Question about listening - psychologists maybe?

[Tasia]

I wasn't whether I should post this here or not, but everyone on here is so helpful and I don't really have anywhere else to ask.

 

I had a conversation with my 11 year old today that's left me very uneasy.

 

Since he learned how to read, he's always preferred reading on his own to being read to, so we haven't read to him much in the last few years. Because of all the benefits of reading to older kids that I've learned about on here and through a little research, we've been trying to read aloud to all the boys every day. The other boys are enjoying it, but ds11 absolutely hates it. When I asked him about it today, he admitted that he finds it really, really hard to listen when someone is reading to him. He's been in public school until now and when I asked him whether he listened it school he said he could listen when the teacher was explaining something, but if it was something he already knew or if she was reading, it was really hard to listen.

 

What disturbed me was that he said that the reason he couldn't listen was because he couldn't stop thinking about other things, and that trying to listen makes phrases repeat over and over in his head. :confused: When I asked whether the repeating thing happened a lot he said sometimes, but almost all the time when he's trying to listen to things.

 

Dh isn't being very helpful and I'm stressing myself out with researching when I really don't know what I'm looking for. Does anyone know what could be going on here? His 2nd grade teacher suggested that we test him for ADD, and we've had a few reports of "Andrew doesn't listen well in class" over the years, but I assumed he was just bored. :crying:

 

Does anyone have any thoughts about what could be going on or what I should be worried about?

[Joanne]

{{hugs}}

 

Take a deep breath. It could be very normal and not diagnosable for an 11 year old boy not struggle with "listening" and being distracted.

 

What *other* behaviors does he have that might make a professional consider ADD or ADHD.

[marbel]

{{hugs}}

 

Take a deep breath. It could be very normal and not diagnosable for an 11 year old boy not struggle with "listening" and being distracted.

 

What *other* behaviors does he have that might make a professional consider ADD or ADHD.

 

I agree. I have a hard time listening to someone read to me. It's just hard for me to take in the meaning of the words that way.

 

Be careful with researching; you can drive yourself crazy because it can seem like every diagnosis fits! (BTDT.)

 

I'm kind of wondering what you mean by "dh isn't being very helpful." Is he not as concerned as you? What could he do to help?

[Tasia]

Thank you both. I'm completely not an auditory learner either, so I was never concerned that he finds it easier to read a book than be listen to one.

 

If I'm remembering correctly, that teacher's main concerns were that he didn't listen and that he didn't finish things. He could easily do the work (he attended a gifted school for K and 1st, then switched to public school for 2nd), but lost interest before he finished his craft or worksheet or whatever they were doing. At the time I'm sure I attributed it to him being bored and hating anything crafty.

 

By "dh isn't being very helpful", I just mean that he thinks I'm overreacting and panicking unnecessarily. He does agree that this is something to ask his doctor about. Ds has an appointment next Monday for a physical, and dh thinks it can wait until then.

[gardenmom5]

It could simply be his brain processes at a faster speed than you read - in which case listening would be hard, and very frustrating.

 

the fact he says he listens to new information, but his mind wanders if he already knows it, suggests he's bored. You may have a very smart kid there and it's just the way his brain works.

[Dory]

Sounds like me. My mom read to us A LOT when I was younger. I struggled with listening, but I'm so glad now that she did it. My listening skills improved simply because she would search for books that she knew I would enjoy if I were reading them myself, and she'd read those. I would put more effort into listening if I was really wanting to. I still am not amazing at it. In fact if I get into a conversation with someone that is long winded, I usually only catch half (if that) of what they say. I think I only talked about it to my psychologist once and she brushed it off as nothing to worry about. Just a weakness that I need to continue working on.

[Kirch]

Thank you both. I'm completely not an auditory learner either, so I was never concerned that he finds it easier to read a book than be listen to one.

 

If I'm remembering correctly, that teacher's main concerns were that he didn't listen and that he didn't finish things. He could easily do the work (he attended a gifted school for K and 1st, then switched to public school for 2nd), but lost interest before he finished his craft or worksheet or whatever they were doing. At the time I'm sure I attributed it to him being bored and hating anything crafty.

 

By "dh isn't being very helpful", I just mean that he thinks I'm overreacting and panicking unnecessarily. He does agree that this is something to ask his doctor about. Ds has an appointment next Monday for a physical, and dh thinks it can wait until then.

 

I think I might agree with your dh at this point, unless your ds has been struggling with schoolwork or other things for a while and this is an "aha!" kind of thing. But it sounds like he's really been getting along just fine with it. Either way, it's not an urgent/emergency type of issue unless it's a sudden onset type of thing or has suddenly made normal life more challenging for him. It sounds like he's had this experience for a while and the only thing sudden is that you just found out about it. I do agree with getting it checked out, but I think your dh is right that it can wait until the physical. And again, I'd probably be concerned but not panicked: it sounds like your ds has been getting along pretty well and that this is "normal" for him (meaning that it's not like he's suddenly having problems understanding oral communication).

[EducationX2]

I hate being read aloud to. With an intense, fiery, passion. :D

 

For one, I get really bored. I read really fast, and I get frustrated by listening to someone else reading much slower. But even more than that, I just have a hard time understanding and remembering things I hear. It's like the words just don't make it from my ears to my brain correctly when there are too many of them. Things get all mixed up. Even when I do understand, it just doesn't get to my long term memory.

 

I would just make sure that he has really good note taking skills. He'll need them- especially if he goes to college. Lectures are killer for me, but focusing on taking good notes helps me concentrate on what's being said, and having the notes later makes up for not remembering what was said.

[Tasia]

Thanks again! I think I've decided to stop researching and leave him alone until we talk to his doctor. I don't think it's something new, just that this is the first time he's articulated it to me.

 

He is a very, very smart kid. I always think he's just a smarter version of me, so not being a great listener isn't what has me worried, it's really just the repetitive thought that has me thrown a bit. After researching it a bit and figuring out the worst possible scenario, I'm not quite as panicked.

 

Thanks Dory, I'm glad that you look back on all those years of read alouds positively. I don't want him to hate it, especially when his brothers are enjoying it so much.

[PeterPan]

Well the one thing you *don't* want to do is walk into the ped and get a behavioral survey, get told he's ADHD, and leave it at that. Push him to get the referral (if you need it for insurance purposes) for an actual neuropsych eval. That way he can get the full testing (attention, processing speed, etc. etc.), so you can find out what's going on.

[MusicMama]

I think it is a good idea to talk to your Ds doctor if you have concerns. I would not book an appointment with a specialist yet, though.

 

However, I have a difficult time being read to, because I can read silently about 12x faster! Repeating phrases may just be a way to keep his brain engaged while he waits on the spoken word to finally catch up. I enjoy a well read book on tape only while I'm doing something else, like driving, or reading something else :D, or cleaning etc. It seems my brain operates at 100mph and most of the world is at 25. So you learn coping mechanisms. Being able to accurately predict a sentence or entire paragraph based on context and a few given words can make a read aloud excruciatingly boring. He's probably just really smart and able to process ideas quickly. Busy work and crafts can also be boring, especially when you don't need a lot of reinforcement to get the point or idea. It can quickly become a monotonous, mundane task. Lack of attention and no desire to finish may in fact stem from sheer boredom when you already know the material.

[PeterPan]

I think it is a good idea to talk to your Ds doctor if you have concerns. I would not book an appointment with a specialist yet, though.

 

 

Not to be unkind, but you base this on??? If he's gifted, the testing will show that too. Yes, the charts at Hoagies, etc. show a strong overlap between gifted symptoms and ADHD. Once you have a dc though who is having trouble doing what he needs to do and is *bothered* by his symptoms, it's worth getting the evals. 5th grade is a really common time to hit walls with things because they're trying to do so much more and can't cover over their weaknesses as well. Even SWB points out in her talks if there are things you thought they'd outgrow that they haven't, 5th grade is when you draw the line in the sand and start getting those evals. The op is at that point and it's fully reasonable for her to want that information on IQ, processing speed, attention, etc. She can get it privately or get it through the school system. There's no need to wait and just wonder when it's causing problems.

 

Just for context, dumbest thing I ever did was waiting till my kid was 12 to get her evaluated. Sometimes docs will sling homeschooling moms around or the moms will doubt themselves because they're not professionals. Reality is, you're with him all day and seeing stuff. The kid is now old enough he can TELL you stuff. You've got to trust your gut and get the information you need. Sometimes the thing going on *isn't* what you suspect. Also, these psychs usually have quite a wait (1-4 months), so it's not like some fast thing to get done. For us it made a RADICAL difference in how we homeschool and interact. We went from shooting in the dark on accommodations to knowing we were accommodating optimally. They spend time talking about things you don't expect (strengths, what to anticipate in the future, etc.). He showed us things we could work on that I didn't even know about. For us it was all good. It's not going to hurt any dc to get evaluated, but you'll kick yourself if he *would* have benefited and you wait. Ask me how I know. :)

 

For the record, that was a private eval. How helpful the evals are through the ps system really varies.

[MusicMama]

Just based on the information the OP gave. From what I understood from the post, her concerns were based on a comment of odd behavior from her son, and a report from a teacher's concerns years ago. She didn't mention any current behavior issues. I think it is important to follow up on concerns, but jumping ahead to a specialist without a log of specific concerns and behaviors will not be a very productive one. I think she should see the pediatrician, and based on their comments and her private concerns begin a record to bring to a specialist, instead of "My son said something odd, and was squirmy in second grade." She is more likely to be dismissed, and a real problem to go untreated if real data is not brought to the table.

[Tasia]

Thanks again. Our pediatrician is very, very thorough and has always given us the referrals we need. We definitely won't be using the school system. He tested as gifted when he was 5, but hasn't had any evaluations or testing done since then, so I'm sure the results will be helpful even if there isn't a diagnosable problem.

 

He does read really, really fast (he read the 7 Harry Potter books in 7 days to prove he could) so hopefully that's the major problem with listening to books.

[TranquilMind]

Be careful with researching; you can drive yourself crazy because it can seem like every diagnosis fits! (BTDT.)

 

 

 

Yes, this. Only go further if there is a preponderance of the evidence, and it keeps coming up over and over.

[PeterPan]

Hoagies and some other places (a 2E newletter I get by email, etc.) have psychs who specialize in gifteds. The Eides have had some info on their blog about a difference in frontal lobe development in the *profoundly* gifted (not moderate, only profoundly). But that's where you get the psych to help you sort out what is the giftedness and what needs a little work. There's actually stuff you can do for attention, EF, etc. It's not like the only thing they can do is meds. And sometimes we're mis-reading our kids and need that more thorough academic testing to help us break out of some rutts. For instance my dd turned out to be way more VERBAL than we expected with the testing. We weren't seeing it for a couple reasons, but once we realized it was there, we changed our approach to that area. Someone was just reminding me again today how out of the norm my dd tends to be on history. In some ways what looks like her rebellion or disinterest or lack of attention is really a big clue phone that we don't have the level right to fit her readiness and appetite. And those appetites can really be across the board, way up in some areas, and contrary in others. :lol:

 

Well good. Get your testing. That's a long time to go between. It's time to check in. From what the ladies have said on the SN board, they wouldn't even diagnose attention issues at age 5 (most of the time) even if they suspect it. So now you can get some of that ironed out and get him answers for himself so he can make a course of action that makes sense for him.

 

http://www.eideneurolearningblog.blogspot.com/ Here's that blog I was telling you about. You can surf around it to see if you can find that article.

[Laurie4b]

Thank you both. I'm completely not an auditory learner either, so I was never concerned that he finds it easier to read a book than be listen to one.

 

If I'm remembering correctly, that teacher's main concerns were that he didn't listen and that he didn't finish things. He could easily do the work (he attended a gifted school for K and 1st, then switched to public school for 2nd), but lost interest before he finished his craft or worksheet or whatever they were doing. At the time I'm sure I attributed it to him being bored and hating anything crafty.

 

By "dh isn't being very helpful", I just mean that he thinks I'm overreacting and panicking unnecessarily. He does agree that this is something to ask his doctor about. Ds has an appointment next Monday for a physical, and dh thinks it can wait until then.

 

The bolded is very common with ADD--both not being able to finish stuff & not being able to concentrate when things aren't interesting. With ADD, interest adds enough oomph that the child can push through the cloud; so does the anxiety created by procrastination. Procrastination and the resulting stress enables a person with ADD to achieve that state of "hyperfocus" similar to "tunnel vision" when someone is threatened. But these two things, that people with ADHD can pay attention when they are interested, or push through projects at the last minute, throw a lot of people off.

 

Having said that, ADD is not an emergency. It can be easily passed over in a bright child who is able to compensate, though. Keep that in mind both for yourself and for any professionals you deal with.

[Tasia]

I thought I had responded to this, but I just wanted to say thanks again (especially for the link, OhElizabeth, it was very interesting).

 

We had an appointment with the pediatrician today, and he seems to think (after talking to all of us), that it's more likely an anxiety issue, rather than an attention issue. I was beginning to think the same thing. We have our referrals and it looks like we'll be able to get in pretty quickly.

[PeterPan]

Glad you're getting it sorted out and got an answer you think is on track! :)