Jump to content

Menu

S/O--- WORKING Moms? Show of Hands?


Recommended Posts

Isn't that funny....as a WORKING mom, *I* feel like an oddity. Especially among other homeschooling moms.

 

I always feel like people (often here) judge me harshly, and make assumptions that I"m only working because we're the greedy, selfish parents of an only child and want to fuel some extravagant lifestyle. (Ha! nothing could be further from the truth.)

 

I can't tell you how hurtful it is to read comments (again, here, mostly) from someone who doesn't know the first thing about me, my family or our situation yet feels perfectly justified in asserting that women like me don't really NEED to work.

 

I like to work. I want to have some retirement income. I want to feel somewhat secure in the knowledge that if something should happen to my dh, I could make the mortgage payment after our emergency fund ran out. And truthfully, no one knows how far that emergency fund will actually go if medical bills, etc. are suddenly a concern.

 

So am I the only one? Working moms--- give us a shout!

 

astrid

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 117
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

I'm not a working mom, but I wanted to say I know a few and respect them as they have made their choices based off of what worked best for their family and followed those choices out, regardless of what people around them said to them.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I work, about 25-30 hours/week. Financially, I could stay home, and I did for several years when the kids were little - and became severely depressed.

I work because I LOVE to work. I am looking forward to going to work on most days, and now during summer break (I only have 9 month contracts for the academic year) I find myself really excited about going back in August.

The fact that the money pays for extra things is nice, but I would probably even work if I did not get paid.

I too, find the notion that women who work (but not out of desperate financial need) do so for "extravagant lifestyle and consumerism" insulting. As well as the idea that these women do not like to spend time with their children and should not have had any (which I have seen voiced on this board before).

Edited by regentrude
Link to post
Share on other sites

Please share what you all do!

 

I work from home doing medical transcription but I lost my big account and am doing a smaller account right now making hardly any money. I'm still thankful for the job though and that couple hundred a month makes a difference!

Link to post
Share on other sites

I used to be a working mom, and still would be if I hadn't been injured.

 

However, b/c mine is a result of an assault at work, I do still have my own income.

 

So, I kinda don't fit in either category now.

Link to post
Share on other sites
The fact that the money pays for extra things is nice, but I would probably even work if I did not get paid.

 

What a HUGE blessing to have that type of enjoyment for your work! I can't even imagine, since nothing I did for work appealed to me at ALL. I pray for this for my children, and also for myself if I need to return to working.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm a working, homeschooling mom too. I work 26 hours a week so not full time but I wish I didn't have to work quite so many hours. I have to work to pay the mortgage now as my dh can only find part time work that is not very well paid. It's good for people to realize that they don't know someone else's circumstances and so should not judge their actions, some people really do need to work outside the home. To those that don't, I say enjoy and I hope you realize how fortunate you are.

Link to post
Share on other sites
What a HUGE blessing to have that type of enjoyment for your work! I can't even imagine, since nothing I did for work appealed to me at ALL. I pray for this for my children, and also for myself if I need to return to working.

 

Yes, it is a blessing, and it is one of the most important wishes I have for my children: a job they enjoy and are passionate about.

I am surrounded by people who love what they do and who would continue working even if they won the lottery and did not need a dime. My parents were like this, most of my friends are like this, most of my colleagues are. It makes such a huge difference.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I work full-time and then some. I have been a working mom for five years and I used to get really defensive about "those comments." But now, if I respond, it's more to try to educate (which is probably a lost cause in some cases, but whatever).

 

I don't think it matters if a mom works because she needs to for financial reasons, needs to for mental health reasons, or just plain wants to. Moms have been working since they've been reproducing. Why does everyone seem to care so much about what other people are doing anyway? They are so perfect that they have nothing to work on themselves? That must be it. ;)

 

Funny thing about kids. They tend to do pretty well regardless of whether their moms work. We like to think we have so much control over how our kids turn out. It's a nice thought, but anyone who's had a gifted OR special needs child knows better.

Link to post
Share on other sites

financially, i could stay home. and i chose to for several years. my children are 22mos-7yrs. i am a RN with a master's. I felt that if i stayed out of the field for too long, my degree would be useless should i want to return after the children are grown. So, to keep my foot in the door, so to speak, i returned prn on the maternity floor. I now work, on average 12 hours per week. This week though, i logged 28 hours. Some weeks it's zero. I have noticed that working at the hospital has pros and cons. On the positive side, i talk to adults, i have a break from nonstop kids and household, and at the end of a shift i feel accomplished and that i can clock out and be done. The cons are that it feels that every day off I have feels like a Monday. There's a pileup of laundry, toys, the fridge is a wreck, the house isn't quite as neat as it would be if i were here constantly picking up in my neurotic way, there's a backlog on the errands and things i'd normally be taking care of.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I work for an ins company during the day :) I am mostly the breadwinner, but if that changes and I don't need to work full time, I will do something part time that reflects my interests (compared to doing something that reflects my need for money). I was not meant to be a SAHM. I don't feel judged, I sometimes feel pitied, though. :confused:

Link to post
Share on other sites

I work full-time; I'm gone a minimum of 60 hours a week. I don't mind my job, but I hate being away from home and the kids for that long. My DH doesn't have a job, so I don't have a choice.

 

I'm a Software Support Specialist in the Information Technology department at a law firm.

 

I'd LOVE to be a SAHM. I'm so jealous of those who get to stay home! (My DH tells me I don't understand how it is to be stuck at home all day, and in my mind, that's all I want to do! :D)

Edited by oasis
Link to post
Share on other sites

I work an average of 20 hours per week in sales. I LOVE my job and using my skills makes me very happy. I work to make ends meet. Dh and I commented just a few days ago how much LESS stress we have in our home. We don't remember the last time we could not buy a gallon of milk or a few gallons of gasoline. Before I started working, we had that kind of stress twice per month!

 

I also sub teach. I could drop subbing, but I want to stay in the system for future employment opportunities. My youngest is 9th grade and I'll want to work full time when he graduates from home school. I might not want to work in an educational setting at that time, but then again I might like having summer vacation, fall break, Christmas vacation, and spring break. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

We've managed it for over a decade now, and I'm ramping up with college on the horizon. I enjoy my work, and it pays for extracurriculars, online classes, vacations, and ongoing medical bills.

 

I work as an independent contractor teaching and writing. I like contract work because it is flexible and mostly home-based, and I'm lighter in the summer and off over the holidays. I've got one light contract now until late August, and then I'll be very busy again.

 

I live in an extremely expensive area of the country, and the majority of the homeschool moms I know do something on the side, especially as their kids get older.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I work full-time (which means a minimum of 56 hours/week, usually more) and am the sole income for the family. Several years ago dh and I evaluated our life, his happiness (NOT) at work, and my work schedule and decided that I would work full-time and he'd stay home with the kids.

 

It's worked out wonderfully thus far and we have no plans to change. I kinda feel sorry for those who feel the need to judge working moms (regardless of their reason(s) for working). Quite frankly I think it's mostly ignorance. But whatever, right? I feel as long as a person/couple has evaluated their life/lives and made a decision they feel is right for their family (whatever that decision may be), then kudos to them.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm on faculty at a local private classical school and I also have some private teaching that I do on the side. (I'm an art teacher.) In total, I work just a little over half time during the school year and have summers off. I feel called to serve other this way, and absolutely love my job. We will be transitioning out of hs'ing this coming year as my dd will be going to high school at the school where I teach, but I've been working part-time for the past five years since we've been hs'ing. It's tough to manage both things, but in our case I have no choice. We depend on my income -- but I also have to say that I'd work my job even if I didn't get paid because I love it so much.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

Link to post
Share on other sites

Just this year I started working during tax season, preparing taxes. I worked 12-20 hours per week from January through mid April, and really enjoyed it. I am looking forward to our classes coming up in the fall and doing it again next year!

 

I did find it difficult to juggle work and school...but feel much better prepared to plan ahead for it next year.

 

I also teach a few private music (band instruments) lessons to homeschoolers during the school year...that helps out only a little, but I really enjoy it. I may try to add more students this coming fall.

 

So, not a working mom all year, but part of it. :001_smile:

Link to post
Share on other sites

I work full time - 3 12 hour days a week, so I'm still home more days than not.

 

As the primary wage earner/insurance provider, we really do need me to work full time. But I do like it, and would probably work part time if we didn't need it.

Edited by ocelotmom
Link to post
Share on other sites

I work one day a week. Until March, I worked 3 days per week. I'm an attorney and I work for an attorney who loves being in the courtroom, so he litigates in court while I do his written litigation. I love it and have been working for him for 7 years. I work because I love my job and because we have debts and a mortgage that we are trying to pay off. With any luck, we will be debt free in 5 years and I can spend my "free" time helping my husband who is an attorney with his own practice.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I can't tell you how hurtful it is to read comments (again, here, mostly) from someone who doesn't know the first thing about me, my family or our situation yet feels perfectly justified in asserting that women like me don't really NEED to work.

 

I can relate. And I'm an even worse mom because not only do I work full time outside the home, (gasp!) I enrolled my kids in school when it became necessary for me to return to the workforce. No matter what a mother does to occupy her time or where, someone will judge her for it. It does hurt to be told, for example, that I "traded my birthright for a bowl of soup" by returning to the workforce instead of continuing to homeschool no matter what, but I try not to dwell on such comments.

Link to post
Share on other sites

After 15 years at home raising and homeschooling the kids, I went back to work last august. I work about 25 hours a week (3 nights/ 1 daytime shift). My dh and I decided that with the youngest starting high school, I was not needed quite as much for schooling. By working evenings, I am still home enough to help with whatever he needs my help with. :)

 

I love what I do but if I needed to stop to be home with my kids, I would in a heartbeat.

 

We are fortunate that my income is not a necessity but an added blessing. And yet, I will admit...I've gotten quite used to it. :D For the first time, my curriculum choices are based mostly on what will work best and not on whether or not we can afford it. It's a nice feeling.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I currently have two jobs outside of the home, but most weeks they add up to 25 hours work...

 

I work at a retail store... fast and friendly... usually upbeat and fun. Flexible schedule. I like 4-5 hour shifts a few days a week.

 

I also work as an elder caregiver and love that!!! I wish I had more clients and/or longer hours. As it is, I have one client 3 hours in the morning twice a week. The "problem" is, elder care involves elderly and they don't get younger each day, so I have lost a couple of clients. I am really hoping that my hours/clientelle pick up soon.

 

And the endless hours of work that being a mom requires.... without pay.

 

PS I enjoy working my jobs. Sometimes heading out to work is a stress relief for me. I also appreciate days at home SO much more now. I am more likely to play with the teens now, too, because my free time has limits and I want to make the most of those times...

Edited by BMW
Link to post
Share on other sites

I work 20 hours/week in a call center selling cable/internet/phone for a major cable provider. I work because I enjoy it, I'm good at it, and the money is great. We are on a path to be 100% debt-free and financially secure through retirement. I chose hours that mesh well with homeschooling and that leaves me plenty of time to be with my family. Eventually I plan on going full-time there, mainly for the 401K, the pension, and excellent medical benefits.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Nice post! My husband and I own a real estate company together. I was a stay at home mom for years and home schooled our two older children. Now our youngest is entering the 8th grade and will be "office schooling" with him while we work. I love working and I loved staying home. I wouldn't love staying home at this point in my life, though. I am enjoying seeing how much income I can generate. People depend on me, I get to use all this energy I have, and my 7 day a week schedule fits my personality very nicely. I do wish I had more hours in the day, though. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
Isn't that funny....as a WORKING mom, *I* feel like an oddity. Especially among other homeschooling moms.

 

I always feel like people (often here) judge me harshly, and make assumptions that I"m only working because we're the greedy, selfish parents of an only child and want to fuel some extravagant lifestyle. (Ha! nothing could be further from the truth.)

 

I can't tell you how hurtful it is to read comments (again, here, mostly) from someone who doesn't know the first thing about me, my family or our situation yet feels perfectly justified in asserting that women like me don't really NEED to work.

 

I like to work. I want to have some retirement income. I want to feel somewhat secure in the knowledge that if something should happen to my dh, I could make the mortgage payment after our emergency fund ran out. And truthfully, no one knows how far that emergency fund will actually go if medical bills, etc. are suddenly a concern.

 

So am I the only one? Working moms--- give us a shout!

 

astrid

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

My opinion is that those double income families with fancy cars and big houses are the ones that are being judged.

 

I've worked outside my home for 20+ hours a week for the past four years. I'm blessed to have this job. I would definitely prefer not to work, but that's not the way life is right now.

Link to post
Share on other sites
My opinion is that those double income families with fancy cars and big houses are the ones that are being judged.

Only when they go on and on to my face about how LUCKY we are to be able to have a stay at home parent/homeschool and how they couldn't possibly afford it, when we get by on less than half of their combined earnings and it's clearly a question of priorities :tongue_smilie:

 

(Used to be a full-time SAHM, and did have this happen on occasion)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I work PT (12-20 hrs/week) for the Y. I'm a personal trainer, teach group exercise classes, and work the desk/membership services. I was a full time SAHM for the 6 years before that, and worked as a software engineer for a consulting company BT (before twins) - my math went away during my pregnancy (which seems common among my twin-mom friends), and you sort of need math for that. ;)

 

Different pursuits have worked well at different stages. No judgement from me about doing what works for your family, though I have judged people I know irl for making decisions that obviously were detrimental (such as not being able to keep your -very low mortgage- home of buy groceries because the dad doesn't like to look for work and the mom worked the last time he was unemployed and wasn't going to do it again. 'Cause that'll show him! )

 

But, yeah, I know very few homeschoolers (the bulk of my buddies) who work outside the home, and just a couple who are self-employed. I don't think any of my friends are judgemental about it, just that the ones who went back to work put their kids in school (either one leading to the other).

Link to post
Share on other sites

I can't tell you how hurtful it is to read comments (again, here, mostly) from someone who doesn't know the first thing about me, my family or our situation yet feels perfectly justified in asserting that women like me don't really NEED to work.

 

 

 

Totally. I'm still smarting a little from one of the first respondents to some comment I made here, about how I enjoy working, said something to the effect of "your kids are young...prepare to re-evaluate your priorities as they get older". :glare: Thanks lady for your understanding.

 

Anyway. I work about 25 hrs/wk mostly from home as a consulting geologist, writing reports and doing property research. I worked hard to find a niche within my industry that would still allow me to stay with my kids most of the time. Some days I think I would like to quit so I could focus on the kids, and some other days I think I would like to go back to having more hours so I could be involved in more of the cool projects, so I guess it usually balances out. I really do enjoy the mental stimulation and the chance to travel on rare occaisions, and a little jingle in the pocket to make finances a little less hard, are all great things and I am fortunate. Now that my kids can once in a while tag along when I do a site visit or go review historical documents somewhere, and we can call that school too, makes me very happy.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I work about 9 hours a week during the school year, as a reference librarian at the local CC. It's a ridiculously good job in terms of pay and duties and I feel very blessed to have it. I would really very much like to be at home full-time and concentrate on the homeschooling--I'm not all that good at multitasking--but we need the money and I'm reluctant to let go of a job that could easily be the only chance I'll have to stay in my field.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have always been a working mom. I worked full-time until ds was 1 year old and have been working part-time ever since. I work in the finance industry and I can often be found answering emails/returning phone calls even when I'm not "at work" (my clients don't really understand that I work part-time).

 

Honestly, I wish I could be a SAHM and I am envious of those who are. I am putting my dc in school this fall, as I decided that I can't work and homeschool two kids. I am sad about this...very sad.

 

I don't really appreciate the comments about working moms either...I mean I guess I am working to fund our lifestyle, but for us, that means having a place to live, food to eat, and clothes to wear. I'm sure there are moms out there who only work so that they can afford a luxurious lifestyle, but first of all, I doubt there are many and second, who really cares???

 

I appreciate this thread. I don't feel nearly as alone! :001_smile:

Link to post
Share on other sites

I work about 20 hours as a Speech Language Pathologist and homeschool our almost 7 year old (and the future baby I am incubating now).

 

I'm also a feminist and believe woman should make choices that work for them in their lives - whether that is to be mothers or not, be married or not, work or be a SAHM or whatever. It's all about choice.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Only when they go on and on to my face about how LUCKY we are to be able to have a stay at home parent/homeschool and how they couldn't possibly afford it, when we get by on less than half of their combined earnings and it's clearly a question of priorities :tongue_smilie:

 

(Used to be a full-time SAHM, and did have this happen on occasion)

 

But see, here's my point--- you don't KNOW what their priorities are, or what their life is like, or what goes on behind their doors.

 

Your priorities are not hers, and hers are not yours. And that's okay, right? If not, why isn't it?

 

astrid

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm a working mom too. I'm a registered nurse and I work an average of 2-4 days a month. It's enough that we don't have to scrape by and not too much that I feel like I'm never home. I have been working more recently because I just got off maternity leave and we need the money!

Link to post
Share on other sites

I just wanted to say I understand your point of veiw. My mother took a job when we were old enough to watch ourselves during the day (for a couple of hours-Grammie lived about 20 feet away). She did it not because we were greedy either, but because she wanted to be able to give us little extra things we had never been able to afford in the past, such as: Piano lessons, church camps, Girl scouts, etc.

 

I am sorry if anything I said on the other post hurt your feelings :( I didn't mean that ALL moms who work are doing so cause they want things. But it might have sounded like that to some. Sorry :blush:

 

Isn't that funny....as a WORKING mom, *I* feel like an oddity. Especially among other homeschooling moms.

 

I always feel like people (often here) judge me harshly, and make assumptions that I"m only working because we're the greedy, selfish parents of an only child and want to fuel some extravagant lifestyle. (Ha! nothing could be further from the truth.)

 

I can't tell you how hurtful it is to read comments (again, here, mostly) from someone who doesn't know the first thing about me, my family or our situation yet feels perfectly justified in asserting that women like me don't really NEED to work.

 

I like to work. I want to have some retirement income. I want to feel somewhat secure in the knowledge that if something should happen to my dh, I could make the mortgage payment after our emergency fund ran out. And truthfully, no one knows how far that emergency fund will actually go if medical bills, etc. are suddenly a concern.

 

So am I the only one? Working moms--- give us a shout!

 

astrid

Link to post
Share on other sites

I work 2 jobs actually lol. I work 2-16 hour shifts every weekend on a rehab hall and work part time/seasonally as a contract nurse for the state. DH stays home, but does not participate in hs'ing. I've never gotten any flack from my local hs community about working outside the home, but have gotten a few funny looks when I ask "So what do you do?" lol!! I think either lifestyle is a personal/family decision and don't understand why we, as mothers don't support each other in that decision.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I started working part time in May. Because of our car situation and other issues I needed something to do online at home. I work 8-12 hours a week and the pay is mainly to support school. It's minimal income, but it was either that or have no books for this fall (wait we start in like 3 weeks, *gah*).

 

I like not working, but it was time to do something and the reality is once ds graduates I'll need to have income to support our lifestyle - which is minimal. A car with working AC would be fancy to me to right now.

 

I absolutely see the benefits of being a working mom. I can only get pulled in so many directions before I implode, working at home is exactly what I needed. I also think it's important for me to be rebuilding my marketable working skills as ds get more independent.

 

I worked full-time from the time I was 17 (graduated early from high school) until ds was born when I was 30. I've been "retired" for almost 15 years. I'll admit it was a rush to get my first paycheck in my name, even though it was small.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yo. I do not enjoy my long shifts even though it is only part of the week. I would rather work part-time but right now it isn't happening. I have no choice on whether I work or not right now. I feel no matter what, as long as homeschooling works for my kids, I will do it and whatever job will have to fit around it, even if it is 8-5 M-F.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Only when they go on and on to my face about how LUCKY we are to be able to have a stay at home parent/homeschool and how they couldn't possibly afford it, when we get by on less than half of their combined earnings and it's clearly a question of priorities :tongue_smilie:

 

(Used to be a full-time SAHM, and did have this happen on occasion)

 

Around me, having a SAHM mom wife is a status symybol. Especially while still having the trappings of major success.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I work two days per week as a relief veterinarian. I would work regardless of compensation, not just because I love what I do (most of the time!) but because I see my role as essential to the well being of the patients. So I will likely continue to work on a limited basis as much as I can.

 

That said, I have had to go from working three days a week to two, and now will be going to one and a half as I need to concentrate more on the boys education. It's a hard decision though, not because of income, but because I am convinced of the importance of both "callings" in my life.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I work full time as an admin assistant for the chief information officer of a healthcare system.

 

I love my job and am not cut out for being a SAHM. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad now that my kids are all teens, but I'd probably only end up bored. I know just from taking a week vacation that I'm ready to get back into the office.

 

We decided long ago after DH had to quit working (he has fibromyalgia due to a negative vaccine reaction) that it just made more sense for me to work and him to stay home and raise up our boys.

 

I do all of the lesson planning and most of the grading - although I'm REALLY hoping that changes this year! He does all of schooling oversight and provides parental assistance when needed.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...