s/o What's wrong with locked doors?

[Joker]

In the sleepover thread there are some who seem to think a locked door is something bad. Why?

 

Growing up, I had a lock on my door and did use it sometimes. I wasn't doing anything horrible. My dds, as does my dh and I, have a lock on our doors and it's ok to use them. I never thought about saying that it wasn't ok. Sometimes we all just want a little extra privacy, or don't want someone barging in. We also most definitely have locks on the bathroom doors and they are also used.

[Mandamom]

I was just thinking about this the other day.

 

I grew up without using locks on the doors -- even the bathroom. It just wasn't done. My household is the same way. Rarely do we lock doors -- usually to keep someone in their room (for a short time) rather than keep someone out.

 

My concern is usually that the kids might have a problem and I won't be able to get in quickly to help out if something happened -- so no locking doors here.

[Joker]

I was just thinking about this the other day.

 

I grew up without using locks on the doors -- even the bathroom. It just wasn't done. My household is the same way. Rarely do we lock doors -- usually to keep someone in their room (for a short time) rather than keep someone out.

 

My concern is usually that the kids might have a problem and I won't be able to get in quickly to help out if something happened -- so no locking doors here.

 

We have those little keys on the top of the door so getting in if it was an emergency never bothered me. I've never had to get in either.

 

Dds never locked doors, or even closed them, when they were younger. Now they're older and do sometimes (usually always when changing), and more often it's the teenager.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Locks on bathrooms aren't a problem for most people, I don't think. Locks for 5 min. while someone was changing wouldn't be a problem either. But kids staying for a long time behind locked doors could mean that they are doing things (sexual experimenting, drinking, drugs) that they don't want anyone seeing. It hasn't been an issue for us (the kids and their friends always seem to gravitate to wherever I am trying to read quietly!) but I would assume that is what people are afraid of.

[Joanne]

I am ok with locked doors when behind it is a solo teen.

 

More than one teen? Not so much.

 

I have rules for younger kids, and for boy/girl visits that the doors stay OPEN, not just unlocked.

[Joker]

I definitely wouldn't allow locked doors for boy/girl situations. I was never even allowed into my room with a boy.

 

I don't think just having more than one teen would bother me so much though. I used to lock my door all the time when having sleepovers so my little brother wouldn't bug us. Again, nothing bad was taking place.

 

I do find it interesting how many people I've met and heard that have zero locks, even on bathrooms. I never feel comfortable using the bathrooms in those homes, and have always wondered why no locks.

[Ellie]

I've never locked an inside door in my life. We don't even have locks on our bathroom doors, and have never needed them.

 

I guess I'd consider it under different circumstances, but we've just never needed to.

[celticmom]

None of the interior doors in our house have locks. I deliberately did not purchase locking doorknobs for our interior doors when we built our house.

 

My reason was that I had an incident with my then preschooler fresh in my mind. She had locked the bathroom door as she left the bathroom and we had no way to reopen the door. I was very thankful she was outside the bathroom rather than inside (she would have gotten upset and might not have been able to unlock the door once she was upset).

[Murphy101]

I've never locked an inside door in my life. We don't even have locks on our bathroom doors, and have never needed them.

 

I guess I'd consider it under different circumstances, but we've just never needed to.

 

This is us too. *shrugs*

 

We're family and we do our best to have no secrets among us. We shut the door to get dressed or use the bathroom. No need to lock it. I don't even like closed doors. Even my bedroom door is rarely closed unless there is tea making going on.

 

To me it just is not necessary to lock family out.

[Joker]

This is us too. *shrugs*

 

We're family and we do our best to have no secrets among us. We shut the door to get dressed or use the bathroom. No need to lock it. I don't even like closed doors. Even my bedroom door is rarely closed unless there is tea making going on.

 

To me it just is not necessary to lock family out.

 

I'm not saying anything is wrong with it. It is just so different to me. In the other thread there appeared to be something wrong with it, not just a personal decision. My family growing up was very close (we still are) despite utilizing a lock on a door. My family now is the same.

[TranquilMind]

I've never locked an inside door in my life. We don't even have locks on our bathroom doors, and have never needed them.

 

I guess I'd consider it under different circumstances, but we've just never needed to.

Don't lock our doors either, though the Master bedroom has one that I have used from time to time.

[elegantlion]

We don't have locked doors. Ds has been taught you knock before entering a bedroom or bathroom room with a closed door. No answer does not mean barge in.

[tabrizia]

Oh I need a lock on the bathroom door. When I don't want my kids to come in while taking a bath I go to the one (out of three) bathrooms we have that has a lock. They just don't seem to grasp the concept of not coming in while I'm taking a bath/shower. Not the end of the world, but sometimes I don't want people coming in.

 

All our bathroom doors lock. How else am I going to get quiet time?

 

I really have no issues with locked doors all ours lock and the 5 year old does sometime go into his room and look the door when he needs alone time, really no big deal and understandable with two younger siblings.

[Ellie]

Oh I need a lock on the bathroom door. When I don't want my kids to come in while taking a bath I go to the one (out of three) bathrooms we have that has a lock. They just don't seem to grasp the concept of not coming in while I'm taking a bath/shower. Not the end of the world, but sometimes I don't want people coming in.

 

I guess our family is weird. My dc didn't come into the bathroom when I was in there. :)

[Jen500]

I guess our family is weird. My dc didn't come into the bathroom when I was in there. :)

 

Lucky! And no little hands shoved under the bathroom door? Or knock knock knock 'MOM!"??/

Even my dog sniffs and nudges the bathroom door when I go in there, wanting to know where I am.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Well, in any house we've lived in, we've had either locking door or doors without locks because that was how the house came. In only one situation did we change the knob and that was because my dd locked herself in when she was a toddler and then couldn't unlock it again. A neighbor had to go in through the window to rescue you. We did switch to a lock that could be unlocked from outside that time. My point is, that much of our family culture on whether doors have locks or not has not been planned out - it just evolved to fit the doors that were pre-existent in the house.

[Jenny in Florida]

In the sleepover thread there are some who seem to think a locked door is something bad. Why?

 

Yes, I was wondering that, too. It seems odd to me.

 

(B)ut if you have a parent that would respect you enough to knock first, and you trust them, I don't see what the purpose of locking the door is.

 

Well, there's that.

[justamouse]

I don't think anything is wrong with locked doors, but we've never, ever locked doors in our house. We don't need to. A closed door is sufficient. A closed door means Knock First, and that normally gets the job done.

 

I think Wendyandmilo has got it, though, if the kid at home has no privacy a has parents who barge in, then yeah, I could see some doors being locked.

[Jeannie in NJ]

e don't have locks on our bathroom doors but we did have to put latches on the inside to keep out the cats. I got really tired of having 3 or 4 cats walking around the parameter of the tub while I was taking a shower or banging the door open while I was on the toilet

[clarkacademy]

My girls have the master bedroom with a bathroom so there is no need to lock the bedroom door. It isn't fair for whichever girl is locked out, that room belongs to them both. I have always been pretty open with the kids as far as they don't need to hide anything so if the doors are locked then there is something that shouldn't be going on.

 

Considering if a kid comes to my house and brings alcohol in her bag and gets drunk I am responsible for that. There is no reason to lock doors if their is nothing to hide. I don't go through their stuff or be nosy unless I had a reason and locking a door is a reason.

[LaxMom]

We don't have locks (well, we do, but we don't have the skeleton keys that would lock them, so...) other than hooks at the top of the bathroom doors that shrink to the point of not staying closed in winter. Rarely does anyone even shut a door for the purpose of privacy, let alone need to lock it. Though, we do use the hook in winter because who wants to get out of the shower into a cold draft?

 

I have the opposite kid / bath issue: they knock on the door while I'm in the shower, I answer, and they proceed with a monologue outside the door. Which I can't understand. Because I'm in the shower. And we usually have to go through it multiple times before they just.open.the.door. For Pete's sake.

[Walking-Iris]

I've never locked an inside door in a house in my entire life. I think the only door I would keep locked would be a hotel room. :lol:

 

My dh however, works at night during weekends and he needs a good sleep in the afternoon, so he will shut and lock our bedroom door to keep from being disturbed.

 

But usually our bedroom doors are always open, even at night while sleeping. They don't even close completely because I keep those foam wedges on them to keep little fingers from getting pinched. I keep the bathroom door always shut. But when I'm in there it's never locked. My toddler kiddos have always been bathroom companions.

 

Occasionally I have allowed my oldest ds to close his door if he's desperate for some privacy and a chance to get away from little siblings. He usually just reads or draws in peace and quiet. And i'll close a door if someone is ill and sleeping late or napping.

 

But I honestly don't think I would ever be comfortable with locked doors. Just doesn't feel right or safe. Also from practical considerations, my boys will likely always be sharing a room so it wouldn't be fair to lock out the other. I think when they are teens I'll respect a desire for a closed door and knock before entering. I can see that my dd would likely want a closed door at times being the only girl. But yeah---I can't get down with locked doors.

[Joani]

I don't have a problem with locked doors at all. With a blended family and three impatient younger boys, I'm glad that we have locks on all the bedrooms and bathrooms. I'm perfectly okay with the older kids locking their bedroom doors if they want some privacy - either alone or with their friends. I wouldn't allow one girl and one boy to be in a bedroom alone in the first place, so there wouldn't be an issue about locking doors.

[ravinlunachick]

My girls have the master bedroom with a bathroom so there is no need to lock the bedroom door. It isn't fair for whichever girl is locked out, that room belongs to them both. I have always been pretty open with the kids as far as they don't need to hide anything so if the doors are locked then there is something that shouldn't be going on.

 

Considering if a kid comes to my house and brings alcohol in her bag and gets drunk I am responsible for that. There is no reason to lock doors if their is nothing to hide. I don't go through their stuff or be nosy unless I had a reason and locking a door is a reason.

 

My best friend was molested by her stepfather, who would slip in to her bedroom at night. He made a big deal about there being no need for locks on their door, and accused them of doing drugs or smoking when my friend tried to convince her mother to allow it. While she rationally knew that her stepfather was not at my house, she couldn't sleep unless my door was locked at night.

 

You never know what people's motivations are.

[Bee Happy]

I don't allow my children to lock inside doors in case of an emergency. We respect privacy, but my 12 year old fell in the shower a few months back and I had to go in and help. We don't have any keys (there isn't even a key hole), so I would have had to take the whole lock off before getting in to help her. NO LOCKING!

 

My oldest does close her door to keep her younger siblings out.

 

My son closes his door when he wants to do something he's not sure he is allowed to do, so I always go in. LOL

 

I close my door when I'm trying to get the baby to nap or I'm taking a phone call. My bedroom door only gets locked when it's me and hubby, but that's not really necessary because the kids have always been taught to knock.

[mumto2]

No locking at our house. Gave it up when dd managed to lock ds, toddler age, in his room during his nap. She turned the button and slammed the door. It locked. Dd and I were both outside of the room. The little keys didn 't work. I was terrified he was going to injure himself jumping from his crib if he woke up. I had to take the hinges off the door to rescue him. I am not a handyman type. It was awful. Dh wasn't that happy putting things back together either. The locks were removed. No locks at this house either.

[Dustybug]

I am ok with locked doors when behind it is a solo teen.

 

More than one teen? Not so much.

 

I have rules for younger kids, and for boy/girl visits that the doors stay OPEN, not just unlocked.

 

 

:iagree:In fact, our children's bedroom door doesn't even have the doorknob on it. They kept locking themselves in and not being able to get out and after about the 6th time of having to remove the entire knob from the outside to open it, I kept it off. We also require them to leave the door open unless someone is changing clothes.

[Plucky]

We have locks on our inside doors. The kids use them when they change. Dh & I use them when needed. I haven't had a problem with teens locking themselves in though or using it inappropriately.

[RobynV]

Lucky! And no little hands shoved under the bathroom door? Or knock knock knock 'MOM!"??

 

In my house, that "Mom" is usually multi-syllabic. Mmmm-ooooo-oommmmmm. Ugh :lol:

 

We have locks, but don't use them much. I grew up in an old farmhouse, so we didn't have locks. Well, we did, but you needed a skeleton key to use them so we never did.

 

DH is English and he locks the bathroom door every.single.time. His entire family does too, here or there. It was very disconcerting for him to use the bathroom at the farmhouse. LOL

[Nestof3]

I don't see a need to lock a door when kids have friends over. Our boys share a room anyway and wouldn't have a need to lock the door. My boys are young and never lock their bedroom door. I cannot think of a reason why they would.

 

I lock my door every time I change clothes or during TEA time. I also lock my door when I work out because I am not wearing what I feel is adequate clothing for my boys to see me in. We all are allowed to lock the bathroom door. Sometimes the boys do, sometimes not.

 

We have little screw drivers and keys in the hall closet that open the locked doors if we need to get in.

 

Things do go on in families, and because of what I know, I do not want doors locked when more than one kid is inside.

[Laura Corin]

My boys can lock their doors. We can open them with a coin in emergencies, but that's not yet come up. I don't see the issue.

 

Laura

[Laura Corin]

 

But usually our bedroom doors are always open, even at night while sleeping. They don't even close completely because I keep those foam wedges on them to keep little fingers from getting pinched. I keep the bathroom door always shut. But when I'm in there it's never locked. My toddler kiddos have always been bathroom companions.

 

 

An ordinary closed household door can hold back fire by fifteen minutes, according the the fireman who came round recently (at my request) to inspect the house for fire safety. We have three closed doors at night between the kitchen/sitting room (most likely sources of fire) and each sleeping person. 45 minutes feels like a good cushion.

 

Laura

[SKL]

I like having locks on the doors, but I don't like the kids locking theirs. I need to be able to get in there - for safety, and just to get things done. Besides, they have no reason to lock the door other than to hide naughty behavior or aggravate a sibling.

 

At some older age, I will let them lock it for privacy when they are alone in their room. When I was a teen, I liked to lock my door to keep my obnoxious kid brother out.

 

My parents' house has no lock on the bathroom door. Responsible people learn to (a) knock and (b) prepare to cover themselves in case a tot wanders in. However, as a kid, that used to be my worst nightmare. Brothers!

[Melissa in Australia]

the only doors in this house, and every house I have ever been in are the external doors and the bathrooms.

I always lock the bathroom door when I am in it.

[Mom0012]

I'm with you. I don't like surprises. Growing up we were very close. We all locked the bathroom door. When I visited my in laws once, I walked in on my FIL in the bathroom because he didn't lock the door. I knocked first. He didn't hear me. I figured if it wasn't locked and I knocked without answer then nobody was in there. I thought that was weird! And I wasn't thrilled!

 

Ugh, yes! My brother & SIL have disabled the lock on their bathroom door (I assume because of their 2 yo). BUT, they tend to have large get-togethers and the bathroom is about 10 feet away from where everyone hangs out. I hate using their bathroom under those circumstances. I've actually resorted to having my mom or sister stand outside the door if I need to use it because I do not want to be surprised. Especially by a stranger!

 

Both of my kids went through a phase when they were quite young where they would lock their door every time they went into their room and that drove me crazy. Not because I thought they were doing anything wrong, but because I'd go to open the door to ask them something and it would be locked. I did make a rule at that point that they were not allowed to lock the door. Now that they are older, I don't care if they lock the door.

 

Lisa

Edited July 15, 2012 by LisaTheresa

[alisoncooks]

An ordinary closed household door can hold back fire by fifteen minutes, according the the fireman who came round recently (at my request) to inspect the house for fire safety. We have three closed doors at night between the kitchen/sitting room (most likely sources of fire) and each sleeping person. 45 minutes feels like a good cushion.

 

Laura

 

We close bedroom doors at night for this reason. All of them -- even the kiddos.

 

Our kids don't have locks on their doors, just the type of knob they have. We (DH & I) have a lock on our bedroom, but seldom use it (only for ...special... circumstances. ;)) Bathrooms have locks, but rarely used.

[sagira]

I was just thinking about this the other day.

 

I grew up without using locks on the doors -- even the bathroom. It just wasn't done. My household is the same way. Rarely do we lock doors -- usually to keep someone in their room (for a short time) rather than keep someone out.

 

My concern is usually that the kids might have a problem and I won't be able to get in quickly to help out if something happened -- so no locking doors here.

 

:iagree: That said, the kids do have a lock on their bathroom door.

[Farrar]

I was thinking about this... When I was a 'tween, we used to lock the doors all the time to keep the grown-ups out - especially my cousins and I in the summer. We were never doing anything "bad." We just wanted privacy in a small house - and a feeling of power that we could take it when we had so little power in every other aspect of our lives at that time. By the time I was a teen, I think I was pretty over it. I guess I'm just thinking that there's a reason for it and that if kids need it that doesn't automatically need to lead to suspicion, even if having a rule that the doors don't get locked still makes sense.

 

The doors in our house have keyholes, but no key. I'd probably have to get the TARDIS to get the key circa 1910 or so.

[Parrothead]

Lucky! And no little hands shoved under the bathroom door? Or knock knock knock 'MOM!"??/

Even my dog sniffs and nudges the bathroom door when I go in there, wanting to know where I am.

:iagree:Especially about the dog part. Our bathroom door does not latch properly so I had dh install a hook and eye. Baxter was forever sniffing my out and leaving the door wide open when I was indecent.

 

I don't mind locked doors for privacy. Have at it. But I do prefer doors to be open when we have young guests.

[kewb]

No locked bedroom doors here. Mostly due to concern that if something should go wrong I wouldn't be able to get in there.

 

Our current house all the doors require a skelton key that have long been lost by the original owner. If the bathroom door is closed -knock first.

[Murphy101]

I'm not saying anything is wrong with it. It is just so different to me. In the other thread there appeared to be something wrong with it, not just a personal decision. My family growing up was very close (we still are) despite utilizing a lock on a door. My family now is the same.

 

Oh I don't think anything at all of people who do lock doors. I'm sure it isn't something that dictates family closeness or whatever. Just not our personal style.

 

Also, I think family dynamics plays a big part. Until recently, all my children shared a bedroom from a young age, so locking a door would have been locking someone out of their own bedroom. Even now that 2 of them have their own bedroom, the other kids need access for clothing. One boy has a huge walk in closet where 3 other brothers also keep their clothes. The other boy shares his closet with one other brother and has a smelling sitting area where they play games and such. Until 6 years ago, we were a family of 10 in approx 1000sq ft house, so every living space was needed and it wasn't practical to lock parts of it away. If they needed some alone time, they went outside and climbed a tree. :D

[stripe]

An ordinary closed household door can hold back fire by fifteen minutes, according the the fireman who came round recently (at my request) to inspect the house for fire safety. We have three closed doors at night between the kitchen/sitting room (most likely sources of fire) and each sleeping person. 45 minutes feels like a good cushion.

 

When I was in London, we stayed at this hotel that had fire doors all over the place and was really convoluted, windy path to get to our room. I think I had to get rough 5+ sets of doors to get from the lobby to my room. I've never seen anything like it in the US!

[Laura Corin]

When I was in London, we stayed at this hotel that had fire doors all over the place and was really convoluted, windy path to get to our room. I think I had to get rough 5+ sets of doors to get from the lobby to my room. I've never seen anything like it in the US!

 

They weren't designed as hotels, so when they were cut up into marketable rooms the shapes came out strange.

 

Our house isn't like that. Both sitting room and kitchen give onto a front hall and each has a door. There is a door that leads from the front hall to the bedroom corridor (we keep this shut all the time to keep the dog in the front of the house). Then each bedroom has a door. So it's straightforward, but there are three doors.

 

Scottish houses aren't traditionally very open plan. The winters are chilly and small rooms with closable doors are easier to heat.

 

Laura

[stripe]

I have fond memories of that crazy hotel! :) (and I meant to type through, not rough) At every staircase, there was a set of doors, and in the middle of the hallways. Really fun. And severely overheated, too! All that walking and door opening made me very sweaty in January.

[Soror]

This is us too. *shrugs*

 

We're family and we do our best to have no secrets among us. We shut the door to get dressed or use the bathroom. No need to lock it. I don't even like closed doors. Even my bedroom door is rarely closed unless there is tea making going on.

 

To me it just is not necessary to lock family out.

 

There would be not much tea making w/out a locked door at my house. Knowing a wee one could wander in makes me way too nervous to relax. We don't often shut the door otherwise, although we have been more as of late as ds gets older there is more of a need for modesty b/t boys and girls, although tbh still not much by a lot of people's standards.

[Chris in VA]

We don't really even talk about locked doors, so that's another convo I'll have to have with dd. :glare: I keep finding out more to talk about.

 

I will say that I feel a teen "keep doors open" policy is pretty useless--boy/girl wise, that is. If mom and dad are downstairs watching TV (or whatever) and opposite sex kids are elsewhere in the home, they can do an awful lot very, very quietly. We don't allow guests in bedrooms (teens), but even with that, a lot happened in our house right under our noses. I don't mean that they shouldn't be trusted, but that if you are keeping these "policies" and think that's enough deterrant to keep out drugs, sex, etc, forget it. It's just a small piece of prevention, and it comes down to the strength of your relationship with your teen, not the strength of your rules.

[Murphy101]

I don't think these things necessarily prevent sex or drugs or whatever.

 

Mostly I try to discourage secrecy and encourage our expectations of behavior.

 

I'm well aware tho that everyone in my home has the free will and imagination to do otherwise. ;)

[Caitilin]

This is us too. *shrugs*

 

We're family and we do our best to have no secrets among us. We shut the door to get dressed or use the bathroom. No need to lock it. I don't even like closed doors. Even my bedroom door is rarely closed unless there is tea making going on.

 

To me it just is not necessary to lock family out.

 

:iagree: Plus, we have only one bathroom, so it's often necessary for someone to come into the bathroom while people are showering. We are just used to running that way, and no one is there when people exit the shower. ;)