Am I being too finicky?

[Whereneverever]

My house is pretty toddler and baby safe. I have a two year old as well as older kids, and another baby on the way. I have outlet covers, a gate across the basement stairs, and don't keep scissors or other sharp things within reach.

 

I do have a lot of books in bookshelves and some toys in a toy box in my common area.

 

I have a certain friend who brings her one year old over and lets the little one pull dozens of books off the shelves, crumples the pages, tosses them, ect. The friend also sits and watches the child dump all the toys out, take bites out of anything made of foam, and just kind of use things roughly.

 

I feel like I have the choices of not having them over, constantly tailing this little one to keep my kids' stuff safe, or just letting the destruction happen and cleaning up after they leave.

 

I know kids will be kids. I have some of my own, after all, and have other people over without rampant destruction. Am I being weird that I'd like this parent to sit by and follow their child, instead of sitting in a chair and ignoring the chaos?

 

If I'm not being unreasonable, is there a polite way to say, "Watch your kid, I don't want to?"

[Impish]

I think, if Jr was crumpling a book, it's perfectly acceptable to address the mom and say, "could you please stop him? I don't want my book ruined."

 

I'd probably go pre-emptive, and cull out the foam toys, etc or make a toy box of indestructable toys for when little ones come to visit.

 

A 1 yo is pretty destructive, everything going in the mouth, etc.

[Whereneverever]

The toy thing wouldn't bother me, but the book thing absolutely would. I think I would gently say please don't play with the books hoping the mother would say something.

 

I have tried gently saying things and the parent has just laughingly said their kid is a tornado.

[I talk to the trees]

Nope! Not too picky at all!

 

When dd was a toddler, we bought one of those expandable play-yard type gates. I think it started out with six panels, but we bought a couple of extras, so it was a decent sized play area for her. Whenever one of her toddler friends would come over, I'd be sure to have the play yard set up and say, "Oh, let's put the kids in here so we don't have to watch them every single minute."

 

If that isn't possible for you, I think I'd just tell the mom that you don't allow that sort of rough behavior in your house. If she doesn't keep a closer eye on her child, maybe you could start making playdates at the park, rather than your home- just until junior is old enough to clearly understand "No!"

[amy g.]

I'd just get a new friend.

[klmama]

At the very least, I would tell her you don't want him pulling your books off the shelves and ask her to please redirect him. I think it's okay to let her know you'd appreciate it if she would prevent him from damaging your stuff. That said, I would put away anything you know he would damage before he comes over. If she doesn't do anything about his behavior, either do it yourself, play outside the whole time, or meet at a park. If it still drives you crazy, plan times to meet just with her when the kids are not along.

[Whereneverever]

I think, if Jr was crumpling a book, it's perfectly acceptable to address the mom and say, "could you please stop him? I don't want my book ruined."

 

I'd probably go pre-emptive, and cull out the foam toys, etc or make a toy box of indestructable toys for when little ones come to visit.

 

A 1 yo is pretty destructive, everything going in the mouth, etc.

 

I always expect my one year olds to be destructive, so I stay on top of them. I can do some more culling of toys but I can't put all the books out of reach. I have probably ten bookshelves on this level and my house is an open floor plan so I can't block them off.

 

I could try being more direct... It's not a big personal skill of mine.

[katilac]

I always expect my one year olds to be destructive, so I stay on top of them. I can do some more culling of toys but I can't put all the books out of reach. I have probably ten bookshelves on this level and my house is an open floor plan so I can't block them off.

 

I could try being more direct... It's not a big personal skill of mine.

 

If you don't want to be direct, and can't block things off, I'd simply curtail visits at your house until the kid is a bit older ((and hope he doesn't go straight into the terrible twos, lol)). Meet at parks and such.

[Impish]

I always expect my one year olds to be destructive, so I stay on top of them. I can do some more culling of toys but I can't put all the books out of reach. I have probably ten bookshelves on this level and my house is an open floor plan so I can't block them off.

 

I could try being more direct... It's not a big personal skill of mine.

That's why my suggestion was to do w/culling toys, not books.

 

If you're not direct, then the mom doesn't have a chance to comply, kwim?

 

If you're direct, and she doesn't comply, then you know where you stand.

[Whereneverever]

That's why my suggestion was to do w/culling toys, not books.

 

If you're not direct, then the mom doesn't have a chance to comply, kwim?

 

If you're direct, and she doesn't comply, then you know where you stand.

 

I think I already know where I stand. While I haven't been direct, I have expressed that I don't like my stuff being mistreated. I'm pretty sure. :tongue_smilie:

 

Maybe some of it is just a lack of understanding? This person regularly tells me my house is so nice and clean... Because my kids like picking up. My kids do NOT enjoy picking up. :lol:

[MomatHWTK]

If you've tried getting mom to monitor the child and she hasn't, I'd probably go straight to the child. When he grabs a book, I'd get down on his level, hold his little hands and say "We never do that to a book, we read it."

 

Now I have been WAY more lax with this with my 2 y.o. than my other kids, but that's my choice. You've made your feelings clear, at this point she can either respect your point of view or be offended. KWIM? Alternatively, I'd just stop the visits.