we haven't even started Girl Scouts and I want to tell the lady we are quitting

[Tess in the Burbs]

So my daughter was going to start Daisy scouts. it's K age and I think the new program also includes 1st graders now.

 

I got an invite today for a Hannah Montana party for the Daisy Scouts.

 

First off, there is nothing about Hannah Montana that relates to scouting. this is purely a watch a video together event, but HM is not geared to K/1st graders. I know many allow their children to see it, but we don't. It's always been meant for an older crowd and we don't push the everyday pop mainstream culture on our 4 year old. She's 4 and like Little Pony and her Barbie's. She loves music but Sound of Music has filled her with plenty of songs ;-)

 

*don't flame me, it's my personal choice*

 

but how do I politely respond that we are not interested in attending and that at this point we clearly would not have anything in common with the group and no longer want to participate. I want to say something b/c when I email the council to ask for a different troop I want this woman to know why we aren't joining her troop before the council lets her know. I don't want to be rude.

 

How is a nice way to explain why we are no longer interested in joining her Daisy troop?

 

thanks for your help wording the right explanation on why we can't/won't join her troop. Basically their activities outside of scouting related activities aren't aligned with our personal choices for our daughter. the 4 year old daughter. who's really too young for HM in my opinion! I know joining groups may mean compromising our beliefs about what our kids are exposed to, and we may seriously just not do Girl Scouts. I am already going to be a Tiger Cub Scout leader this fall so can't volunteer to do my dd's troop.

 

thanks!

[ticklbee]

You can put it this way. You feel that this group may be more socially mature than your dd and you are switching to a group that will be more compatible to your dd's interests. I would try to keep it short and sweet.

[Athena]

Honestly, I would give them one more chance. This activity might not have fit the bill your family but HM is very common and they did try to include you guys. I will say, we also would have skipped the party.

 

Blessings,

Christy

[Brenda in FL]

Thread Hijack - Athena,

I just noticed in your sig, that you have a 7 yo Marie. I have an 8 yo Marie. Not too common a name for these girls! So I had to give a shout out to you!

[paula j]

You may find, that since most of the children probably attend public school, they may be interested in alot of pop culture type things that your dd is not exposed to. I am very fortunate that my ds' boy scout leader homeschools and half of the troop is homeschooled.

 

I too think that I would still give the troop a try, maybe just bow out of this particular party, maybe the next one will be My Little Pony.;)

[abbeyej]

Well, I'm not a big fan of girl scouts anyway, and have avoided it with my daughter. But I wanted to second both ticklbee and athena's advice... First, if you really want to be involved in scouts, consider giving this troup a second chance. While I wouldn't be thrilled about a HM party for Daisy scouts either, this could be a one-time thing. It's also very likely that many of the group members have older sisters, and their interest in HM has come from that. (I'd also disagree with you that HM is "not meant for K/1 girls". It may not be *good* for them, but it's certainly marketed to the 6-12yo range pretty heavily. I can't buy American Girl clothing in my 6yo's size, but I sure could buy her HM stuff, if I wanted to.)

 

But I also think it would be a good idea to call the troupe leader and use ticklebee's words. Let her know that you just got the invitation to the HM party, and while you really appreciate being included, it made you wonder if perhaps this group is more "socially sophisticated" (lol) than your dd, and perhaps not the best fit for her. Ask what the impetus was for having a HM party. Take the opportunity to feel out what the other activities in the group might be this year. And if it sounds like this is just the tip of the iceberg for a lot of pop-culture and unnecessarily precocious interests / behavior, then I think you can very graciously let her know that you just don't think your dd is "ready for that" yet.

[paula j]

You may find, that since most of the children probably attend public school, they may be interested in alot of pop culture type things that your dd is not exposed to. I am very fortunate that my ds' boy scout leader homeschools and half of the troop is homeschooled.

 

I too think that I would still give the troop a try, maybe just bow out of this particular party, maybe the next one will be My Little Pony.;)

[Gretchen in NJ]

I have to disagree. I think an HM party is totally inappropriate for the age group. I think it is a signal to you that this group is not for you.

HM is a preteen show. Disney airs it during their preteen time.

 

I love Disney and all. But, I don't think I am going to let my preteen watch it.

 

This is why I homeschool, because Kindergarten was full of little five year olds talking about how cute the boys were. It was because of Disney's Preteen shows.

[PrairieAir]

See, I don't get this. Why is this one thing worth quitting the group over? Has there been more that you haven't told us? If I didn't like an activity, I would politely decline, mention my reasons, and continue on with the activities which I do approve of. If activities which I considered inappropriate came up too often, I would talk to the leader about it and suggest other more suitable activities. If it continued, then I would leave the group and find another. Can the fact that these people allow their children to watch a very popular show which you don't like really mean that you have nothing in common with them?

 

I'm not flaming you for refusing to let your dd watch Hannah Montana. That's your choice as a parent. What I don't understand is your wanting to cut yourself off from people who do watch it. That type of attitude bothers me when it is over something so small as a tv show and I see it among homeschoolers around here a lot.

 

Personally, I don't care for the whole idea behind Harry Potter, but I didn't refuse to let my kids play with other kids who were into it. When a Harry Potter birthday party came up, dh and I discussed whether or not we felt it was appropriate for our kids to go, but whether or not they went to the party did not determine whether or not our kids could hang out with them.

[Tracey in TX]

I would talk honestly with the leader if you are genuinely still interested in scouts. Like minds tend to congregate together and unless advised otherwise, would consider HM age appropriate. By discussing this you are offering another mindset. It might still be a good match for your DD. A discussion and how it's delivered and received will be a telltale sign.

I completely believe HM is age appropriate and brought DDs to see her when she was a warm up act. One of the best concerts I've ever seen. However, I understand your perspective. Your conversation with the scout leader might be just as easy. Good luck!

[mom31257]

If you don't think it is appropriate, I would just decline attending. If they push you for a reason, I would say why. I actually tried leading a Brownie Troop when my dd was in 3rd grade. We definitely left the program after that. I was looking for a program to really help my daughter become community service oriented and working as a team. I felt like the whole program was directed toward self, becoming a better you, and girl power. We felt like that is not the messages we wanted for our daughter. I'm sort of an anti-feminist, though.

 

Amy of GA

Darin's wife for 17 years

11yo dd

5yo ds

[frogpond1]

http://www.lighthousetrailsresearch.com/blog/index.php

 

I would walk away too over the Hannah Montana thing. I refuse to go there even with my 11 year old daughter. What happened to tying knots and baking over firepits?

 

Oh, on that link go down a little and you'll see the article.

[sdWTMer]

I just can't help but wonder if they get these ideas from upper levels of the girl scouts. I know in cub scouts that you are given ideas/themes to go with. Could this possibly be it? Just curious.

[PrairieAir]

http://www.lighthousetrailsresearch.com/blog/index.php

 

I would walk away too over the Hannah Montana thing. I refuse to go there even with my 11 year old daughter. What happened to tying knots and baking over firepits?

 

Oh, on that link go down a little and you'll see the article.

 

You know, there are plenty of Girl Scout troops who still do those things. The things mentioned in the blog post you linked are things which I never encountered in our years in Scouting. I was a Daisy, Brownie, and Junior Girl Scout leader and participated in service unit and council events with other troops and leaders. New things--especially a focus on science and technology--were added to the traditional skills to reflect a changing world, but no New Age stuff. There were troop leaders who did not like camping, so they were a little weak on outdoor skills, but they made up for it with crafts or other skills and activities. I think it depends a great deal on the troop, service unit, and council.

 

I would not judge a troop on one activity. Sometimes the kids need a break from the badge work. Our homeschool group of troops had a yearly sleepover and movie night. Even though I let my 11yo watch HM, I wouldn't choose it for Daisy Girl Scouts, but this may still be a good troop. I would guess this is an isolated activity and not their normal thing.

---------------------

Also, I know as a former Scout leader that there are rarely enough parents who want to help. If you want better activities, volunteer to lead some. Sometimes leaders just get worn out and go for mediocre activities to give themselves a break.

[Ann@thebeach]

Using one Girl Scout article (referencing the above blog post) or one troop experience to generalize the whole Girl Scout program is like saying homeschoolers are all like "this one family I knew that were xyz...."

I hope you see my meaning.

 

Girl Scouts is a great program IMO. But it's volunteer run-that means that you are are basically at the mercy of the leader of the troop. They get training and guidelines but if they are not into camping you can bet they won't be camping.

That's why it's important for a parent to get involved, the more that are involved, the more varied a troop program will be.

 

I hope you give them another chance. If it doesn't work out then look for another troop or start one yourself....and no-nobody really has the extra time ;)

[Fourmother]

Prairie Air makes a good point. If I were in your shoes, I would find out if the HM event is typical of what the troop has to offer before I'd make any decisions. It may not be as bad as you think. Truth be told though, my 4 yo dd is joining girl scouts as an individual scout. The first reason is that my boys are already in 2 Cub Scouts dens. Fortunately, the Cub pack is all homeschooled, and all the dens meet on the same date and time. Still, it would be difficult to add in another set of meetings and field trips for my daughter on top of what we are already doing. My second reason is that I'm afraid of situations like what the OP described. I despise Hanna Montana and most pop culture aimed at young girls. I can't imagine taking dd to such an event at any age.

 

The only reason I'm bothering with GS at all is that dd has been tagging along with her Cub Scout brothers and can't wait to have her own thing. I looked into American Heritage Girls which is closer in structure and style to Cub Scouts, but it seems too exclusive for my taste. Still, I'm really disappointed with the looks of the GS Daisy Program. It's so light, and now it's supposed to last for 2 years instead of one. The Cub Scout Tiger program for 6 year olds is a lot more meaty. I'm going to have my daughter do the Tiger book after she earns her Daisy petals. (which will take all of a month) As a Tiger leader, I had a couple 5 year olds in my den, so I'm pretty sure dd will be able to handle it. I will award activity badges based on things in the Tiger book.

[orangearrow]

I just wanted to give a suggestion just in case you decide this troop isn't a good fit for your daughter (whether you decide now, or later) - you might consider beginning your own troop. We're in a homeschool GS troop, going on our 3rd year. And, it's awesome. The girls are all relatively similar as far as what they can and cannot do. Some of the girls are into Hannah Montana (coincidentally, those who ARE into HM have older sisters) - but it never becomes part of one of our GS activities, yk?

 

The biggest bonus to having a homeschool troop is that our meetings are during the weekday/daytime hours. We have one meeting a month, plus schedule one or two activities to do each month. It keeps our evenings and weekends free for other things! :)

 

Good luck figuring it out! If you're with a good troop (troop leader does make a huge difference - we're very lucky with my girls' leader) - Girl Scouts is a really wonderful experience all the way around! :)

[Ellie]

I wouldn't leave because of this.

 

Just say no. You don't need to explain why, not even if someone asks (which would be rude).

[Kris]

There is NO way I'd even consider flaming you for not allowing your four-year old to watch Hannah Montana! Down girl! LOL!

 

I don't know what age group she's aimed at -- we don't watch Disney stuff and my son isn't interested, so I don't have any experience with her. All I remember of the one episode I did watch (it must have been one of those "I'm-paying-all-this-money-for-this-darn-DirecTV-I'm-watching-SOMETHING-tonight!" nights) was that she had an ethical dilemma which, of course, she resolved in the appropriate way. Other than that, I don't remember anything about the show except that it was juvenile -- duh! LOL! Although, I have been known to enjoy the Teletubbies on occasion!

 

Even if her target audience would be kids your daughters age, that doesn't mean you need to let her watch it. ;-)

 

But I'm wondering if there's something else that's happened that makes you want to leave the group before, as you say, you've even gotten started? Do you know the people who are running it? Have there been other things that bothered you, or things said that caused you some concern?

 

If this is your first experience, I agree with some of the others -- I wouldn't ditch them just yet. But if your radar is up, by all means, keep tuning in!

 

I hope you don't mind my teasing you a bit. I'm having kind of the same problem right now with my son. One of his friends got his license just last week and they can't understand why I'm not willing to let the two of them spend the rest of the summer "hanging out" and "running around" the county in his friend's car. I am totally not cool, don't rock, and am just a plain "mean mom." :-D

[CLHCO]

I personally don't think a second chance is worth it. At this age your daughter will get "hooked" easily on the social fun with the other girls and quickly attached to that particular group. The first get-together is a red flag to me.

 

Throughout my girl scout mom career I eventually ran into one hard situation after the next as the pop culture, bubblegum idea of "fun" just got worse. The leader did things like "makeovers" on 10 year olds, slumber party nights with 11 year olds watching "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants", etc. We found ourselves having to excuse ourselves out of events without causing strife with the leader or other girls because my girls were already good friends with some in the troop.

 

To be honest, unless you find a troop leader holding your values, most troops you will find yourself in are going to gravitate toward that these days eventually. Hannah Montana today at 4, what's on the list for 10? My girls always wanted to do it for the education, awards and striving for excellence but I fear that's a dying breed in Girl Scout troops. We switched to Juliettes but it's possible that my youngest daughter may just have to skip Girl Scouts. The entire movement itself is getting beyond my values.

[Pam Wilhelm]

An option here is to have the daughter as a Juliette Girl Scout........ they are independent G.S.'s but can participate in most of the council/sud events. My girls' and I have been Juliette's since Daisies and they love it...... and now my son is a Lone Scout Wolf Cub (also independent). We are able to merge the two programs and all 3 kids seem to really enjoy it....... and yet they have done council events when something appeals to us. It works very well for us.

[Fourmother]

We are able to merge the two programs and all 3 kids seem to really enjoy it....... and yet they have done council events when something appeals to us. It works very well for us.

 

I'm so glad you posted this. I'm planning to do something similar, and you've given me hope that I'll be able to to make it work. Thank you.

[Plaid Dad]

I haven't read all of the responses, but my dd was exposed to Hannah Montana in Brownies (just the music, not the visuals). I was not pleased, but it was a very small part of her experience, and she has not shown any interest at all in HM since then. All the other girls are in the ps where the meetings happen, and while they are mostly sweet and pretty innocent, they are definitely very mainstream in their tastes, as are the leaders.

 

That said, I'm with you. If this is their idea of an appropriate social event for 5 and 6 yo girls, it's a good indication that this troop will not be a good fit for your family. At 5, my dd had never seen any movies at all, let alone HM, and I would have been appalled by this event. I still wouldn't let dd attend anything like that. Follow your instincts.

 

I would just tell the leader that you've re-evaluated your dd's participation in Girl Scouts. If you want to give specifics, that's fine, but you don't have to.

[Tess in the Burbs]

What I don't understand is your wanting to cut yourself off from people who do watch it. That type of attitude bothers me when it is over something so small as a tv show and I see it among homeschoolers around here a lot.

 

Personally, I don't care for the whole idea behind Harry Potter, but I didn't refuse to let my kids play with other kids who were into it.

 

 

Well dd was around her cousin(age 8) who is obsessed with HM and after one day with her she was asking about watching it. I explained it was for older kids and not 4 year olds and that she could not see it. On her own she has now decided anyone with HM is bad. Same with Bratz. I told her she could not have one and she has decided that they are bad. I did tell her other people make their own choices but in her mind if she can't see it/have it then it's bad to her. So after telling her she can't see HM I certainly wouldn't take her to an event.

 

But I have found she doesn't gravitate to kids who like HM. They are socially more mature and she would not fit in.(our park days have led to many times her being alone) Obviously our choices in social pop culture have defined our own social group to a smaller group but I am ok with that. I just thought Scouts would be scouts. What kids talk amongst themselves I can handle. It's a little talk, she could ask me questions and we move on. But if the social group activities are going to cut us out everytime then why join?

 

oh, and I agree about HP. Ds's best friend is reading it now. But his mom understands my views and her son just doesn't talk about it with my son. So far, so good.