Impish Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 My mother tracked down Wolf's # and called him at work today. Psychotic, sociopathic wench from H*ll. He let it go to vm. The deal was, I'd deal w/her. I asked him to just let me deal w/it. Now she's crossed the line, and Wolf's been told that he has free reign to deal w/her if she calls him at work again. I see a ph# change happening after the long wknd. I do NOT want to write her a p!ss off and leave me alone letter. It'll add fuel to her fire, give her something to focus in on. I'm still hoping that something will come up to distract her. I give any indication that she's upset me, or prompted me to break my silence, and she'll just redouble her efforts. You know...I *predicted* she would do this. So why am I still stunned by it?! If anger were jet fuel, I'd be able to visit several WTM members right now...or at least fly over their state! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 My mother tracked down Wolf's # and called him at work today. Psychotic, sociopathic wench from H*ll. He let it go to vm. The deal was, I'd deal w/her. I asked him to just let me deal w/it. Now she's crossed the line, and Wolf's been told that he has free reign to deal w/her if she calls him at work again. I see a ph# change happening after the long wknd. I do NOT want to write her a p!ss off and leave me alone letter. It'll add fuel to her fire, give her something to focus in on. I'm still hoping that something will come up to distract her. I give any indication that she's upset me, or prompted me to break my silence, and she'll just redouble her efforts. You know...I *predicted* she would do this. So why am I still stunned by it?! If anger were jet fuel, I'd be able to visit several WTM members right now...or at least fly over their state! I guess I'm surprised that you are surprised that your mother would go to great lengths to track down her child who won't speak with her. You know how parents are. You are one. Wouldn't you track your kid down if you had no idea what was going on with him or her? Plus, I'm presuming she is elderly if you are closing in on middle age. Now if you have a cease and desist order out after spelling out very clearly to her that she cannot contact you or something like that, I retract everything I just said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marylou Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 Your life is full of drama, isn't it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 30, 2012 Author Share Posted June 30, 2012 Nope, she's not elderly. Not even 60. As I've mentioned before, she has 5/7 traits in the DSM IV to be a sociopath...and only 3 are req to be dx'd as one. She's seriously, seriously, toxic. She can go mths w/out talking to us, ignoring us...but if I don't return a call from her w/in 24 hrs, she starts leaving nasty vm on my phone. There was a time when I didn't return her calls fast enough (going through RSD testing) and she left a nasty vm saying that she'd gone through this s**t w/my brothers, she wasn't going to tolerate it from me. 2 of my 3 brothers have quit having anything to do w/her. Eldest for over 8 yrs, youngest over a yr, but was starting to talk to her again last I heard. RCMP have advised me just to change our ph#, NOT to send her a cease and desist letter b/c in their experience it drastically ups the behaviours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 30, 2012 Author Share Posted June 30, 2012 Your life is full of drama, isn't it? Cutting contact w/her is a way of eliminating a chunk of it, once she finally gives up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sukale Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 I know I don't post much but I read everyday. I am so sorry you are still dealing with this. I am sure it is hard for some to understand how you could no contact with you mother. Most people have good mothers, some have bad mothers and a few have evil mothers. The last group need to protect themselves and their children. I hope she finds a project to feed on and will leave you alone. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghee Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 :grouphug: what a day!! My inlaws are kind of like that. We never hear from them unless they want something or they've found something new to needle us with. Usually they just want something, then you can't get away from them. I guess at least they aren't dangerous. Well, I think one is, but the rest are just ... Annoying. What is a RCMP? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 Nope, she's not elderly. Not even 60. As I've mentioned before, she has 5/7 traits in the DSM IV to be a sociopath...and only 3 are req to be dx'd as one. She's seriously, seriously, toxic. She can go mths w/out talking to us, ignoring us...but if I don't return a call from her w/in 24 hrs, she starts leaving nasty vm on my phone. There was a time when I didn't return her calls fast enough (going through RSD testing) and she left a nasty vm saying that she'd gone through this s**t w/my brothers, she wasn't going to tolerate it from me. 2 of my 3 brothers have quit having anything to do w/her. Eldest for over 8 yrs, youngest over a yr, but was starting to talk to her again last I heard. RCMP have advised me just to change our ph#, NOT to send her a cease and desist letter b/c in their experience it drastically ups the behaviours. If you have not made your position perfectly, excruciatingly clear, then now is the time to do so. And even if she is the female version of Hitler, she's still your Mom. You respect the position/rank, if not the person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 What is a RCMP? Royal Canadian Mounted Police, right? I'm pretty sure. Imp is from Canada. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 :grouphug: It wouldn't hurt as much if she wasn't your mother. conventional wisdom can be a bear at times because mother's are supposed to be nurturing, so we expect that. except . . . some like to destroy their children instead. we can intellectually understand that before our emotions are able to catch-up. one day, your emotions will catch up with what you intellectually understand about your mother. In the mean time :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted June 30, 2012 Share Posted June 30, 2012 If you have not made your position perfectly, excruciatingly clear, then now is the time to do so. And even if she is the female version of Hitler, she's still your Mom. You respect the position/rank, if not the person. sometimes relationships must be severed just for saftey's sake - and it is entirely up to imp to decide if that's where they are. If you have never dealt with such a person, consider this a great opportunity to read and learn what some of us have learned firsthand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolphin Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 Imp, I hope I am not stepping on any toes, but... This is more of an update on a previous situation that Imp let us know about. http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=399038 Please don't make her feel any more rotten than what she is already dealing with. You didn't know, which is why I put the link. I believe (and imp correct me if I am wrong) That this is a vent that another line has been crossed and that imp needs hugs and support right now, not a lot of questioning of has she tried everything, its still your mom etc... I am sorry your mom went there.:grouphug:I hope the promotion goes through soon and you and wolf can protect and distance yourselves more:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 I'm so sorry. Believe me when I tell you I know how painful and difficult this kind of "relationship" can be. Since every person and every situation is different, I would not risk giving advice, but I do wonder if it might be worth considering touching base -- preferably by e-mail or something that doesn't require you to actually exchange words with her -- that lets her know you won't be in touch "for a while" so she doesn't have an excuse to keep bugging you? In my own experiences, I found that not responding at all without warning or explanation gave a certain person an excuse to claim "concern." Mainly, though, I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're in this position. It's an awful place to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 Argh!! I'm so sorry! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomandlorih Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: My best friend also had to cut all ties with the woman who gave birth to her(but certainly is no mother). Thoughts and hugs to you. Beat on a pillow if it would make you feel better:). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 :grouphug: I'm sorry. I can't even imagine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: No advice. I am sorry you are having to deal with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 I don't know how a restraining order would change things, or if there is something similar in Canada. If she is calling your dh at work and you are concerned she might call his boss to cause problems in his job, I would seriously consider this. It is one thing to call the house or cell phones, it is another to cause problems at work for the family breadwinner. This would let the company know as well that you are dealing with it through the legal system. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 I know this will sound trite, but there is a reason the Bible says to pray for our enemies. If her life gets better (she gets distracted or even **healed**) your life gets better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NASDAQ Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 Do you have a lawyer friend who can write her a letter? Sometimes people will take things more seriously when they're on letterhead. Also, I saw you said she was across the country -- I hope you didn't export her to BC! We have enough crazy already :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 And even if she is the female version of Hitler, she's still your Mom. You respect the position/rank, if not the person. Spoken by someone who truly does not understand or can even imagine what life is like when one has a very disturbed mother. I don't care if someone is a "mother" if that person is out to hurt. The title "mother" does NOT demand respect in all circumstances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 One day, while doing errands recently, I listened to an interview with a woman who wrote a book about having a paranoid schizophrenic mother. This was the part of the behavior she described, because the mother had delusions that people were hurting her kids, she stalked and harassed and attacked anyone who was friends, employed them, neighbors, etc. I know this is different that sociiopath, but they are both dangerous. Anyway, she was describing that she sent her mother a letter that she was moving and not giving her the address and didn/t move. Her mother believed her and didn't come looking for her. I agree with the RCMP. Don't get a restraining order but do notify Wolf's work that a mentally ill relative is trying to reach Wolf and to not put calls through. If it is a larger company, they probably have experience with this type of thing. I would specifically use the words mentally ill, not sociopath. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 :grouphug: I can't imagine how difficult & frustrating this must be for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 because the mother had delusions that people were hurting her kids, she stalked and harassed and attacked anyone who was friends, employed them, neighbors, etc. I know this is different that sociiopath, but they are both dangerous. DSS' bio mom is mentally ill. When she didn't hear from him for days, she would call police convinced his girlfriend (now wife) had done something to harm him. The police were required to respond, but they were familiar with her, and always apologized when they had to show up at his door. Ado notify Wolf's work that a mentally ill relative is trying to reach Wolf and to not put calls through. If it is a larger company, they probably have experience with this type of thing. I would specifically use the words mentally ill, not sociopath. DSS made sure his work was aware, because he knew she would call, and of course she did, many times. Thankfully, he's been able to find residential care for her, because she was getting so bad and not taking her medication. You've got to let Wolf's work know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrn Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 And even if she is the female version of Hitler, she's still your Mom. You respect the position/rank, if not the person. You might, I don't. Do you have respect for all dads, just because they were a sperm donor? Deadbeat dads, abusive dads, absent dads? Why would moms be any different? There's a lot more to being a mom than giving birth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2cents Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 If you have not made your position perfectly, excruciatingly clear, then now is the time to do so. And even if she is the female version of Hitler, she's still your Mom. You respect the position/rank, if not the person. I agree with the first part only to an extent. But the point of going 'no contact' with a dangerous person is to NOT respond under any circumstances. It is very much the death of a relationship. No contact is a serious step in dealing with an intolerable situation. I know, because I've had to take this step with a relation. Being compelled to remind the person you are no contact with that you are no contact is not the plan. Psychopaths and NPD's don't understand this concept and take it as an open invitation to redouble their efforts to make life miserable. The point is to stop reacting to them. I just don't understand the second part of the statement. If anyone was a version of Hitler I can't see spending time around them under any circumstances. Life is short and no biological link is going to make me put up with damaging behavior around my family. It isn't even a question of respect. The issue is about allowing a malignant personality access to your family. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 One day, while doing errands recently, I listened to an interview with a woman who wrote a book about having a paranoid schizophrenic mother. This was the part of the behavior she described, because the mother had delusions that people were hurting her kids, she stalked and harassed and attacked anyone who was friends, employed them, neighbors, etc. I know this is different that sociiopath, but they are both dangerous. Anyway, she was describing that she sent her mother a letter that she was moving and not giving her the address and didn/t move. Her mother believed her and didn't come looking for her. I agree with the RCMP. Don't get a restraining order but do notify Wolf's work that a mentally ill relative is trying to reach Wolf and to not put calls through. If it is a larger company, they probably have experience with this type of thing. I would specifically use the words mentally ill, not sociopath. :iagree: and :grouphug:. It stinks that you have to deal with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in NC Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 If you have not made your position perfectly, excruciatingly clear, then now is the time to do so. And even if she is the female version of Hitler, she's still your Mom. You respect the position/rank, if not the person. To get respect, you must give respect. A parent that acts so vile does not deserve respect. I have lived this and I understand for my own mental health and the mental health of my family, I have cut ALL ties. Society does not understand how one can turn away from a parent. Abuse is abuse wether is comes from a spouse or a parent. No one has the right to make you feel like dirt. I suggest you read up on sociopaths before posting again so you can gain some understanding just how horrible they can be. Hugs to you, Impish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: i hope her issues fizzle out quicker than you believe they will. She is used to being cut off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 I'm sorry. That woman is a "piece of work", as my Mom would say. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wildcat Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 (edited) . Edited January 6, 2023 by Wildcat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 And even if she is the female version of Hitler, she's still your Mom. You respect the position/rank, if not the person. This is by far, one of the most bizarre things I have ever heard. And, I expect, a reason that so many people feel stuck in abusive relationships. Somehow they feel that blood ties or marital ties entitles the abuser to abuse. What a most horrendous expectation. I'm gobsmacked!! :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 Cheer up, it could be worse. She could have called HR and said to be sure to tell your husband to call his mother. Ask me how I know. Sigh. (This happened to my husband, a post-40yo with a doctorate. Nice. This incident did NOT get his name and phone number off the company website (grrrr), but this and the associated phone-bombing of his office phone at least got him a unit with caller ID.) So, I. Get. It. Down to the shocked even though she did what you expected. I'm very sorry this happened to you. I'm so glad Wolf gets it too, and I bet he will handle this really well. You guys are a great team! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted July 1, 2012 Author Share Posted July 1, 2012 Imp, I hope I am not stepping on any toes, but... This is more of an update on a previous situation that Imp let us know about. http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=399038 Please don't make her feel any more rotten than what she is already dealing with. You didn't know, which is why I put the link. I believe (and imp correct me if I am wrong) That this is a vent that another line has been crossed and that imp needs hugs and support right now, not a lot of questioning of has she tried everything, its still your mom etc... I am sorry your mom went there.I hope the promotion goes through soon and you and wolf can protect and distance yourselves more Thank you, Dolphin. This is the first I've been able to get back into the Huve. I don't know how a restraining order would change things, or if there is something similar in Canada. If she is calling your dh at work and you are concerned she might call his boss to cause problems in his job, I would seriously consider this. It is one thing to call the house or cell phones, it is another to cause problems at work for the family breadwinner. This would let the company know as well that you are dealing with it through the legal system. RCMP told me I could get a restraining order, but in their experience it'll make things blow up. Do you have a lawyer friend who can write her a letter? Sometimes people will take things more seriously when they're on letterhead. Also, I saw you said she was across the country -- I hope you didn't export her to BC! We have enough crazy already :glare: No, but MIL is ;) I moved from my home province. :grouphug: i hope her issues fizzle out quicker than you believe they will. She is used to being cut off. I've been warned that, "I put up w/this kind of sh!t from your brothers, I'm NOT putting up w/it from you too!" when I was going through RSD testing and didn't call her back w/in 24 hrs b/c I was gobbling narcotics like Tic Tacs and in bed for several days. I really believe that her tactics w/me vs my brothers are completely different. She would never DREAM of calling their work, or their wives' work. Imp, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. :grouphug::grouphug: I'm glad you have talked to the RCMP and have their advice to go on. They have seen a lot. I agree with others that you should let Wolf's work know not to pass on any calls. Did the RCMP say what the next step would be if your mom contacted them to look for you? For instance, if she contacted them to do a welfare check, would they tell her that "she's just fine, Ma'am" and leave it at that? Would she get that hint? More :grouphug: because you need them. If I change my #, and she calls, saying she can't get ahold of me, they tell her too bad, too sad. If she calls before the # is changed, they are obligated to check on us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny from Tenny Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 :grouphug: even though I only know you from reading your posts on occasions and having read the latest thread about your mom. My relative with issues was only an axis II personality disorder, so I can't imagine what it is like dealing with a sociopath. She would expect us to answer her calls immediately even if we hadn't heard from her for months, and then when we did call her back she wouldn't answer out of spite. Passive aggressive at it's best. Because, as you know, it's always all about them. I think we often times throw the word around or say someone is sociopath"ic", but to truly be a sociopath and be a relative of them and deal with the constant fallout is just the pits. My husband works in behavioral health and I still can't comprehend what people like this put their families through. I'm SO sorry. Be safe. Blessings! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 I had to call and have the police remove my mother from my home. after that, she threatened to sue me for custody of my children. My BIL is CFO for a big luxury home builder in town. Their attorney contacted her, and told her to go ahead and start her suit, because it would sure be expensive for her, and they would be providing all of our legal services free of charge. Guess what. She stopped stalking me. I highly recommend having an attorney write her a letter. If she is like my mom, she is nothing but a bully. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galatea Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 If you have not made your position perfectly, excruciatingly clear, then now is the time to do so. And even if she is the female version of Hitler, she's still your Mom. You respect the position/rank, if not the person. You really think that if Hitler had kids, they should have respected him? You think if your mom was a murderer, you'd want to have a nice small talk chat whenever she felt like it? All the position "mom" means is that she gave birth. That means nothing. That you can say this means you have absolutely NO IDEA what kind of person you might be talking about. There's a lot more going on for some people than simple disagreement, which is when your last sentence might apply. If you've never had more than that, you're a lucky person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1pageatatime Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 I get it 100%. :grouphug: I haven't seen my mom (NPD) for two yrs. I'm just over one yr of ZERO contact-cut ALL ties. Made it clear I was going no contact via certified letter. In that letter both dh and I stated we didn't want ANY contact with her, no emails, no phone calls, no drop-bys on the porch, no gifts for the dc, nothing! She still sends cards and letters. The one time we involved the police, the officer told us she was "some job" and obviously above the law. Now we keep a stalking log.;) As for respecting her JUST because she's my mom? Our well respected pastor said the best way to Biblically honor her was to be the best mom I could be to my own dc. And that, is impossible to do if she's in my life, since she makes me physically sick. Stay strong Imp. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted July 1, 2012 Author Share Posted July 1, 2012 Honestly, I'm eternally grateful I moved across country almost 10 yrs ago. I can't imagine the nightmare it would be if we'd moved back to my home province. I've checked, very carefully, and know that she's up a creek in terms of gpa rights. Can't happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 When I cut off contact with my mother, my priest, who was also her priest, told me I was the "hero child" in the family for breaking the cycle of abuse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 When I cut off contact with my mother, my priest, who was also her priest, told me I was the "hero child" in the family for breaking the cycle of abuse. :grouphug: to you too. My mother lived this, and cut it off. Her 9 brothers and sisters have either passed away from lifestyle illness or stuck in the same cycle :( I hope he gets that promo soon IMP. If you can afford at least a letter from attorney that would be beneficial. I am so glad there are women who realize this is a cycle to break and you are stronger to be able to do it, rather than just feel bad and keep it going. Blood means nothing except for shared DNA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 Kleine Hexe: Spoken by someone who truly does not understand or can even imagine what life is like when one has a very disturbed mother. You know nothing of my rather broad life experiences, though granted...I did have a great mother. I don't care if someone is a "mother" if that person is out to hurt. The title "mother" does NOT demand respect in all circumstances. I disagree. What goes around comes around. Or, as the Bible puts it, "Your deeds shall return on your own head." Make sure they are deeds that you can live with. I stand by what I said. Safety issues might require separation, but nothing requires dishonoring and disrespecting and trashing your mother (not saying OP is doing this, but merely that doing this would never better the situation, as you seem to suggest might be justified in some cases). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 This is by far, one of the most bizarre things I have ever heard. And, I expect, a reason that so many people feel stuck in abusive relationships. Somehow they feel that blood ties or marital ties entitles the abuser to abuse. What a most horrendous expectation. I'm gobsmacked!! :001_huh: I would be gobsmacked too, if this is actually what I said or implied in any way. It isn't. I stated that sometimes safety issues require separation, but nothing requires disrespect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelwydd Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 I would be gobsmacked too, if this is actually what I said or implied in any way. It isn't. I stated that sometimes safety issues require separation, but nothing requires disrespect. TM, you don't know what you are talking about. You blithely label the way she is separating herself as "dishonorable," but are you more knowledgeable about the situation than the authorities? The RMCP the ones advising Impish not to send her mother any correspondence, because it would escalate the situation. That is a safety issue. And here you are, insisting she go against her own experience, her instincts, the recommendations of the police, and go ahead and contact an unstable and dangerous person. The title of "mother" does not grant Impish's female biological parent the right to threaten or harm her progeny, though you would seem eager to for Impish to give more access to do so. Impish is not writing or saying nasty things to her mother, she is not taunting her or leading her on in any way. She is separating herself and her family from the source of danger, and the abuse, without a single word. That's the only message this person will eventually hear and respect. Anything else is merely an open door for her mother to continue to spew her venom. In other words, she is being a good wife and a good mother. She is protecting her family, even though it is costing her personally. I'm not sure why you sympathize with her pathological, controlling, abusive mother so much, but whatever your personal feelings, you don't have the right to accuse Impish of "trashing" her mother, however much you obfuscate. Impish: you're doing the right thing. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 There's a lot more to being a mom than giving birth. Ain't that the truth. My own mother abandoned me. I get dysfunctional mother/daughter relationships. Just because your birthed someone doesn't make you worthy of respect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted July 1, 2012 Share Posted July 1, 2012 (edited) I would be gobsmacked too, if this is actually what I said or implied in any way. It isn't. I stated that sometimes safety issues require separation, but nothing requires disrespect. Imp is respecting the fact that her mother is mentally ILL and refusing to feed the illness. I tell my kids this all the time; RESPECT is EARNED. It is not given. Imp's mother hasn't earned any respect from what I've read. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: IMP. Edited July 1, 2012 by fraidycat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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