shernandez Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 I have a VERY strong-willed DD. She is 4, and wants to have everything on her terms. She refuses my help 90% of the time and will only learn new concepts (such as reading) when she wants to. Is this normal?? Will she grow out of it? I like her expressing her own opinions, but it is frustrating when I know she can do something and she refuses to. Help, please!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lotsofpumpkins Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 I have a couple of very strong-willed children, and yes, they do get better! Just be consistent with your expectations and discipline. At age 4, I would not require learning to read. If she wants to work on it, then go ahead. Tell her at age 5 or 6 (whenever schooling becomes official for you) that it will be required. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 I have a VERY strong-willed DD. She is 4, and wants to have everything on her terms. She refuses my help 90% of the time and will only learn new concepts (such as reading) when she wants to. Is this normal?? Will she grow out of it? I like her expressing her own opinions, but it is frustrating when I know she can do something and she refuses to. Help, please!!! First, who on earth wants a weak willed child? Second, she is young. Third, she may be an auto didactic learner...a self teacher. IN which case you just need to point her in the direction and get out of her way. My son is like this. Drove me CRAZY at first, but we have it down now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandamom Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 I have that child. She was 4, 5 and 6 when I homeschooled (ok preschooled) her while I was homeschooling her older brother. He would work with me during typical school hours. If I asked her to do any type of schooling she would refuse. But, if I pulled "school" out during odd times (for example, Saturday night at 8pm; Sunday morning at 10; 3pm) or let her pull things out when she felt like it we got A LOT more done. We got more time in when I let her decide what and when to do it rather than forcing her to do what I wanted her to do. At almost 12 she is still very strong-willed but I've really learned to pick my battles. I was't really trying to teach her to read or do school at 4 (although we have mandatory K so I had to do something at age 5) but it was nice to get a little practice in doing some school before it became mandatory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shernandez Posted July 22, 2012 Author Share Posted July 22, 2012 Thanks for all of the advice!!!! I am not requiring her to learn how to read yet (even though she has flown through several pre-reading programs), but I just wanted to make sure I am not the only one with a do-it-yourself kid. She is extremely intelligent (although I am not objective), and I love that. I think my biggest problem is learning which battles to fight and which to let go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdventureMoms Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 My 4yo is the same! She is learning to read - but she excitedly flies through lessons for a week, then refuses to even LOOK at anything for a month. It drives me nuts, but at this point I'm just going with it. She's 4, the only reason I'm teaching her in the first place is because she begged me to, so I'm not going to force it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shernandez Posted July 22, 2012 Author Share Posted July 22, 2012 My 4yo is the same! She is learning to read - but she excitedly flies through lessons for a week, then refuses to even LOOK at anything for a month. It drives me nuts, but at this point I'm just going with it. She's 4, the only reason I'm teaching her in the first place is because she begged me to, so I'm not going to force it. That sounds about right! She asked to do AAR pre-reading yesterday and kept asking for more...we did 5 lessons. During the week, when I want to do school with her, she acts like she hates it!!! What kills me is the phrase, "Um...I think it is too hard for me." It is so contrary to her "I'm four now, so I can handle it." She really is quite the character:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdventureMoms Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 That sounds about right! She asked to do AAR pre-reading yesterday and kept asking for more...we did 5 lessons. During the week, when I want to do school with her, she acts like she hates it!!! What kills me is the phrase, "Um...I think it is too hard for me." It is so contrary to her "I'm four now, so I can handle it." She really is quite the character:) YES YES YES!!! Are you sure we don't have the same kid? The other day DD looked at the word "cat" printed. She was able to read cat about...oh...6mos ago. She told me it was too hard. I asked her what letter it started with. She says she doesn't know. :001_huh: The day before, she had been reading simple sentences. That was when I decided it was time for a reading break. Though then she got back into reading eggs, so she's doing that. Even there, though, she got to a lesson that she found annoying (not hard, but annoying) and declared that she couldn't do this and would be stuck at this lesson forever. She's a weee bit of a drama queen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shernandez Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 Tell me about it!!! The ONLY words she will read are "cat" and "hats"...you can probably tell what her favorite book is. Every other word is "too hard!" Too funny!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 My youngest was/is like that. He's very independent, strong-willed. :iagree: with squeezing school in at odd times and in odd places. I took my youngest through a good bit of Word Mastery on the computer. For some reason, it's better on the laptop screen.:001_huh: Now he has more confidence in reading so he's willing to try other things. (He does not like failure, folks!) :iagree:I wouldn't put an ounce of pressure on a 4yo to do any school. "Would you like to help mommy fold the towels or do some (insert fancy name for learning to read - like SuperFlash - which is code-speak for learning to decode words on flashcards:lol:)?" Take her choice to fold towels with a smile. She'll get bored of the towels soon enough... Teach her an easy and common word. (and, but, the, ...) and follow the text with your finger as you read to her and stop your finger under the word of the day for her to read. Read The Cat in the Hat until you think you will literally vomit....find some words to pull from that book to teach her so she can see that she can learn the "hard words" too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shernandez Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 My youngest was/is like that. He's very independent, strong-willed. :iagree: with squeezing school in at odd times and in odd places. I took my youngest through a good bit of Word Mastery on the computer. For some reason, it's better on the laptop screen.:001_huh: Now he has more confidence in reading so he's willing to try other things. (He does not like failure, folks!) :iagree:I wouldn't put an ounce of pressure on a 4yo to do any school. "Would you like to help mommy fold the towels or do some (insert fancy name for learning to read - like SuperFlash - which is code-speak for learning to decode words on flashcards:lol:)?" Take her choice to fold towels with a smile. She'll get bored of the towels soon enough... Teach her an easy and common word. (and, but, the, ...) and follow the text with your finger as you read to her and stop your finger under the word of the day for her to read. Read The Cat in the Hat until you think you will literally vomit....find some words to pull from that book to teach her so she can see that she can learn the "hard words" too. Good ideas!!!!! And we read the Cat in the Hat too much...I think I can recite it word-for-word:) DD hates failure, too, which is the big part of our problem. We are not hard on her, and let her know it is fine to make mistakes, but she is a perfectionist. It seems like if she thinks she will get it wrong, she would rather not try:glare: Anyhow, she is young and we have time to work on that...no worries here!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
serendipitous journey Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Good ideas!!!!! And we read the Cat in the Hat too much...I think I can recite it word-for-word:) DD hates failure, too, which is the big part of our problem. We are not hard on her, and let her know it is fine to make mistakes, but she is a perfectionist. It seems like if she thinks she will get it wrong, she would rather not try:glare: Anyhow, she is young and we have time to work on that...no worries here!!! We have a failure-hater here, too: it gets better with age (he's nearly 7). He only learned to use scissors when I forced him to do those Kumon booklets, one page a day or time-out, and I held him in my lap while we cut and gave lots of encouragement. Don't even ask about math!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrysalis Academy Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 My dd 6 is just like this too - she's whip smart and loves to learn things (likes to be read to, watch documentaries, asks lots of great sciency questions and participates in discussions) but she *hates* to be taught - by me, at least. I had these grand hopes that we'd do a lot of cool schooly things this summer, and she was completely resistant. I had to let it go and step away, because it was really upsetting me and affecting our relationship. I don't know what it means for the future - I fear it means I won't be able to homeschool her, but on the good side maybe she will be really, really resistant to peer pressure! ;) I am trying hard not to be a drama queen about it, though, and not to assume that it will always be like this. She isn't currently homeschooling - she will be doing first grade at a project-based learning charter in the fall. She lets the teacher teach her- just not me. She loves to be read to, so our current deal is, I read a story, then she reads a story. She's reading the Biscuit books right now, and I scored a bunch of Leap Frog phonics-based readers at a library book sale, which are all focused on things like beginning blends and ending blends, so I'll have her read those to me. Right now that's all the phonics instruction I'm managing to get it - when I try and sit down with OPGTR or McGuffey for a "reading lesson" she gets all sulky and dramatic and while she doesn't refuse (refusing a direct order is not allowed at our house) she makes it a miserable enough experience that I can't do it w/o getting mad. This is my problem, I know, I am trying to channel SWB/JW and their matter-of-fact "It's time for a reading lesson now" thing, but I'm having a hard time doing it. I guess maybe I am taking it personally? I suspect that part of what is going on is that she is resisting teaching in order to differentiate herself from her big sister, who is easy and a joy to teach, and I think she is kind of jealous of the time we spend together. However, if she doesn't cooperate with me teaching her, I won't be able to homeschool her, so it's a vicious cycle. Anyway, sorry for the long rant and I didn't mean to hijack the thread! Apparently this was bothering me more than I realized and I am really interested in hearing from others who have experienced this with a strong-willed/resistant child, and how it all played out . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shernandez Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 Anyway, sorry for the long rant and I didn't mean to hijack the thread! Apparently this was bothering me more than I realized and I am really interested in hearing from others who have experienced this with a strong-willed/resistant child, and how it all played out . . . I'm glad you did:) DD can make school pretty miserable when she wants to. I am really only pushing her because I KNOW she understands it. She just refuses to do it if it is not on her terms. I really hope all goes well with you, and that homeschooling works out for the both. Mine does not want to go to the "big school" but she still isn't too keen on school here if she puts her mind against it:glare: Oh, what our kids do to us...LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 I have a VERY strong-willed DD. She is 4, and wants to have everything on her terms. She refuses my help 90% of the time and will only learn new concepts (such as reading) when she wants to. Is this normal?? Will she grow out of it? I like her expressing her own opinions, but it is frustrating when I know she can do something and she refuses to. Help, please!!! As the mother of a strong-willed child, I feel your pain. However, I'm thinking that it's "normal" for a 4yo child to *appear* to be resisting learning how to read. And I think you need to deal with your own frustration, rather than being upset with *her* over reading issues. I think it's important to continue working with her so that she will allow you to be her instructor--in everything--but I'm also in favor of not pushing a 4yo to read. If she's motivated on her own, then let her work on her own, and do the Official Stuff when she's 5 or 6. FTR, my strong-willed child wasn't reading at her age level until she was 9½. She was learning many other things--she was busy all the time--but yup, 9½yo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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