Do you ever feel like the world is passing you by?

[stephanie]

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely understand the value in being a SAHM and h'sing, but sometimes I feel like everyone moves forward, venturing into new things,and I'm still here. For ex., I have a friend who is a sahm, but her kids go to ps. She has now started sewing cute clothes, making flip-flops, and selling them. I like that she has found something to do with her time that's productive. Also, my sis who works FT,and has 2 ds's is now starting to venture into homebuilding on the side of her nursing career. I too am a RN, but have not worked since I started having dc. It seems like everyone ooh's and ahh's about things like that, but there's not a lot of oohing over what I do. I realize there are a lot of moms here on this board who do it all as well,and I admire that. My problem is that I don't even want to do anything else! I feel my hands are full with 4 dc (one with adhd/spd), my home, and h'sing. I'm not looking for sympathy by all means, I was just wondering if anyone here ever felt like that as well. I'm very happy for my friends and family who are doing well, but sometimes feel like I'm lost in our little world of dc and h'sing and don't really want to be found!:D

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

Sure, all the time. Sometimes I wonder just how productive I am doing the same old things over and over. Then I see my teens taking initiative to do certain things or avoid doing certain things, and I know I have had an impact on their lives and am sending out people who will make this world a little bit better than it might have been if I hadn't spent so much time with them.

 

Time will pass quicker than you think, how much difference will it mean to the world if you produce things that no one really needs. Not to disparage your friend, of course, but if what you are doing makes you content and is a good work in itself, then there is no reason not to just keep on as you are.

[elegantlion]

:glare: Yup! :leaving: There is goes. In the last year I have quit putting off some of the things are important to me in the long run. Writing, for instance. It's something that is important to me. I may or may not publish anything, but it is something of substance that is being left for my family.

 

It took me a few years of homeschooling to realize that the "important things" have changed. I no longer care whether my house is decorated to HGTV standards. I don't care if my clothes would shame Stacey and Clinton, well for the most part.

 

Dh and I have a select few things that we would like to achieve in our lives and we are working towards those together.

 

Productive and lasting can be two separate things. Lasting things aren't always visible by us in the present.

[Sharon H in IL]

Not sure what you mean, Stephanie.

 

Are you upset that you're not doing more? Or happy to be busy with work you enjoy, just noticing that no one's giving you the same pat on the back that other moms get?

 

Personally, I find my work as a SAHM is fulfilling, because I have a balance between physical and mental work, staying home and getting out and about. Well, usually balanced. It's the nature of life to be constantly in flux, and that includes long stretches where things are out of balance.

 

At a New Years' Eve party a couple of years ago, I was speaking with the hostess, who had welcomed several grandchildren into the family by that time, and she was reminicising about life. She said something that tugged at my heart. "Sometimes I wish that this [gesturing around her lovely new home] was all a dream, and I could wake up and be back with my children all little again."

 

We need to realize that the grass isn't always greener, and our jobs are important. C.S. Lewis said all other jobs in the world exist in order that this one job [of mothering] can exist.

[PrairieAir]

I'm not sure whether you're happy about this life passing you by feeling or not. I don't think it's unique to SAHMs or any other group, though. No one can do it all. We all have to make choices about what we want to do and how much we think we can handle doing. Everyone feels like they may be missing out on something now and then. The grass always seems greener on the other side, but we have to decide what we want and go for it or be content with where we are.

[Sue G in PA]

I understand what Sharon means...our jobs are fulfilling and important. But, it doesn't always seem that way. And, that sometimes isn't enough. So, Stephanie, I understand where you are coming from. My problem is that I don't even know WHAT is important to me anymore to even do anything about it! My life is so entirely wrapped up in my dc and homeschooling (as it should be) that I don't even know what I would do if I had the time to do it. I lost me somewhere along the way. I'm not complaining. This is what I've chosen to do. I'm blessed to be able to homeschool and be a SAHM and raise my own children. I know that. Sometimes I do "miss" the old me...the me that was more than just a SAHM. I felt capable and successful. As a SAHM and homeschooling mom I don't feel that way most of the time. I don't feel capable or successful. I feel like I'm floundering, failing and getting up and doing it all over again. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything really...this is just how it is. I don't think I'm a very good housekeeper or cook. I don't keep my home as clean as I'd like. I can't cook very well. I'm not good at organizing. I'm not a good mom as far as disciplining or correcting. Anyway, if I felt the slightest bit competent or successful in what I do...my attitude might be different. KWIM? So, Steph, I hear you but I'm not sure how to help.

[ereks mom]

Sure, all the time. Sometimes I wonder just how productive I am doing the same old things over and over. Then I see my teens taking initiative to do certain things or avoid doing certain things, and I know I have had an impact on their lives and am sending out people who will make this world a little bit better than it might have been if I hadn't spent so much time with them.

 

Time will pass quicker than you think, how much difference will it mean to the world if you produce things that no one really needs. Not to disparage your friend, of course, but if what you are doing makes you content and is a good work in itself, then there is no reason not to just keep on as you are.

(Emphasis mine.)

 

Virginia Dawn put this very eloquently! So I just highlighted the parts I particulary applaud. :hurray:

[Heather in Neverland]

Here's the catch:

 

I've taken a few years off from work to be a SAHM and homeschool my kids and I felt like the outside world was passing me by...I was wasting my education, losing out on career opportunities, etc.

 

But I've also had several years when I worked full time while my dh stayed home and did the schooling. And guess what? I felt like I was missing out on being home with my kids too.

 

So I can't win. I think I have chronic "grass is greener" syndrome.

[PrairieAir]

I understand what Sharon means...our jobs are fulfilling and important. But, it doesn't always seem that way. And, that sometimes isn't enough. So, Stephanie, I understand where you are coming from. My problem is that I don't even know WHAT is important to me anymore to even do anything about it! My life is so entirely wrapped up in my dc and homeschooling (as it should be) that I don't even know what I would do if I had the time to do it. I lost me somewhere along the way. I'm not complaining. This is what I've chosen to do. I'm blessed to be able to homeschool and be a SAHM and raise my own children. I know that. Sometimes I do "miss" the old me...the me that was more than just a SAHM. I felt capable and successful. As a SAHM and homeschooling mom I don't feel that way most of the time. I don't feel capable or successful. I feel like I'm floundering, failing and getting up and doing it all over again. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything really...this is just how it is. I don't think I'm a very good housekeeper or cook. I don't keep my home as clean as I'd like. I can't cook very well. I'm not good at organizing. I'm not a good mom as far as disciplining or correcting. Anyway, if I felt the slightest bit competent or successful in what I do...my attitude might be different. KWIM? So, Steph, I hear you but I'm not sure how to help.

 

See, that's what I'm talking about. I've felt that way before. I think everyone feels that way from time to time--SAHM, working mom, single women, men--everyone. I don't think it's unique to SAHMs. It's unique to humans. I've heard women with successful careers say similar things. I think that part of overcoming that feeling is to realize this. You also need to think about what you want to do, what you like to do, and carve out time to do things that are just for you.

[ereks mom]

My problem is that I don't even know WHAT is important to me anymore to even do anything about it! My life is so entirely wrapped up in my dc and homeschooling (as it should be) that I don't even know what I would do if I had the time to do it. I lost me somewhere along the way.

 

I said almost these exact words to dh the other day. And now that I've graduated one, I'm realizing just how short this season is, and I'm trying to find who I am again so that when my 2nd & last one graduates, I won't be left totally empty.

[HollyDay]

I guess it depends on your definition of life. IF the life you seek is "out there", then yes, it is passing on by. IF however, life is "inside", then it is growing and changing all the time! Just think, we get to set our own "work schedule". No 9-5 for us!! We get to plan and set our own priorities. Everyday we get to learn something new and look at things in a different way. The world is suddenly full and open to all sorts of possibilities because we are not limited to a time clock or someone else's agenda. Sure, we have tons of responsibilities - more than the average I would say. But, we are so fortunate to be able to make these choices and run with them!!!

[Quiver0f10]

I understand what Sharon means...our jobs are fulfilling and important. But, it doesn't always seem that way. And, that sometimes isn't enough. So, Stephanie, I understand where you are coming from. My problem is that I don't even know WHAT is important to me anymore to even do anything about it! My life is so entirely wrapped up in my dc and homeschooling (as it should be) that I don't even know what I would do if I had the time to do it. I lost me somewhere along the way.

 

This is exactly how I have been feeling lately, especially the bolded part. I so understand!!! :grouphug:

[stephanie]

I hope I was clear in what I said. I'm exactly where I want to be,and where I feel like God has planned for me to be. I don't have the grass is always greener attitude, so if I implied that then I'm sorry. That's important to me b/c I have a "bloom where your planted" attitude. I do feel fulfilled and of importance in what I do, and I wouldn't trade a day with my dc. I think it's just easy to feel invisible when being a SAHM is more of a delayed gratification kinda thing. I have trouble even knowing what I even like anymore. It's a hard balance between being a h'sing SAHM, and not losing your identity in it either!

[iquilt]

I agree, it is very easy to feel invisible in our world, especially if you are unique among your family. I am the only SAHM among my family, even extended, and definately the only homeschooling mom. "Why would you want to do that?!" is a constant refrain from our families. That can make me feel (temporarily) like what I do is invisible. I do believe in the long-term gains, however, and those will be fruitful in abundance - I have faith that I am here for a reason. I know that this will all be over too soon; my kids will move onto lives of their own and I'll have plenty of time to enjoy the silence :)

[Jackie in AR]

No, I don't feel as though the world is passing me by because I view what I'm doing as one of the things that really matters in life, regardless of whether many other people feel that it matters. I feel that I'm exactly where I was meant to be, doing what I love.

 

I think I've really come into my own in my 40's, and am very confident in the path dh and I have chosen for our family.

 

One key for me has been to stay far away from those who are negative about our lifestyle. That has included some family members. Life is too short to listen to other people constantly criticize your choices. It helps that our dc are getting older now, and others can observe that the proof is in the pudding, so to speak, without us saying a word.

[stephanie]

No, I don't feel as though the world is passing me by because I view what I'm doing as one of the things that really matters in life, regardless of whether many other people feel that it matters. I feel that I'm exactly where I was meant to be, doing what I love.

 

I think I've really come into my own in my 40's, and am very confident in the path dh and I have chosen for our family.

 

One key for me has been to stay far away from those who are negative about our lifestyle. That has included some family members. Life is too short to listen to other people constantly criticize your choices. It helps that our dc are getting older now, and others can observe that the proof is in the pudding, so to speak, without us saying a word.

 

Maybe that's what it is...surrounding us with people who don't have a neg. view. It's not really that the people around us have a poor view it's that there is no view. There's no common thread between us. We all get together, and the girls talk about all kinda stuff I'm not familiar with, and then I just sit there. No one can really relate to me. KWIM? Also, my dc are very young still so the fruits aren't as evident yet. But I know my God is good and what He told me to do will not return void. Thanks for the input!

[Jackie in AR]

Maybe that's what it is...surrounding us with people who don't have a neg. view. It's not really that the people around us have a poor view it's that there is no view. There's no common thread between us. We all get together, and the girls talk about all kinda stuff I'm not familiar with, and then I just sit there. No one can really relate to me. KWIM? Also, my dc are very young still so the fruits aren't as evident yet. But I know my God is good and what He told me to do will not return void. Thanks for the input!

 

Oh, yes, I know exactly what you mean!

 

I read a post by SWB the other day that I thought offered a lot of insight.

 

I'll see if I can find it . . .

 

Okay, here's the quote:

 

A related thought...it has struck me recently how many smart, sharp, opinionated, capable women feel like outsiders. I'm tempted to think that feeling like an outsider is almost a necessary element of a firm sense of identity.

 

And here's the whole post if you're interested:

 

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showpost.php?p=345888&postcount=1

[Kathleen in VA]

I think I get what you are saying. When I was in my early 20's I had a completely different agenda for my life. I got married, had five kids, have homeschooled all the way and have not done any of those things I thought I wanted to do (go to law school, write a children's book, make a quilt, etc.) I read somewhere another woman felt this way and she said that she realized that her children were her "book." We hs moms are very creative in our right. We are creating people or rather, helping to create them.

 

I, too, feel overwhelmed with just keeping everyone fed, in clean clothes and educated. I'm swimming as fast as I can. I have already graduated two and I am learning very quickly that this whole adventure is going to be over very soon. There will be time later for all those other things. Right now my children are my creative outlet. Our society does not reward our choice to be SAHMs - we get very little support from the outside world. That does NOT mean we are not doing anything worthwhile - it just means that a great many people really don't know the definition of "worthwhile."

 

One day I was sitting outside the public library. My son was going to run quickly and drop off some books so I just sat parked by the front door. Just before he approached the sidewalk an older lady with her arms full of books passed him and headed for the door. I hit the automatic button to roll down the passenger window so I could holler at him to open the door for her, but something inside me said, "Wait, don't say anything." Just then he ran ahead of her and opened the door. I just burst into tears (I cry easily:)). I'm so glad I kept my mouth shut and I am so glad that he is my son.

 

I dunno. It's possible he would have turned out to be just as thoughtful if he had been schooled outside our home. But, I'd venture a guess that he wouldn't be. Keep at it - it will be worth it and it will be over sooner than you can possibly imagine. :grouphug:

[VaKim]

I see life as having "seasons." This season of my life is exactly what I love and want to be doing right now. I can't even imagine what I will do when my girls are grown and gone. I have no other desire whatsoever than to train and teach my children. This IS my life right now.

 

However, I am trusting that when this season is over, the Lord will show me what He wants me to do in the next, and I will be content with it as well. He will give the grace for the next season when it is necessary. Right now, I will enjoy this one for as long as it lasts. :)

[G5052]

I have bits of both worlds, and I have to say that homeschooling is the most fulfilling and interesting aspect of my life. My dream frankly would be to only homeschool, and when that part of life is over, teach other people's homeschooled kids in various paid classes. Despite 15 years of being a high achiever before children, I really don't have higher aspirations than that. I've always worked some though, and continuing to mostly stay home is becoming less probable. DH has been on the brink of disability retirement for four years now, and it's only a matter of time before I need to bring in more $$$.

 

I've worked part-time as an adjunct professor for nine years now, and it is a good job. There's also a lot of negatives that I mostly don't control. Classroom management is HARD with this generation of students. The material I'm expected to teach is constantly changing. And because of promotions/retirements, the program I'm under is in disarray with very little direction/communication going on right now. And we have an acting President so the whole atmosphere is wait-and-see. I used to think that my dream would be to go full-time there, but frankly I'd rather just homeschool my kids. I applied for a part-time staff job there in April, and frankly I was happy when they decided that they didn't have the funding for the position because I was off the hook!