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I'm heart broken. I'm at my end with my 8 yr old. Behavior problems are an understatement. I'm trying to get an appointment with a psychologist, but I'm not optimistic. I'm just done.

 

I'm not happy. I've turned into a mean yelling mother. Frankly, I fall to being a yelling *itch everyday. I.cannot.take.it.anymore.

 

His negative behavior is *daily* all day. Oh, unless there is someone else other than me or his brothers around. In public he is quiet and well mannered. At home he's a different child. People don't believe me when I describe his behavior.

 

Today, I broke down crying again. Before 9 a.m.

 

I have locked myself in my room.

 

My relationship with him is crap. It's falling apart. I cannot even write what my feelings are. They are not normal for a mother.

 

I used to be so attached, and now I don't even want him in the same room as me.

 

Dh has had enough. I don't know what to do with this child. He doesn't know what to do with him either. We've tried everything. Well, we haven't tried meds. I don't feel that meds are the answer as he *can* behave when he makes an effort. We have tried every discipline/consequence/parenting technique. I have read so many books. I have gone to professionals.

 

I don't want him in school. I want him here. I want to be a *happy* family. I want to be happy. I'm not. I want to have good home school days. We have none. Ever.

 

I know that school is not the answer to fix his behavior, but dh says that at least I'll get a break 5 days a week. As it stands I deal with his behavior every single second of every single day. It never stops.

 

I feel as if I cannot mother this child. Every ounce of patience I have ever had is gone. Empty. Depleted. I have no reserves left to parent my other two children. They suffer because I am at my wits end.

 

I hate this. I have no friends or family who I can talk to irl about this. So I vent here.

 

Flame me if you feel so inclined. Sit back on your couch and think to yourself that I'm a horrible mother, and you do things oh so much better because you can handle your kids and they obey you. I don't care. You do NOT have a child such as mine if you think those things.

 

I feel like I'm in some kind of parenting hell.

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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. I pray that you will find a solution to help your son and his behavior, and that you can rebuild your relationship with him and be able to experience the happy family dynamic that you dream of. You definitely sound like you need a break.

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:grouphug: I might be sending my difficult child to school in the fall- for my benefit; not his. I understand. :grouphug:

 

As far as meds not helping because he can behave, I wouldn't be so quick to rule it out. My DS can behave beautifully too. He can even be perfect for me. He actually wants to please. Yet- he cannot hold it together long term. He can try and try for a while, but eventually, it is just too hard to put that much effort into every second of every day. From the outside, I think, what is so hard? But, for him, it really is hard and requires constant self monitoring. With DS on meds, he isn't perfect, but he can behave without exhausting himself trying so hard.

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I understand the guilt over feeling resentful. No flames from me. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: If it were me, I would give the school a try. Maybe it will work. If he behaves for other people, it's likely he'll do well academically. :grouphug::grouphug:

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I'm so sorry! That must be so very difficult! :grouphug:

 

You do not sound like a bad mother at all!

It is obvious that you have tried everything you could think of.

I hope you will be able to find help. :grouphug:

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:grouphug: Do not beat yourself up. Mommies are people with feelings too. I wish I had great words of wisdom, but I don't. I will say I totally get it though. I hope the professionals will get things going in the right direction.

 

And, don't necessarily rule out the idea of meds. Just because he can control it sometimes and seems to choose to let loose others, does not mean that he doesn't need meds. He may, he may not. I used to be way more anti-med before ds came along. Boy oh boy the things we think we know so much about :lol: (directed at myself). I'm just saying keep an open mind if meds are suggested. Do your own research too. :grouphug:

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Flame me if you feel so inclined. Sit back on your couch and think to yourself that I'm a horrible mother, and you do things oh so much better because you can handle your kids and they obey you. I don't care. You do NOT have a child such as mine if you think those things.

 

I feel like I'm in some kind of parenting hell.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I understand. :grouphug:

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Guest submarines

:grouphug: I understand. I was very close to putting DD in shool for the same reasons. She was adamant that she wouldn't go, and DH wasn't supportive either, so somehow we sailed through this, but it wasn't pretty. If DH is supportive, sending him to school might be just the break that you need.

 

Eight was awful for us, the worst year. Nine was better, much, much better.

 

I think I've seen your GF posts? Is he already GF? For us this was a turning point, together with helping her with her sleep issues.

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Sending you hugs and wishes for peaceful moments in your home. Perhaps it would help to think of school not as failure at homeschooling but as necessary respite care for now so you can regain your strength. As others have said, just because you send him to school now doesn't mean you can't bring him back home when things get better. Right now, it sounds like the #1 priority needs to be regaining the parts of yourself his behavior has taken from you. Then, you can focus again on helping him work through whatever is going on with him. I'm so sorry!

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:grouphug::grouphug:

 

I have a difficult child, too. Not as difficult as yours, but enough to know how hard it is to deal with it day-in and day-out. My husband has suggested preschool to me before, but so far we haven't given in.

 

There's no shame in needing a break from a very challenging child. It doesn't have to be forever. :grouphug:

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I won't flame you or think ill of you. I have been there, except it was an 8 yo girl. Dealing with the screaming rage fits made *me* want to send her somewhere for a break, so I understand where your dh is coming from. We decided to keep her home, though. She's a lovely, loving girl now, so here's encouragement that you can come out the other side. :grouphug:

Edited by angela in ohio
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:grouphug: It is hard having a child that everyone else sees as a delight, but you see the awful side of often. My middle child was that way before we radically changed his diet. For him it is colors and milk (found out he is allergic to it, go figure). We have stayed away from meds too so far, but I would look in to that too if we needed that. It is like they hold themselves together for others, and then they let loose on mom and dad. My youngest son was on steroids and it was just like that, perfect when we were out and then bang, awful behavior as soon as we walked into the door. I hope you are able to find the answers you need to help your son. No one should judge you for doing the best you can with what you have.

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No flames here either. I almost did not survive my son's 8th year. It was the worst.

 

I didn't have to put him in school, but I did get him out of the house for as many activities and classes as I could. That gave me a little break from him.

 

For several more years, he was a monster part of the time, and delightful the rest of the time.

 

Now, at 16, I only see glimpses of the monster and Ds is quick to vanquish it. Dh kept encouraging me and promising that it would get better. I know he was worried about my relationship with Ds, because he would call on the way home from work and ask, "Do we need to meet at the funeral home tonight?"

 

I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

I know it sucks.

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I am not judging you. Your child sounds highly spirited and willful. Some children need to challenge authority, and I do think you need professional help, but you need the right kind of help. I heard Dr. Laura tell some parents when they were describing kids like these, that you need special help, an ordinary counselor will make things worse, but the right counselor can save your family. I will pray that you find the right counselor. I do think your ds will behave in school, and you can use the salvaged time to parent your other children. He should not be allowed to ruin your other children, they deserve love too.:grouphug:

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OK, I say this lightly. You have 3 other children that are easier? So I have the range, too. I have to say that my son is my most cheerful loving child. BUT, I did NOT realize how incredibly crazy he was driving me. I'd love to suggest that you try meds. If you take him to school, you may very well be advised to give him meds. I look at it this way, it truly takes every bit of concentration for a child who is having troubles to concentrate on "being good" and with meds, it makes it possible. The change in my child has been like a mini miracle. YES, I could ALWAYS handle being with him. BUT, that doesn't mean we got things done that we needed to get done. It doesn't mean that ANYONE else could get him to cooperate. I feel horrible about what I tried to get him to do, that was truly beyond where he was. I mean, we did a classical co-op where he was expected to listen, and he was often in trouble. I can't even imagine how hard it was for him to be cooperative, when his brain was racing over all the material!

Since being on the meds, he's the same beautiful child as before, but he can concentrate!! He can follow instructions! He doesn't annoy other children (as much :)) He can enjoy learning!!

So, here's the thing. There are side effects possible. We haven't had any. BUT, there are side effects to their self esteem when they are the "black sheep" child because it's so hard for them to be good.

I went to a Pediatric Dr that is known in our area as being "the best". I didn't want to have a prescription shoved in my direction. I wanted to have him tested... have a Dr that would want to see him often... adjust the strength. Give insight to more than just "Open his mouth and drop in meds"

I would suggest giving him a trial and just see if it changes him at all. Here's the thing; you have to give it to him and then see him in some of the same situations as before... and watch the difference. For me, it was baseball, kempo, and doing his math book. In each situation, he was not even the same child. He had a smile... did it... and felt like HE could be in control of his body, instead of being controlled by something else.

So sorry :( It's not a bad mama thing.... it's a "missing link" of his brain. :(

Also, I am taking a break this coming year. (I think) I'm going to throw out everything he doesn't like except for Latin and Chores. I'm going to set up some things on the table each morning.. (or late at night) We're turning off electronics during the school day... and I'm ordering Special Coffee for myself. We're also going to do Field Trips that are educational... but fun!! I'm not going to worry about anything else... Relationship, Cooperation techniques, Latin, Field Trips & Chores :) It's only 4th grade... I can get to the rest after a break!! ;)

 

(I withhold the right to change my mind :))

 

Hugs!!!

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I feel like I'm in some kind of parenting hell.

 

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

When I was going through the worst of it with my son, I flat out hated him. There, I said it. I was so resentful of the sheer torture we were going through, all of the stuff he did to us.

 

We made it through. We're slowly healing.

 

I love him to bits. He's not all better, but he's getting there--and he's away from me, doing it. I always loved him. Hate isn't the opposite of love, apathy is. Hun, my emotions were violent and they were never apathetic. :001_smile:

 

What Tibbie said.

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No flames, just :grouphug: and support!

 

You need a break and you aren't a bad mother for needing it. You need to invest in your other children. They'll grow up resenting their brother and resenting their parents if he so completely all consuming that they can't get what they need from the relationship.

 

You haven't failed. You can't control his genetics, his brain, or his choices.

 

Let him go to school. Allow yourself to breathe, to recoup your strength, to invest in your other children, and maybe, just maybe...someone else will think of something and it will help and you'll be able to begin again on your relationship with him.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

Faith

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As far as meds not helping because he can behave, I wouldn't be so quick to rule it out. My DS can behave beautifully too. He can even be perfect for me. He actually wants to please. Yet- he cannot hold it together long term. He can try and try for a while, but eventually, it is just too hard to put that much effort into every second of every day. From the outside, I think, what is so hard? But, for him, it really is hard and requires constant self monitoring. With DS on meds, he isn't perfect, but he can behave without exhausting himself trying so hard.

 

:iagree:It shouldn't be that hard or non-stop effort for a child of 8 to hold it together for a longer period of time. He may have something else going on and I would not rule that out because he can hold it together for very short episodes. I think 8 is an age where many kids are able to settle in for a little longer, so it really shows more if they can't.

 

+:grouphug: No flaming here. I hope you can find a solution that works for all of you. My oldest started out in PS and I don't think it's horrible at all. It's a wonderful fit and solution for many families here. It just wasn't for my oldest. :grouphug:

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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I understand. I put my dd in school because as much as I love her, the stress of having her home all day long was too much.

 

I'm not saying that's your awnswer. But do what you need to do, and don't feel guilty...well, try not to, anyway. :grouphug: Yes, you're a mom, but moms are real people with real feelings.

 

Keep pursuing the appointment with a child psychiatrist/psychologist. I understand where you're coming from about meds, but don't rule out the idea completely until you hear what your options are.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Cat

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I'm heart broken. I'm at my end with my 8 yr old. Behavior problems are an understatement. I'm trying to get an appointment with a psychologist, but I'm not optimistic. I'm just done.

 

I'm not happy. I've turned into a mean yelling mother. Frankly, I fall to being a yelling *itch everyday. I.cannot.take.it.anymore.

 

His negative behavior is *daily* all day. Oh, unless there is someone else other than me or his brothers around. In public he is quiet and well mannered. At home he's a different child. People don't believe me when I describe his behavior.

 

Today, I broke down crying again. Before 9 a.m.

 

I have locked myself in my room.

 

My relationship with him is crap. It's falling apart. I cannot even write what my feelings are. They are not normal for a mother.

 

I used to be so attached, and now I don't even want him in the same room as me.

 

Dh has had enough. I don't know what to do with this child. He doesn't know what to do with him either. We've tried everything. Well, we haven't tried meds. I don't feel that meds are the answer as he *can* behave when he makes an effort. We have tried every discipline/consequence/parenting technique. I have read so many books. I have gone to professionals.

 

I don't want him in school. I want him here. I want to be a *happy* family. I want to be happy. I'm not. I want to have good home school days. We have none. Ever.

 

I know that school is not the answer to fix his behavior, but dh says that at least I'll get a break 5 days a week. As it stands I deal with his behavior every single second of every single day. It never stops.

 

I feel as if I cannot mother this child. Every ounce of patience I have ever had is gone. Empty. Depleted. I have no reserves left to parent my other two children. They suffer because I am at my wits end.

 

I hate this. I have no friends or family who I can talk to irl about this. So I vent here.

 

Flame me if you feel so inclined. Sit back on your couch and think to yourself that I'm a horrible mother, and you do things oh so much better because you can handle your kids and they obey you. I don't care. You do NOT have a child such as mine if you think those things.

 

I feel like I'm in some kind of parenting hell.

 

No flames from me only :grouphug: and tears of understanding. I agree with exactly what your dh said....school won't fix him, but at least it will give you a break.

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:grouphug: I think maybe a bit of a break every day will give you the distance you need to heal your family. Keep in mind that if he can't hold it together for long stretches of time the school may insist on you medicating him. If he can hold it together for 7.5 hours a day his time at home may be worse than it is now.

 

Is your family going to counseling?

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

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So sorry you are heartbroken. We put our dc in school because one of our sons took every ounce of my patience and energy. Dh was worried about me.

 

I could not have predicted what would happen. It wasn't all easy, and it wasn't all about school or medication or therapy. It is better now for us. (I'm homeschooling 2, and 3 go to ps). Knowledge and special ed and maturity have all helped in some ways. Our home is more peaceful than it was.

 

I don't know if it will be the answer for you and your ds. I hope it will be a step toward finding the answer and healing your relationship.

 

:grouphug:

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It is summer. putting him in school will not help you right now, which is what it is sounding like you need. What about a camp or something for summer? Maybe even putting him in a daycare for the day during the summer? Maybe some space and working on behaviors could help you out.

 

If you feel like this now what will it be like when school starts? That is a while away!

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It is summer. putting him in school will not help you right now, which is what it is sounding like you need. What about a camp or something for summer? Maybe even putting him in a daycare for the day during the summer? Maybe some space and working on behaviors could help you out.

 

If you feel like this now what will it be like when school starts? That is a while away!

 

:grouphug: :iagree:

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I had a difficult child before we figured out the Celiac's he's pretty easy now. So, I have a small clue, although I didn't have near as many years. I remember thinking I was going through hell, it was very hard. I have a friend with a very difficult son and she has thought about school for a good while now. At first I really thought it a horrible idea but as I've seen them continue to struggle and their relationship continue to deteriorate I wonder if it wouldn't be the best thing for all of them. I don't know what they'll end up doing but I think your sanity is worth something and hs'ing isn't always the best option, there are too many factors to consider.

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My middle dd was and still IS a difficult child/young adult.

 

I had turned into the 'evil mommy' and my DH stepped in and kicked her out of our homeschool. In PS she was a PERFECT ANGEL.

I had some breathing room and was able to concentrate on my toddler and my older dd.

 

PS made a HUGE difference in our relationship. DD was in PS for 3 years (grades 6-9). I wish I would have put her in sooner! When she came back home in 10th (medical reasons) live was strained--but I was able to handle the situation.

 

Some children are just difficult. PERIOD.

 

My dd is now 19 and currently home for summer break. She will be moving out PERMANENTLY in 5 weeks/3 days --but who is counting!:lol:

 

My other 2 dd's have had me for a mother and DH for their father... they are AWESOME kids/young adult! It is not always the parenting-- sometimes it is the child.

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I'm heart broken. I'm at my end with my 8 yr old. Behavior problems are an understatement. I'm trying to get an appointment with a psychologist, but I'm not optimistic. I'm just done.

 

I'm not happy. I've turned into a mean yelling mother. Frankly, I fall to being a yelling *itch everyday. I.cannot.take.it.anymore.

 

His negative behavior is *daily* all day. Oh, unless there is someone else other than me or his brothers around. In public he is quiet and well mannered. At home he's a different child. People don't believe me when I describe his behavior.

 

Today, I broke down crying again. Before 9 a.m.

 

I have locked myself in my room.

 

My relationship with him is crap. It's falling apart. I cannot even write what my feelings are. They are not normal for a mother.

 

I used to be so attached, and now I don't even want him in the same room as me.

 

Dh has had enough. I don't know what to do with this child. He doesn't know what to do with him either. We've tried everything. Well, we haven't tried meds. I don't feel that meds are the answer as he *can* behave when he makes an effort. We have tried every discipline/consequence/parenting technique. I have read so many books. I have gone to professionals.

 

I don't want him in school. I want him here. I want to be a *happy* family. I want to be happy. I'm not. I want to have good home school days. We have none. Ever.

 

I know that school is not the answer to fix his behavior, but dh says that at least I'll get a break 5 days a week. As it stands I deal with his behavior every single second of every single day. It never stops.

 

I feel as if I cannot mother this child. Every ounce of patience I have ever had is gone. Empty. Depleted. I have no reserves left to parent my other two children. They suffer because I am at my wits end.

 

I hate this. I have no friends or family who I can talk to irl about this. So I vent here.

 

Flame me if you feel so inclined. Sit back on your couch and think to yourself that I'm a horrible mother, and you do things oh so much better because you can handle your kids and they obey you. I don't care. You do NOT have a child such as mine if you think those things.

 

I feel like I'm in some kind of parenting hell.

 

First off, no flaming here. I did have a child that I would have described much as you have your son. Mine would go into unbelievable rages several times a day and they would last for up to 90 min. It was awful! I was exhausted! VERY few people understood. So I want to start by :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Now I will share things that have HELPED!

Food: to start we went on the Specific Carb. Diet. Not easy but we saw a major change in a couple of days. We now strictly follow a gf/chemical free/color-dye free diet with restricted dairy.

 

Enviroment: I realized that he was very multi chemically sensitive. Cleaners/fragrances/some products would cause major emotional melt down. I cleaned out our house of ALL chemicals and we quit going places that were toxic including church and Wal-Mart. We also found a Chiropractor that uses a techneque called NAET.

 

School wise I work at being careful to not push too hard/over tax him. I try to be sinsitive to when it is time to stop or at least move on to something else.

 

These are the majors that we have done. If you have questions feel free to pm me.

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I'm so sorry. We have those moments too. But not at a consistent level the way you're describing. I don't think it's a bad thing to send him to school if it relieves some of the stress and he is able to behave in that setting. I pray that this too shall pass and that you regain your sense of balance. Hopefully it'll give you time to figure out some answers as to what's going on.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

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