trlt Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Friends of ours will get two placements on Friday. They just found out and are just getting things ready. They do not have kids so they do not have anything for them. They are rushing to get things ready! I'm trying to give them some ideas of things to have but I'm really clueless. It's a 12 year old boy and a 4 year old girl. I can't even imagine suddenly having a 12 year old and a 4 year old and having to prepare my house for them. Since they don't know if it's long term I thought I'd offer some toys/games/etc for them since I have a 5 yo dd and a 15 yo ds but I don't know what to offer them! Any ideas? Types of toys/activities? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewsDK Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Anything your kids would like, the foster kids would too. If they haven't been given a blanket already, foster kids of all ages love being given a simple fleece blanket. Even our teens sleep with theirs. The little one will like dolls, play kitchen, coloring, play dough. The older one will probably like computer/electronic games, bike, sports, etc. We are foster parents and the vast majority of the stuff in our house belongs to "the house" so that all the kids can play with it. When we have a child that arrives with nothing/very little, we often take them shopping to pick out a toy that will be their special toy. None of the other kids can play with it. The best thing to do is to actually not treat them special. Treat them as a perfectly normal kid that has been in their family forever. Welcome them, and treat them the same as any of your kids other friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 They might want to take them shopping once they get them and let the kids pick out a few things. Even being able to pick out their own shampoo, deoderant (for the older one), some hair things (for the younger one), toothbrush and paste, etc. can be very special. I would prepare them that one or both might wet the bed, even if they are not "bed wetters". It is tough to move and many of these kids are under a lot of stress. Just be prepared and don't make a big deal about it if it happens. Nightlights for the bedroom, hall, and bathroom are really nice as well. A few simple things would be good but you never know what they might come with....often it is little to nothing but we have had a few kids come with everything they would ever ever need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trlt Posted July 16, 2012 Author Share Posted July 16, 2012 Thank you for responding. I think I got overwhelmed just trying to think of things! The special toy idea is terrific and I will pass that along to my friends. I know that they just want their home to be inviting and not seem so much like a non-kid home (which it has been until this week!) and they have barely a week to get things ready. Thanks for the advice, it is very helpful! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom4him Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 I would also 'warn' them to be sure to check for things like head lice? When we did fc it was a rare thing for a child to come into our care without them.:tongue_smilie: It was also rare that the social worker or emergency care home had checked or started the treatment. Personally, I would stay away from electronics, at least to start with. I agree with the ones that suggested taking them shopping for something special that is and will be theirs. With the 12 yr old I would definitely put a $$ amount on it from the get go though or it could really turn into a struggle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellalarella Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 I would be cautious about sending a lot of toys, etc. All of that stuff is stuff that will have to be dealt with--picked up, put away, taken care of, etc. It is so easy for kids to get overwhelmed and to get used to the guidelines of a new home. Let toy getting, etc be a par tof a relationship building process, not just material stuff that they will get in trouble for not picking up. I'm not saying this in an argumentative voice, really. It's with gentleness and a smile. As a friend, one of the kindest things you can do for your friends is to be attentive to the needs of the new foster parents. I've found out that my new foster parent friends are often totally overwhelmed. They need meals, someone to mow the lawn, someone to help clean the house, etc. This gives them energy to focus on loving the children. When you take on foster kids, you are also taking on tons of new appointments--typically lots of doctor visits, therapy, court visits, visitation visits, new schools. Everyone of those appointments is dealing with new people and keeping track of dates and times. Help your friends just like you would help a dear friend who was bringing a new baby home from the hospital after a c-section. :001_smile: HTH Andrea Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMV Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Perhaps offer to drop off a full dinner meal on Friday evening for the family to enjoy while everyone is getting settled in. I think something simple like a blanket, stuffed animal etc, is also a good idea. Otherwise it probably makes sense for the foster parents to see what the kids have and what they need once they come and then go shopping. We brought our foster daughter a bear the first time we went to meet her in the hospital. Then when we had accepted the placement and she was transferred to our local hospital I did go out and get her a suitcase full of stuff she "needed" for the hospital [ok, the kind of stuff I would have packed from home if one of our children was being hospitalized]. I waited to buy most clothes, her bedding, and some of the decorative/fun stuff for her room until I had gotten a little idea of what she would like or at least what colors and styles she preferred. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perogi Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 I would be cautious about sending a lot of toys, etc. All of that stuff is stuff that will have to be dealt with--picked up, put away, taken care of, etc. It is so easy for kids to get overwhelmed and to get used to the guidelines of a new home. Let toy getting, etc be a par tof a relationship building process, not just material stuff that they will get in trouble for not picking up. I'm not saying this in an argumentative voice, really. It's with gentleness and a smile. As a friend, one of the kindest things you can do for your friends is to be attentive to the needs of the new foster parents. I've found out that my new foster parent friends are often totally overwhelmed. They need meals, someone to mow the lawn, someone to help clean the house, etc. This gives them energy to focus on loving the children. When you take on foster kids, you are also taking on tons of new appointments--typically lots of doctor visits, therapy, court visits, visitation visits, new schools. Everyone of those appointments is dealing with new people and keeping track of dates and times. Help your friends just like you would help a dear friend who was bringing a new baby home from the hospital after a c-section. :001_smile: HTH Andrea As a foster parent who recently took 2 placements :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trlt Posted July 17, 2012 Author Share Posted July 17, 2012 Thank you for all your great advice. I'm a bit concerned because they arrive on Friday and our friends have said that they have a lot planned for the weekend. My first thought is that they should just hang out at home and get to know them...am I wrong? These are two people who never had kids and I don't think they realize that a 4 year old can get cranky in the best of situations but even more so in a new environment. I don't know specifics but it sounds like they have all day plans out on Saturday and then church and getting to meet all the church people after the service. Do you think that all this is going to be overwhelming? If so, should I say something or just let them learn? They have no idea how their lives are going to change. They were talking to hubby about how they have activities (the adults, not the kids) on certain days so they are going to have to work out who stays home with the kids and I was kind of shocked that they think their lives are going to be the same as when they didn't have kids in their household!! ETA: I didn't mean church being overwhelming, I meant the meeting everyone afterwards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyontheFarm Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 When our Children's Pastor started fostering, they arrived at church early the first week and let the children meet new people and families. Then after church, they left immediately and went for lunch. This was so the kids weren't overwhelmed with meeting too many people all at once. I second the plastic sheets on the mattress for the first week or two until everyone is settled down a bit. Sometimes the first few days are fine and when the child starts to relax, accidents happen which can cause the child to feel they will be sent away again. This doesn't always happen, but if it does, it make getting back to sleep easier since the cleanup is easier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 I agree that LOW KEY is best is possible. Even for church, maybe going for Sunday school or church but not both if the kids seem overwhelmed. They need to also remember that the kids might have never been to church and there are a lot of expectations on behavior that the kids might not even have a clue on. I would suggest something more like a park/nature area Saturday morning, then lunch at home and some down time--one or both kids might nap as moving is stressful. Then if they want to do something else small in the evening that if fine. Obviously not knowing these kids, they might even find that bedtime is a very long process. Some foster kids we have had have never had to go to bed in a bed at a bedtime. They just crashed on the couch, floor, car, wherever whenever. The 1st 2 weeks with any placements are TOUGH, VERY VERY TOUGH. Even coordinating brushing teeth and bathing can seem like a lot at first. Try to be supportive and advise them to talk to other foster parents or their worker with any questions/concerns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewsDK Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 We have always just gone about our normal schedule when we accept new kids. That said, we've had kids for awhile now, so we tend to not schedule more than one activity a day! Some kids will be fine with busy, busy, busy, other won't. Sadly, they won't know until the kids arrive. I would NOT schedule some kind of meet-and-greet like it sounds they have after church. Kids never like being paraded around like that. In our state, waterproof mattress covers are required - not just for the first few weeks. And, once you get used to having them, you can't imagine not having them anymore! :) No more dust mites, no sweat (or other nasties) getting into your mattress. I highly recommend them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 How are things going for them? Just wondered how the adjustment period was going. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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