over some of the websites I like about query letters & such, & they say pretty much what you say. One ex that I read yrs ago suggested starting w/ a catching quote from your story, but I'm pretty sure that should be a para. or less.

 

It's just so hard to know what's important in so brief a space: plot? style? character?

 

I'm awfully glad I came here first, though. I'll let dh have a crack at it, rework that, & see if it doesn't get any better, lol.

[Aubrey]

However, the question I was left with is whether this is a real life setting or more of a fantasty-type world. It sounds very rich and warm, but I am unclear about the setting.

 

Do you think there's room in a query letter to explain that? Maybe in the summary part? I'm just...terrible at knowing what's important. Kwim?

[3lilreds in NC]

I know nothing about query letters and such, but it made *me* want to read the story! Good job!

[JennifersLost]

Aubrey - you're writing is beautiful!

 

Here's a link to an agent's blog. She writes a lot about queries and reading her really made me pare down my query. Look on the side for all her entries titled "queries" - lots of good advice there.

 

It seems that agents really want a 1-2-3 approach in the queries you send, like others said before.

 

1. Why you are writing to them - "I saw that you represented so-and-so - my book is a lot like hers...."

 

2. A paragraph or two that's pretty close to the blurb you'd see on the back cover of a novel, except that you need to hint more strongly at the ending.

 

3. A final paragraph telling your credentials, how many agents you are submitting to at this time, and thanking them for reading your query. I haven't seen agents suggesting that you include a quote of the actual book in your query. Instead, you should submit 10 pages or so with your query unless the agent specifically requests that you don't.

 

Anyway - you just did the hardest part: you showed it to someone! I find it gets easier and easier from there.