UmMusa Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Has anyone experienced this in your boys? My 11 yr old is hating the "home" part of "homeschool". He wants to not be here with his sisters all day. Going out for an hour or two for tae kwon do or a playdate doesn't do it for him. He wants so much more stimulation and action. How have you handled this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Personally, there's no way I could handle running all over the place throughout the week. I need to be home to get things done. But, I know other families who are involved in co-ops and other activities that take them out of the home several days a week. So there are lots of options out there if that's what you want. Keep in mind though, every lifestyle has it's pluses and minuses. If this is the lifestyle you've chosen, then you deal with it. IMO, you can reasonably accomodate some desires on the part of the child, but there is a line to be drawn. Start by deciding where your line is, then stick with it. Otherwise you will have a child who thinks he can change his school situation every week if he so desires. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Has anyone experienced this in your boys? My 11 yr old is hating the "home" part of "homeschool". He wants to not be here with his sisters all day. Going out for an hour or two for tae kwon do or a playdate doesn't do it for him. He wants so much more stimulation and action. Is that he wants to go out and see peers, go to Target and oogle toys, or just be where the average age isn't 7? What is the stimulation and action he wants? Our fellow goes to the park or the Y in the evenings, and usually comes home sweaty and grubby. He likes the company, but mostly he needs the exercise. This is normal for my family of origin and we just try to work around it. Papa takes him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyontheFarm Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 My ds11 also wants out of the house. I have to remind myself that boys need more exercising and since we live on a farm, I'll send him out to do some chores (physical labour) or send him to inventory something (feeds into his desire to be organized, plus he gets to use a clip board!?!) or just to follow dad around (relational). Sometimes, when I see him really antsy, I'll order him to get on his bike and ride out the old tree and stay there until he's bored. I usually, get a big grin, a hug and kiss and he's gone. It's funny because if I send him, he's back in 45 minutes, and ready to do school work. If he tears off there himself he can be out there for hours. Now, that it's summer, there will be more, "walking orders" out to the tree with a lunch kit. The best part is it's in the middle of a huge field behind our house, I can see him the whole time! LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Personally, there's no way I could handle running all over the place throughout the week. I need to be home to get things done. I had to accept that while *I* like a more "at home" relaxed lifestyle and would prefer fewer activities and more unstructured time, I am choosing to homeschool my boys home and have to take what their preferences are into account. I'm not the only person in this family. My oldest son was more like me - content to hang out a lot, kick around with the kids in the neighborhood, relax in his room, etc. My twin boys, though, starting around 9 or 10 years old, wanted to DO more sports and do more outside of the house. For a while, I resisted. I sort of imposed limits like, 'I need three days a week where we don't go anywhere at all, so we will have activities limited to the other days." And I think that is totally legitimate for a mother to do. But eventually, I started getting them involved in more daily activities because THEY were so much happier when they were busy and engaged. It felt selfish to say, "Well, you might be happier, but I am not, so we are not going to do it." Obviously there has to be balance, but in the end I think that when woman chooses to keep a boy home with her all day, she needs to acknowledge that there are sacrifices she will make to honor his boy needs. After my boys are out of the house, I will have many years to sit around all day if that's what I want. Right now, I am sacrificing some of my desires to meet some of theirs. I guess the desire to get out and "do" more isn't necessarily a boy things. Some girls are that way too. But it sounds like it's a boy thing in your family, and part of the dynamic is that you have a female dominated household, and a boy who could use a break from that. I have a husband who i more of a "get out and do stuff" personality, so maybe I associate that more with being male. I would expect him also, though, to make efforts to solve the problem. If you agree to get him in a three day a week activity with other boys, on the days he is home, I would want to see him going for a run, working out with weights, or whatever else would help him burn some energy and improve in his sport. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 well, maybe he needs to spend time with his sisters to learn to appreciate them more? Also, does he have friends in the neighborhood he can play with when they get home from school? My son is gone every afternoon until dinner time, so I don't worry too much about keeping him home. A co-op or support group would also really help...it helps them to know they are not the only homeschooled kid in the world. And personally prefer park days to structured co-ops for this...they need time with kids to just run around and be wild and chat about dinosaurs or whatever...the stuff they can't do in structured activities like scouts or martial arts. If your local group doesn't have consistent park days I suggest adding it yourself! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 well, maybe he needs to spend time with his sisters to learn to appreciate them more? Also, does he have friends in the neighborhood he can play with when they get home from school? My son is gone every afternoon until dinner time, so I don't worry too much about keeping him home. A co-op or support group would also really help...it helps them to know they are not the only homeschooled kid in the world. And personally prefer park days to structured co-ops for this...they need time with kids to just run around and be wild and chat about dinosaurs or whatever...the stuff they can't do in structured activities like scouts or martial arts. If your local group doesn't have consistent park days I suggest adding it yourself! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoVanGogh Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Looking at your signature... You have one boy, so he is home with females all day? I only have a boy, but have friends with several girls and one, lone boy. They have all said they have to treat that one boy more as an "only child" because they are so different from having a flock of girls at home. You might also look at your home and see if it is a place that your maturing boy wants to be. Are there plenty of "boy" things for him to do? My son is around that age and I am seeing a big shift in what he wants to do at home and how he keeps busy, how he plays with toys, etc. He certainly wants more "real world" and "manly" stuff at this point in his life. Maybe help your son find/start an on-going project? Right now my DS is monitoring the Tour de France and charting their progress every day. It involves more computer and tv time than he normally uses/watches, but it is also very educational. Recently, DS read through my car owner's manual and became familiar with all the bits and pieces and parts of a car. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 My 11 year son definitely has been more twitchy over the past year about getting out with his peers. It's not even necessarily a needing more boy time thing for him - he has friends that are girls closer to his age too. This kid does many activities on and off at this point - some are physical and some aren't (theater). But we are all much happier if he's engaged and gets enough peer time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoVanGogh Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 No offense, but stuff like this doesn't make sense to me. I live with only males. I don't feel like it's a problem. Are boys and girls radically different? I'm just not feeling it. Of course I'm not a girly girl and my boys/man aren't "all boy". So maybe that's it? What exactly is "manly" stuff? I am certainly not a girly girl, either, but my DS is certainly "all boy." Rough and tumble, full-speed ahead.As an example: I love mountain biking, but can't keep up with DS because he goes all out while I am more reserved. He is into trains, electronics, tearing apart broken appliances, reading schematics, etc. I was actually a major tomboy growing up and ran with my boy cousin all the time. I didn't see much difference between the genders until I had my own boy. Maybe it is more the child? But my son made a major change around 10 where he wanted to see and know what he needed to do as an adult - ex: if he was going to drive a car some day he would need to understand how it worked, so he read the manuals and studied the car. Maybe girls do that to? My dad owned a full-service gas station when I was growing up, so I grew up knowing how to fix flats, align automobiles, change the oil, etc. But I didn't have any girl friends that were interested in that sort of thing. Back to my original point: I have a number of homeschool friends that have that one boy with lots of girls and they often talk about having to make sure that the boy feels welcome and that they don't overlook his interests. If you have a houseful of girls and the one boy always wants to be out, then you need to look and see if your home is a place where the boy wants to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UmMusa Posted July 6, 2012 Author Share Posted July 6, 2012 I appreciate the suggestions. I experimented last week by taking all kids out to hit tennis balls first thing in the morning for about 45 minutes. His mood was far better on those days than on a day that we didn't go. Hanging out outside or riding his bike around wasn't as much of a tonic for him as 45 minutes of hitting tennis balls. He told me today that he feels 'lazy' when it's just waking up and starting work at home, but he is the best one out of all of us... he showers, eats, does his chores so fast and is at his desk like clockwork DAILY!!! He is organized and likes routine. There is no way I ever got him to go ride his bike or jog to burn off steam in the middle of his school time b/c he doesn't like to break his routine. So he'd just sit and stew if he got into a bad mood even though I'd be begging him to go out for fresh air. I'm seriously considering this idea of gathering about 5 boys to do the online virtual academy at our local mosque who is letting us use the space rent-free. A mom has arranged for some paid teachers to come in and explain lessons (math, science, language arts), and we would fill in the rest. He's be 'somewhere' with other boys and with a teacher to deal with rather than me. The challenge here is how this will fit into my schedule with my 3 girls. Like a pp said, this is a path we've chosen, so as a homeschooler I feel I have to find a way to deal. Isn't this the epitome of homeschooling... paving a way out of the norm? I will plan, but I will also pray. And whatever path God puts in front of me is the one i know will be the right one for that time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 He told me today that he feels 'lazy' when it's just waking up and starting work at home, but he is the best one out of all of us... he showers, eats, does his chores so fast and is at his desk like clockwork DAILY!!! He is organized and likes routine. There is no way I ever got him to go ride his bike or jog to burn off steam in the middle of his school time b/c he doesn't like to break his routine. So he'd just sit and stew if he got into a bad mood even though I'd be begging him to go out for fresh air. This is interesting. I would maybe consider giving him an athletic goal to train for before school. This could be something simple - like working up to 25 pullups, 200 pushups, 200 situps, 150 dips, 200 squats, etc. Or it could be something more extensive - training for a race or a triathlon or something? Maybe let him choose? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 (edited) Our situation is somewhat unique in that when the boys are mid-teens, they start going out to work with dad some. Our eldest saved a ton of money for college by working through high school. I also think it's a good idea to make sure they can see some perks of being home. That may just be my personal philosophy which I didn't come to until later in homeschooling. Getting done with school faster leads to more free time. The boys are normally allowed to play from 7-8 am on Minecraft and Skype people in other countries as well. This summer, I put my boys in some summer camps at a local private school to get some extra fun time with other kids as well. Also, it helps to have other homeschooling friends who can relate to them. Edited July 6, 2012 by nestof3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UmMusa Posted July 6, 2012 Author Share Posted July 6, 2012 This is interesting. I would maybe consider giving him an athletic goal to train for before school. This could be something simple - like working up to 25 pullups, 200 pushups, 200 situps, 150 dips, 200 squats, etc. Or it could be something more extensive - training for a race or a triathlon or something? Maybe let him choose? That's a good idea. While being done early is a perk of homeschooling, it is also what's making my boy bored. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 Or this one: http://www.teenbodybuilding.com/brent2.htm If you don't have access to a pool you could substitute something like a rowing machine at a gym on those days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Carlos22 Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 If this is the way of life you've selected, then you cope with it. IMO, you can reasonably allow for some wishes on the aspect of the kid, but there is a range to be attracted. Begin by determining where your range is, then keep with it. Otherwise you will have a kid who believes he can modify his university scenario weekly if he so wishes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate in Arabia Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 I'm seriously considering this idea of gathering about 5 boys to do the online virtual academy at our local mosque who is letting us use the space rent-free. If you already have the boys in mind and a space for them to get together, could you organize something not necessarily school related -- like a social club of some kind and they could do whatever activities/sports/hang out? My boys go to a tahfeedh class at our local masjid four nights a week, and although they officially are there to memorize the Qur'an I think a good percentage of the time is spent with them socializing with their friends and horsing around (I probably don't want to know the actual percentage, lol); some of those friendships have spilled over into weekend meet-ups, etc. Once my older was getting into that age bracket (pre-teen) he also seemed to want more separation from his younger siblings. It wasn't a gender thing as much as an age thing -- wanting to do more on his own, have some time alone, have more individual alone time with dh and me, spend more time (without us) with his friends, kwim? I thought it was a normal thing? I made some efforts to meet as much of that need as I could outside our regular "school hours". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 (edited) No offense, but stuff like this doesn't make sense to me. I live with only males. I don't feel like it's a problem. Are boys and girls radically different? I'm just not feeling it. In our family, definitely a yes. My older boys have each other, but if they didn't, I would definitely have other boys over to play much more often. As it is, my oldest all-boy is in every sport offered in our tiny town. He plays physically with his little brother all day. And....he still needs extra sometimes. Edited September 15, 2012 by 2squared Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 It must be hard to be the oldest child and home with all girls, all day. I would make him the priority, socially and with activities. While I'm sure he loves his sisters, and of course his mom, I think it is important, especially in the teen and preteen years, that he be with like minded peers who he could enjoy, and who would be a positive influence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 I recently decided to try this with ds9, who is at the point where he needs more physical activity and a goal to focus on. I am not athletic. I have no idea how this will work. But I'm gonna try. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamijoy Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 Another suggestion...you could find a like minded friend with a boy his age and exchange "play dates" (don't know what to call them for an 11 year old). For example, Tuesday afternoons you have one of his friends over for a few hours; Thursday afternoons, he goes to the friend's house for a few hours, or even more often if it's not burdensome. I've done that with a friend but we exchange all of our kids and we scheduled it every week so we didn't make other plans (just one exchange a week for us though). I think getting the group of kids together at the mosque or park or something is a good idea too, for a social time rather than school setting...teachers tend to want them to be quiet and not socialize. :001_smile: Maybe each parent could take turns supervising so you don't have to find things for your girls to do each time and could just drop him off. I also like the athletic training program idea for him since he sounds like he enjoys exerting himself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 Are you against sending him to school? For us, and I realize this isn't for everyone, we have told the boys that if they want to go to school we are willing to send them. So far, they don't want to go, although my oldest mentioned the other day that he might be interested in trying it. I don't think he will just because his social group is all homeschooled. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 Back to my original point: I have a number of homeschool friends that have that one boy with lots of girls and they often talk about having to make sure that the boy feels welcome and that they don't overlook his interests. If you have a houseful of girls and the one boy always wants to be out, then you need to look and see if your home is a place where the boy wants to be. This is us. I've had some wonderful talks with moms who successfully or unsuccessfully raised a boy up out of the home. Some of the moms who wouldn't try to accommodate the needs of a growing young man regret it now, and I will work not to let that happen here. I won't go into stories, but I've seen bad things come out of boys just at home all day with mom and sisters. I add things to my already busy schedule to make sure he gets what he needs. Sure, it is hard, but as a pp said, I chose to homeschool and I need to make sure that choice work for all of us. It sounds like the group will work well. I wonder if he would be more willing to exercise on his own, too, if he had a goal. Maybe have him train for a 5k or something like that. He could run each morning and keep track of his progress. It would give him more purpose than just playing on his own. And it sounds like he's a wonderful young man. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 Are you against sending him to school? For us, and I realize this isn't for everyone, we have told the boys that if they want to go to school we are willing to send them. So far, they don't want to go, although my oldest mentioned the other day that he might be interested in trying it. I don't think he will just because his social group is all homeschooled. Dawn :iagree: My 11yo ds is in school for the first time this year. He is thriving. I think that some boys outgrow the nest earlier than others. His 9yo brother will be here longer, but he was ready. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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