If you heard. . .

[4everHis]

a teen in the library, on his cell phone, using foul language near the kids section, what would you do? say?

[I.Dup.]

I would tell him to chill out or watch his language around the kids with an "I am a mama bear" look. :angry::angry:

[4everHis]

I would tell him to chill out or watch his language around the kids with an "I am a mama bear" look. :angry::angry:

 

Oh Good! That's what I did. He 'waved' me off, as though I were a fly. :001_huh: I said, "Uh, no, you aren't even supposed to be talking on the phone in here, much less using that kind of language." I was pretty stunned at being waved off. Had one of my kids done that the phone would be history.:toetap05:

[2cents]

Alert library personnel. They should handle the situation.

[ThisIsTheDay]

Good for you for standing up to him!

 

I work at our library. I have learned to use my "library authority" voice when necessary out in public. I would tell them the same thing, whether it was anywhere in public and I was a regular mom, or if they were at my library: "You need to go somewhere else if you are going to speak like that. There are little kids here."

 

(Actually, if I were at work, I would tell them to take their phone into the hallway. Cell phone calls are not allowed in regular part of our library.)

 

Another option for you might be to complain to your library staff. But in some places, they may not do much to help you.

[I.Dup.]

Oh Good! That's what I did. He 'waved' me off, as though I were a fly. :001_huh: I said, "Uh, no, you aren't even supposed to be talking on the phone in here, much less using that kind of language." I was pretty stunned at being waved off. Had one of my kids done that the phone would be history.:toetap05:

 

Punk. :glare: I would stand there and insist he shut up or leave if he was going to behave that way. I would just talk over him if necessary but I'm bull headed like that. There's NO reason small children should be exposed to foul language in a library of all places.

[4everHis]

Good for you for standing up to him!

 

I work at our library. I have learned to use my "library authority" voice when necessary out in public. I would tell them the same thing, whether it was anywhere in public and I was a regular mom, or if they were at my library: "You need to go somewhere else if you are going to speak like that. There are little kids here."

 

(Actually, if I were at work, I would tell them to take their phone into the hallway. Cell phone calls are not allowed in regular part of our library.)

 

Another option for you might be to complain to your library staff. But in some places, they may not do much to help you.

 

Our poor staff deal with this daily and we're talking a town of about 3,000. They try to keep calling the police to a miniumum but they have to during the school year. I didn't understand until today what they meant when they said the kids just ignore them. This particular kid did get up and leave but I'm not sure it was because of me.:glare:

[4everHis]

Punk. :glare: I would stand there and insist he shut up or leave if he was going to behave that way. I would just talk over him if necessary but I'm bull headed like that. There's NO reason small children should be exposed to foul language in a library of all places.

 

:iagree: I was just so stunned that he would literally 'brush me off' with his hand. . . I will now take more of a stand for our poor library and it's staff.

[CyndiLJ]

I have been in similar situations and initially tried the Mama Bear approach, only to get much the same reaction. I switched tactics and have gotten much better responses that I think may have actually made them think later.

 

When I hear some young person using foul language, either on a phone, in a group, or whatever, I wait until they are finished, then walk up to them and quietly say "I know you may not be aware of it, because sometimes we fall into habits, but your language is pretty bad for little ones around you to hear. You are certainly allowed to speak how you choose to, but I'd like to ask that you keep it cool when little kids are around. You know and I know that it sounds awful to hear certain words come out of a little guys/gals mouth, and when they hear it, they often repeat it. I just thought I'd remind you of that."

 

When they don't feel attacked and are actually spoken with and not [/i]at, I have found that they sheepishly agree, listen to me, and often apologize saying they didn't even realize it. Only once in 8 or 10 times has a teen given me garbage with this approach. Truth is, I think many of them really aren't aware how trashy it sounds, all their peers speak that way, and certain words become so common they don't even hear anymore what it really sounds like. Even if they are actually blowing me off and will continue later out of my ear shot, at least they are not rude back with me...and maybe, just maybe, they will think about it.

 

Cindy

[4everHis]

Ditto.

 

I'm off to work on 'the look' and the 'library authority voice.":)

[mom4him]

I would speak to a librarian. In our library there is a no cell phone policy.

[4everHis]

I have been in similar situations and initially tried the Mama Bear approach, only to get much the same reaction. I switched tactics and have gotten much better responses that I think may have actually made them think later.

 

When I hear some young person using foul language, either on a phone, in a group, or whatever, I wait until they are finished, then walk up to them and quietly say "I know you may not be aware of it, because sometimes we fall into habits, but your language is pretty bad for little ones around you to hear. You are certainly allowed to speak how you choose to, but I'd like to ask that you keep it cool when little kids are around. You know and I know that it sounds awful to hear certain words come out of a little guys/gals mouth, and when they hear it, they often repeat it. I just thought I'd remind you of that."

 

When they don't feel attacked and are actually spoken with and not [/i]at, I have found that they sheepishly agree, listen to me, and often apologize saying they didn't even realize it. Only once in 8 or 10 times has a teen given me garbage with this approach. Truth is, I think many of them really aren't aware how trashy it sounds, all their peers speak that way, and certain words become so common they don't even hear anymore what it really sounds like. Even if they are actually blowing me off and will continue later out of my ear shot, at least they are not rude back with me...and maybe, just maybe, they will think about it.

 

Cindy

 

I have used that approach at the park before and you're right. The kids even apologized to me and told their friends to cool it. Maybe because we were in a quiet building and it was even more obvious, I panicked. Though my first request was said respectfully and quietly, it was the 'wave off' that made me say, "Uh, no."

[ThisIsTheDay]

Our poor staff deal with this daily and we're talking a town of about 3,000. They try to keep calling the police to a miniumum but they have to during the school year. I didn't understand until today what they meant when they said the kids just ignore them. This particular kid did get up and leave but I'm not sure it was because of me.:glare:

 

I think our town is pop. 4,000. I usually get right up in people's faces and then speak softly. Many of the kids I at least vaguely know. The ones that really tick me off are the adults who wave me off. Somewhere there's a balance. There are a few people, usually young men, who I'm more intimidated by, and I will not be as forceful. (I fear they are carrying, seriously.)

 

Then there are the people who really have no idea, and I am more apologetic toward them.

 

We've never had to call the police for someone talking on the phone though!

 

The two things I really dislike about my job: checking the men's room before closing, and being the phone police.

[4everHis]

I would speak to a librarian. In our library there is a no cell phone policy.

 

I'm on the board at the library and know that the staff hardly has time to do their jobs at times because they spend so much time 'babysitting' teenagers. Now that I'm 'sure' of the cell phone policy I won't hesitate to ask them to stop or let the staff know.

[4everHis]

I think our town is pop. 4,000. I usually get right up in people's faces and then speak softly. Many of the kids I at least vaguely know. The ones that really tick me off are the adults who wave me off. Somewhere there's a balance. There are a few people, usually young men, who I'm more intimidated by, and I will not be as forceful. (I fear they are carrying, seriously.)

 

Then there are the people who really have no idea, and I am more apologetic toward them.

 

We've never had to call the police for someone talking on the phone though!

 

The two things I really dislike about my job: checking the men's room before closing, and being the phone police.

I am much more sympathetic towards the library staff now. I've heard them each say the same things. Finding the burning book in the men's room. . . being a little bit afraid of some of these kids. . . and knowing the parents won't back them up. Just sad.

[swellmomma]

a teen in the library, on his cell phone, using foul language near the kids section, what would you do? say?

 

I have told teens cussing around little ones to watch their language or move on, little children don't need to hear it. 9/10 they look sheepish and apologize, they wanted to be tough/cool with their friend and didn't actually mean to be crass in front of little ones.

 

I have also told teens to leave a playground due to the language (not just swearing but sexual comments etc).

 

I did that in teh city and in my tiny village. The city kids were actually more respectful when an adult told them to knock it off. Out here they will usually toss out 1 cuss at me calling me a B... or something and then move on.

 

I have also very loudly just said "Excuse me? have you failed to see the little people here?" That has worked too.

[4everHis]

I have told teens cussing around little ones to watch their language or move on, little children don't need to hear it. 9/10 they look sheepish and apologize, they wanted to be tough/cool with their friend and didn't actually mean to be crass in front of little ones.

 

I have also told teens to leave a playground due to the language (not just swearing but sexual comments etc).

 

I did that in teh city and in my tiny village. The city kids were actually more respectful when an adult told them to knock it off. Out here they will usually toss out 1 cuss at me calling me a B... or something and then move on.

 

I have also very loudly just said "Excuse me? have you failed to see the little people here?" That has worked too.

 

I'm thinking this might work for the teens who are all but having s*x at the city pool too:tongue_smilie:

[sparrow]

I have told teens cussing around little ones to watch their language or move on, little children don't need to hear it. 9/10 they look sheepish and apologize, they wanted to be tough/cool with their friend and didn't actually mean to be crass in front of little ones.

 

I have also told teens to leave a playground due to the language (not just swearing but sexual comments etc).

 

I did that in teh city and in my tiny village. The city kids were actually more respectful when an adult told them to knock it off. Out here they will usually toss out 1 cuss at me calling me a B... or something and then move on.

 

I have also very loudly just said "Excuse me? have you failed to see the little people here?" That has worked too.

 

:iagree:and I have used the shaming bolded phrase, almost exactly, to decent results.

[swellmomma]

:iagree:and I have used the shaming bolded phrase, almost exactly, to decent results.

 

It's amazing that simply saying excuse me or pardon me with the right tone can instantly make a teen comply lol With the right look and tone that 2 word phrase has them blushing and apologizing rather quickly.

 

Both mine and others I have encountered over the years. Especially with my own teens. Even ds13 in his nastiest moods will backpedal very quickly if I utter that phrase at him.

[swellmomma]

I'm thinking this might work for the teens who are all but having s*x at the city pool too:tongue_smilie:

 

I bet it would. I don't know what it is about that phrase but even the teens that hate me in town apologize and smarten up when I pull that one out.

[4everHis]

I bet it would. I don't know what it is about that phrase but even the teens that hate me in town apologize and smarten up when I pull that one out.

 

Considering how much they seriously think the world revolves around 'them' (I was convinced as a teen) I'm thinking they just aren't thinking. Maybe this phrase is just very good at opening their eyes.

[sparrow]

Considering how much they seriously think the world revolves around 'them' (I was convinced as a teen) I'm thinking they just aren't thinking. Maybe this phrase is just very good at opening their eyes.

 

I've basically done a, "C'mon, guys. There are little kids here." Suddenly, you'll see teens that were cursing 30 seconds ago, nudging their friends and telling them to "knock it off, there's little kids". It doesn't work 100% of the time, but I swear it works 90% of the time! It *is* like they're in their own little world until you point it out.

[MusicMama]

When I hear some young person using foul language, either on a phone, in a group, or whatever, I wait until they are finished, then walk up to them and quietly say "I know you may not be aware of it, because sometimes we fall into habits, but your language is pretty bad for little ones around you to hear. You are certainly allowed to speak how you choose to, but I'd like to ask that you keep it cool when little kids are around. You know and I know that it sounds awful to hear certain words come out of a little guys/gals mouth, and when they hear it, they often repeat it. I just thought I'd remind you of that."

 

When they don't feel attacked and are actually spoken with and not [/i]at, I have found that they sheepishly agree, listen to me, and often apologize saying they didn't even realize it. Only once in 8 or 10 times has a teen given me garbage with this approach. Truth is, I think many of them really aren't aware how trashy it sounds, all their peers speak that way, and certain words become so common they don't even hear anymore what it really sounds like. Even if they are actually blowing me off and will continue later out of my ear shot, at least they are not rude back with me...and maybe, just maybe, they will think about it.

 

:iagree:

 

My husband worked at a urban, low income high school where many of the kids exhibited the type of behavior described. He found that treating the kids with respect would result in a better response from the teen. Harsh, authoritarian teachers would get back what they dished out, and then some. The teens had learned not to respect authority, but fight it or be crushed.

[Robin M]

I've walked past teens using foul language in the store and simply said "Watch your language please, there are children present."

 

I usually get 'oh sorry' and they stop. Probably until they get out of the store, but at least they pay attention.

[Lizzie in Ma]

Good for you for standing up to him!

 

I work at our library. I have learned to use my "library authority" voice when necessary out in public. I would tell them the same thing, whether it was anywhere in public and I was a regular mom, or if they were at my library: "You need to go somewhere else if you are going to speak like that. There are little kids here."

 

(Actually, if I were at work, I would tell them to take their phone into the hallway. Cell phone calls are not allowed in regular part of our library.)

 

Another option for you might be to complain to your library staff. But in some places, they may not do much to help you.

 

:iagree::iagree:

Good for you!

[pdalley]

One day at Walmart - I know - this teenage girl was swearing at the top of her lungs about her exboyfriend. A lady asked her, quietly, to please stop - she didn't want her 3 yr old hearing that. Then the girl started swearing at the lady until I piped up and said, 'I guess we know why he dumped you, huh?' She turned red and left. I hated to embarrass her but she was way out of control.

 

9/10 usually they don't realize what they are doing and a gentle but firm - 'hey, there are kids around.' will work.