shanvan Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 (edited) I'm curious to know if anyone else has dealt with this type of situation? Have you been pressured by people at church? Would this situation bother you? Do you think these activities are overkill or poorly designed (as I do)? I'm afraid I'm going to say something nasty to this man soon though I patiently repeat the same statements about my health, obligations to my extended family, etc. over and over. Any idea how I can get this man to stop pressuring us without being mean? Read on for more details....sorry....it's long! Our family is constantly pressured to do activities with our church members. We like our church and are friendly with many of the people there, but just cannot commit to many activities for many reasons. 1. Our church is 30-40mins away from our home which necessitates at least 1hr of driving time and eats up a lot of gas. 2. Family nights are scheduled on Fri from 8pm-10pm but often continue until 10:30 or 11. We get home so late and I am exhausted and good for very little the next day. Oh--and the fun activity comes first, the devotional last, so if you leave early that looks really bad. 3. There is no regular schedule, so sometimes the 'advance notice' is less than a week ahead. 4. Often they are scheduled for Sat when we may have 4H dog shows, need to grocery shop, get laundry done, or have obligations with my or my Dh's family. 5. The Sat activities are all day and don't allow time for us to get home and let the dogs out. Often they involve driving long distances to spend the day somewhere. 6. Homeschooling and our extracurriculars tire us out. Just because we do not already have plans does not mean that we can lug the family out all day or night. We need some down time! 6. I am dealing with chronic pain and fibromyalgia plus possible auto-immune disorder. I also help out my widowed mother and my great uncle who need me for various reasons. My plate is full. My children do participate in children's choir and they play the piano for some church activities when we can manage it. But the pressure never lets up and no matter how many times I explain that I have health problems that require me to exercise and get plenty of rest and all the above etc. the elder who plans the activities is constantly pressuring us. Every single time we don't attend an activity he finds us after church on Sunday and makes a point to tell us how much we were missed. Leading up to the activity he will ask us over and over again if we are coming. Even if we have already said no he will say "Sure you don't want to change your mind?" The latest activity he wanted us to attend is starting tonight and involves bringing the kids to the church to spend the entire weekend and staying overnight. I cannot stay overnight at the church. I will not sleep and I will be in pain. It would be torture for me. I told him repeatedly, but he continued to ask. Then he and the other homeschooling family at our church started pressuring me to leave the kids there for the weekend. :w00t: There are five other churches sending kids and parents to our church to participate. I know nothing about any of these people. This is the first time our church is hosting this type of event. No mention of any background checks---and they want me to leave my kids there for the entire weekend and pick them up on Sun at church? No way, no how. Anyway, my kids have things they need to get done this weekend at home and we would like to have some family time together that doesn't involve other people. We ended up compromising and agreeing to attend tonight's activity. Now the pressure is starting for VBS, which is every night for 2 weeks long! We did it one year and it completely exhausted me having to rush through dinner, drive through rush hour traffic, being out late, having no family time with Dh for 2 weeks. The pressure is starting to really bother me, yet I know the man who plans these events (and is single with no kids, btw) sincerely likes us and thinks everyone would love to have us attend. Still, I am becoming a little resentful and having not so nice feelings about this elder and the other family who add to the pressure. As this evening approaches I am getting worked up b/c I know he's going to pressure us to try to get us to attend tomorrow's activity which involves driving a couple of hours to another location, a historical tour, a hike, lunch, more outdoor activities back at the church, a cook out and a campfire! When I told a friend of mine she just laughed and said "there is no way we would ever do that. It sounds exhausting!" Edited June 22, 2012 by shanvan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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