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Venting... looking for encouragment I guess


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I'm a homeschool graduate, as is my husband, and we will be homeschooling our children, it's not even a question for us. I spend a lot of time researching and learning myself, which is why I'm here, and in many ways I already consider us homeschoolers, we conciously take advantage of learning opportunities and I make time to create them, it's second nature to me, and I love sharing the discovery of the world with my daughter.

 

We currently have an 18 month old and I am 26 weeks pregnant. I am a stay at home mum, and since we plan to homeschool I have no intention to looking at career paths or getting a job in the forseeable future. I am disabled, so even if I wanted to get a job, in this current ecconomic climate, it would be almost impossible. And I'm fine with all that, my mum was a stay at home mum, I believe it's the best thing, and usually I am very grateful for the opportunities I have to be at home. I see the importance of staying home.

 

But I am struggling right now with feeling like I'm not doing enough, I feel guilty for not earning money. I am unable to drive so I feel guilty that I have to drag my husband grocery shopping and to doctors appointments. I feel like I am not busy enough when he's working.

 

I looked for encouragment among SAHMs but all I could find were people struggling to corral their toddler, or not keeping up with housework because of their baby. Women who were having trouble managing, and talking about how very busy they always were. Now everyones skills are different and I mean no offense to those women, but I am not struggling. I'm not the slightest bit concerned about coping when the new baby comes. Part of it is the way we are raising our daughter, we are encouraging a higher level of independence than many SAHMs do, as is nececary for homeschoolers as I'm sure many of you recognise. Part of it is that I just find this role easy. I see women talking about how being a SAHM is the hardest job in the world, and emotionally it is, absolutely, I am often emotionally spent by the end of the day, but physically and practically, for me, it is not.

 

Then I feel guilty again, like I'm not doing it 'right' because if I was it would be harder than this. I know that's silly, mums of large families manage everything, and I only have one right now, but so many people seem to struggle with their one or two. I see mums talking about not having time to shower or write an email, yet here I am browsing forums at 8:30 in the morning after eating breakfast, while my fed daughter plays in the room around me. Once I finish this post I will go get her dressed, have my shower while she plays in her cot for 20 minutes, then we will figure out what to do today (monday is our activity-free day)

 

All of this makes me feel like I'm lazy, like I should be doing more, I'm not busy enough. I am restricted in outside the home activities because of my inability to drive so that dosen't help. Being able to run errands alone would be helpful in keeping me busy. Am I ignoring my daughter too much? Is that why it's easy? Am I neglecting something? I don't want to put too much 'extra' stuff on my plate because I know in a few years I'll have toddlers (we hope to have a large family) and begin homeschooling formally, and I don't want to fill up my responsibilities with one to then find myself completely burnt out with four.

 

Any time people talk about how good and important being a SAHM is, they talk about it being busy and hard. I guess ultimatey I feel guilty for finding it easy. I worry that I'm missing something. I felt the same way when my little one slept through the night at 3 months, while mothers around me talked about being sleep deprived with their one year olds. I feel the same way about being fortunate enough to get by right now with my husband only having part-time employment, allowing him to study and help me with things my disability causes problems with. It's silly, because I struggle with hellish pregnancies, I struggle with a physical disability and severe mental health issues, we struggle with mistakes my husband made as a young man that effect his employment now, I struggle with many things, and yet I feel like a bad person for finding the easy-for-me things easy. I feel like I'm not REALLY a stay at home mum.

 

Does all this even make sense? I don't know what I'm looking for here, I guess I just wanted to talk out how I feel, and this is the only place I can think of that might understand, since many of you manage better than society expects, fitting homeschooling in on top of it all.

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Every baby/child is different. One may be very easy and the parent(s) can very easily think that everyone else is nuts for talking about how difficult parenting is. Another baby may be so difficult that the parent doesn't have 30 seconds to themselves in a given day, much less time to shower and eat properly.

 

Your experience of finding parenting with a single child easy is not unusual for someone who is blessed with an easy-going child. You may find your second child just as easy, or you may be surprised at how much harder it all suddenly seems.

 

If you and your DH are satisfied with how you spend your day, the opinions of anyone else doesn't really matter.

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Every baby/child is different. One may be very easy and the parent(s) can very easily think that everyone else is nuts for talking about how difficult parenting is. Another baby may be so difficult that the parent doesn't have 30 seconds to themselves in a given day, much less time to shower and eat properly. *This was me with my 1st, life was a nightmare, even at almost 12 I STILL rarely get a hot meal much less get to eat it in peace.*

 

Your experience of finding parenting with a single child easy is not unusual for someone who is blessed with an easy-going child. You may find your second child just as easy, or you may be surprised at how much harder it all suddenly seems.

 

If you and your DH are satisfied with how you spend your day, the opinions of anyone else doesn't really matter.

 

 

Agreed, baby #1 was such a nightmare I was TERRIFIED of having another just like her. Had baby #2 been first I'd probably have another right away rather then almost 6 years between she was so easy going. Even with her health issues she was a dream baby compared to my 1st. You never know what your going to get, you may find yourself with one of those lovely high need babies and I promise you won't feel life is easy anymore if your blessed with one:lol:

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I completely agree with PP that it depends on the child. My parents talk about how easy they thought being a parent was when I was a little girl. What's the big deal about parenting? It's easy. Other parents who complained about it must just be bad parents. Then my sister was born, and they had to eat some humble pie. :D

 

Now that said, I think some moms today are just trying to do too much, wearing themselves out trying to be the perfect parents. So some of it is that. But the majority of moms who are talking about how exhausting and difficult it is being a SAHM are the ones who have varying degrees of difficult children. They don't sleep. They don't eat. They cry all day (I'm quite serious when I say that part of the cause of my bad hearing is the amount of time I spent with a baby screaming in my ear that first year). They won't leave you alone for two seconds. They do the exact opposite of what you want, all the time, on purpose.

 

Dealing with a child like that, when is there time to do the rest of the housework? And then you find yourself making dinner/doing laundry/cleaning the house to a backdrop of screaming baby or toddler tantrum every time, which makes it 10x more draining.

 

So what I'd say is that you're not doing anything wrong. Count yourself lucky that you haven't had to deal with that yet, and just enjoy your sweet daughter. :)

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OP, I felt/feel much the way you do. For years I wondered what I was doing wrong or what I wasn't doing because life was easy! I felt guilty for not understanding what other moms I was around were talking about when they complained about being tired, disorganized, overwhelmed, etc. I struggled with moms feeling resentment toward me when they realized I didn't share in their struggles (not because of what I said or did but because of their own reaction).

 

I've come to realize that what others posted is true - one really challenging baby or life situation can suddenly turn everything upside down! A life that was easy and smoothly flowing day to day suddenly becomes a matter of sheer survival, especially when one adds two babies rather than one! ;)

 

I've also realized that there are some women/moms who just find life with dc/homeschooling easier than others do. Think of it like juggling: some people can juggle a large number of objects without missing a beat - in fact that more things they are juggling the better they do! - while others hold one ball in their hand and it takes all their concentration just to throw and catch that one ball. Maybe that's a silly analogy but hey, I tried. :D

 

All that to say that I do not believe I am lazy or that I am not doing something that others are just because I find being a mom and homeschooling rather easy. I feel incredibly blessed and know how fortunate I am so I do not take for granted the ease with which we've added a new family member or added another dc to the schooling mix.

 

I feel incredibly blessed to be able to balance and thrive on the busyness that our life is - without those there is no way I could have the family I do and still have my sanity! I also have to remind myself that not everyone is like me...that has been an area of great humbling as I was rather judgmental for many years. :blushing: What was wrong with moms, anyway? What is so hard about keeping up with laundry, making meals, schooling a few kids and exercising on top of all that? I could do it, why couldn't they? Oh, how prideful I was!!

 

I'm glad you are finding things easy and pray it continues for you. God may use you to encourage other women who struggle in ways you do not, and He may use them to encourage you as well. :)

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You're doing enough. You're making another child, and that is very hard work, whether you feel like it or not.

 

Bookmark this post and come back in two or three years and see if you feel the same way. I'm not going to say that life will get harder, because perhaps parenthood will always go swimmingly for you. But I also had a time when my oldest was my only. I owned an online business and still had extra time for all sorts of creative projects. I haven't been able to do that for a few years now.

 

My life is still quite easy compared to many, as I keep our schedule low-key as well, but there were a few years in there where I believe I earned the peace and quiet I'm getting now that the kids are bigger and more independent.

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I understand that one dificult child can cause chaos, and while I don't consider my daughter to be easy-going as such, in fact she is extremely emotionally draining, I guess she must be easier than I think or something. I'm not trying to judge other mums who struggle and didn't mean to come across as saying they wern't doing it right, I know everyone is different and I am fortunate to be one of those people that enjoys and thrives on juggling everything at once, I feel at a loss when I don't have anything left to do, and my husband dosen't understand how I can be happy jumping from one task to another and back to the first. He likes to sit and do something and focus on only it.

 

But it does leave me a little out of place, even a little bored. I guess I feel like some mums are judging me. I don't feel like I can enjoy this calm, easy time.

 

And I also feel like I can't feel proud of the achievments I do make. It's like when parents of really badly behaved kids say 'you're so lucky to have a good child' when it had very little to do with luck, and a lot to do with good parenting and life choices. Or parents of children behind in school for no reason except a poor school say 'you're so lucky to have children who are smart' to a homeschooler who's children are average but have great teaching from their parent. I find it the case with a lot of things, there's some luck involved, but I also work hard. And yet, when it comes down to it, I hear people praising other mums for their patience with defiant children or whatever, and people just tell me I'm lucky, and that I should enjoy the luck I have. I don't feel very lucky when DD is having one of 'those' days and is pushing boundaries and I spend the entire day diciplining her and working with her as she intentionally pushes boundaries and throws tantrums (I thought that was supposed to wait till they were two!), but when that day of work pays off with a child who obediently comes when called, I'm told it's just luck, the work I did seems to count for nothing. And people don't see those days, they just see the next day when she decides to be a litte angel.

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Your mom must have taught you well :D

 

A lot of women I know who struggle are learning how to do everything. They did not have chores, they did not learn how to keep house, they never cared for a baby before they had one pf their own.

 

So it is harder for them. It is a struggle, because they have to go against how they were raised to get what seems simple and obviouse done. I know, because I have those problems. I had never done laundrey before I moved out.

 

So thank your parents and your home education and reap the fruits of your youthful labor :)

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And I also feel like I can't feel proud of the achievments I do make. It's like when parents of really badly behaved kids say 'you're so lucky to have a good child' when it had very little to do with luck, and a lot to do with good parenting and life choices.

 

 

Careful there, you have it VERY easy with your child, you were blessed with what sounds like a VERY easy going child. It often has nothing to do with "bad parenting" and lots of do with the temperament of the child. I have busted my butt to be a good parent to a very very very difficult child, should I assume that it boils to my being a crappy parent? NO! Its just her temperament/personality. To copy my mother "just you wait":) I don't want a #3 out of fear it will be like #1 lol:)

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And I also feel like I can't feel proud of the achievments I do make. It's like when parents of really badly behaved kids say 'you're so lucky to have a good child' when it had very little to do with luck, and a lot to do with good parenting and life choices. ....................

 

And yet, when it comes down to it, I hear people praising other mums for their patience with defiant children or whatever, and people just tell me I'm lucky, and that I should enjoy the luck I have. I don't feel very lucky when DD is having one of 'those' days and is pushing boundaries and I spend the entire day diciplining her and working with her as she intentionally pushes boundaries and throws tantrums (I thought that was supposed to wait till they were two!), but when that day of work pays off with a child who obediently comes when called, I'm told it's just luck, the work I did seems to count for nothing. And people don't see those days, they just see the next day when she decides to be a litte angel.

 

I think what maybe you are missing, is that many parents do what you do, spend all day disciplining and and working with their child, and then that child STILL seems defiant and difficult. Having to work with the child and it paying off makes sense and can be rewarding. Having to work with the child constantly and it NOT paying off, or at least, not feeling like it...that is a whole nother ball of wax and you really can't know until you live it.

 

My son was SOOOOOOOOOOOO hard......I didn't realize how hard until I had my daughter 10 years later. The first time she actually seemed to understand the word "no" i was flabbergasted. See, my first, despite being raised the same way, NEVER got that, not for sooo long. He actually was unable to understand cause and effect until just the past year. Try disciplining a kid that can't come to grips with cause and effect...it is draining to say the least. Life was SO hard with him. You couldn't put him in a crib for 20 minutes to shower, (he could climb out), you couldn't be more than a step away from him at the park or he would hit someone, etc etc. And yet, parented the same as my daughter, who plays happily and has NEVER hit another child. She obviously understands cause and effect.

 

In other words.....stop worrying about what other people think and enjoy your life.

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Your mom must have taught you well :D

 

A lot of women I know who struggle are learning how to do everything. They did not have chores, they did not learn how to keep house, they never cared for a baby before they had one pf their own.

 

So it is harder for them. It is a struggle, because they have to go against how they were raised to get what seems simple and obviouse done. I know, because I have those problems. I had never done laundrey before I moved out.

 

So thank your parents and your home education and reap the fruits of your youthful labor :)

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

Yes, I'd forgotten about this, but it's very true of our generation. I, too, had never done laundry before I moved out. My first college roommate had to teach me.

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I think what maybe you are missing, is that many parents do what you do, spend all day disciplining and and working with their child, and then that child STILL seems defiant and difficult. Having to work with the child and it paying off makes sense and can be rewarding. Having to work with the child constantly and it NOT paying off, or at least, not feeling like it...that is a whole nother ball of wax and you really can't know until you live it.

 

My son was SOOOOOOOOOOOO hard......I didn't realize how hard until I had my daughter 10 years later. The first time she actually seemed to understand the word "no" i was flabbergasted. See, my first, despite being raised the same way, NEVER got that, not for sooo long. He actually was unable to understand cause and effect until just the past year. Try disciplining a kid that can't come to grips with cause and effect...it is draining to say the least. Life was SO hard with him. You couldn't put him in a crib for 20 minutes to shower, (he could climb out), you couldn't be more than a step away from him at the park or he would hit someone, etc etc. And yet, parented the same as my daughter, who plays happily and has NEVER hit another child. She obviously understands cause and effect.

 

In other words.....stop worrying about what other people think and enjoy your life.

 

 

:iagree:

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Why are you worried about what other parents think of you? If YOU think you should do more, then do more. Find a project, a work-from-home job, take college classes, watch other people's kids for side money, whatever works for you. But if you feel like you're doing a good job and being a good wife and mother, it shouldn't matter to you what other people think.

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Why are you worried about what other parents think of you? If YOU think you should do more, then do more. Find a project, a work-from-home job, take college classes, watch other people's kids for side money, whatever works for you. But if you feel like you're doing a good job and being a good wife and mother, it shouldn't matter to you what other people think.

 

 

:iagree:

 

 

 

Self-educate before the multiple children and chaos take hold.

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You know what, I'm sick of this politically correct crap, and having to pretend like everyone is right and good.

 

Careful there, you have it VERY easy with your child, you were blessed with what sounds like a VERY easy going child. It often has nothing to do with "bad parenting" and lots of do with the temperament of the child. I have busted my butt to be a good parent to a very very very difficult child, should I assume that it boils to my being a crappy parent? NO! Its just her temperament/personality. To copy my mother "just you wait":) I don't want a #3 out of fear it will be like #1 lol:)

 

So you've automatically decided, just based on the fact I don't struggle to get the basics done everyday, that I have a VERY easygoing child. Well, I didn't consider throwing tantrums at 10 months, obvious frustration because her mind is moving faster than her body, and terrible teething issues to be VERY easygoing. I didn't consider completely unable to sit still for more than 10 seconds from waking to sleeping to be easygoing, nor did I consider the constant need to empty everything easygoing. I didn't consider strong willed, ignoring the word no, not caring about dicipline, and screaming when I don't understand her desires instantly despite her complete lack of language VERY easygoing. But she is all of those things and I am actively teaching her to control or redirect those behaviours. If that's easygoing, then what is challenging? Yeah, ok, a colicy baby would be more challenging, as would a child who was both strongwilled and unable to comprehend/understand things at his age level. But you know I've met a whole lot of easier babies, with more frazzled mothers.

 

I already said that I know some kids are harder than others, and that I'm not judging you, but you know what, there IS such a thing as crappy parenting. I'm not saying YOU are a crappy parent, but I see it at playgroup when one mother, who is being encouraged and told how great she is, allows her child to climb on everything and tackle other children without so much as a warning of 'no' or a correction beyond moving her away, and usually not even that, and yet I'm 'just lucky' that my child knows when I say no I mean it, and that hitting other children is inappropriate. I see it when a mother who has been complaining about her toddler getting out of bed proceeds to reward said toddler with whatever they want when they get out of bed, just to coerce them back into bed, but I'm 'just lucky' that my toddler knows nighttime is for sleep, not play, and enforce that.

 

I don't believe my mother in law was 'just lucky' 8 times over. I don't believe our grandparents parents were 'just lucky', and yet the behaviour of the majority of children in that generation would be considered exceptionally good today. I don't believe that homeschoolers are 'just lucky', and yet it's an established fact that the majority of the time a homeschooled child will be better behaved than a state schooled one. The number of times homeschooled children are complemented on their behaviour is astonishing.

 

I'm tired of just being lucky and assumed to have an easygoing child, because we have been successful in teaching and diciplining where others have not.

 

Your mom must have taught you well :D

 

A lot of women I know who struggle are learning how to do everything. They did not have chores, they did not learn how to keep house, they never cared for a baby before they had one pf their own.

 

So it is harder for them. It is a struggle, because they have to go against how they were raised to get what seems simple and obviouse done. I know, because I have those problems. I had never done laundrey before I moved out.

 

So thank your parents and your home education and reap the fruits of your youthful labor :)

 

So we won't even entertain the possibility that I am just like the rest of my generation. If I am good at something it must be because I was lucky to have parents that taught me.

 

Well, in actual fact my mother was a poor excuse for a homeschooler who, quite literally, abandoned my sister and I before running off with her boyfriend and our two youngest siblings. She told me my disability meant I could never live independently, and taught me nothing about taking care of myself.

 

I too had never done laundry until three weeks after I got married, and I remember setting off the hotel fire alarms on our honeymoon because I burnt pasta, of all things.

 

And again I'll say, I'm not judging you, I already stated I was fortunate to be one of those people that thrives off juggling, and having to completely educate myself because my mum 'homeschooled' us means that I knew how to teach myself to keep my house.

 

But that dosen't mean I havem't worked **** hard to get to the stage I am at. I was not just lucky in learning housekeeping as a child. I learnt just like everyone else in our generation. Maybe I had some advantages by having a personality suited to it, but that dosen't mean it was 'easy'. But there's yet another thing I never recieve recognition for achieving, because if you can't do it, then you get all the praise in the world for working hard to do it, but if you can do it, you're just lucky to be skilled.

 

Even our successful marriage is generally considered to be luck, not having anything to do with the things we conciously choose to do differently to the majority of married couples.

 

Why are you worried about what other parents think of you? If YOU think you should do more, then do more. Find a project, a work-from-home job, take college classes, watch other people's kids for side money, whatever works for you. But if you feel like you're doing a good job and being a good wife and mother, it shouldn't matter to you what other people think.

 

So everyone else is allowed to struggle with housekeeping or raising kids or feeling motivated or getting organised, but I'm not allowed to struggle with insecurity. I'm quite aware what other people think shouldn't bother me, but you know what, right now, in between my mental illness and my pregnancy hormones, it does. I didn't realise I was only supposed to talk about the 'correct' types of struggles.

 

I guess I came to the wrong place. I thought a group of homeschoolers might be beyond the 'everyone is always right, there is no right or wrong in anything' attitude. This attitude only exists to make people feel better. There are absolutely a lot of people who work very hard at things and do not succeed. But does that mean the ones that do succeed didn't work hard? Hard work dosen't always pay off so let's belittle hard work when it does? whatever.

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OP, you can't first say that you are worried because everything is too easy, and then get angry and say that your child is actually hard to deal with and you are working so very hard , etc etc. It can't be too easy and really hard at the same time. Or at least, I can't see complaining about both.

 

And as for discipline..honey, your child is not even 2 years old. I'm sorry, you are not really qualified to comment on parenting in general at this point. Everything you listed about your child is totally normal, other than the ability to understand discipline, which I think is pretty advanced.

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I already said that I know some kids are harder than others, and that I'm not judging you, but you know what, there IS such a thing as crappy parenting. I'm not saying YOU are a crappy parent, but I see it at playgroup when one mother, who is being encouraged and told how great she is, allows her child to climb on everything and tackle other children without so much as a warning of 'no' or a correction beyond moving her away, and usually not even that, and yet I'm 'just lucky' that my child knows when I say no I mean it, and that hitting other children is inappropriate. I see it when a mother who has been complaining about her toddler getting out of bed proceeds to reward said toddler with whatever they want when they get out of bed, just to coerce them back into bed, but I'm 'just lucky' that my toddler knows nighttime is for sleep, not play, and enforce that.

OP, the situations you describe are a result of both diligent parenting and luck - yes, luck. If we use training techniques with our little ones whether it be getting them to eat or sleep in their own beds or whatever and they respond well to those techniques then we can both take credit for doing what works for our dc as well as breathe a sigh of relief that we got lucky and figured out what works for our dc. ;)

 

I think I understand what you are frustrated about...maybe. I, too, have gotten very tired of hearing over and over, "Oh, you are so lucky!" in response to something my babies/dc are able to do or that they do not do. In my mind I'm thinking of all the work and training that went into having toddlers who don't throw tantrums or dc who eat what is put in front of them. All of that was work...hard work! But it is also luck because my dc responded to my training - the same training some of these parents might be also using with different results.

 

I've also seen frazzled moms with difficult dc who get praise while moms who are calm/peaceful with less difficult dc get the, "You're lucky" line. I get it yet please, consider that there is more to it, that luck can be a part of how our dc turn out.

 

Yes, there is crappy parenting out there. There are moms out there who seem to wear their sufferings on their sleeve and view the late nights getting their dc to bed or the endless tantrums as a badge of motherhood to be displayed in some odd way. Yet there are moms out there who are doing their best and still have struggles with their dc no matter what. They are not crappy parents, their dc are not crappy dc.

 

But you know I've met a whole lot of easier babies, with more frazzled mothers.

Going back to my juggling analogy, some women find it easier to juggle/handle all the mom stuff in life and others are more easily overwhelmed. Rather than letting that frustrate you, please let it make you feel grateful for the fact that you can easily handle what has been given to you while at the same time understanding that not everyone has it so easy.
I'm tired of just being lucky and assumed to have an easygoing child, because we have been successful in teaching and diciplining where others have not.

When we have poured ourselves into the teaching and training of our dc, hearing that we have "easy kids" or are "just lucky" can sting. Yet please be careful not to think that others aren't pouring themselves into teaching/training their dc yet perhaps not getting the same results as you are. Aside from the openly neglectful parent, most parents are doing what they can, doing what they know, figuring this mom thing out as best they can. If our dc turn out well in the end it will probably be despite our best efforts. ;)

 

I guess I came to the wrong place. I thought a group of homeschoolers might be beyond the 'everyone is always right, there is no right or wrong in anything' attitude. This attitude only exists to make people feel better. There are absolutely a lot of people who work very hard at things and do not succeed. But does that mean the ones that do succeed didn't work hard? Hard work dosen't always pay off so let's belittle hard work when it does? whatever.
OP, please don't take your frustration out on these women who took the time to respond to your post. I am not seeing in their responses the "attitude" described above. If you want honest opinions from women who have btdt, who have a wealth of experience as both moms and homeschoolers, then you are in the right place. :)
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yes, your daughter sounds fairly normal. yes parenting "normal" children is exhausting and hard. thats just how parenting is, although I'm confused because first you said she was easy, then you said she was hard. to me, she sounds like my easy child. when I just had the one, I thought I was a really good parent; consistent discipline, kept my temper, etc. then I had my second. if you ever have a spirited child, you will know it. mine is a thousand times harder than my "normal" child. the pp are not slamming you or judging you, they are saying they've been in your position before and have since learned a lot. you might want to consider their advice before getting so upset.

 

also, what this board really dislikes is people judging others. so when you talk about how poorly the other parents you see are, people will get upset because they've been in that situation before.

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OP, you can't first say that you are worried because everything is too easy, and then get angry and say that your child is actually hard to deal with and you are working so very hard , etc etc. It can't be too easy and really hard at the same time. Or at least, I can't see complaining about both.

 

And as for discipline..honey, your child is not even 2 years old. I'm sorry, you are not really qualified to comment on parenting in general at this point. Everything you listed about your child is totally normal, other than the ability to understand discipline, which I think is pretty advanced.

 

 

Please don't ask for encouragement and input, then blast everyone who lovingly attempts to give those things to you. Maybe you are looking for more than we can give.

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I went through a period of feeling guilty for staying home and loving it. It was easy and thoroughly enjoyable. Even when I had 2 kids under 2 yrs. old. I've always kept a mostly clean house but I spent time playing with my kids. I was on the floor with them a great deal of the day. But there were other moms who just seemed offended that I would do such a thing. I was supposed to be cleaning the house and cooking from scratch and having dinner ready for DH. I didn't fare so well in mom's groups when my kids were babies. Things got a little better when we joined homeschool groups. I loved talking homeschooling with other parents, but again, they all acted like it was so hard and I felt so weird thinking it was all so much fun.

 

Anyway, eventually I did stop feeling guilty. Being a part of my children's daily lives is extremely important to me and DH. Playing with Hot Wheels cars was simply more important than wiping down all the counters and appliances in the kitchen. Dirty dishes might sit in the sink while I watched a Barney video and sang along with it. I don't regret how I parented my children while they were young because they are awesome now and I have such great relationships with all 3 of them. Even now, I hear how awful teenagers are supposed to be but my kids just don't act like stereotypical teens. The closest one comes is that she has her ipod attached to her nearly all the time. She absolutely adores music of all kinds. One minute she's listening to Beethoven and the next minute to some Swedish pop song. She has no problem carrying on a conversation while she listens. She only has one earbud in it so she's not cut off from the world. She's the one going to public school next month though. I'm worried about that. I told her I hoped it wouldn't change the unique individual she is. That would make me so sad.

 

As for now, the kids don't need me much anymore, and I have tons of free time. Again, my house is mostly clean. If I wanted to, I could clean my entire house in a couple of hours. Instead, I do small bits throughout the day. I wish I had a hobby to pursue, but the only things I do are this board, reading, and playing video games. I wish I had very young kids to play with again. Little people are fascinating! I love looking at the world through their eyes. Enjoy being home and taking care of your children. You've only got one shot at their childhoods, kwim?

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So everyone else is allowed to struggle with housekeeping or raising kids or feeling motivated or getting organised, but I'm not allowed to struggle with insecurity. I'm quite aware what other people think shouldn't bother me, but you know what, right now, in between my mental illness and my pregnancy hormones, it does. I didn't realise I was only supposed to talk about the 'correct' types of struggles.

 

I guess I came to the wrong place. I thought a group of homeschoolers might be beyond the 'everyone is always right, there is no right or wrong in anything' attitude. This attitude only exists to make people feel better. There are absolutely a lot of people who work very hard at things and do not succeed. But does that mean the ones that do succeed didn't work hard? Hard work dosen't always pay off so let's belittle hard work when it does? whatever.

 

Um, wow. I posted before I finished reading the thread. You are one angry person. I'm sorry. :( It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. I suffer from a mental issue as well, so I can understand how it might color your perception. The people here are not being mean. Their posts sound quite helpful to me in helping you look at things from a different perspective. That's what diverse boards like this do. People's opinions vary greatly on topics even as neutral as crock pots and shopping carts. If you don't want a diverse set of opinions, then you may be very uncomfortable on this board. :(

 

I agree with the pp's though. You seem to be the one coming out with punches. That's not a great way to start out on this board.

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OP, you can't first say that you are worried because everything is too easy, and then get angry and say that your child is actually hard to deal with and you are working so very hard , etc etc. It can't be too easy and really hard at the same time. Or at least, I can't see complaining about both.

 

And as for discipline..honey, your child is not even 2 years old. I'm sorry, you are not really qualified to comment on parenting in general at this point. Everything you listed about your child is totally normal, other than the ability to understand discipline, which I think is pretty advanced.

 

Please don't ask for encouragement and input, then blast everyone who lovingly attempts to give those things to you. Maybe you are looking for more than we can give.

 

:iagree:You have absolutely no clue what other parents deal with outside of the moments you see them. Your own child isn't even two years old. You are being incredibly judgmental in proclaiming that everyone who struggles just isn't as good of a mother as you are. Your story has changed. First, you were concerned because being a mom was SO easy and perhaps you were neglecting her, but now that people have pointed out that perhaps you got lucky with an easy child, suddenly your toddler is so difficult and you spend all day dealing with her tantrums and screaming. It can't be both ways. I hope, for your sake, that your next child is as easy as your first.

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So we won't even entertain the possibility that I am just like the rest of my generation. If I am good at something it must be because I was lucky to have parents that taught me.

 

Well, in actual fact my mother was a poor excuse for a homeschooler who, quite literally, abandoned my sister and I before running off with her boyfriend and our two youngest siblings. She told me my disability meant I could never live independently, and taught me nothing about taking care of myself.

 

I too had never done laundry until three weeks after I got married, and I remember setting off the hotel fire alarms on our honeymoon because I burnt pasta, of all things.

 

And again I'll say, I'm not judging you, I already stated I was fortunate to be one of those people that thrives off juggling, and having to completely educate myself because my mum 'homeschooled' us means that I knew how to teach myself to keep my house.

 

But that dosen't mean I havem't worked **** hard to get to the stage I am at. I was not just lucky in learning housekeeping as a child. I learnt just like everyone else in our generation. Maybe I had some advantages by having a personality suited to it, but that dosen't mean it was 'easy'. But there's yet another thing I never recieve recognition for achieving, because if you can't do it, then you get all the praise in the world for working hard to do it, but if you can do it, you're just lucky to be skilled.

 

Even our successful marriage is generally considered to be luck, not having anything to do with the things we conciously choose to do differently to the majority of married couples.

 

 

 

So everyone else is allowed to struggle with housekeeping or raising kids or feeling motivated or getting organised, but I'm not allowed to struggle with insecurity. I'm quite aware what other people think shouldn't bother me, but you know what, right now, in between my mental illness and my pregnancy hormones, it does. I didn't realise I was only supposed to talk about the 'correct' types of struggles.

 

I guess I came to the wrong place. I thought a group of homeschoolers might be beyond the 'everyone is always right, there is no right or wrong in anything' attitude. This attitude only exists to make people feel better. There are absolutely a lot of people who work very hard at things and do not succeed. But does that mean the ones that do succeed didn't work hard? Hard work dosen't always pay off so let's belittle hard work when it does? whatever.

You said it was easy.

 

 

And I'm fine with all that, my mum was a stay at home mum, I believe it's the best thing, and usually I am very grateful for the opportunities I have to be at home.

 

But I am struggling right now with feeling like I'm not doing enough, I feel guilty for not earning money. I am unable to drive so I feel guilty that I have to drag my husband grocery shopping and to doctors appointments. I feel like I am not busy enough when he's working.

 

I am not struggling. I'm not the slightest bit concerned about coping when the new baby comes.

 

Part of it is that I just find this role easy. I see women talking about how being a SAHM is the hardest job in the world, and emotionally it is, absolutely, I am often emotionally spent by the end of the day, but physically and practically, for me, it is not.

 

Then I feel guilty again, like I'm not doing it 'right' because if I was it would be harder than this.

 

Is that why it's easy? Am I neglecting something?

 

I guess ultimatey I feel guilty for finding it easy.

 

I struggle with many things, and yet I feel like a bad person for finding the easy-for-me things easy.

Does all this eve don't know what I'm looking for here, I guess I just wanted to talk out how I feel, and this is the only place I can think of that might understand, since many of you manage better than society expects, fitting homeschooling in on top of it all.

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Please don't ask for encouragement and input, then blast everyone who lovingly attempts to give those things to you. Maybe you are looking for more than we can give.

 

Really. You are new here. Before blasting veteran posters, perhaps you should get to know them. You might find that if you open your mind you can actually learn something from them.

 

Next time you want a party and fawning over how amazing you are just say so in the OP.

 

:party:

 

You are incredible. Amazing. Supery dooper.

 

:party:

 

:lol::lol:

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