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My ds in an uncomfortable Sunday School class...WWYD?


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My 11 year old ds has been going to SS at our church for the past nine years since he was two and had always enjoyed it a lot. However, this past year, his fifth grade class has had a high turnover of teachers which is unusual. His present teacher is quite strict and almost harsh, so I think. He talks fast, has his kids writing a lot in workbooks while he is talking, and he rewards those who finish early with candy and free time. My son can't write quickly and he's hard of hearing so he can't lipread while he is writing so he's not finishing on time and getting the rewards. But I was willing to try to work w/ the teacher and hope that my ds will get a new teacher next fall for sixth grade. But then he announced that for memorizing so many verses per week and for attendance for the rest of the summer, he will reward the kids with a trip to the museum in the big city. We will be on vacation at that time. So now, I'm feeling like he will be demoralized if you know what I mean. I'm tempted to pull him out of class for the rest of the summer but would that set a bad precedent for the future? Will he as a teenager look back and think that if SS or church in general gets too difficult, he can just leave and become one of those church hoppers? Am I blowing this out of proportion?:)

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What did the teacher say when you approached him? I had to talk to my son's SS teacher too, because he cannot read well, memorize well, or write well, and he did back off a bit and change things up. My son was not the only kid struggling. If the teacher is not working with your son, then I would go to the director or whoever is over the SS dept. Sunday school is supposed to be about learning, but putting too much pressure on the kids is not going to spark that love.

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Have you tried talking to the teacher yet? That's probably where I would start.

Yes, me too. Tell the teacher that he can't hear him and can't read his lips while having to write all this stuff down.

 

Gee...sounds like a lot of work. My kids would rather just sit and listen or interact in a conversation than be lectured at.

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our ds's being hard of hearing last Sunday and we were planning on checking up on the class every week to make sure things were going smoothly. But the museum trip gives my ds less of a reason for going to the class. The date of the trip can't be changed.

ETA to add: We did talk with the SS director but that didn't help. I guess she can't do anything due to the high turnover of the teachers.

Edited by Merry
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I would probably just let it go. With the trip, it's a scheduling conflict. That happens in life. In terms of the class itself, I'd probably just remind my son what he is there to be learning, advise him to just do his best, and that we don't always get the reward in life. This could turn out to be a good life lesson.

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This is why I can't stand rewards at Sunday school. It becomes all about the reward and not the content of what they are learning. It's stressful for me as a parent because when you have a kid who can't read well or write well, it's just not fair to the kid. And it just sort of exacerbates the problem the kid has, kwim?

 

If you've talked to the teacher and things aren't changing, that's a problem. Especially since your child has a disability that is being disregarded. I'm not sure what I'd do exactly, but I certainly feel for you and your son. :grouphug:

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I would ask myself (including DH if he's involved in these types of decisions), "is this what I want my son to learn, and how I want him to learn it?" If it is, then persevere through the difficulties. If not, then you can implement something at home that you do want him to learn, and have him stay with the adults during Sunday School time, assuming that what goes on with the adults is what you want him to learn. ;)

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I'm wondering about the point of the SS class. I'd pull him out because it's not an atmosphere that I'd want my child to believe is normal. This is not the understanding you want your child to have of church leadership.

 

Contrary to your worry that you'd set a bad precedent, I think the teacher is setting a bad precedent. God doesn't reward you because you show up for every class, memorize the most verses, and finish first. (What in world sort of example is that teacher setting??)

 

Your child can feel safe in knowing that you'll continue protect him from someone who sounds far from showing Biblical leadership towards children in his SS class. Bad teaching is rampant, and a parent can stand up to it.

 

ETA: >>>We did talk with the SS director but that didn't help. I guess she can't do anything due to the high turnover of the teachers.

 

Teachers who are called to teach generally don't have quick turnover. Teachers who are pressured to teach through poor church leadership generally don't last.

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I don't understand why, as a Christian homeschooler, advocating for your child to get the best education in the area it matters MOST is something to just plug away through and accept as is. I see this advice--and have been given it myself--all the time.

 

Churches are run by volunteers who may or may not be gifted in teaching, which I get. But that doesn't mean that volunteers cannot be trained or asked to change their strategies in the classroom. If this were a public school situation, we'd want our kids to get the best, right? Why isn't it ok to kindly ask for the best at church?

 

My 17yo is in a class with a teacher who gives no opportunity for discussion, talks about herself and her life experiences (as a 58yo single woman who lives with her dog) to which none of the teens can relate. Sometimes she forgets to prepare. I've mentioned it to our youth leader who doesn't want to rock the boat or make anyone feel bad or HELP this woman do better or even move on to a ministry better suited to her. That's not acceptable to me and I've told dd that she doesn't have to go anymore to that aspect of youth group, which happens to be Sunday morning! Yes, we study the Bible at home and on our own, but that doesn't mean I have NO expectations for something meaningful at church! I'm not a jerk about it, but I also don't like mediocrity, or worse!

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I consider myself as "one of those" church hoppers but probably for a different reason than for what you might think of a hopper. Aside from the unfair remark, I would try assisting and praying for the person. Prayer is the faith and the kind help one would offer to the teacher would be the "works." Faith without works is dead. This would give you a bird's eye view of it all and you could go from there.

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I'm wondering about the point of the SS class. I'd pull him out because it's not an atmosphere that I'd want my child to believe is normal. This is not the understanding you want your child to have of church leadership.

 

Contrary to your worry that you'd set a bad precedent, I think the teacher is setting a bad precedent. God doesn't reward you because you show up for every class, memorize the most verses, and finish first. (What in world sort of example is that teacher setting??)

 

Your child can feel safe in knowing that you'll continue protect him from someone who sounds far from showing Biblical leadership towards children in his SS class. Bad teaching is rampant, and a parent can stand up to it.

 

ETA: >>>We did talk with the SS director but that didn't help. I guess she can't do anything due to the high turnover of the teachers.

 

Teachers who are called to teach generally don't have quick turnover. Teachers who are pressured to teach through poor church leadership generally don't last.

 

:iagree:

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At 11yo, he is old enough to benefit from sitting in the service with you. Give him a notebook, pen, ruler, and some colored pencils. Encourage him to take notes from the sermon and to draw things from the sermon if he is able to do so with his hearing issues.

 

As an adult, I wouldn't sit through a class like that unless I had a really compelling reason to be there, like college credit or something. Going to Sunday School isn't biblically mandated. There are more ways than that to learn about God. At 11yo he might relish doing something more grown-up.

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I'm wondering about the point of the SS class. I'd pull him out because it's not an atmosphere that I'd want my child to believe is normal. This is not the understanding you want your child to have of church leadership.

 

Contrary to your worry that you'd set a bad precedent, I think the teacher is setting a bad precedent. God doesn't reward you because you show up for every class, memorize the most verses, and finish first. (What in world sort of example is that teacher setting??)

 

Your child can feel safe in knowing that you'll continue protect him from someone who sounds far from showing Biblical leadership towards children in his SS class. Bad teaching is rampant, and a parent can stand up to it.

 

ETA: >>>We did talk with the SS director but that didn't help. I guess she can't do anything due to the high turnover of the teachers.

 

Teachers who are called to teach generally don't have quick turnover. Teachers who are pressured to teach through poor church leadership generally don't last.

 

:iagree:

 

Or, rather, "AMEN."

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Sunday school shouldn't be strict IMO. Yes, we do reward kids for going above and beyond....like memorizing so many verses, the books of the bible, etc. But we certainly wouldn't do things that exclude others. The ones that can't meet those challenges still get something for the effort...just not as big a reward as those who went all in. I wouldn't be ok with my kid being with a teacher like that.

 

I don't see any reason that your ds can't stay with you.

 

I don't understand what kind of "precedent" you'd be "setting." How could it be wrong for you to consider your son's needs and have him stay with you??

 

At 11yo, he is old enough to benefit from sitting in the service with you. Give him a notebook, pen, ruler, and some colored pencils. Encourage him to take notes from the sermon and to draw things from the sermon if he is able to do so with his hearing issues.

 

As an adult, I wouldn't sit through a class like that unless I had a really compelling reason to be there, like college credit or something. Going to Sunday School isn't biblically mandated. There are more ways than that to learn about God. At 11yo he might relish doing something more grown-up.

 

:iagree:My 6 yo sits with us in the regular sermon because we don't care for certain aspects of the sunday school class for her age group.

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I would never force a kid to sit through a harsh Sunday School teacher OR one who made him uncomfortable.

 

This is partially prejudice because my dad turned his back on God for most of his life because of the stupid judgmental rants that those three 6 year old boys were too disruptive in Sunday School and so they were going to hell. For some reason he internalized it, believed it, and made a lot of incredibly bad decisions he might not have otherwise. I led him back to faith when I was an adult. He got baptized. He died a few years later. I realize this is an extreme circumstance, but in my mind nothing is more important in the lives of my children than faith.

 

Secondly, when I initially read he made him uncomfortable, my first thought was that something else, something potentially abusive might be going on. Reading your explanation obviously changes things, but I don't think kids should have to put up with rude and inconsiderate behavior just because they're kids. Only you can decide if this teacher has crossed the line and may be potentially damaging or if this is a good character lesson about getting along with demanding people. I think you should trust your instinct. No one else knows your kid as well as you.

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I've decided that I'll keep this low key and take a break from Sunday School for the rest of the summer. Then our ds can try the sixth grade class this fall hopefully with a different teacher.

If not, then he can just come to our SS class which is at around junior high level so he shouldn't have trouble keeping up with it.

I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one not liking the rewards and exclusion as penalty for not meeting the teacher's requirements.

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I would talk with the teacher. I have small rewards in my class for certain number of verses memorized, but I allow parents to customize what that number is depending on their kids' particular abilities. Kids need to memorize x more than they already know (some already know more than others.) X is a number I pick that seems reasonable. However, I tell parents that they can let me know that "X-5 would be a good target for my kid." This evens things out. I have a background as a special ed teacher, though, and not all teachers would know enough to think of that without the parent asking. Since your kiddo has special needs, I would certainly tell the teacher. With regard to the trip, that's pretty unavoidable. It happens with lots of things. The teacher may be gruff in some ways, but he obviously cares about the kids learning. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt, assume he's a nice guy, and let him know what your child needs. If you don't want to do that with just a few weeks left, don't. I don't think you're teaching your ds anything negative. Leaving graciously is fine, I would think.

Edited by Laurie4b
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