hthnmamax2 Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 I'm posting this here because I don't really "know" y'all and y'all don't really know me. Great for an outside looking in type opinion, KWIM? I have a friend that I'll call "A" for this post and a friend that I will call "M". I have known A for about 3 or 4 years. We would email each other about twice a year or just chat on a message board that we were both a part of. A was extremely good friends with M for many years before M passed away last January. A called me the day that M died because she was a mutual friend, although M and myself weren't close by any means. After that, A started calling me practically every day. She talked to me about everything. Because she's military, stationed overseas, away from her family and had just lost her best friend, even though it seemed a little weird, I assumed she just needed someone to talk to that also knew M and could understand the situation she was in. After a few weeks of talking, as her and I became more acquainted, I started opening up to her and actually considering her a good friend. For months we talked every day about practically everything - kids, the military, homeschooling. She was who I called when life went to pieces during my husband's last deployment. Our relationship went on like this for well over a year. About a month ago, she stopped calling. She wouldn't respond on Facebook, didn't call, wouldn't even reply to my emails. I asked her over and over if she was upset with me and what I did to make her upset. She finally replied that she wasn't ready to discuss it with me because she was still processing and didn't want to say something she'd regret. I replied with a thank you for letting me know that she was upset with me and I told her that I was sorry for whatever I did to upset her. I also told her that I thought we had the type of relationship where if we were miffed with the other, we could talk about it. She told me that she does want to talk about it, just not yet. When I was on vacation with the family, she called me like 12 times in a row because she was ready to talk about it. I honestly did not want to have that conversation in the car with the DH and kids listening. I told her that I would email her when I was able to discuss it more privately so she could call me back. (She calls me because I don't have a landline and I can't call internationally on my cell phone. It's also free for her to call me because of the phone set up she has overseas.) While we were on vacation, I spent a lot of time thinking about the situation and I'm feeling like if M were still alive, A and I would not even be having these problems because she and I would never be friends. In that regard I feel like a rebound friendship and looking back at the relationship all the signs are there. I also feel that I'm 36 years old and I want people in my life that are going to be honest with me when I screw up and give me the opportunity to apologize and hopefully rectify the situation. To me, it seems rather immature to just stop talking to someone for weeks because they've done something to make you mad. A few days to calm down I get. A few weeks, unless it's extremely hurtful, I just don't get. Especially since I still do not know what made her upset to start with. How would you handle a situation like this? My heart is really hurting over this and I truly need help figuring this whole thing out. I care about her and her family a lot, but I don't think I'll be able to view our relationship the same after this. :001_unsure: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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