NotSoObvious Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 Confession time. I'm having a hard time finding balance as my girls get older and need me less. Well, I suppose not less, but just in a different way. They will be 10 this summer and are becoming more independent. They can do chores, entertain themselves, pick out their own clothes... And I'm having trouble figuring out what to do with my time! We are renting a tiny two bedroom house for another year, so there isn't much to do in the way of home keeping. I'm feeling very lazy and I hate that my girls are seeing me spend so much time on the computer and just being generally idle. I could and should be interacting with them more, listening to their stories when they do come to me, maybe cooking more? Those are things I know make them feel loved. I just can't seem to figure it out right now. Perhaps it's this lazy summer schedule, too. I've never been so excited for school to start so I can feel useful again. Ok. So there is my whine. This was also only my second year of not teaching first grade in ps and I think that is part of it too. I'm just used to a lot more chaos and neediness. How do you contribute to your kids when they are too old to need you every second of the day? Oh, and my husband is gone every other week for work, so it's just the three of us for much of the time. Just looking for..., I don't know... Encouragement? A kick in the pants? Your daily schedule? Thanks for listening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassy Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 If I had time on my hands, I'd love to get out and about more with my boys. There are so many places I want to visit, so many new things we'd like to try (things nearby include ice-skating, kayaking, fencing and karate). (I would also like to respectfully point out that over on your blog you've still got your Christmas tree up, maybe you could attend to that :D). Best wishes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted July 15, 2012 Author Share Posted July 15, 2012 If I had time on my hands, I'd love to get out and about more with my boys. There are so many places I want to visit, so many new things we'd like to try (things nearby include ice-skating, kayaking, fencing and karate). (I would also like to respectfully point out that over on your blog you've still got your Christmas tree up, maybe you could attend to that :D). Best wishes Haha!:lol::lol: Thanks! I'll put that on my to-do list! It was totally neglected this year! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 Is there a class you could take together? My boys & I take Judo. Can you all 3 volunteer somewhere? Read the books they'll be reading in middle & high school. Study Latin. Work ahead in math. Do you like to sew? Knit? Scrapbook? Want to learn? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 I feel for you. I'm pretty much in the same boat. I don't like outside in the summer unless I'm at the beach or the pool. And I haven't had any inside projects in about 5 years. So during the school year I clean while dd does school and we otherwise sit around staring at computers. Hopefully that will all change soon since we are starting on our own place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 They may not need you for as much, but do they enjoy spending time with you? My dd14 and I love to go shopping. We grab a Starbucks and go to Barnes and Noble, sometimes the mall. We spend very little because the point is to get out of the house. We also watch Netflix movies and tv shows, but not often. Board games are fun too. I can't help with personal hobbies. I am seriously lacking in that area. I spend a great deal of my free time on the computer or reading a book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 Do you read aloud to them? We always have one going in our home. It is one of our "must dos" in the day. It is very bonding, and everyone looks forward to it. We are currently reading Anne of Green Gables. Also, do you have any family rituals? We have a fun Friday, when we make pizza, spaghetti, etc., pop popcorn, and watch a fun movie together. For our family, starting the day together at the table with a good breakfast (no toys or individual reading allowed) is a great start to our day. We also have scheduled snack times when we sit down and have a snack together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
three4me Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 I can't offer any advice to you, as my children are all still littles. BUT I can say that it's WONDERFUL to hear these tiring and busy days may eventually come to an end! It's nice to know there's a chance of actually having free time in the future :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted July 15, 2012 Author Share Posted July 15, 2012 Do you read aloud to them? Yes, this is one thing we do quite well. My husband is actually upstairs reading to them right now. We read aloud 1-2 hours a day, plus we listen to an audio book for another hour daily. We always have one going in our home. It is one of our "must dos" in the day. It is very bonding, and everyone looks forward to it. We are currently reading Anne of Green Gables. Also, do you have any family rituals? We have a fun Friday, when we make pizza, spaghetti, etc., pop popcorn, and watch a fun movie together. Not really, but this is something I've been thinking a lot about. We've struggled to find a rhythm this year since my husband travels so much, and I'm thinking a few family rituals might help us feel more cohesive. I like the idea of it revolving around dinners, especially since I do not get very excited about cooking. :) For our family, starting the day together at the table with a good breakfast (no toys or individual reading allowed) is a great start to our day. We also have scheduled snack times when we sit down and have a snack together. This is something we really struggle with. The girls only have morning swim team for a few more weeks, so maybe I could try to start this when they are done. Perhaps this would give our mornings a more positive start and a focus for the day. Thanks so much! Great ideas! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted July 15, 2012 Author Share Posted July 15, 2012 I can't offer any advice to you, as my children are all still littles. BUT I can say that it's WONDERFUL to hear these tiring and busy days may eventually come to an end! It's nice to know there's a chance of actually having free time in the future :) :001_smile::001_smile: Mind you, I have twins, so the slow-down came all at once! But yes, it gets easier! Although...I have a feeling this is the calm before the teenage storm! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs.Gregg Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 I have a daughter your girls age. The independence is a nice break from my 6yr old sometimes. My older daughter and I will sometimes read a chapter book together and take turns reading outloud and discuss. Maybe find a craft project to do with them or volunteer at something together. My girls and I volunteer doing some outdoor work from time to time but we also keep an I on sales and use coupons to get items for Opperation Christmas Child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted July 15, 2012 Author Share Posted July 15, 2012 They may not need you for as much, but do they enjoy spending time with you? My dd14 and I love to go shopping. We grab a Starbucks and go to Barnes and Noble, sometimes the mall. We spend very little because the point is to get out of the house. We also watch Netflix movies and tv shows, but not often. Board games are fun too. I can't help with personal hobbies. I am seriously lacking in that area. I spend a great deal of my free time on the computer or reading a book. They love spending time with me, so maybe I need to pay more attention to that. I could focus more on planning special dates and not just having them tag along to run errands. So...I'm starting to get the idea that it's OK to have more free time for yourself and it's OK to just get out and about with the kids. I suppose I have this vision that I'm supposed to still be super occupied with my house and little details with my kids (thank you Pinterest). Maybe it's just about getting used to this new phase instead of moping around?! :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 Have another baby? :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AHASRADA Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 Have another baby? :lol: That's what I did :D. But seriously, if such a "permanent" option doesn't work for you, how about fostering, or volunteering for a Big Sister program? There may be a YMCA camp or something for less-fortunate kids over the summer who need people to read to the kids? Your dds could read too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MommyK Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 Have you asked them how they feel? Maybe they are really content, and then you can really just focus on you. Otherwise, you'll have some ideas directly from them :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cottonmama Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 (edited) Board games are fun too. I can't wait till my kids are old enough for real board games! There are a ton of great ones that have come out in the last several years... if you're still limited to Monopoly and Scrabble, maybe you need to get some new games. ;) For 5th graders, you have a lot of options. Take a look at the rankings at Boardgamegeek... most of those should be options for you. And you can even play games that are longer than a baby's nap!! :lol: ETA: My dh suggested that you might find a list like this one more useful... the list I linked above is going to have some pretty complex games in it that may be frustrating to you and/or your dd's if you aren't big into games. Edited July 15, 2012 by cottonmama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brett_ashley Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 are you reading? this article was very inspiring to me. http://www.memoriapress.com/articles/Stop-cleaning-the-kitchen.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 are you reading? this article was very inspiring to me. http://www.memoriapress.com/articles/Stop-cleaning-the-kitchen.html Love this! :001_wub: SWB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 Go to Starbucks together Play a game together Bake cookies together Make a meal together, extra points for a family recipe to pass down Watch/go to a movie Host a pizza party for their friends Look at photo albums and family videos and remember old times Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 I'd say find your own interest and devote a little time to that . . .hobby, class, whatever. Also, you can teach your girls some life skills. They're old enough to learn about cleaning, laundry, cooking, sewing or gardening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 I now have time in my day for 45 mins of exercise. I love it! The best way to teach your kids the habit of daily exercise is to let them see you do it. Don't be idle on the couch, get up and move...or get on the floor and do some yoga. Either way, you win! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted July 15, 2012 Author Share Posted July 15, 2012 I now have time in my day for 45 mins of exercise. I love it! The best way to teach your kids the habit of daily exercise is to let them see you do it. Don't be idle on the couch, get up and move...or get on the floor and do some yoga. Either way, you win! This is excellent advice! Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted July 15, 2012 Author Share Posted July 15, 2012 Have another baby? :lol: Not an option for us. We spent thousands trying this year but it ain't ever going to happen. Our girls are adopted. Good idea though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted July 15, 2012 Author Share Posted July 15, 2012 Not an option for us. We spent thousands trying this year but it ain't ever going to happen. Our girls are adopted. Good idea though! Actually...we also decided we were done for good, so perhaps that is part of all of this for me. Hmmm... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 What helped me a lot -- because I don't feel so needed anymore either -- is to re-read Hold Onto Your Kids. Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers. http://www.amazon.com/Hold-Your-Kids-Parents-Matter/dp/0375760288 It's such an amazing book about why we need to stay close to our kids. I'm really library oriented, but I had to buy this book because I read a chapter here and there so often. It helps me remember how vital it is to schedule fewer playdates and hang out w/ our kids. ie. we are needed it turns out. :001_smile: Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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