Would you be upset?

[hana]

poor kid. and I'm sorry you and your family had a yucky day.

[Coffeetime]

I tried once more to get her to come in the front room told her she could watch TV alone until her dad gets here she said no she would rather sit outside than listen to the loud brats playing. She also told me for my information her mother could care less where she is she hasn't been home in months and her dad said do whatever she wanted but if she got arrested she was on her own. If I thought that by speaking to her dad she would get in trouble she warned me I would be lucky if he didn't start yelling at me :confused:

This girl:

1)Talked about doing drugs with your daughter (whom she knows as a "good" girl) with YOU within hearing distance.

2)Used YOUR phone to text about doing drugs and didn't delete the texts.

3)Told you that her mom hasn't been home in months and that her dad doesn't care about her.

And you can't see how all of that is a cry for help?

Obviously, because of the drug use you aren't interested in helping her (or perhaps you don't feel qualified) but at the very least, please try to find someone who is. Perhaps a call to CPS is in order or you could begin with the school counselor. I'm just so very sad for this poor girl. :(

[clarkacademy]

poor kid. and I'm sorry you and your family had a yucky day.

 

Well we have a TON of pizza left and plenty of lemonade so kiddos two besties are coming over for the night and they are having a Twilight Marathon! I may never sleep again LOL:lol:

[clarkacademy]

This girl:

1)Talked about doing drugs with your daughter (whom she knows as a "good" girl) with YOU within hearing distance.

2)Used YOUR phone to text about doing drugs and didn't delete the texts.

3)Told you that her mom hasn't been home in months and that her dad doesn't care about her.

And you can't see how all of that is a cry for help?

Obviously, because of the drug use you aren't interested in helping her (or perhaps you don't feel qualified) but at the very least, please try to find someone who is. Perhaps a call to CPS is in order or you could begin with the school counselor. I'm just so very sad for this poor girl. :(

 

I hate to involve CPS that is so drastic but I am friendly with the guidance counselor at the highschool I am waiting for her to call me back tonight. She cares whether it is summer break or not!

[Coffeetime]

I hate to involve CPS that is so drastic but I am friendly with the guidance counselor at the highschool I am waiting for her to call me back tonight. She cares whether it is summer break or not!

 

Oh, good!! I am so glad you know someone who might be able to get something rolling to help this family. It's so hard to see kids in that type of situation. :(

 

ETA that I don't think calling CPS would be drastic at all. She's told you that her mom disappeared and that her dad isn't providing any parental oversight so she is basically on her own....

Edited July 14, 2012 by Coffeetime

[Mimm]

I tried once more to get her to come in the front room told her she could watch TV alone until her dad gets here she said no she would rather sit outside than listen to the loud brats playing. She also told me for my information her mother could care less where she is she hasn't been home in months and her dad said do whatever she wanted but if she got arrested she was on her own. If I thought that by speaking to her dad she would get in trouble she warned me I would be lucky if he didn't start yelling at me :confused:

 

Wow. :( It sounds like a very sad situation.

[clarkacademy]

Oh, good!! I am so glad you know someone who might be able to get something rolling to help this family. It's so hard to see kids in that type of situation. :(

 

ETA that I don't think calling CPS would be drastic at all. She's told you that her mom disappeared and that her dad isn't providing any parental oversight so she is basically on her own....

 

I agree she needs help but again I don't know the situation at all. I would hate to make allegations against a family that aren't true. I am watching out the window to see when he pulls up to see how he acts kinda get a feel for the situation ya know?

[SnowWhite]

What a wild thread!

 

I am glad everything came out in the open so you know what is going on.

 

I would not worry about your dd. I think she has your soft heart and caring attitude toward kids who need her. She is missing the mama bear-protect my cubs at all costs attitude. :D

 

Good instincts, mama! I am glad you are going to contact somebody who is in a position to do some good perhaps.

[ktgrok]

Ok, aside from all the other weirdness, am I the only one who can't fathom a stoned teen turning down pizza lasagna? I asked my DH, who in his younger years was not so well behaved, and he said there is NO WAY someone that was stoned would turn that down. They might eat it all in fact :)

[TravelingChris]

I hope that by now the dad has picked the daughter up. Give your daughter a hug after she leaves. She will need it but this may have been a very important lesson for her- she can't rescue everybody and not everybody is as they seem at first.

 

I think calling a school guidance counselor is a very good idea. Sounds like this girl needs a lot of help. I think that depending on what else the guidance counselor knows, she may very well call CPS as a mandatory reporter.

[elegantlion]

Ok, aside from all the other weirdness, am I the only one who can't fathom a stoned teen turning down pizza lasagna? I asked my DH, who in his younger years was not so well behaved, and he said there is NO WAY someone that was stoned would turn that down. They might eat it all in fact :)

 

:lol: I've known people to eat day old pizza that has been sitting out.

 

 

It does sounds like this girl has a sad home life. I agree about calling the counselor.

[justamouse]

That girl being that defiant and that 'out' about it all is a SCREAM for help. She is begging someone to stop her becasue she knows she's out of control.

 

I hope your friend gets abck to you asap. :grouphug:

[BridgeTea]

Ok, aside from all the other weirdness, am I the only one who can't fathom a stoned teen turning down pizza lasagna? I asked my DH, who in his younger years was not so well behaved, and he said there is NO WAY someone that was stoned would turn that down. They might eat it all in fact :)

 

One might turn down the pizza lasagna if one were in the early stages of being stoned. Paranoia sets in first ("Duuude! I am so stoned! Where's my hands??!! I can't find my hands! Oh, there they are! Are my eyes blood shot? Don't let anybody see my eyes!") Munchies come later (with giggles). ("Heyyyy, man. Is this PIZZA? I am eating this PIZZA!")

 

At least that's what I remember hearing about being stoned...:leaving:;)

 

OP, sorry to just pop in to add nothing but my lame stupidity. Your situation today sounded stressful, and I hope it all turns out well for all of you. Good luck!

[Trish]

I think you have to make certain allowances with sleepover guests, that they may not know your rules, etc. We have found sleepovers to fall into the Not Worth It Category, and now we only do them for special occasions like birthdays. I guess in your situation I'd be more angry with myself for allowing the sleepover with the semi-stranger to begin with, rather than with anyone else.

 

Edit: Sorry I didn't see any of the updates, only responded to the original post. Looks like there's a lot more going on.

[ktgrok]

One might turn down the pizza lasagna if one were in the early stages of being stoned. Paranoia sets in first ("Duuude! I am so stoned! Where's my hands??!! I can't find my hands! Oh, there they are! Are my eyes blood shot? Don't let anybody see my eyes!") Munchies come later (with giggles). ("Heyyyy, man. Is this PIZZA? I am eating this PIZZA!")

 

At least that's what I remember hearing about being stoned...:leaving:;)

 

OP, sorry to just pop in to add nothing but my lame stupidity. Your situation today sounded stressful, and I hope it all turns out well for all of you. Good luck!

 

Yes, but the leftovers were in the fridge all night.

[NorthwestMom]

What a mess. I think calling the guidance counselor and talking to her dad are both great ideas.

 

I would not allow her in my home around my kids again until I could see a definite change in behavior and choices.

 

((clarkacademy))

[Spock]

 

That a weeks worth of breakfast These are HUGE economy size bags of cereal. I feed two boys two girls every day I only have to buy 3 a month. The only time I have seen anyone eat that much is when my brother used to get high.

 

My kids (19, 18, 12, 10) can finish off the huge Sam's boxes of Honey Nut Cheerios in 2-3 days--which is why I buy them only rarely, for snacks, not breakfast. Even now that my oldest is not living here, the others finish the cereal in that amount of time--and most of it is eaten by the younger 2.

 

The amount of cereal eaten is not surprising. The hiding in the room is also not surprising, but I would feel uneasy about it. I would be more bothered by not having a way to contact her family.

[clarkacademy]

I asked my daughter about the lasagna and she said the girl told her she didn't like cream cheese?? Who puts cream cheese in lasagna? I wouldn't eat that either I wish she would have asked how it was made. That just sounds icky The counselor (my friend) can't tell me anything due to confidentiality but she said she will contact her family.

 

When the father came he wouldn't even get out of the truck had loud music and two other women in the front seat so I said nothing. It will be better for the counselor to deal with since she would have the girls behavior files and all.

[astrid]

I asked my daughter about the lasagna and she said the girl told her she didn't like cream cheese?? Who puts cream cheese in lasagna? I wouldn't eat that either I wish she would have asked how it was made. That just sounds icky The counselor (my friend) can't tell me anything due to confidentiality but she said she will contact her family.

 

When the father came he wouldn't even get out of the truck had loud music and two other women in the front seat so I said nothing. It will be better for the counselor to deal with since she would have the girls behavior files and all.

 

Maybe she meant cottage cheese? Or ricotta? Some people get them confused, I think.

 

astrid

[Spock]

I asked my daughter about the lasagna and she said the girl told her she didn't like cream cheese?? Who puts cream cheese in lasagna? I wouldn't eat that either I wish she would have asked how it was made. That just sounds icky The counselor (my friend) can't tell me anything due to confidentiality but she said she will contact her family.

 

 

 

She probably means ricotta cheese. My husband hates ricotta cheese, and won't eat lasagna made with it.

[clarkacademy]

She probably means ricotta cheese. My husband hates ricotta cheese, and won't eat lasagna made with it.

 

I don't blame him that sounds icky I would hate to have to eat that. I just use shredded pizza cheese maybe some extra mozzerella.

[astrid]

I don't blame him that sounds icky I would hate to have to eat that. I just use shredded pizza cheese maybe some extra mozzerella.

 

No, it's actually the pretty standard method of making lasagna. I don't have an Italian cell in my body but I've always made lasagna with ricotta and I've never ever seen it without ricotta or cottage cheese.

 

astrid

[mommaduck]

No, it's actually the pretty standard method of making lasagna. I don't have an Italian cell in my body but I've always made lasagna with ricotta and I've never ever seen it without ricotta or cottage cheese.

 

astrid

:iagree:I would naturally presume cottage or ricotta as well. I make mine with both plus shredded mozzarella.

[Jenny in Florida]

No, it's actually the pretty standard method of making lasagna. I don't have an Italian cell in my body but I've always made lasagna with ricotta and I've never ever seen it without ricotta or cottage cheese.

 

Agreed. I actually consider it one of the defining features of lasagna. Otherwise, it's just baked pasta, right?

[justamouse]

SO sad about the girl. I hope she gets some help.

 

Lasagna is ricotta, (I put stink cheese (pecorino Romano) in my ricotta and egg mix, some chopped parsley and a dash of nutmeg). Mozzarella goes on top, and layered on top of the ricotta.

[elegantlion]

No, it's actually the pretty standard method of making lasagna. I don't have an Italian cell in my body but I've always made lasagna with ricotta and I've never ever seen it without ricotta or cottage cheese.

 

astrid

 

I have always used ricotta in my lasagna. But I like the stuff.

[QueenCat]

No, it's actually the pretty standard method of making lasagna. I don't have an Italian cell in my body but I've always made lasagna with ricotta and I've never ever seen it without ricotta or cottage cheese.

 

astrid

 

:iagree:I've never heard of lasagna without either ricotta or cottage cheese. I presumed it had to have one or the other.

[Dustybug]

No, it's actually the pretty standard method of making lasagna. I don't have an Italian cell in my body but I've always made lasagna with ricotta and I've never ever seen it without ricotta or cottage cheese.

 

astrid

 

It just took me over an hour to read this whole thread. I feel so bad for that girl. :(

 

On a lighter note, tonight I made lasagna and didn't realize until I already had my sauce simmering that I was OUT of BOTH cottage cheese and ricotta. So, I started searching the internet only to find that in a good chunk of Italy, they use bechamel instead of those. I tried it and OH.MY.WORD it was so good! I may never go back to cottage/ricotta cheese!

[clarkacademy]

:iagree:I've never heard of lasagna without either ricotta or cottage cheese. I presumed it had to have one or the other.

 

Wow all you cream/ricotta cheese people! I just use tons of shreded but then again I always make pizza lasagna not regular lasagna so maybe that is it then? I never saw recipes calling for that. Wow I will point that out next time for a guest. I never thought or knew! Learn a new thing everyday I suppose.

 

On a brighter note the oldest told the little girl that she feels lucky to have a sister that don't tear up her stuff like other little sisters so she is happy to share a room with her. Wish my two boys could feel this way!!

[DianeW88]

No, it's actually the pretty standard method of making lasagna. I don't have an Italian cell in my body but I've always made lasagna with ricotta and I've never ever seen it without ricotta or cottage cheese.

 

astrid

 

:iagree: I am Italian, and ricotta cheese is a must for lasagna. Cottage cheese in lasagna is a sin, and NO soft cheese is simply not lasagna...even if you refer to it as such. You're wrong...it's just pasta with sauce and mozzarella. :D

[Sara in AZ]

It just took me over an hour to read this whole thread. I feel so bad for that girl. :(

 

On a lighter note, tonight I made lasagna and didn't realize until I already had my sauce simmering that I was OUT of BOTH cottage cheese and ricotta. So, I started searching the internet only to find that in a good chunk of Italy, they use bechamel instead of those. I tried it and OH.MY.WORD it was so good! I may never go back to cottage/ricotta cheese!

 

I love that you were out of ricotta and cottage, but happened to have on hand this random cheese I have never heard of! :)

 

I use the above cheese in my lazagna, also, FTR. Might look into bechamel now...

[clarkacademy]

:iagree: I am Italian, and ricotta cheese is a must for lasagna. Cottage cheese in lasagna is a sin, and NO soft cheese is simply not lasagna...even if you refer to it as such. You're wrong...it's just pasta with sauce and mozzarella. :D

 

But, but they are lasagna noodles can't I just call it by the noodle name or would that be the Italian insult?? :lol:

 

That is said jokingly and not hostile OK

[I.Dup.]

LOLOL I finally caught up on this thread, and right when it all comes out and this huge drama unfolds it immediately turns to a heated discussion on lasagna cheese. You all would make very poor storytellers, what an anticlimactic ending. :tongue_smilie:

 

:lol::lol:

[clarkacademy]

LOLOL I finally caught up on this thread, and right when it all comes out and this huge drama unfolds it immediately turns to a heated discussion on lasagna cheese. You all would make very poor storytellers, what an anticlimactic ending. :tongue_smilie:

 

:lol::lol:

 

OH YEAH WELL WELL, Fine LOL:lol::lol:

[justasque]

I love that you were out of ricotta and cottage, but happened to have on hand this random cheese I have never heard of! :)

I use the above cheese in my lazagna, also, FTR. Might look into bechamel now...

 

Bechamel is actually just a white sauce, not a cheese. Think those vegetarian lasagnas, with the creamy white sauce. (Add cheddar to bechamel and it becomes the kind of sauce you use to make mac cheese. Assuming your mac cheese isn't just cheese on mac, of course.)

 

I have to agree with pp's though, for me lasagna requires ricotta, or cottage/bechamel in a pinch. Pasta with pizza sauce and mozzerella does not a lasagna make. I will say, though, that it can actually be hard to find a decent ricotta if you don't live somewhere with lots of Italian heritage.

 

I wonder if the guest heard "lasagna", got an image in her mind, saw the "pizza lasagna", and when it didn't match her mental image decided to go without? That would explain the no dinner thing.

[SKL]

Well, I don't know much about cheese, but I knew OP's bad vibe was coming from somewhere.

 

OP sounds like my beloved sister. Whenever she starts going off on little things (like putting the toilet seat down etc.), I listen for a bit and then say, "so what is really bothering you?" It's always something deeper that is truly important, and the "little irritations" are just symptoms.

 

As sad as this girl's situation is, I don't feel it's the OP's responsibility to parent (or friend) her out of it. OP has to put her children first. This chick isn't healthy for the OP's home environment. However, I agree that this overnight was a good learning experience for all involved. Including the houseguest. She observed (possibly for the first time) that there are people who can and will resist social pressure to do the right thing. She called it "goody-goody," but the truth is, she probably admires that and might even act on it eventually.

 

When I was 14, I was a goody-goody with a troubled 15yo friend. My mom didn't ban the friend (that I recall), but she made it clear she didn't like her. I thought maybe if I was friendly to her, I could convince her to respect herself and clean up. She ended up running away from home (and her mom assumed I had something to do with it - but I had no idea). I couldn't fix her, but I didn't regret giving it a try. She didn't "corrupt" me or any of that. Then again, I'm a very stubborn person.

[Little Nyssa]

Cereal, and now lasagna! this has been a very interesting thread.

It is so interesting how your sense that something was wrong, OP, played out. Thanks for updating.

[MiniBlondes]

Well I spent about 45 minutes of my life reading this thread. On page 19 I noticed that someone had tagged the thread with 'cereal killer' and I erupted into maniacal insomniac giggles.

[Mom in High Heels]

Now I want lasagna. With ricotta. Since I don't eat cereal for breakfast, maybe I could have lasagna instead?

[awisha.]

Now I want lasagna. With ricotta. Since I don't eat cereal for breakfast, maybe I could have lasagna instead?

 

Lasagna for breakfast??? Why not!!! :lol:

[AndyJoy]

Lasagna for breakfast??? Why not!!! :lol:

Been there, done that--and it definitely had cottage cheese. Though now I have DH intrigued by the concept of "Pizza Lasagna" because cottage cheese makes him gag and ricotta is so expensive.

[Laura Corin]

I do think that guests deserve a little latitude. I have food rules for my own children, but I break them for guests.

 

It sounds like money is terribly tight. Maybe you need to explain to your daughter that it's just too hard for the family to have guests at the moment, and arrange other social situations for her.

 

Laura

[FiveOaksAcademy]

I think your instincts are telling you something. While you may have over reacted to a situation, I think your on guard for a reason.

 

I have dealt with that - something just doesn't add up or feel right. The little things don't seem like a big when you say them out loud or share with others, there is something you can't put your finger on, so you keep looking at the actions/behaviors to figure out what is going on.

 

 

:iagree: I didn't read the whole thread, nor will I. I read the op last night and walked away, after reading a few bashing posts, and realized, OP, that your instincts were probably warning you. A while aback, dd had a friend over, and I felt like I was coming out of my skin the whole evening. I was SO uncomfortable. I wound up being a little irritable because of it. Come to find out later, this girl was heading down a wrong path and making some VERY poor choices, and dd and another friend spent that evening trying to lead her the right way...it didn't work and the whole thing is out there now. She wasn't good for my dd, she was a dangerous girl, and my instincts were telling me that that was the case. I just spent the whole evening looking with my eyes for what was wrong, while God was telling me in my gut that there was something I couldn't see.

[Lady Florida.]

She probably means ricotta cheese. My husband hates ricotta cheese, and won't eat lasagna made with it.

 

No, it's actually the pretty standard method of making lasagna. I don't have an Italian cell in my body but I've always made lasagna with ricotta and I've never ever seen it without ricotta or cottage cheese.

 

astrid

 

:iagree: I can't imagine lasagna made without ricotta cheese (and half of my bones are of Italian descent).

[Mimm]

Now I want lasagna. With ricotta. Since I don't eat cereal for breakfast, maybe I could have lasagna instead?

 

:iagree: I'm so in the mood for lasagna and I've already done my shopping for this week. :(

 

Though, my lasagna probably isn't "real" lasagna either. I use other types of pasta because I hate hate hate working with lasagna noodles. They always stick to themselves or tear. Drives me nuts. So I usually use penne.

[Jeannie in NJ]

now baked ziti is relly good and I also like penne or as they call it in Trenton pencil points. I worked for the state of NJ in Trenton before marriage and every restaurant there called it pencil points.

 

I am married to an Italian and he says that my mac and cheese is the best ever. I am not much of a cook so that is a huge compliment.

[Joanne]

:iagree: I didn't read the whole thread, nor will I. I read the op last night and walked away, after reading a few bashing posts, and realized, OP, that your instincts were probably warning you. .

 

Bashing? Since when is offering *solicited* feedback (however unwelcome it might have turned out to be) bashing? The OP asked a question, and the Hive overwhelmingly answered ~ politely ~ in one direction.

 

I find the update........odd. Clearly whatever is going on with the young woman means she needs as much healthy support as possible.

[NotSoObvious]

OK, I've read most of the thread, but I don't have an hour. :)

 

I just wanted to say that I feel for you. I have been there with a very good kid who all of a sudden is breaking rules with a new friend who comes off sneaky.

 

I understand your frustration and concern over your daughter's willingness to let another girl bend her. That would be my concern, too, and I probably would have explained it just like you- focusing on tiny details that seem insignificant to others.

 

This is why we don't do sleepovers yet and I'm not looking forward to them!

 

Hugs from an uptight mother of very sweet children! ;)

[kewb]

Even with all the new details I think you overreacted.

 

Obviously your instincts were correct about the girl having issues.

 

Next time follow your own rules about sleepovers. Have a conversation with your daughter about house rules and how to handle this type of situation in the future. Your daughter is a good kid who need guidance in this situation.

 

Remove lock from bedroom door.

 

I think it may be time for a man in kilt in photo.

[Soror]

Now, I'm making lasagna for supper :) With zuccini noodles and pinenut/cashew ricotta :)