swellmomma Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 :grouphug: prayers for sure that this man takes Wolf up on his offer to get him out. It is so hard for a man to admit he is actually being abused and not just that he has a b*tch for a wife. shame on you OM for calling Imp a liar. You may not believe men get abused, but do not call a member a liar when she has never done do before and sure as heck isn't a drama whore looking to stir it up. If she was she would tell a story about her MIL or mother, not a dear friend being beaten. Use your head for goodness sakes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 shame on you OM for calling Imp a liar. You may not believe men get abused, but do not call a member a liar when she has never done do before and sure as heck isn't a drama whore looking to stir it up. If she was she would tell a story about her MIL or mother, not a dear friend being beaten. Use your head for goodness sakes. technically - OM was calling wolf a liar because he was the one who saw what happend and reported it to imp. Wolf is no liar either - and wolf has been a gem to imp. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 technically - OM was calling wolf a liar because he was the one who saw what happend and reported it to imp. Even worse imo If anyone can stay married to Imp with all the crazy il's on both sides the man needs a medal not an accusation of lieing to his wife. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chelli Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 I went to church as a teenager with a man whose wife was abusive to him. She came after him one night with a baseball bat. Apparently she got a few blows in and when she was swinging around at his head, he grabbed her arm to get the bat away. She called the cops and showed them the bruise where he had touched her. Of course he was bleeding and had scratches on him, but he got arrested. The cops would not believe him.They are divorced now, but I felt so sorry for him and men like him. I honestly never knew such a thing existed until it happened to someone I'd known my entire life. Tell Wolf he is an amazing friend for being so concerned. Hopefully R will get out soon and be blessed with a new, safe normal. :grouphug: to everyone involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Even worse imo If anyone can stay married to Imp with all the crazy il's on both sides the man needs a medal not an accusation of lieing to his wife. hey - wolf has his share of crazies. imp's NPD mil is *wolf's* mother. ;) I think the fact they both have crazies makes it easier to understand the other. but everything imp has ever said about wolf is he's a keeper. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 hey - wolf has his share of crazies. imp's NPD mil is *wolf's* mother. ;) That's why I said both sides. If they can each be willing to take on the other one's mother while dealing with their own, it is unlikely either would be making up drama about someone else. They have more than enough in their lives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 That's why I said both sides. If they can each be willing to take on the other one's mother while dealing with their own, it is unlikely either would be making up drama about someone else. They have more than enough in their lives. I misread what you wrote referring to both. I think my eyes are getting tired. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 I misread what you wrote referring to both. I think my eyes are getting tired. Or things are making more sense in my head than on the screen. It happens often :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 Even worse imo If anyone can stay married to Imp with all the crazy il's on both sides the man needs a medal not an accusation of lieing to his wife. :lol: hey - wolf has his share of crazies. imp's NPD mil is *wolf's* mother. ;) I think the fact they both have crazies makes it easier to understand the other. but everything imp has ever said about wolf is he's a keeper. :lol: We've said, repeatedly, that it's why we were meant to be. Nobody else could possibly understand our mothers. And then of course there's my brand of crazy...Which Wolf finds just enough to keep him from having to puruse adrenaline sports since being married. If he wants the feeling of risking his life, he just has to make some dumb ack comment, and runs. :lol: Thanks everyone for the support. I'm sorry that so many have experienced the bias towards men being victims of domestic violence. It doesn't matter what the gender is, dv is dv. I've even heard it being excused as, "Well, it's not like she can hurt him..." like, oh, well, she's 5"2, he's 6"4, so here's a free pass. (Not this particular case, but I've run into this situation, w on m dv before) I really and truly believe that the women who abuse take full advantage of the mindset that men should never hit women, and the societal bias re: who the abuser is. They count on it, use it as a weapon, threaten the man w/it..."I'll call the cops and say you hit ME!" etc, etc, etc. Victims of DV often feel trapped. It's just the web that looks different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 I really and truly believe that the women who abuse take full advantage of the mindset that men should never hit women, and the societal bias re: who the abuser is. They count on it, use it as a weapon, threaten the man w/it..."I'll call the cops and say you hit ME!" etc, etc, etc. Victims of DV often feel trapped. It's just the web that looks different. Yep. I think it's calculated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 The other situation I knew of, she flat out told him that she'd have him arrested for DV. It's def part of the psychological campaign of control and fear. Being charged w/dv can have serious, far reaching consequences, effecting employment, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 Yep---that would describe my soon to be ex SIL. She would come after my brother, and when he would finally try to defend himself, she always had a way of making sure she got hurt. The last straw was when he had been working an 11-7 shift and had come home to sleep. She couldn't get him to wake up, so she proceeded to hit him with a hammer in the back. Of course, natural reaction when sound asleep and getting beat, is to jump up. When he did, it pushed her back a little and she hit her head. She told police she was afraid of him and that he had been hitting her and pushed her down. Even after his kids told the police what really happened (this happened as they were leaving for school), my brother still had an assualt charge on him. SIL did too, but in the good ol boy ways of the small town she grew up in, only my brother's stuck. He didn't leave, because she threatened him every time they fought, that he wouldn't see the kids again. Unfortunately, he had a stupid moment in the early years of their marriage, and it resulted in a child that he has never been allowed to see. For that reason, he knew she would be able to convince a judge. He lived where she grew up, and all her family and friends were there. She was very convincing and would make people believe whatever she said. She ended up leaving him in the middle of the night for some guy she met on the internet....taking their daughters with her. Their son refused to go, and was told not to tell his dad where they were going. Thankfully, he sees his kids now, and is in the process of a divorce, but it's been a fight for him. No one believes that SHE was the abuser, and not my brother. I'm sorry :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Sounds a bit surreal to me. What kind of man is not able to take his car keys and leave? Does he work? Does he have a bank account? I find this pretty weird. Seriously? You are blaming the man for this? Abuse is all about the power the abuser has over his/her victim. The mental abuse is worse than the physical abuse. The same mentality that holds women to abused spouses is the same thing holding Imp's friend to his spouse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 Seriously? You are blaming the man for this? Abuse is all about the power the abuser has over his/her victim. The mental abuse is worse than the physical abuse. The same mentality that holds women to abused spouses is the same thing holding Imp's friend to his spouse. Yup. Plus, he helped raise her kids, and has been involved in raising a gson. He leaves, and he's going to lose them all. No way is she going to 'allow' her kids to continue a relationship w/him w/out major, major hassle from her, and speaking from experience, it would probably be easier to let the relationship w/him go than endure her ongoing wrath. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Yup. Plus, he helped raise her kids, and has been involved in raising a gson. He leaves, and he's going to lose them all. No way is she going to 'allow' her kids to continue a relationship w/him w/out major, major hassle from her, and speaking from experience, it would probably be easier to let the relationship w/him go than endure her ongoing wrath. That's a good point about complicated family dynamics. Fear of losing out on seeing biological children is enough, but when one is helping to raise children that don't legally belong to you, it gets trickier. I have a friend in an abusive relationship that won't leave because she has been raising her step-daughter since the girl was a few months old. To her, that is HER daughter (bio-mom is completely out of the picture), but legally she has absolutely no rights to her, and he has threatened her that if she left, she'd never see the 8yo again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleIzumi Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 (edited) :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:We had friends in a similar situation, and it kept getting worse (more and more controlling on her part) until there was finally an ultimatum from her (basically leave your religion or else) and he finally divorced her. He's now happily married with a kid. Much better now. :grouphug::grouphug: It would be much harder with a kid already involved. Does he think it's likely she might abuse any children if he's gone as a target? Praying. Edited July 23, 2012 by LittleIzumi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 (edited) Yup. Plus, he helped raise her kids, and has been involved in raising a gson. He leaves, and he's going to lose them all. No way is she going to 'allow' her kids to continue a relationship w/him w/out major, major hassle from her, and speaking from experience, it would probably be easier to let the relationship w/him go than endure her ongoing wrath. This is just awful all the way around. I hope at least one of these adult children (and there must be one "adult-ish" child if there is a grandchild, right??) stands up for their father. What a horrible thing to have to go through, regardless of gender. :( I don't know how you muddle your way through life if the one person who is supposed to be your bedrock... just isn't. You must feel like you're drifting through life without any foundation. That's just atrocious. Edited July 23, 2012 by Jennifer3141 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:We had friends in a similar situation, and it kept getting worse (more and more controlling on her part) until there was finally an ultimatum from her (basically leave your religion or else) and he finally divorced her. He's now happily married with a kid. Much better now. :grouphug::grouphug: It would be much harder with a kid already involved. Does he think it's likely she might abuse any children if he's gone as a target? Praying. The kids are all adults now. No idea what the dynamic is btwn her and the kids. Heck, we didn't know *he* was being abused until Wolf witnessed it, so we're pretty in the dark in a lot of ways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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