Am I overreacting?

[ValRN]

Sunday night DS 17 left to go on tour in Canada with his youth orchestra. They arrived today. Tonight I skyped with him and during the conversation, he told me that the room he and 3 other orchestra members are staying in only had 2 queen beds. So 2 of the young men have to sleep on the floor in sleeping bags. Now mind you, they spent 13 hours on a bus getting to Canada.

 

I don't know if they expected two of the 4 in a room to sleep on the floor or if they expected the boys to share a queen bed. :confused: Well, DS would never do that. He would insist upon a plane ride home before he would concede to that.

 

I do not know if this is a normal occurrence/expectation when youth orchestras tour. DS has never toured with this orchestra. They only tour every 3 years and this is his 3rd year being in the orchestra.

 

Needless to say, I am livid! :mad: No one ever mentioned that there would be kids sleeping on the floor. When the tour information was sent out to parents it included "Hotel accommodation utilizing first-class hotels, based on quad occupancy (triple, double, and single accommodation supplements are available)." I understand that "quad occupancy" means 4 people to a room, but I thought it was given that there would also be 4 twin beds. Am I wrong for thinking this way? Am I overreacting?

 

I asked DS if the other young men had spoken with their parents and what were other parents saying about their children sleeping on the floor, but he did not know. I'm going to call another orchestra mom tomorrow to see if possibly I missed out on some information or if she assumed the same as I did. I also plan to call the executive director (she's the conductor's wife and arranged the tour) tomorrow to let her know how displeased I am with the hotel accommodations, but first I want to make sure that I'm not overreacting and that my expectations are not unrealistic.

 

BTW DS ended up with a bed tonight. I told him that he needed to switch back and forth with someone so the same person is not sleeping on the floor every night.

[West Coast Mom]

I've always known "quad occupancy" to mean four people sharing two beds. You may get lucky and have a pull out sofa bed to split things up a bit. Can they request roll away cots?

 

I don't fully understand the problem with sharing a bed in this situation. Does he know the other roommates or is he rooming with complete strangers? If it bothers him to be in the sheets with another guy, he can sleep on top of the sheets in his own sleeping bag.

 

Maybe it's a girl vs. guy thing, but we always shared beds on trips like this without any issues.

[WishboneDawn]

I've never heard of a hotel room that had 4 twin beds. :001_smile: I would also have expected two doubles or queens for 4 people.

[creekland]

??? All trips I've been on have always had two people sharing a queen bed. My guys are on a trip right now and that's what they are doing - in different rooms. My mom travels with adults and that's what they do (though they usually know who they are traveling with).

 

If I were to see what you saw, I would assume 4 people and 2 queen beds was normal. No one would be sleeping on the floor. There are bed spots for all. If someone chooses to sleep on the floor - that's their option, but they shouldn't ever make someone else have to do it for their needs.

 

If he wanted a single, it looks like you could have paid extra and had it. That's what that option is for. When my mom had health issues (non-contagious) on one trip she did this and it worked out well.

[Joani]

I also would have assumed that quad occupancy meant sharing beds. That's what my kids have always done on sports trips, and what I did on sports and school trips growing up.

[mombygrace]

I've only heard of quads with two queen beds. That's what happens when my DS goes on such trips with his choir.

[Jane in NC]

Most youth organizations try to minimize costs by placing four kids in a room with two queens or three kids with a king and a rollaway or pullout couch. Perhaps you could pay a supplement so that your son does not have to share a bed should this happen again and he objects to the arrangements?

 

I have never seen a hotel room with four twins. Hostels or camps may have multiple twins or bunks but the brochure you quoted said "first class hotels".

[spaceman]

I've never heard of a hotel room that had 4 twin beds. :001_smile: I would also have expected two doubles or queens for 4 people.

 

This exactly.

 

If you are very upset about the arrangements and still wish to speak to someone about it, I would wait until after the trip is over.

[Osmosis Mom]

All I can say is that my adult girls have sleep overs and sleep a friend in each of their beds and any extra friends go on the floor. Twin beds, mind you,with each having a head in each end and separate covers. My boys would never do that and graciously have their pals on the floor or they go on the floor. But then, we are a big family and come from a culture with many kids and high level of hospitality, so sleeping on the floor is not a biggie (at home).

 

A queen bed is huge. As long as they had separate covers, then there should be plenty of space.

[GailV]

Dd was just on a tour with her choir, and we assumed the hotel nights meant 4 kids with 2 beds. I would be thrilled with 2 queens rather than 2 fulls, frankly.

[MyThreeSons]

Sorry, but you asked. Live and learn.

 

Furthermore, if your son absolutely refuses to share a bed, he ought to be the one on the floor every night.

[Rebecca VA]

I don't see that sharing a bed is a big deal. The boys can deal with it using humor -- lots of it -- but really, they're going to be ASLEEP while they're in those beds.

[Sunshine State Sue]

I've been told that teenage boys do not share beds. On the (rare) basketball trips, there are 4 guys per room, 2 beds, and 2 guys sleep on the floor. I'm impressed that there were sleeping bags available.

 

It was a foreign concept to me, but then I grew up with 5 sisters and 2 brothers. My brothers shared a bed on vacations. I know my sisters and I did at home and on vacation.

[AdventureMoms]

I've never heard of a hotel with 4 twin beds. A "quad occupancy" hotel room to me means 2 beds for 4 people. Maybe it's a guy/girl thing, but I've shared a bed in situations like that many times, well into adulthood. I still would. I know my dad has been on work trips (he's a painting contractor) where the men have shared, though usually they do double occupancy when possible.

 

If this is a big issue for him, maybe ask how much it would cost to get that "doubles supplement". I'm guessing that is set up for just such a situation.

Edited June 26, 2012 by AdventureMoms

[chepyl]

Definitely over reacting. I went on many school and church trips. Most hotels are two queen/full size beds. Quad occupancy means two people share a bed. That is why they give options for double, if you want tour own bed, you pay extra. I have never heard anyone complain about sharing a bed.

 

At camp, you get your own bunk; in a hotel, you share a bed.

 

In 7th grade we took a trip to DC with our school. Six of us shared a room. We had two double beds, a couch and a roll away. Perhaps your don could request a roll away for himself. You may have to pay a little extra.

[Bear23]

He's with friends so double up. My child is actually headed out and will be sleeping on the floor with other girls her age while the adults get the bed. I guess they just trying to be cheap on rooms?

[marbel]

Sorry, but you asked. Live and learn.

 

Furthermore, if your son absolutely refuses to share a bed, he ought to be the one on the floor every night.

 

Yes. Is he the only one who refuses to share a bed, or are the others uncomfortable with it too?

 

Sorry this blindsided you. I've never seen a hotel with twin beds!

[TammyS]

I also don't really see the problem with him sleeping on the floor. He's a young, strapping man. He's fine.

 

I have a friend whose two 18 and 20 year old sons are planning to live and sleep in the back of a minivan for a year while they work the oil fields in North Dakota and save money. They definitely won't be comfortable, but it will be good for them. Not only because they'll be earning money, but they'll be learning how to deal with daily discomfort in the service of a larger goal. I think it's great. Too many boys are being raised to be soft these days, IMO.

[regentrude]

Overreacting.

Two queen beds are supposed to sleep four people.

What astronomical sums would the orchestra trip cost of they were all so squeamish? What's wrong with sharing the bed? They are the same gender - I could see somebody having trouble with mixed occupancy rooms.

[Lizzie in Ma]

I've always known "quad occupancy" to mean four people sharing two beds. You may get lucky and have a pull out sofa bed to split things up a bit. Can they request roll away cots?

 

I don't fully understand the problem with sharing a bed in this situation. Does he know the other roommates or is he rooming with complete strangers? If it bothers him to be in the sheets with another guy, he can sleep on top of the sheets in his own sleeping bag.

 

Maybe it's a girl vs. guy thing, but we always shared beds on trips like this without any issues.

 

Me too. Hotels will very often provide a cot if one is needed.

[Nan in Mass]

Mine would have been suprised there were sleeping bags available. They would have expected to share, or if their roommates looked like they were going to be silly about that, they would have grabbed the bedspread and curled up on the floor. Mine are used to strange sleeping situations though and think nothing of sleeping on the floor, especially in a good hotel where they would be able to have a pillow and their own comforter and the floor would be clean and have a thick carpet. At the moment, for his summer job, my middle one is grateful that he has a whole bunk to himself all the time and isn't left to sleep on deck. He is still fighting mosquitoes and some of the bunks are under deck leaks, but at least he has someplace to keep some stuff. But then, we've never made a big deal out of sharing or sleeping in a bed.

 

If there are sleeping bags, your son could snag one and give his bedmate the covers and he could sleep on top in the sleeping bag. He could even put his head in the other direction. Or if they wanted even more room, they could sleep sideways on the bed.

 

I hate surprises like that. It might just be you who is suprised and upset, though. Your son might take it in stride.

 

Hugs,

Nan

[Matryoshka]

Yep, overreacting. I do not know of ANY hotel room that has 4 twin beds. It is assumed that it will be 2 queens. On all youth trips, my boys have always had to share a bed.

 

:iagree: I have never in my life heard of a hotel with twin beds in any configuration. One king, two fulls, or two queens - those are the only options I've ever seen. I'd be thrilled they were queens instead of fulls!

 

When I traveled for work, they'd even have guys sharing a bed. Why the squeamishness? Do they have cooties? I'd have him get over it or sleep on the floor and not whine about it - that's his choice.

 

Sorry, you asked. :)

[Plink]

I've never heard of a hotel room that had 4 twin beds. :001_smile: I would also have expected two doubles or queens for 4 people.

 

:iagree: That is what I would have expected.

 

BUT - our judgement of whether you overreacting (or not) doesn't really matter. If this is truly an issue for your DS, feel free to speak up. Many hotels offer cots for an additional fee.

[klmama]

When I was on trips in high school, I remember hearing that most of the boys took turns sleeping on the floor or that they slept at opposite ends of the beds. I think it's an American thing, as the foreign students were just fine sharing beds and were teased about it.

[Carrie12345]

I've stayed in a wide range of hotels, and the only twin beds I've ever heard of are in family resorts with kiddie suites.

 

Maybe you can chalk it up to homeschooling, lol. 8th grade DC trips with bed sharing is a social norm. ;)

[Mom22ns]

:iagree: I have never in my life heard of a hotel with twin beds in any configuration. One king, two fulls, or two queens - those are the only options I've ever seen. I'd be thrilled they were queens instead of fulls!

 

:iagree:

My kids are leaving on a mission trip in a few days. Four kids, 2 queen beds in each room. My 15 yo son has no more problem with that than my 13 yo daughter.

[Tammyla]

I would have expected two double or queen beds, and two to a bed.

 

 

Could they sleep in the sleeping bags on the bed?

 

 

I get not wanting to share a bed/sheets etc., but sleeping on a hotel floor would creep me out.:tongue_smilie:

Edited June 26, 2012 by Tammyla

[Miss Marple]

Yeah, 2 to a bed. That's what my boys have always done...not what they really like. Sometimes there is a pull out bed. I think that 2 to a bed would be a reasonable expectation if I saw "quad" room.

[Teachin'Mine]

If it bothers him, he could request a cot or buy a twin air mattress. I would think he could easily sleep on half of the queen bed, in his sleeping bag, without any discomfort.

[ValRN]

O.K. I get it. I'm overreacting...which I'm prone to do. That is exactly why I came to the hive before making any phone calls. We've never done a group stay-away, but I see now that it is the norm for 4 kids to be in 1 room with 2 queen beds.

 

NONE of the boys wish to share a bed. These young people only know each other from orchestra. They spend 3.5 hours practicing on Saturdays and concert time together throughout the school year. DS is very quiet until he gets to know people (after 3 years in the orchestra, you'd think he know these people by now). Then he is more talkative. One of the guys DS is rooming with is a fellow trumpeter who is a little "different". It is hard to explain it, but DS has said before that this guy creeps him out. The other 2 guys have effeminate ways, so... DS decided to go on the tour after the stated deadline, so he ended up being put with the 3 unassigned guys.

 

These guys came to the agreement themselves that they would rotate sleeping on the floor. And just to be clear, DS is not the one having a fit. I'm the guilty fit-thrower. DS is fine with the arrangements he and the other young men came up with.

 

I am proud of DS because despite the preconceived notions that he had about these guys, he is making the best of it and discovering that said young man is not so creepy and the other 2 guys are alright too. So maybe now, Mom has some growing to do. :)

 

Thank you for all of your responses. I took them to heart.

[angela in ohio]

Quad occupancy means 4 people in 2 beds. Hotels don't have rooms with 4 beds unless it's a suite, and they wouldn't have enough for the whole group. It sounds like you had the option to upgrade to a double occupancy, so maybe that would be your best choice next time.

 

When we went on class or band trips, the boys often did take turns on the floor (or in the bathtub! :D) instead of sharing beds. It's their choice - share or floor. Another option is one under the covers and one on top in a sleeping bag or blanket.

 

ETA: Sorry, we were posting at the same time! Sounds like you are all right now. :)

[Nan in Mass]

Sometimes it's just not that easy being the mom, is it? :grouphug:

 

Hugs Val.

 

And I whole whole heartedly agree with Kinsa.

 

Nan

[ValRN]

Sometimes it's just not that easy being the mom, is it? :grouphug:

Thank you Kinsa and Nan in Mass.

[Greta Lea]

My boys prefer to have a sleeping bag to sleep on top of the covers in that.

 

This is what my boys and all the boys in my area do in this situation.

[lauranc]

I understand that "quad occupancy" means 4 people to a room, but I thought it was given that there would also be 4 twin beds. Am I wrong for thinking this way? Am I overreacting?

 

 

 

I haven't ever known a hotel room to have 4 twin beds :confused:

 

Why did they bring their sleeping bags? It sounds like they were somewhat prepared to not sleep in a bed if they had sleeping bags, but maybe I'm not understanding.

 

My oldest went on a trip to DC with a group, and it was made clear that there would be 4 to a room and the floor was going to be utilized as a sleeping space. They were told to bring sleeping bags to use while sleeping on the floor.

 

What about a cot or a pull out couch? Are either of those available?

 

ETA: guess I should have read through all the replies! I see it was sorted out by your son and his roommates. Good for him for sorting it out!

Edited June 26, 2012 by lauranc

[marbel]

I am proud of DS because despite the preconceived notions that he had about these guys, he is making the best of it and discovering that said young man is not so creepy and the other 2 guys are alright too. So maybe now, Mom has some growing to do. :)

 

Good for him! Sounds like he is learning a lot on this trip, about more than music.

 

Mom will be OK too. ;)

[redsquirrel]

My husband has had to share a room and a bed with co-workers at a conference. Not a big deal.

[Lady Florida.]

I've never seen or heard of 4 twin beds in a hotel room. I don't see the issue with sharing queen beds. :confused: Double beds could be a bit crowded, especially for men, but queen beds are big enough to share.

[creekland]

Good for him! Sounds like he is learning a lot on this trip, about more than music.

 

 

 

:iagree: Kids learn a lot of lessons about life when they travel. It's a great educational experience IMO.

[SonshineLearner]

Usually you're given a choice price wise. Sharing beds when you're a teen boy is different than girls. I understand :( I would suggest sleeping bags when doing these trips, which makes it different, somehow. Sleeping on the couch that you pull out may be an option, too.

It's a "heads up" when you're planning next time. It's a pain to pay for something without understanding how it'd go. I've never heard of twin beds in hotel rooms though :( (Unless you're staying in dorms...)

[tex-mex]

 

A queen bed is huge. As long as they had separate covers, then there should be plenty of space.

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

Heck, some of the band members of our high school would sleep head-toe with the other teen's toe (feet) near the other's head if it came to that. Others like myself, just slept normally with the other person in the queen bed. There is a lot of room.

[readinmom]

I went on a lot of tours with orchestra, etc. throughout my years. In high school, upper classmen got the beds, freshmen slept on the floor.

 

If four boys were sharing with two quad beds, no one to my knowledge ever shared. The other always put two chairs together or slept on the floor. This continued through college, as well.

 

I guess it's a guy thing...

 

It didn't bother the girls one bit.

[VeritasMama]

I went on many school choir trips, band trips, cheerleading trips, and speech team trips in high school. We always had to share a bed, even the basketball team and football teams we cheered for did. This is perfectly normal and common, I honestly don't know how an organization could afford to double the number of rooms they rent. There are no hotel rooms with more than two beds unless you are in a suite.

 

In the 19th century, adults routinely shared beds with their travelling companions of the same sex, it is totally innocent and platonic and is mentioned in the memoirs of very famous individuals. It was a common practice for people to do this when traveling as beds were scarce and rooms were usually cold at night.

 

I would guess that if your son has a problem with it, he should be the one on the floor.

[Lolly]

Yep. Perfectly normal for teen boys. They do not share beds with other guys as a general rule. For future trips, I suggest a twin sized, ultra cheapo air mattress to be packed in his bag. One cheap enough that he doesn't need to bring it home. Those things never go back as flat as they come!

[Bluegoat]

In the 19th century, adults routinely shared beds with their travelling companions of the same sex, it is totally innocent and platonic and is mentioned in the memoirs of very famous individuals. It was a common practice for people to do this when traveling as beds were scarce and rooms were usually cold at night.

 

It wasn't uncommon to have three or four in a double in the past, sleeping head to toe. People are more up-tight now I guess.

[clarkacademy]

I would not be thrilled with my child sleeping on a dirty hotel floor at all.

[JennyD]

When I was on trips in high school, I remember hearing that most of the boys took turns sleeping on the floor or that they slept at opposite ends of the beds. I think it's an American thing, as the foreign students were just fine sharing beds and were teased about it.

 

This was my experience as well with high school and college trips. The girls shared beds with no problems, as did the foreign male students, but the American boys would rotate the beds and the floor. (How someone could sleep on the floor when there was a perfectly fine bed inches away is beyond me, but there you have it.)

 

OP, I'm glad that your son is adjusting. I hope that the rest of the trip goes well!

[Julie Smith]

It wasn't uncommon to have three or four in a double in the past, sleeping head to toe. People are more up-tight now I guess.

 

Spin off, but now I can't stop thinking about it.

 

I'm trying to find this online, but can't.

 

I remember years ago, ok - over a decade ago going on a field trip that included a tour of a very old hotel. The bed was made of rope with a star tick mattress on top. I remember being told when you got a spot in the hotel you actually got a portion of the bed and would have to share with a couple of strangers who paid for other portions of the bed.

 

Can someone find out for me if my memory is true.

 

I do find the not sharing a bed if you are an American guy kind of strange.

 

Once my husbands friend was spending the night. It was a LAN party so the rest of the condo was full of computers. (a LAN party was when you would bring your computer to a party and then link them together to play group computer games)

 

They had know each other for over a decade. The friend was unwilling to share the king - even with own blankets and chose instead to sleep on the hardwood floor.

 

:confused:

[ValRN]

DS had a wonderful time! While in one city, two of the guys slept in separate queen beds (DS will not sleep in the same bed with another guy other than his little brother or father no matter how big the bed is or how many sheets/covers are between them) and when they went on to the next city, they rotated who got the beds. The good thing is that in the second there were comfy chairs to sleep in. One of the guys took a sleeping bag (guess he had prior experience with overnight-type stays) and he was okay with sleeping in his bag on the floor even when offered the opportunity to have a bed.

 

DS enjoyed every second of his time and wished the trip was longer. I learned a great deal from your posts and now know to have son take a sleeping bag or cheap air mattress on the next trip.

[Mom22ns]

I'm glad your ds had a good time.

 

My ds just got back from a mission trip. When you posted this thread, I commented that he would be sharing a room and a bed and it was no big deal. As it turned out, I was wrong. Ds slept in the floor the whole week rather than share a bed. :001_huh:

 

Remembering that I had told you, you were overreacting. I stayed out of it. :lol: