How to navigate issues when your home is "the gathering place" for your kids' friends

[Doran]

As a youth, from elementary through high school, my parents made a point of encouraging us to have kids over. In grade school, our treeless back yard was perfect for neighborhood games of softball, kickball, etc., so my memory is that there were always kids around. When we moved to a new neighborhood (same town), the same pattern continued. There were always teens hanging out in our basement playroom, laughing and having a blast together. I'm sure this was overtly encouraged (though I don't remember it as such) by my mother in order to allow us to have fun while also keeping tabs on us kids.

 

Our current center-of-town location feels as if it could also serve as a hub for kids, and I'm generally very pleased about that. I'd love it if our place was a place kids could feel welcome and safe. Being "a cool mom" has appeal. But, I'm pondering how this works in a way that doesn't make me end up feeling like a slave to kids every weekend. After a lot of coming and going yesterday, our entry way (which is a small laundry/mud room) is a mess with grass tracked in on the many feet. A newly purchased box of granola bars and two bags of pretzels have been mostly consumed. Another day, four girls took showers (two were my own kids), so there were wet towels all over the place. Remember we have only one bathroom, and I only have about 6 bath towels, total. :tongue_smilie:

 

I WANT to be friendly and welcoming. I truly don't take much issue with the tracking in of stuff - it happens and it can be cleaned with help from my kids. But, I don't want to have to police these kids constantly, either.

 

"Would you mind kicking off your muddy sneakers?"

 

"Could you put your gear somewhere besides the middle of the kitchen?"

 

"Please, enjoy the pretzels, but I'd really prefer that you not eat an entire box of granola bars."

 

Ugh. It all seems to sound petty, even though the kids are courteous. The biggest sticking point for me, internally, is the food. How can I manage feeding troops of kids without feeling like I'm shooting a gaping hole in our already burgeoning food budget?

Can I insist that my own children be the "gear" police? We know how kids' heads get a little loose when they've got friends over, so I'm not sure how successful this will be. Can I offer some foods but not others (a few of these kids know us well enough that they don't ask before going in the pantry, they just help themselves to "snack foods".)?

 

Anyone here found ways to manage these issues in a gracious fashion?

[newbie]

My best friend is going through the same thing. She just can't say no.

 

Maybe you can charge an entrance fee to help with the food. Or talk to the other moms and say its BYOS(nacks). Feeding all those kids would get old fast for me.

 

Jet

[Unicorn.]

I feel the same way as you, and with the same reasonings. The food is the big issue w/ me too. My first thought is to keep cheaper snacks on hand, maybe move the "family only" snacks to a higher shelf-and in the back? Homemade cookies vs. store bought. Popscicles even. Growing up we didn't have snacks. Ever. My bf had a pantry full of kid pleasing soda's, twinkies, ding-dongs, you name it! BUT, her mom's rule- you could have one soda, and one snack-period. Maybe something like that would work for you.

[Angela in TN]

I feel for your situation. We have been that hub for the younger set in my neighborhood and I reached my breaking point this year. While I love to have the kids feel comfortable and want to play here I was feeling more like a free babysitting service. Kids would be here all day on Saturday and would not go home until I said times up and I was feeding them snacks etc during the day. Most of these kids within 2-3 houses up the street so now if their hungry I suggest they go home for a snack and come back later and the only drinks getting passed out are cups of water. I'm fine feeding kids we specifically invite over for the day but it gets expensive otherwise.

 

I have no great advice but I'm there with you!:grouphug:

[myfunnybunch]

We also encourage our daughters' friends to gather at our house. It's a great way to get to know their friends, to keep tabs on their lives and to enjoy their company.

 

I think the way to go is to tell them what you want them to do. It's perfectly appropriate to say with a smile:

 

"When you're done taking a shower, towels go on top of the washer. Thanks so much!"

 

"Kick your shoes off on your way in. You can leave them right here. Thank you!" Leave a shoe bin or shoe mat by the front door with a big sign that says "Shoes Go Here." Once they're used to the routine they won't think twice about it.

 

"You can put your things here. They'll be out of the way so that they don't get knocked over or misplaced."

 

"Please remember to pick those up before you leave."

 

"I've left some snacks on the table/kitchen counter. Help yourselves to the food that's out." Or "You can help yourself to anything in the fridge but the _____ because we're saving that for family lunches." Or whatever works best in your home. That way it's clear which snacks they can and can't eat. If your children are prepped as to what's fair game and what's for family that helps too.

 

If you get to know them (or their parents) well or before a planned get-together, it would be fine to occasionally suggest that they stop on the way over to grab some snacks to share.

 

And you might have to grit your teeth and bear it too. My daughters have lovely friends, but they can be loud and messy and they can eat like they've not had a meal for weeks. It's a trade-off. :-)

 

Cat

[BMC]

and if the cost of your peace of mind is a few bags of pretzels it's cheap! DS rarely brought kids home (DH does not believe in spontaneity) but it caused all sorts of problems because we were constantly trying to get him somewhere - for band practice, for orchestra/quartet rehearsals, pick up b-ball, just hanging out at a friends house, spontaneous parties, picnics or BBQs, after games ... Especially in High School.

 

I'd definitely curb the muddy shoes by insisting that the kids remove their shoes (have a place ready to put them - newspaper in a corner by the door works), and setting aside "family only" snacks is a good idea too. If you have a pool, or play water games ask kids to bring their own towels - and after muddy play outside they can get pretty darn clean with a garden hose.

 

Believe me, visiting kids understand rules much better than your own.

 

And really - feel lucky not put out - because you are! You know where your kids are and what they are doing. :grouphug:

[gardenschooler]

After a lot of coming and going yesterday, our entry way (which is a small laundry/mud room) is a mess with grass tracked in on the many feet. A newly purchased box of granola bars and two bags of pretzels have been mostly consumed. Another day, four girls took showers (two were my own kids), so there were wet towels all over the place.

 

I'd make popcorn and lemonade and guard the pantry. I also would find a way to nicely tell them this is what we're snacking on, and that's about it. You have to, or else you'll go broke. If I'm in a really generous mood, I'll make brownies. I've even been known to feed a bunch of them dinner (spaghetti or something I can make a lot of inexpensively).

 

Is there anywhere for them to hang out that is outside? A porch? You have to limit the coming in and out, or you will have a mess every weekend.

 

Girls can wreck a bathroom in nothing flat. You have to go behind them and tell them to pick up their towels (yes, even the friends!). I do this - otherwise, who is going to clean it up? Me? I don't think so. They won't mind (or let it show), and then they'll know to do it in the future.

 

But, I don't want to have to police these kids constantly, either.

 

You have to, or they'll wreck your house and eat everything you've got. It'll look like a bunch of wild apes descended on your house.

 

"Would you mind kicking off your muddy sneakers?"

 

Set rule: No shoes in the house.

 

"Could you put your gear somewhere besides the middle of the kitchen?"

 

Set rule: Your gear stays on the porch (or the mudroom).

 

"Please, enjoy the pretzels, but I'd really prefer that you not eat an entire box of granola bars."

 

Set rule: I'll set out the snacks for everyone.

 

Anyone here found ways to manage these issues in a gracious fashion?

 

It may not be gracious, but it works. They really just want a place to hang out, and they don't get bent out of shape over a few rules. As long as they're set rules, you can have your dds remind their friends of them, and it's never an issue again.

 

I was great as the 'cool mom' for the 6-12 crowd. The teenagers...not so much. I don't like hosting idleness. :lol: They're overall nice kids (and I set them straight when they're not), but a whole group of them is too much for me. When it starts to get into hours and hours that they're just 'hanging out', I feel like screaming, "GET A JOB AND A HAIRCUT!!!". I don't, of course, but I feel like it. Dd always reminds me that some of them actually do have jobs now. :)

 

We set up the garage as the 'teen hangout' now. I can keep an eye on them, as they're only about 20 feet away from me, but I don't have to hear every word they utter. I just can't take that kind of volume. Little kids can be led from one activity to the next, but these kids think they're grown. Only, they're not. So they spend all their time proving it.

 

I am really rattled by all the noise the boys make. The boys aren't allowed in the garage, so when any of them are over, they're in the backyard/driveway, which means I can hear more. The girls, I'm used to (even with their shrieking and giggling, and weird eating habits), but the boys...well, for one thing, they look like grown men by the time they're 14, and for another, they spend all their time doing stupid stuff to impress the girls. Whenever boys come over here, I find some heavy items I need help moving. :D But even that doesn't keep 'em away for long. The only things I like about the boys is that they are generally more respectful than the girls, and they will eat anything.

 

I'm not the cool mom anymore, and that's fine with me. The cool mom lives two streets over, and everyone can shower and eat at her house. She'll even cart them around. I should probably be nicer to her. :glare:

[tnmomofboys]

My kids know the rules and I expect them to set the standard. I wish I could say that they always help their friends to do the same, they don't. If their friends make a mess, they are responsible to cleaning it up with or without the help of those who made it. If they give all our food away, they may have to go without their favorite snacks until we can replenish. But, I LOVE :iagree: the idea of having specific snacks for those moments. I think that could solve some of my issues, even with designated drinks and maybe even a basket by the door or on the porch for shoes. Because I really DO want our house to be open, they will be leaving soon enough...

[Scarlett]

I didn't read all the replies, so sorry if I'm repeating others. Ds is only 8, but already it seems to be 'the place' kids want to play. I am happy about that. As for food, I supply cheap junk food that I normally dont even let ds eat as a general rule. I buy the 100 popsicles for $2.50 or whatever. Or popcorn. And they get water to drink. When I see one going into my pantry I shoo them out. :) Easier to do with 8 year olds than teens I imagine...but I am hoping to create habits that will last.

 

As for the mess, I've resigned myself to having some of that...but I also tell them to stop walking through my house with dirty shoes. And I've sent more than one kid home from the back yard instead of letting them walk through my house to the front door.

[titianmom]

Hi,

 

I have never had any problem with being their substitute parent when they're over. They understand there are rules to coming over to my house. I don't try to be everybody's buddy. They know I care about them, but mom is forever a mom, here. :001_smile:

 

Recognize that the food may be one of the chief reasons they come to your house, which is kinda sad. Kids are pretty obsessed with food IMHO. If it isn't at the house, though, then they can't eat it, can they, LOL.

 

I offer drinks. I tell them I'm not running a restaurant. They're welcome, but the shoes come off when they come in, and they have to stay out of the refrigerator. I offer chips if they're around, but when the chips are gone, they're gone.

 

You know?

 

Kim

[Karenciavo]

We are the hang out house, I have a gang of boys over now playing with their airsoft guns and then I'm sure they will jump in the pool and then probably eat. Truthfully, I do try to get my boys to police them and get them to do the right thing (throw something away, hang up a beach towel, etc.) and if they don't my boys clean up after their friends are gone. Like someone else said, we have the cheapo snacks available (big bucket o' pretzels) and homemade ice tea to drink.

[Julie in CA]

I like my house to be the hangout too. We actually encourage the boys to hang out in the garage. It's getting easier now that the boys are all getting their own "first" cars--complete with stuff to tinker with. My dh has lots of tools and knowledge, and tends to hang out with them, which I like. The girls tend to hang out in the family room & kitchen, playing the Wii and occasionally having a "laundry folding party." (I like those!)

 

The kids all know that at my house I have the huge $3 bag of tortilla chips from Costco, the huge bag of pretzels (also from Costco), or popcorn for snacks. Anything else that's eaten is only because I might bring it out and offer some. Those standard (and cheap!) snacks are always here though. If you're thirsty, there's water.

 

Definitely designate an area for the "gear" that comes with extra kids, and after it becomes routine you won't even have to remind very much.

 

As for the showering thing--how did that happen? I've gotta think that's an abberation, because I'm hard-pressed to think of a situation where someone would use our shower here unless they were actually spending the night. Well, maybe if we had a pool....but otherwise, that probably won't be coming up that often.

 

It's also pretty much up to your kids to do the reminding of rules. You should be able to pretty much go about your business once they're established.

 

Thanks for being there for those kids! I love being able to be an influence for good in the lives of the kids who just "hang here." :001_smile:

[Parrothead]

I've got a snack tray that the kids can pick out of when they are over. It has inexpensive granola and cereal bars and fruit snacks in it. If I've got extra kids at lunch time I feed pb&j. It is fairly cheap.

 

I don't mind feeding extra kids. Last week I had six kids here and only one of them was mine. I don't mind at all. Of the six that were here only one had a parent at home. I think they come here to play because they feel safe.

 

Oh, and as to the rules, they all follow my rules and clean up when I ask them too. I've never had a problem giving any of them "the look" when they try to test me.

[Murphy101]

I'd make popcorn and lemonade and guard the pantry. I also would find a way to nicely tell them this is what we're snacking on, and that's about it. You have to, or else you'll go broke. If I'm in a really generous mood, I'll make brownies. I've even been known to feed a bunch of them dinner (spaghetti or something I can make a lot of inexpensively).

 

Is there anywhere for them to hang out that is outside? A porch? You have to limit the coming in and out, or you will have a mess every weekend.

 

Girls can wreck a bathroom in nothing flat. You have to go behind them and tell them to pick up their towels (yes, even the friends!). I do this - otherwise, who is going to clean it up? Me? I don't think so. They won't mind (or let it show), and then they'll know to do it in the future.

 

You have to, or they'll wreck your house and eat everything you've got. It'll look like a bunch of wild apes descended on your house.

 

Set rule: No shoes in the house.

 

Set rule: Your gear stays on the porch (or the mudroom).

 

Set rule: I'll set out the snacks for everyone.

 

It may not be gracious, but it works. They really just want a place to hang out, and they don't get bent out of shape over a few rules. As long as they're set rules, you can have your dds remind their friends of them, and it's never an issue again.

 

We set up the garage as the 'teen hangout' now. I can keep an eye on them, as they're only about 20 feet away from me, but I don't have to hear every word they utter. I just can't take that kind of volume. Little kids can be led from one activity to the next, but these kids think they're grown. Only, they're not. So they spend all their time proving it.

 

I am really rattled by all the noise

 

I'm not the cool mom anymore, and that's fine with me. The cool mom lives two streets over, and everyone can shower and eat at her house. She'll even cart them around. I should probably be nicer to her. :glare:

 

I agree with all this! Our garage has foosball and air hockey tables, plus some sofas and a table. No we can't park anything in it, but hey a 12 passenger van won't fit in there anyways. The noise can be unbelieveable and so can the food bill. Esp as we don't hardly ever buy junk to begin with and never buy anything to drin other than milk.

 

So I'm the cool mom about 3 or 4 days a week. The other days - I regroup my sanity and pantry and enjoy the peace of my family. Remember you don't have to ALWAYS be the cool mom and having a few basic courtesies observed does NOT make you the neighborhood mean mom.

 

I figure I'm going to loose lots of those days of sanity as the kids enter the teen years. Already seeing it with my 13 year old son.

 

Oh and the shower thing? I wouldn't allow that in my house unless they were staying the night. It seems a bit inappropriate otherwise?:001_huh:

 

Oh I wanted to add, I think it's good for the kids to not always have the cool mom. When I started limiting how often I was willing to open the house it really let them see who their real friends were. Some in the neighborhood really were just interested in the Wii and food and when those things weren't around - they went elsewhere with "cooler" kids. The ones who still come around are actually interested in my kids. They talk about common things and are willing to hang out in the yard or go do something else together.

[PrairieAir]

Food is tricky. My kids' friends know me as the pancake mom. They think it's so cool that I make different kinds of pancakes, french toast, and occasionally waffles for breakfast regularly. All they get is cereal--something my kids are thrilled to have when they go to their friends' houses.:lol: But our house is also known among their friends as never having any food around. Well, usually there is food, but not all the snack foods the kids are used to. The reason for that is because a) that stuff is expensive, b) if I buy it the kids finish it off within a day or two but leave the fruit and other healthy options to go bad, and c) if it is around I will eat it. As for regular food, I don't like a cluttered fridge. I'd rather it be sparse and neatly organized (which it is not right now) than so packed I can't see things and things spoil because they are forgotten. So, our house is known alternately (by the same kids) as the place to get a great breakfast and sometimes home baked goodies and Ethiopia. (Yes, one of their friends actually made the Ethiopia comment to them.)

 

I'm working on finding some balance there. I want to be prepared for any and all guests but stay within a budget. Homemade things are usually cheaper and better, so I want to start baking on a regular basis again. Some store bought snacks are cheaper. Aldis has much better prices on chips and if that's what is available, they will get eaten. If I'm shopping at Walmart or Dillon's there are certain kinds of chips that I love but will rarely buy because they are so much more expensive. That works to my advantage because, unlike the kids, I am not as tempted by store brand sour cream and onion potato chips as I am by Ruffles sour cream and cheddar chips. I think that the bottom line for me is that I am willing to work a little harder and pay a little bit more in this category--perhaps scrimping more in another--so that the kids and their friends would rather be here than somewhere it would be better for them not to be.

 

As for cleanup, I don't know what to say. My kids aren't bad, but their friends almost always pick up after themselves better and are more careful not to make messes. I have heard that my kids are better than their friends when the situation is reversed. That tells me they all have been taught about being good house guests. Kids who just drop by often take their shoes off before coming in the house--without my asking them to. They bring their dishes to the sink and pick up their trash as well.

 

Maybe you could tell your girls that they need to help their friends know what to do. After swimming or showers they could say, "Hey, let's grab our towels and put them in the hamper (or start a load of wash), and then we'll go watch a movie." After a movie and snacks they could say, "Hey, let's carry the dishes upstairs to the sink and then we'll go outside and kick the soccer ball around." Even though my kids do not do those things regularly at our house without some prompting, I've seen them step up when I've told them I need them to help make sure everyone is taking care of things and not trashing the house. Tell your girls that you are glad to have friends over, but if they want you to be willing to have friends over often and do fun stuff at your house, that they are going to have to take more responsibility in keeping the house neat and make it easier on you.

 

If there is a frequent visitor who is consistently inconsiderate and messy, pick the thing that bugs you the most or that they do most often and watch for them to do it. When you catch them in the act, say very kindly and very casually, "Hey Jenni, would you mind taking off your shoes on the porch before you come in?" or "Susie, would you mind stacking those dishes next to the sink when you're done?" Be sure to thank them when they do help out or pick up after themselves. I think with most kids it's not that they're trying to be rude, but that they aren't thinking. A simple prompt will remind them of the right thing to do. Appreciation for their good and helpful behavior will often make them want to help more. Before long, you'll probably have the regulars trained.

[Doran]

Some great suggestions here. Mostly, these are super kids who are well trained and don't mess up the place intentionally. I think part of the trouble is that we live in a tiny space, relatively. So, there's no garage or basement play room. It's all right HERE. All the conversation, the stuff, the food, the movies. So, it's a little tricker that way. I certainly don't mind telling the kids to move or pick up their stuff, and I'm not afraid to suggest that they've eaten enough. But, "enough" can be so relative. ;) I think I might stash some of the more unique (aka: expensive) snacks in another cabinet to remove from view the temptation of those. And, I think if my kids are more aware that they need to be making suggestions/limitations, I'll need to worry about it less.

 

I appreciate the replies. Very helpful.

[Amy in Orlando]

Not much to add to this, Doran. We're the "hang out" house here and have been for years. I pretty much treat all the kids as my own. I make the rules pretty clear to any new kids that come around. I keep popsicles or freezer pop thingies, cold water (and plastic cups with everyone's names on them) in our outside fridge and they can help themselves to that. The kids who come here think actually "making" popcorn is a riot and they love it. I like it because it's cheap and easy to clean up. Another snack I've discovered is cheap and seems to stick with teens is refried beans (make a bunch in the crock pot and have on hand) and tortillas or the cheap chip from Costco. One of my son's best friends was about nine when he was here one day while I was in the midst of a serious bout of PMS when I discovered they had eaten all the Oreo's and burst into tears. LOL He still tells that story. The kids that come here all know that I WILL cry if they eat the good snacks without asking first.

 

Our house is small and the mess and noise CAN get overwhelming sometimes - not to mention they all seem to have shoes the size of coffee tables. When it's really bad, I'll either suggest they go do something else (basketball outside or switch from a stupid movie to a board game in the kitchen, that helps. If it gets to be too much to bear, I start asking them to help me move furniture or piles of laundry. Talk about clearing a room! ;)

 

Mostly, though, the kids don't seem to mind me asking them to do stuff and they catch on to the routine pretty quick.

[WagsWife]

Our current center-of-town location feels as if it could also serve as a hub for kids, and I'm generally very pleased about that. I'd love it if our place was a place kids could feel welcome and safe. Being "a cool mom" has appeal. But, I'm pondering how this works in a way that doesn't make me end up feeling like a slave to kids every weekend. After a lot of coming and going yesterday, our entry way (which is a small laundry/mud room) is a mess with grass tracked in on the many feet. A newly purchased box of granola bars and two bags of pretzels have been mostly consumed. Another day, four girls took showers (two were my own kids), so there were wet towels all over the place. Remember we have only one bathroom, and I only have about 6 bath towels, total. :tongue_smilie:

 

I WANT to be friendly and welcoming. I truly don't take much issue with the tracking in of stuff - it happens and it can be cleaned with help from my kids. But, I don't want to have to police these kids constantly, either.

 

"Would you mind kicking off your muddy sneakers?"

 

"Could you put your gear somewhere besides the middle of the kitchen?"

 

"Please, enjoy the pretzels, but I'd really prefer that you not eat an entire box of granola bars."

 

Ugh. It all seems to sound petty, even though the kids are courteous. The biggest sticking point for me, internally, is the food. How can I manage feeding troops of kids without feeling like I'm shooting a gaping hole in our already burgeoning food budget?

Can I insist that my own children be the "gear" police? We know how kids' heads get a little loose when they've got friends over, so I'm not sure how successful this will be. Can I offer some foods but not others (a few of these kids know us well enough that they don't ask before going in the pantry, they just help themselves to "snack foods".)?

 

Anyone here found ways to manage these issues in a gracious fashion?

 

People think we are crazy, but we love having all the girls friends over here. I was never big on "play dates" when they were younger...but now that they are at an age where *I do not have to entertain them and clean up after them, I love it. We have upwards of 10-16 kids here on a regular basis. Here is what we do:

 

First we make our children responsible for their friends. For example, as they come in the door with their friends, have them say "Hey, could you take your shoes off here?" Have your children lead by example. Our girls know that it is up to them to make sure the rules of our house is followed by their friends.

 

As for food...POPCORN! Learn how to make it on the stove! My DH is the popcorn master...and has taught me everything he knows. The kids come from far and wide to have popcorn at the Wagle house! It is cheap, easy...and the kids are fascinated by the fact it was made in a pan, and not the microwave.

 

I also do not normally feed lunch and limit the drinks to water. My girls only get water through the day, unless it is a meal...so it is very easy to say "you may have some water..."

[wagnfun]

I WANT to be friendly and welcoming. I truly don't take much issue with the tracking in of stuff - it happens and it can be cleaned with help from my kids. But, I don't want to have to police these kids constantly, either.

It all seems to sound petty, even though the kids are courteous. The biggest sticking point for me, internally, is the food. How can I manage feeding troops of kids without feeling like I'm shooting a gaping hole in our already burgeoning food budget?

Can I insist that my own children be the "gear" police?

 

Anyone here found ways to manage these issues in a gracious fashion?

 

We are the hang out house as well. I've never thought about being the "cool mom" and more that I know where my kids friends hang out, stories will be told! My kids know the rules and its up to them to enforce them to their friends. My son has NO problem telling his friends to get their shoes off the couch or telling them to leave the skategear outside. He knows he has to clean up after them if a mess is left. Water is freely available and on the weekends if I'm grocery shopping and I know we'll be home, I'll pick up a 2 liter of cheap soda. Its also common for me to make a cake or brownies (on sale cake mix is $1 and frosting $1.25)-- Teenage boys go through a batch of cupcakes FAST. We also make popcorn freely too. My major rule is that if the child lives within a few blocks, they have to go home to use the restroom. I'm not cleaning up after 10 teenage boys in that aspect. There are a couple boys that don't have to knock. They've been around since they were in diapers and just "announce" when they walk in (I however, lock the door when I don't want kids walking it) but even they don't help themselves to my fridge.

[Tap]

I keep plastic totes in the pantry with approved snacks. The kids all know that they can help themselves to the ones in the totes but not the loose ones in the door. I usually have one full of cheap pretzels or the animal crackers from Costco. Then another with micro popcorn, cheap granola bars, Oyster crackers (kids love these for some reason) and what ever else I find that I don't mind spending money on. I have another for plastic cups and there is water in the fridge. I will on occasion give out juice but it isn't very often and is at my discretion, not the kids. I buy ice cream bars for the freezer and tell my kids which ones they can share and which ones they can't, well mainly just the ones they can't share...mine :0). Sometimes dh will get Gatorade powder from work so I will throw that in the kid bucket, so they know they can drink it if they want to make it.

 

I am much more lenient when there are one or two kids here than if there is a houseful. My kids know that if there is one or two kids, they can ask for something special, but they need to ask me privately and not in front of a bunch of kids.

 

The kids leave their shoes outside the door, and usually if I ask ds to do a chore, like sweep or clean the kitchen, the other kids will jump in and help to get the job done.

[Ellie]

Can I insist that my own children be the "gear" police? We know how kids' heads get a little loose when they've got friends over, so I'm not sure how successful this will be.

Yes, of course. You're the mom, not the innkeeper.

 

Can I offer some foods but not others (a few of these kids know us well enough that they don't ask before going in the pantry, they just help themselves to "snack foods".)?

Yes, of course. See my comment above.

 

Anyone here found ways to manage these issues in a gracious fashion?

Well, I haven't, but I have an aunt who did. She just grabbed a kid doing something he shouldn't and said, "Hold on there, Bubba. Let's take care of those shoes on the floor before you go outside, ok?" And then she'd hug the kid and send him on his way.