Weird situation with friends and I'm sad. WWYD?

[BrookValley.]

..

[dansamy]

Honestly, it sounds like it would be for the best. I know that's hard to hear.

[dangermom]

Oh, bummer. :grouphug: I think, sad to say, that your friendship with this couple is over. She can't unsay that and no one will forget it, so it will always be awkward.

 

From what I hear, it's not that uncommon to develop a little crush on someone even when you're 40 and happily married, but what you do is to not mention it and squash it, and after a while it will go away. What you don't do is to nurture it or mistake it for real feelings. If her marriage was already rocky she may have let it complicate things, but seriously--crushes should not be shared. Now she has shared, and your friendship is over. Sorry.

[TranquilMind]

BrookValley: Recently, said friends began having marital trouble. DH and I were very sad to hear it, and while we didn't pry, we offered to both of them an ear whenever they wanted it and left it at that.

 

You might already see where this is going. Let me tell you, I didn't at the time.

 

So, a few weeks ago, the wife of the couple called my DH and told him they could not talk anymore, and none of us could hang out together anymore, because she had inapropriate feelings for him. I believe her words describing those feelings were "more than I should." :confused:

 

After the phone call, DH called me, shocked and upset. No one saw that coming. It was...is...just bizarre. I am saddened for our friends and their relationship. And now we're suddenly without our closest friends in the area, and I'm really sad about that, too. I have no idea what came first--the feelings for my DH, or the marital problems, but the thought that they might be linked?

 

Actually, I think this is quite honorable of her. I'd definitely assume the marriage problems were there long before they became friends with you guys. Your husband could have been any man who was not her husband, who spent time with her and was interested in talking to her. Those kind of things bring hidden cracks out in the open.

 

I'm sorry. We lost good friends like the ones you describe because the Mom dislikes one of my kids (which is better, I guess, than liking my husband!) because he isn't as perfect as her kids, in her mind. When her kid hurt my kid in a sports situation, she blamed it on my kid and dumped us.

 

It's hard to lose people who were really close to you, like family. I'm sorry. It hurts.

 

I'm not mad at my friend. I'm upset, yes, but I'm more upset that she chose to say anything at all. We don't live too closely to each other and we're all busy kinds of folks; if she needed distance from us, it would have been possible without that admission.

 

Maybe she thought it would be better if you knew it really was not you guys - it was her.

 

 

I just don't know what to do. Leave it alone and mourn the loss of friends, with no hope for future contact? Or reach out and just say hey, we care about you guys and hope that one day we'll be able to work this out? It would be hard, and it's not going to happen anytime soon, but I really think me and DH could. Of course, I have no idea if her, or her husband, can or even want to. That's ok, too. I guess I just really want them to know we care about them and miss them.

 

I know. I sent the occasional card to someone who dumped us. It made me feel better anyway.

[NorthwestMom]

I am going to be blunt here. You should thank your lucky stars that your friend was honest enough and had enough character to admit the truth of the problem and back out of the friendship.

 

You do not want anyone who is so sexually attracted to your DH that it is causing problems in her own marriage anywhere near YOUR marriage. TRUST ME on this.

 

I am sure you are mourning this friendship. She sounds like a great person, someone strong enough to admit her failings and take appropriate action. I admire that a lot. But, take her warning seriously and keep your family SEPARATE.

 

Let her go.

[Momma2Luke]

:grouphug: I can relate to how hurt and saddened you must be feeling at the thought of losing this wonderful friendship.

 

I think that this woman has had more of a chance to absorb and digest the idea of losing this friendship.... for her, I guess she felt she really needed to let everyone know why she needed to end it. I can respect her for being honest and for pulling away to remove any sticky temptations.... But I can understand that this is a huge shock to you. You will need to have equal time to digest and mourn this chapter closing.

 

I don't think that there is any harm in letting her know that you care about her and her family. But I honestly can't see how the friendship would be able to resume... at least not in any way that would resemble what it once was....

 

HUGS.

[Mergath]

If her feelings for your dh are strong enough that she felt the need to cut off all contact, I'd accept that and try to move on. Losing you as friends might be the price she has to pay to save her marriage.

[KatA]

I think it's probably best that your husband keep his distance from both of them. Let her get out of that emotional attachment and let the husband work through the hurt without either of you there, unfortunately. But if you want to reach out and let her know that there's no hard feelings or you're not upset, I don't think that that's a bad idea. I would probably keep my distance out of respect for their marriage and let her approach you if she wants.

 

I'm sorry you're in the difficult place of losing a friendship.

[Katy]

I'm not mad at my friend. I'm upset, yes, but I'm more upset that she chose to say anything at all. We don't live too closely to each other and we're all busy kinds of folks; if she needed distance from us, it would have been possible without that admission. And I'm upset for her DH. I have no idea what he's thinking/going through. But we love these people. I'd like her to know I care about her, and even if we can't be close like we were, I'd like to know that we're still friends, if that makes sense? I just don't know what to do. Leave it alone and mourn the loss of friends, with no hope for future contact? Or reach out and just say hey, we care about you guys and hope that one day we'll be able to work this out? It would be hard, and it's not going to happen anytime soon, but I really think me and DH could. Of course, I have no idea if her, or her husband, can or even want to. That's ok, too. I guess I just really want them to know we care about them and miss them.

 

She was too ashamed to tell you the truth. Continuing any sort of friendship at all will not only be disrespecting their relationship, it will threaten yours. Mourn the relationship. Then find some friends with better boundaries and thank GOD she confessed or her husband figured it out before she plotted to seduce your husband.

 

Also, I am suspicious of recreationally spending time with members of the opposite sex without the spouses being there, even if they are a work friend, unless they are absolutely categorically UN attractive. I've seen too many "friendships" turn into "emotional affairs" turn into "actual affairs." I used to attend a church that split up shortly after one of the pastors had an affair with a church secretary. I trust my DH completely, and it sounds like you do yours too, but I would still be suspicious.

[Mrs Mungo]

If her feelings for your dh are strong enough that she felt the need to cut off all contact, I'd accept that and try to move on. Losing you as friends might be the price she has to pay to save her marriage.

 

I think it's probably best that your husband keep his distance from both of them. Let her get out of that emotional attachment and let the husband work through the hurt without either of you there, unfortunately. But if you want to reach out and let her know that there's no hard feelings or you're not upset, I don't think that that's a bad idea. I would probably keep my distance out of respect for their marriage and let her approach you if she wants.

 

I'm sorry you're in the difficult place of losing a friendship.

 

:iagree: With both of the above. Given her stated feelings, it is probably better for everybody if you all keep your distance. :grouphug:

[Zebra]

I am going to be blunt here. You should thank your lucky stars that your friend was honest enough and had enough character to admit the truth of the problem and back out of the friendship.

 

You do not want anyone who is so sexually attracted to your DH that it is causing problems in her own marriage anywhere near YOUR marriage. TRUST ME on this.

 

I am sure you are mourning this friendship. She sounds like a great person, someone strong enough to admit her failings and take appropriate action. I admire that a lot. But, take her warning seriously and keep your family SEPARATE.

 

Let her go.

 

:iagree:

 

I really have nothing else to add except :grouphug:. Some relationships have to end in life for various reasons, and this is one of them. It's sad, but it could have been much, much worse.

[mommaduck]

Let them go. They need space to work on things and, though strange, it was good that she was honest with some of the issues. It can prevent you and your husband from being placed in an even more awkward position. I'm sure her dh is not happy with your dh, even if your dh didn't ask for any of this. You all would be better off staying as far from this as possible, including him staying far from her at work as possible.

[TranquilMind]

.

 

Also, I am suspicious of recreationally spending time with members of the opposite sex without the spouses being there, even if they are a work friend, unless they are absolutely categorically UN attractive. I've seen too many "friendships" turn into "emotional affairs" turn into "actual affairs." I used to attend a church that split up shortly after one of the pastors had an affair with a church secretary. I trust my DH completely, and it sounds like you do yours too, but I would still be suspicious.

 

I wouldn't use the word, "suspicious" but generally spending time with other people's spouses is not a good idea, unless, as you say, they are "categorically unattractive", as you say. But even an unattractive man could look pretty darn good sooner or later if he hangs onto every word you say and finds you fascinating. It's just one of those things that can happen.

Edited July 18, 2012 by TranquilMind

[Trez]

I agree wholeheartedly with everything that has been said. It is too bad you had to lose a friendship but cutting off contact is the best thing possible IMHO. Having btdt (in the position of your friends husband) not too long ago, they need to do this to work on their marriage. Your friend had probably already confessed her feelings to her husband before he saw your dh that day. It is a very difficult thing to work through.

 

As others have stated, I really have changed my opinions on whether married couples should go out independently with those of the opposite sex. Sometimes secrets/problems with marriage partners can become topics of conversation and emotional attraction can result.

 

I hope that your friends can figure things out. I'm sorry that you have to deal with the loss of close friends.

[Reflections]

I agree wholeheartedly with everything that has been said. It is too bad you had to lose a friendship but cutting off contact is the best thing possible IMHO. Having btdt (in the position of your friends husband) not too long ago, they need to do this to work on their marriage. Your friend had probably already confessed her feelings to her husband before he saw your dh that day. It is a very difficult thing to work through.

 

As others have stated, I really have changed my opinions on whether married couples should go out independently with those of the opposite sex. Sometimes secrets/problems with marriage partners can become topics of conversation and emotional attraction can result.

 

I hope that your friends can figure things out. I'm sorry that you have to deal with the loss of close friends.

 

 

:iagree: If you feel you really need to tell your friend that you are sorry for the loss of the friendship - do that, send her a note and tell her so - but just also be thankful that she was strong enough to tell you all what was really going on. Mourn the loss of the friendship and move on. This was a gift.

[BrookValley.]

 

 

 

[MomatHWTK]

Oh, bummer. :grouphug: I think, sad to say, that your friendship with this couple is over. She can't unsay that and no one will forget it, so it will always be awkward.

 

From what I hear, it's not that uncommon to develop a little crush on someone even when you're 40 and happily married, but what you do is to not mention it and squash it, and after a while it will go away. What you don't do is to nurture it or mistake it for real feelings. If her marriage was already rocky she may have let it complicate things, but seriously--crushes should not be shared. Now she has shared, and your friendship is over. Sorry.

:iagree:

[Bang!Zoom!]

Brook, there's no way to really know, but there may be other coals in that fire in addition to your DH.

 

She could have a whole harem in her head you know?

[MomatHWTK]

FWIW, if another woman told my DH she was attracted to him, I would see that as an agressive move. To me, that's trying to let him know that there's an opportunity to be had if he's interested. :glare: At the very least it's an unnecessary "reaching out" that I would treat with extreme caution.

[dirty ethel rackham]

You know, I would unfriend them on facebook, or at least hide their posts for a while. I find the "having fun without me" stuff really gets me when I am missing people.

[Katy]

You know, I would unfriend them on facebook, or at least hide their posts for a while. I find the "having fun without me" stuff really gets me when I am missing people.

 

Yes, unfriend them. And make sure your DH does too.

 

Telling him she was attracted to him may have been calculated, like in code saying "I'm willling to risk an affair if you are." Blech.

[BrookValley.]

You know, I would unfriend them on facebook, or at least hide their posts for a while. I find the "having fun without me" stuff really gets me when I am missing people.

 

[Sara in AZ]

Also, I am suspicious of recreationally spending time with members of the opposite sex without the spouses being there, even if they are a work friend, unless they are absolutely categorically UN attractive. I've seen too many "friendships" turn into "emotional affairs" turn into "actual affairs." I used to attend a church that split up shortly after one of the pastors had an affair with a church secretary. I trust my DH completely, and it sounds like you do yours too, but I would still be suspicious.

 

:iagree:

 

I watched a similar situation to yours play out between two of my close friends and their families. The families became very, very close. I don't think anything actually was going on between any of the spouses, but one of my friends became insanely suspicious and jealous of the other and it destroyed the friendship. One family had to even switch church congregations because of this. It was horrible for the kids who lost their friends. And it was horrible for those of us who were mutual friends with all involved. Boundaries and avoiding wven the appearance of evil are so, so important in navigating these close relationships.

[gardenmom5]

:grouphug: I agree, I think it's for the best. It doesn't matter which came first - the marriage problems or the crush (and realistically, it could be either). reality is - it's now a problem.

 

I know of a couple where he was helping a woman with her finances, just to be helpful, and something happened where they are now divorced and he is now married to the other woman.

[LoriK]

Look at this from the husband's perspective. (Hers, not yours) Put yourself in his shoes and ask yourself if you would want your DH going to lunch with her, if your Dh had told you that he was attracted to her or had some feelings for her?

 

If my spouse admitted feelings or an attraction for one of our friends, I wouldn't want him hanging out with her and I probably would want to step back from the entire relationship with the couple.

[Melinda in VT]

:iagree:

 

I watched a similar situation to yours play out between two of my close friends and their families. The families became very, very close. I don't think anything actually was going on between any of the spouses, but one of my friends became insanely suspicious and jealous of the other and it destroyed the friendship. One family had to even switch church congregations because of this. It was horrible for the kids who lost their friends. And it was horrible for those of us who were mutual friends with all involved. Boundaries and avoiding wven the appearance of evil are so, so important in navigating these close relationships.

 

I think it's possible to err on both sides of this issue. Some people are extremely eager to see evil in the most benign situations. I don't think it's good to cave to those people.

 

For example, I once took a temporary part-time position on my husband's work team. As I sat in a four-person office, working with some of his male co-workers, he had another co-worker constantly asking him, "Doesn't it bother you that your wife is in there talking to Art?!" :001_huh:

 

ETA: I wasn't very clear. I do think that if a person says they need to limit or end contact for the sake of his or her marriage, that should be respected. Even though it hurts. However, I think "avoiding the appearance of evil" can be taken to extremes and do more harm than good.

Edited July 18, 2012 by Melinda in VT

[lionfamily1999]

Honestly, it sounds like it would be for the best. I know that's hard to hear.

 

:iagree: I would consider any sort of relationship with them over. Regardless of whether or not she had a more devious reason for admitting her attraction, at this point continuing any relationship would put all four of you in dangerous territory.

[Rtcrmine]

I guess I'm the only one weirded out by her confession in the sense that she felt close enough to your husband to even tell him such a thing. I get having a crush, but I don't get two married people discussing it! Sounds like they were already too close!

Anyway, stay far away from that woman. And make sure your husband does the same.

[Dustybug]

Honestly, it sounds like it would be for the best. I know that's hard to hear.

 

I am going to be blunt here. You should thank your lucky stars that your friend was honest enough and had enough character to admit the truth of the problem and back out of the friendship.

 

You do not want anyone who is so sexually attracted to your DH that it is causing problems in her own marriage anywhere near YOUR marriage. TRUST ME on this.

 

I am sure you are mourning this friendship. She sounds like a great person, someone strong enough to admit her failings and take appropriate action. I admire that a lot. But, take her warning seriously and keep your family SEPARATE.

 

Let her go.

 

If her feelings for your dh are strong enough that she felt the need to cut off all contact, I'd accept that and try to move on. Losing you as friends might be the price she has to pay to save her marriage.

 

:iagree: I haven't read all of the posts, but this definitely sounds for the best. I respect that she respected you all enough to let you know how she was feeling and I think that I wouldn't want any woman who had admitted to having feelings for my husband hanging around. Mourn the friendship and move on. :grouphug:

[Blessedmomof4:)]

You should thank your lucky stars that your friend was honest enough and had enough character to admit the truth of the problem and back out of the friendship.

 

You do not want anyone who is so sexually attracted to your DH that it is causing problems in her own marriage anywhere near YOUR marriage. TRUST ME on this.

 

I completely agree!!! Your marriage is more important to protect than any friendship no matter how close!

[Catwoman]

I am going to be blunt here. You should thank your lucky stars that your friend was honest enough and had enough character to admit the truth of the problem and back out of the friendship.

 

You do not want anyone who is so sexually attracted to your DH that it is causing problems in her own marriage anywhere near YOUR marriage. TRUST ME on this.

 

I am sure you are mourning this friendship. She sounds like a great person, someone strong enough to admit her failings and take appropriate action. I admire that a lot. But, take her warning seriously and keep your family SEPARATE.

 

Let her go.

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

 

Don't be sad. Be relieved. This situation could have ended far differently, and two marriages could have been in danger.

 

Personally, knowing what you now know about your friend's feelings for your dh, I don't think you should even try to continue the friendship with either her or her dh under any circumstances. Right now, it sounds like she wouldn't try to pursue a relationship with your dh, but would you really ever be able to trust her or view her in the same light again? Could you ever be sure that if the circumstances lined up just right, that she wouldn't make a move on your dh? And honestly, if you were all still friends and she started joking around or flirting with your dh, wouldn't it worry you a little, or make you angry? And what if he jokingly flirted back? It would be so easy to get suspicious, jealous, and worried -- even if it was completely innocent -- because you would know that your friend has a crush on your dh.

 

I know other people may be more liberal about this sort of thing than I am, but I would cut my losses and move on.

 

I'm sorry you're sad, though. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[athomemom]

I am going to be blunt here. You should thank your lucky stars that your friend was honest enough and had enough character to admit the truth of the problem and back out of the friendship.

 

You do not want anyone who is so sexually attracted to your DH that it is causing problems in her own marriage anywhere near YOUR marriage. TRUST ME on this.

 

I am sure you are mourning this friendship. She sounds like a great person, someone strong enough to admit her failings and take appropriate action. I admire that a lot. But, take her warning seriously and keep your family SEPARATE.

 

Let her go.

 

:iagree:

[Catwoman]

Telling him she was attracted to him may have been calculated, like in code saying "I'm willling to risk an affair if you are." Blech.

 

That thought crossed my mind, too. She could have been testing the waters, while appearing to be taking the high road.

[Catwoman]

I can't say that this very same thought didn't cross my mind. It did, but I really, really don't want to think that this person thought they might have something to gain by admitting their feelings. My gut feeling is that it wasn't her motive, and that she wouldn't do that to me. At least I hope I can let the friendship go without the added feeling of being betrayed.

 

I know you want to believe that she wouldn't do that to you, but you also never thought she was attracted to your dh, so perhaps you don't know her as well as you thought you did.

 

Also, people are willing to do some pretty unpleasant things when they want something -- and if she had the nerve to tell your dh she couldn't spend time with him any more because she was too attracted to him, she was already feeling far too intimate with him. If it was nothing more than an innocent attraction, she would have kept her mouth shut and simply avoided spending time alone with your dh. Additionally, if her dh was so upset by an innocent and unreciprocated attraction that it caused major problems in their marriage, I can't help but wonder if this woman has a history of cheating on her dh, and you just don't know about it.

 

I would never trust her again. Ever.

 

Yes, I keep telling myself to hide their posts, and I really should. I guess I liked seeing that it looked like they were moving forward with their relationship and working through things.

 

At this point, their lives are none of your concern. Unfriend them and move on. This woman wants your dh -- RUN AWAY AND DON'T LOOK BACK!

Edited July 18, 2012 by Catwoman

[Dustybug]

You know, I would unfriend them on facebook, or at least hide their posts for a while. I find the "having fun without me" stuff really gets me when I am missing people.

 

:iagree:

[mrsanniep]

FWIW, if another woman told my DH she was attracted to him, I would see that as an agressive move. To me, that's trying to let him know that there's an opportunity to be had if he's interested. :glare: At the very least it's an unnecessary "reaching out" that I would treat with extreme caution.

 

:iagree:

[aggieamy]

:grouphug:. I'm sorry you are going through this. We've got a couple that we are good friends with similar to your situation so I can only imagine the loss you are feeling.

 

I wouldn't use the word, "suspicious" but generally spending time with other people's spouses is not a good idea, unless, as you say, they are "categorically unattractive", as you say. But even an unattractive man could look pretty darn good sooner or later if he hangs onto every word you say and finds you fascinating. It's just one of those things that can happen.

 

I have a personality that comes off as "flirty" and because of that I am very careful around my husband's friends. I am totally in love with the most wonderful man in the world, my DH, but I know that in a one-on-one situation with men I feel comfortable with I will be an attentive listener, giggle at jokes, be sympathetic and men have taken that the wrong way. When I was younger I would frequently get asked out and be mortified and surprised because I didn't have any interest in the men asking and they thought I was totally into them. Knowing that I have that type of personality I make darn sure that DH is the instigator of situations with the men and I am with the women. If Wilma's out of town and we know that poor Fred is going to be eating Spaghetto's for dinner if we don't invite him over to join us then I make sure DH is the one to ask. Sometimes it would be easier for me to send the email or text but I make DH do it anyway. Situation like that can get out of hand so easily.

 

You know, I would unfriend them on facebook, or at least hide their posts for a while. I find the "having fun without me" stuff really gets me when I am missing people.

 

 

:iagree:. For your sanity.

[Catwoman]

I guess I'm the only one weirded out by her confession in the sense that she felt close enough to your husband to even tell him such a thing. I get having a crush, but I don't get two married people discussing it! Sounds like they were already too close!

Anyway, stay far away from that woman. And make sure your husband does the same.

 

I hadn't picked up on that until you mentioned it, but that is really weird. The more I think about it, the more I can't help but wonder if she was hoping the OP's husband would suddenly confess his secret love for her, too.

 

The whole situation is messed up, and in all honesty, I wouldn't be mourning the friendship at all; I'd feel like I'd dodged a bullet.

[LibraryLover]

Folks want to be wanted. If her dh had confessed his attraction to you, you'd be flattered. You might even wonder what it would be like to be with him, even if you didn't act on that.

 

I'd be hoping they would not be seeing each at all other at all for a time.

Edited July 24, 2012 by LibraryLover

[melmichigan]

If her feelings for your dh are strong enough that she felt the need to cut off all contact, I'd accept that and try to move on. Losing you as friends might be the price she has to pay to save her marriage.

 

:iagree:

[goldberry]

I wouldn't be suspicious of her confession. Perhaps she confessed to her husband, and made the phone call to show her husband she was serious about staying away from him. That's the first thing I thought of.

 

Also, if there was really a valued friendship there, I would prefer honesty to them just ditching out and me being left wondering what the heck happened.

[lionfamily1999]

I have a personality that comes off as "flirty" and because of that I am very careful around my husband's friends. I am totally in love with the most wonderful man in the world, my DH, but I know that in a one-on-one situation with men I feel comfortable with I will be an attentive listener, giggle at jokes, be sympathetic and men have taken that the wrong way. When I was younger I would frequently get asked out and be mortified and surprised because I didn't have any interest in the men asking and they thought I was totally into them. Knowing that I have that type of personality I make darn sure that DH is the instigator of situations with the men and I am with the women. If Wilma's out of town and we know that poor Fred is going to be eating Spaghetto's for dinner if we don't invite him over to join us then I make sure DH is the one to ask. Sometimes it would be easier for me to send the email or text but I make DH do it anyway. Situation like that can get out of hand so easily.

I know exactly what you mean.

[TranquilMind]

and if she had the nerve to tell your dh she couldn't spend time with him any more because she was too attracted to him, she was already feeling far too intimate with him. If it was nothing more than an innocent attraction, she would have kept her mouth shut and simply avoided spending time alone with your dh.

 

 

Agree

[Delighted3]

FWIW, my dh and I have had several couples that we have been close with over the years. At no point would we have considered it acceptable for either of us to spend time separately with the spouse of opposite sex. I definitely would not keep in contact with this couple. Sad as you may feel about the loss of the friendship, your marriage is way more important.

JMO,

Joy

[Lisbeth]

:grouphug: Everyone has covered it. Let them go. We also don't lunch alone with the opposite sex unless it is a relative or someone far outside the possibility of romance.

[sparrow]

:grouphug: I'm sorry. What a crummy situation.

 

I have to say, I read this thread and felt like a jealous you-know-what. You're all being understanding and I'm just thinking, I'd want *nothing* to do with this woman! I'd be ticked. I was surprised at my own reaction!

 

I've also learned the hard way that being a smart woman, that knows about sports, is a sure way to make men think you're interested and available, somehow :tongue_smilie:. I don't hang around with men without my husband. Nuff' said.

[kalanamak]

:grouphug: Here's hoping it is a brief 14 year itch, or that she is so enwrapped in having someone to hang her heart on, and is losing a husband, her heart leapt to nearest available male.

 

Ugh. I'd step back, but I wouldn't let it ruin your life. Worse things have blown over. :grouphug::grouphug:

[Little Nyssa]

Perhaps she confessed to her husband, and made the phone call to show her husband she was serious about staying away from him. That's the first thing I thought of.

 

:iagree: I also wondered if her DH had pressured her to make the call saying that she could not see him anymore, because he did not like seeing him at her office and got jealous.

 

You know, when people are going through difficult things like marriage problems, they may say silly things and feel things emotionally that they don't really mean. It may be that years from now, if your friend is divorced and happily remarried, for example, you may laugh together over this someday and she may say, "i can't believe I said that stupid thing to your DH?! that was so crazy!! but you know what I was going through at the time, I just didn't know what I was feeling or thinking!"

 

I think writing a note to her/them would be nice, but I agree with cooling off the friendship for a long time, until things change.

[tex-mex]

Oh, bummer. :grouphug: I think, sad to say, that your friendship with this couple is over. She can't unsay that and no one will forget it, so it will always be awkward.

Yup. Once Pandora opened the box...

 

 

From what I hear, it's not that uncommon to develop a little crush on someone even when you're 40 and happily married, but what you do is to not mention it and squash it, and after a while it will go away. What you don't do is to nurture it or mistake it for real feelings. If her marriage was already rocky she may have let it complicate things, but seriously--crushes should not be shared. Now she has shared, and your friendship is over. Sorry.

:iagree:

And if it helps the OP... it sounds like the friend's husband was either possessive or jealous? It may be a blessing in disguise the friendship broke up before any more accusation took place. Their marriage was on rocky ground.

[tex-mex]

I can't say that this very same thought didn't cross my mind. It did, but I really, really don't want to think that this person thought they might have something to gain by admitting their feelings. My gut feeling is that it wasn't her motive, and that she wouldn't do that to me. At least I hope I can let the friendship go without the added feeling of being betrayed.

You are the better person than me on this one. I think for appearance's sake in the future, you need to cut all ties from these people. Affairs can be started with the nicest (or lonely) intentions. Then boom. Damage.

 

What surprises me is your mourning over a friendship rather than feeling lucky you dodged a bullet with a lonely gal like that... she had feelings for your spouse and it destroyed her marriage. You should not be focusing on the friendship, hon. :glare:

 

 

Yes, I keep telling myself to hide their posts, and I really should. I guess I liked seeing that it looked like they were moving forward with their relationship and working through things.

You need a clean start and wipe them off your cell phone, emails, and social media like FB. Move on. Tell dh to do so too.