Children, gift money and consumerism

[Halcyon]

Okay, help me out here. DS's 10th birthday is coming up soon. My sister, without asking me in advance, and in front of my son, offered to buy him an ipod Touch, which he has been diligently saving for.I was annoyed because 1) she didn't ask me first 2) all his hard work at saving for it, and the lessons that implies, are out the window (not that DH and I had even AGREED yet that he could buy one, we figured it would take him a while to save) 3) she went with him that very same day to buy the itouch, not even trying to find a good deal, which in my mind, doesn't impart great habits. But whatever, right? She's the aunt, she doesn't have kids, she wants to indulge him. She bought my younger a Kindle Fire (again, had saved up 101.23 --yes, he knew the exact amount) for HIS bday too, which was last week.

 

So anyway, I accepted this, and the limits that our family has on screen time will apply to these devices. Nevermind that I think an itouch for a 10 year old is absurd. I know the reason he wants one is because his friends in afterschool and camp have them (not all, but a few) and they are considered "cool" for having them. So I don't like that peer aspect; that he wanted something because other kids would envy him. So then today, he gets a card from grandma with 50 dollars in it, and he immediately decides he wants to buy these magnetic bucky balls that his friends have and that he likes. They are 23 bucks. I am torn--I feel he should give it some thought, not just buy the first thing that comes to his mind, the popular item, etc. We really encourage our kids to understand the value of money: older saved for 6 months for a Kindle Fire, walking dogs, doing extra chores, helping DH in the office (and yes, don't get me started on the fact that he has a Kindle Fire and aunt bought him an ipod Touch). It was a good experience for him, and now that he is getting into this phase of "what's cool" and "his friends have it so I want it"....I don't know. It bothers me.

 

Is this normal? I am going to insist he save a portion of his gifts, but he wants to know what he's saving for LOL. DH just called me and told me that he found a bulk set of 10 bucky balls for 50 dollars and that we should encourage DS to buy them and resell the remaining 9 to his friends at a discount, and then DS would make a profit (DS9 has been trying to think of business ideas, so DH thought this might be a good one, given the popularity of these bucky balls amongst his friends). I don't know. Do you think this would be a good idea? A good lesson in turning a profit? Or would it be weird and exploitative of his friends?

 

I don't know why I am so confused about this. I think it's because DS is getting to a new phase in his life, where the opinions and influences of his friends matter to him, and they matter in terms of STUFF--who has what, how can I buy this, what's the fastest way I can get this into my hands (he wants to do prime shipping via amazon, and I said no way).....Of course, his friendships are valuable in other ways, don't get me wrong--they play sports, invent games, etc. so it's not all "what new thing do you have" by any means. But it's an aspect.

 

Help me out here, please. :confused:

Edited July 12, 2012 by Halcyon

[Aunty Social]

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[Halcyon]

Thank you for responding. THe thing is, with my kids, they never seem to regret their stupid purchases, even if the item breaks fairly soon. :( THey just figure "there's more where that came from" in terms of money, because we DO provide them with the opportunity to earn money through more difficult chores, working in dad's office, etc.

[Alice]

Do they have anything they have to spend their money on other than fun stuff? One of our plans is that we give the kids an allowance but that as they get older they will have to take more and more responsibility to pay for things. The goal being that they learn better how to manage money and how to discern wants vs. needs.

 

Both boys this summer have had to buy any treats at the pool (they do swim and dive so we are there every day at least once) for themselves. I will buy on Fridays and I provide healthy snacks, I just won’t buy the junk. My youngest spent more than two weeks allowance one week because he bought more expensive stuff. On the last day that week he chose not to buy a treat as he felt like he’d already spent too much money. My oldest has to buy birthday presents for his friends if he is invited to the party. If we are out and there is something they want they typically have to pay for it and they have to buy gifts for each other at Christmas and birthdays.

 

I find this issue is one of constant struggle though, it’s so hard with generous family members and with kids who are really growing up with all their needs met and with more than their desires met. I have to remind myself that it’s a symptom of being blessed rather than just a bad thing.

 

We also gave my older son a requirement that he have a “long term savings”. So if he gets money from relatives he has to put 50% into that. He can also put allowance into it. We’ve told him that is for his gap year and explained what that means. The more he has the more he knows he can do that year. That helped give him a goal to save for that was more long term and not just saving for a specific item.

[Aunty Social]

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[Jan in SC]

Please don't underestimate the lesson of generosity they are learning from their aunt. I want my dc to learn to enjoy giving to others. Perhaps they can donate some of their earnings, as their goals were met by another.

[Night Elf]

Here are my thoughts:

 

1. This is a special occasion that has the reputation of gift giving. This is not the same thing as just buying things at any time for any reason.

 

2. Yes, he's saved his money but he'll need money to put music on his ipod.

 

3. Bucky balls are very cool. My dd14 wore out her first set and we just replaced it. She actually wore the shine right off the metal. I call it the evil toy because I can't make it do what she can make it do. It's an amazing thing and I'm fascinated by it. We laugh at how my attempts to be creative turn into mush. I think it's definitely worth the cost. We own these: Neocubix, and they are only $17 at Amazon.

[Harriet Vane]

I would NOT buy and resell to friends. Introducing that dynamic into a friendship has the potential to be very, very bad for the friendship.

 

I do think it's wise to consider a purchase for a time, for a week or even a month for larger items.

 

I would also tell your relatives not to promise your kids electronics or large items without asking YOU first.

[Haiku]

I am going to insist he save a portion of his gifts,

 

I don't think that's fair. It's his money that was given as a gift. If he were given a toy or a shirt you couldn't make him save part of that; why make him save the money? It's a gift. Someone gave it to him to enjoy.

 

A good lesson in turning a profit? Or would it be weird and exploitative of his friends?

 

The latter. I would be annoyed if my kids' friends were trying to sell them stuff to make a profit. I also don't think it's fair to your son to put that pressure on him. What if he can't resell them? Then you've made him waste his gift money.

 

Gifts are supposed to be fun. They shouldn't have all kinds of regulations and rules and object lessons. It's his birthday. Let him enjoy it.

 

Kids want what their friends have, and some degree of that is harmless. Let your son spend his birthday money on what he wants. Let your sister buy him whatever she wants to buy him, as long as it doesn't violate your moral values. I'm sure that your son will always fondly remember that his aunt got him something he wanted so badly that he was willing to save his money for months for it.

 

Tara

[marbel]

Thank you for responding. THe thing is, with my kids, they never seem to regret their stupid purchases, even if the item breaks fairly soon. :( THey just figure "there's more where that came from" in terms of money, because we DO provide them with the opportunity to earn money through more difficult chores, working in dad's office, etc.

 

Your kids are pretty young. I think they will still get the opportunity to learn this as they get older and have more things they need to spend their money on rather that what they want to spend it on.

 

My kids get an allowance and out of that they must put a certain % to saving and church. The rest they can spend but they also have set expenses. During the Scout year my son has to pay $1 per week dues. That comes out of his allowance. So he has to account for that as he spends money. If he gets behind on dues, it's not my problem.

 

Their desires get more expensive as they get older. Junky toys aren't attractive after a certain age! My daughter wants an ipad or a better camera. She also like buying nail polish but she limits herself so she can stash $ away for her bigger goal. My son just saved up for an airsoft rifle he'd been wanting for a while. (When I say "saved up" I mean out of their spending money. Savings account in the bank is long-term.)

 

Last week I reminded him to plan ahead for spending money at BSA summer camp in August. He told me that he is taking less cash than last year, because he found he bought too much candy, and also had too much available for loans that were never paid back. Hearing that was a dream come true for me!

 

So, I would accept the gift graciously, and then move on from there. Your kids will get it if you keep working with them.

[justLisa]

I would be so excited! But my 6 and 8 year olds have ipads. We got them for Christmas. I don't expect people to ask before giving gifts. I'm sure there is a line to draw, but I'm guessing she think at 10 this could be a useful gift.